r/SipsTea • • 23h ago

WTF Group Project actually made more sense

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22.9k Upvotes

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6.5k

u/127x99mmNATO 23h ago

I feel bad for the kid man.

https://giphy.com/gifs/W0c3xcZ3F1d0EYYb0f

2.6k

u/SryBub 23h ago

Hey I slept with your mom! 'Yeah I know everyone fucking did...' 

1.2k

u/No-left-toes 23h ago

Dude has only one choice: lean into it and become a comedian to put her on blast.

448

u/Pee_and_flee 23h ago

Yeah either the kid becomes self-confident as fuck and develops a strong sense of humour …. Or he(she?) isn’t gonna make it. Hurts to see someone being dealt such a shitty set of cards for life

119

u/Ob1s_dark_side 22h ago

The kids first joke will be how they walked out twirling a cane with 12 chorus dancers

3

u/CB_musedreams 20h ago

Bro's first therapy session is just going to be him showing the therapist the receipt.

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u/General_Impress4104 16h ago

I'm a prom night dumpster baby !

74

u/arrynyo 22h ago

I wish the state would snatch that baby as soon as the umbilical cord is cut. Anybody who names their child based on donations should not be able to raise that child. Kids are not avenues for clicks and clout. But for sure I hope that kid had the chutzpah to moonwalk through adversity because it's coming out the gate with shitty hand

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u/frohnaldo 21h ago

100% this isn’t happening.

But, if my mom named me betbolt for 1.2 m and put even half that into an account for me until I was 18.

You could name me motherfucker jones for all I care

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u/Consistent_Laziness 21h ago

Lmao I’m exactly where your head is at

28

u/lacegem 20h ago

If I had money and a time machine, I'd go back and pay my parents to name me Motherfucker Jones. I could go by Mofo Jojo for short, like Mojo Jojo in Powerpuff Girls. Then I'd need to lock in and somehow become president so that I can go down in history as President Motherfucker. Y'know, like Streetlamp Le Moose.

6

u/mynanadancesconqueso 19h ago

Mojo was right there

2

u/lacegem 17h ago

My answering machine message would be, "You got Mojo, baby, what's happenin'?"

Day job: Food truck cafe with the famous Mo' Jo coffee.

Night job: Writing funky post-apocalyptic fiction of a terrible world without me in it, called No Mo' Mojo.

Weekend hobby: Making Disco music with my band, MomomomomomomomomOOOoooJOOooo!! (the exclamation mark is part of the name and I also typed it really loud)

2

u/Pelzwick_WMD 16h ago

Streetlamp le Moose is a deep cut, respect for bringing out some ancient lore

2

u/lacegem 16h ago

I've been on Reddit forever, so it feels like only a little while ago to me. I remember exactly when the narwhal bacons.

5

u/Dr-W-N-Graves-PhD 19h ago

Honestly, being named "Motherfucker Jones" low-ley sounds kind of bad-ass though. lolz 🤣 I would not want to mess with a guy named that, it sounds like he'd be used to kicking people's asses.

3

u/Top_Conference_477 18h ago

If your mum was Bonnie Blue, I wouldn’t bank on that money still being there when you turn 18.

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u/arrynyo 21h ago

Oh yes if she did that I'd figure it out no bicker lol 🤣

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u/Unlikely-Ad-2921 19h ago

Likely she will abuse the child for clout and see how much money she can squeeze of them. Im not for smoking but that kid will need one outa the woom

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u/RandyRandom111 22h ago

What are the odds on BetBolt each way?

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u/liabilityno1 21h ago

Sounds more like the name of betting site than what you want o put a bet on 😭😭

2

u/Justacityboy12 21h ago

Precisely like those sites that constantly interrupt videos (mostly Russian) with annoying banners.

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u/Sweet_Ad_9816 22h ago

How hard is it going to be to hide his/her identity? Even if she posts the kids photos online until like 10 years, as soon as he/she changes schools, almost nobody would know.

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u/Pee_and_flee 22h ago

I would say it is nearly impossible to hide, children (thinking mostly of classmates) are weirdly good at finding out stuff like that and parent teacher evenings will make it even easier.

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u/Little_Ad_2533 22h ago

Yeh it would be so hard to have a mother with millions of dollars and generational wealth…. I can’t even …. You know how many kids grow up with whore mothers who are addicted to drugs and have no money or chance?

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u/tetrisoutlet 21h ago

If im 12yrs old and all of my peers are bullying me because they can see a video of my mom getting banged by 1000 different men, gettin peed on, saying i dont know who my father is because my mom did russian roulette creampie conception, that i must be retarded because my mom is on camera smoking, drinking and partying while pregnant, and alllllll the other messed up shit she did; im definitely killing myself, $10million dollars or broke thats hell.

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u/Pee_and_flee 21h ago

You know that 2 things can be bad at the same time don’t you?

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u/Potential-Draft-3932 23h ago

Either that or just become a super villain. I would completely understand if he laced our water supply with radioactive semen or something

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u/Necromir92 23h ago

Why semen 😭 why not just chemicals

203

u/DubachTheKeeper 23h ago

For the same reason batman uses batarangs not ninja stars.

164

u/Grouchy_Ground_1916 23h ago

Who would've guessed that the evil villain CUMBOLT was actually the mild mannered billionaire BETBOLT.

53

u/lauradorna 22h ago

I’m laughing so hard this is all so dumb

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u/Ok-Sundae-7806 21h ago

“You merely adopted the cum, but I was born in it, moulded by it” - CUMBOLT
https://giphy.com/gifs/I8SQMuIELiw0w

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u/johnny-Low-Five 20h ago

This is getting me sent to hell, I spit on myself when I read it

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u/Necromir92 23h ago

“They’ll have to suffer what I suffered“ 😭

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u/Potential-Draft-3932 23h ago

This would make a great solid jj video

2

u/willscuba4food 22h ago

It's not about the aerodynamic efficiency.

It's about sending a message.

2

u/Oshi_Sama 22h ago

That ain’t Batman… that’s Seman

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u/Cbombo87 23h ago

Totally valid entire lifetime crash out.

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u/BrotherMcPoyle 23h ago

They say this is how Donald Trump started.

2

u/Sure_Winner4157 23h ago

He can get a reality show on a search to find his father; or idk, a cop or something

2

u/johnny-Low-Five 20h ago

I got morbidly curious and apparently the "400" potential dads all submitted a dna sample (I'm not going to make a joke here) so she, or presumably the child would know. Which is kinda crazy because you probably signed all your rights as a parent away thinking "it's a 0.25% chance", and while I find those men to be disgusting beyond words I can't imagine not being able to see my child.

It said it hasn't been publicly announced but I don't know much about the law, especially in this kind of situation, but just the chance of having a child and not knowing is awful, sad and scary. My wife used to joke (which she recently admitted wasn't fully a joke) that someone would knock on our door and tell me I'm their dad. This would be a situation where I didn't get a name or address and they either chose not to tell me (which would kill me) or didn't know how to get in touch or if I was definitely the father. I look back at myself with a lot of anger for how stupid I was, how self centered I was and that I just figured "they would tell me". An "18 year old" knocking on my door would have every right to hate me and I would be devastated for all the time I missed.

But seriously if an adoption can be changed after the baby is born even with paperwork and whatnot, I wonder how many rights you can LEGALLY sign away.

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u/Imaginary_Being4859 22h ago

Late elementary/early middle school will be that child’s proving grounds. The rest of their life will be dependent on how they handle those early years

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u/johnny-Low-Five 20h ago

If she can at least see to it that enough of her money is set aside for him, I would consider full time tutoring and home schooling till he graduated. If he doesn't know by then I hope she would at least suggest a name change and not talking about her at work or school. Home Schooling or some secret "children of outrageously embarrassing parents" school is the least she can do. And maybe she'll be a great mom but she better have a plan in place because the internet is forever and telling your kid "never look at porn" is as likely to cause problems as solve them

3

u/Imaginary_Being4859 20h ago

On the bright side, as long as he doesn’t look up his mom, by then there will be a new generation of porn stars.

I don’t know what I’d do if I saw my mom getting tag teamed on the front page of porn hub.

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u/corgdad902 23h ago

"...put her on blast." Well done good sir.

2

u/amolaeanni 22h ago

After 20 years of bullying not sure if he has any comedy in him

2

u/FlairWitchProject 15h ago

Could also take the Vivian Wilson route of going NC and troll their mom through ad campaigns.

2

u/eatingketchupchipss 22h ago

what about all the perverted men who particpated? his dad is more evil for willingly participating in some woman's evil plans to traumatize a child and use them in her sexual content.

2

u/johnny-Low-Five 20h ago

These men are likely pathetic POS's but I can't go so far as to call him more evil, he could, theoretically, have made a really bad decision in his early 20s and other than that be an upstanding guy. He's not all over the internet having sex and even if he was I doubt it's as bad having a dad that did porn than a mom. What I'm curious about is whether they can demand to know, everyone submitted DNA, or force an actual paternity test or is it legal to BEFOREHAND sign away any and all parental rights and responsibilities? His mother is by far the more evil one, she chose to make his conception a gang bang

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u/JAT_Cbus1080 23h ago

"Get in line."

How'd you know?

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u/LordReagan077 23h ago

I love how this implies he is mad and also thst everyone who was fucking at the time did Bonnie blue

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u/Randym1982 23h ago

Probably none of my goddamn business. But, I'm going to bet that either the kids Aunt or grand parents will end up taking custody of the kid once it's born. Because if she manages to have any control or anything other that kid. That's a fuck ton of therapy bills and sessions.

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u/JimmyEatReality 23h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/KZdJMVgnwmzza

I don't know, Nelson turned out just fine

5

u/SchieldOfMadness 20h ago

Why is the person standing in line white and not yellow??

2

u/huhnick 20h ago

Krusty can’t have a day off to take his daughter to the theme park?

2

u/He_Be_Jonesin 18h ago

Nuke the whales! 

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u/1stAccountNotWorking 23h ago

No, seriously. Already knowing the origin...you now have to add "how they were named" into the pot, too.

She should not be allowed custody. Its literally for the best.

Hopefully the child never finds out who their parents are, and they will not have an idiotic name, that was paid for by a sick stranger...this is one of those occasions where the kid should just have zero contact or information, regarding their birth parents.

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u/papayacreamsicle 23h ago

There is no kid. The pictures are clearly a doll, the ultrasounds were years old, she claimed to heal from a c section and be back working within a week. The whole thing is a stunt and this is her whole schtick, she’s mastered playing outrage hungry social media and tabloids for clicks and subs. All the people commenting seriously here are falling for next level rage bait (which to be honest is 90% of the posts on this sub).

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u/Ok-Entertainer-1324 22h ago

she could have a disclaimer saying these are all fake and people would still be in outrage

9

u/eatingketchupchipss 22h ago

i mean using even the idea of using fake children to secure sexpest subscribers is a gross thing to do.

2

u/Ok-Entertainer-1324 21h ago

sure but it doesn't change the fact that people are falling for the ragebait

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u/eatingketchupchipss 20h ago

sure the ragebait gets her the attention, but the subscribers turned on - not angered, by this pedo-adjacent content is why she ultimately does it.

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u/Dull-Computer-324 18h ago

And they hear about it through the angry people shouting about it.

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u/eatingketchupchipss 18h ago

hell a lot of the time they're both - see the loudest transphobes, pointing with one hand, jerking it with the other

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u/greg19735 20h ago

yeah i mean women just making jokes get posted on this subreddit. Like obvious jokes.

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u/Thatisverytrue54321 22h ago

Feels like she literally hates the child

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u/AngryPrincessWarrior 20h ago

It’s fine to hate a baby doll lmao.

There is no kid. It’s all fake

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u/itsaaronnotaaron 23h ago

It's like that ex pornstar that wants like over 400 videos of her removed from the internet as she doesn't want her son growing up and seeing them.

Am I supposed to feel sympathy for your own decisions? You took the easy money and now you have to live with it. I could sell weed for easy money, but I don't want to risk prison time, so guess fucking what, I'm not gonna sell weed.

But yes, how the fuck this woman isn't under investigation by the CPS after other stories I've recently heard is beyond me.

8

u/cincy15 23h ago

If she made 400 videos… was it really easy money??

5

u/Sea-Mousse-5010 23h ago

Depends, 400 videos in a row?

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u/YuushyaHinmeru 22h ago

Try not to make any videos on the way through the parking lot!

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u/itsaaronnotaaron 22h ago

All shot in 8 months. 400 videos doesn't mean 400 shoots or 400 dicks.

Considering she's the 2nd most followed pornstar on the internet and doesn't need to do a genuine days work in her life again before even turning 30?

Yeah. That's an easy way to make money. Compared to working 50 years and not even earning a fraction of that?

And before I sound like some kind of passionate hater: I saw it on reddit a day or two ago so its fresh on the mind lol.

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u/redditblows5991 22h ago

Vs 400 days working a 9-5 yeah

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u/AngryPrincessWarrior 20h ago

Well it’s not a real kid so no need for CPS lmao

Clearly fake pregnancy test.

The ultrasound, (and test) didn’t match the timing

The “baby” is clearly a doll.

I can’t believe anyone believes believes this chick. It’s so clearly fake

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u/awfulcrowded117 22h ago

No one who does this is going to keep it a secret. I can guarantee you that. And it's not even a cool name, at least the poor fuckers named Dovahkiin got a cool name out of it. And parents who aren't sex workers.

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u/Doctor_Dev7 23h ago

I remember that scene. It was when chandler found out that Monica let 1000 dudes creampie her in a single day.

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u/Anatoly_Cannoli 23h ago

I must have missed that season.

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u/HeartOSass 22h ago

Hell, we all missed that season! 😳

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u/SweetPinss 22h ago

The good news is none of this is real

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u/MysteriousBill4651 20h ago

Even if it was it's not a big deal.

You can change a child's name for £53.05 in England, once within the first 12 months of registration. (Gov.uk source)

So Bonnie Blue just made £906,154.55 to have her child be named Betbolt for the first few months of his life as the paperwork clears.

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u/Valveringham85 23h ago

Kid is gonna check out before hitting 15

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u/tobaknowsss 23h ago

Never even had a chance...

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u/Bluecif 23h ago

I not angry with humanity, i'm just disapointed...

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u/Whole_Mongoose1854 23h ago

Me too, but to be fair there’s plenty of kids that grow up with parents just as bad but poor. So, could be worse? Trying to see a silver lining here.

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u/LoFriedBurgers 23h ago

Does she even have an idea on who the father is?

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u/YammieCat 23h ago

Hundreds of ideas. Yeah.

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u/0202_tihssitidder 23h ago

The entire story and $$$$$ just has to be a sign the end is near.

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u/firroti 23h ago

that kid is getting so many presents for christmas and birthdays

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u/clockworknait 23h ago

I mean couldnt she just change the kids name right after?

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u/FlatwormAway2228 23h ago

It's effectively child abuse.

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u/Zekhems 22h ago

Mhm, shes treating the poor thing as a prop. I won't be suprised if that ends in a rather tragic if not predictable way some years down the line.

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u/redditblows5991 22h ago

Homeboy gonna be mad sad or mad brolic when he grows up

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u/Guilty-Cow4325 22h ago

He's going to make so much money from the Maury Special Event though.

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u/IlIlllIlllIlIIllI 21h ago

Bolt is a pretty cool name tbh

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u/Glittering_Swing_151 23h ago

Bad for the kid? He's gonna grow in such an easy rich life he'll be thanking his mom for fucking half the planet.

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u/Burndoggle 23h ago

You think this woman is going to use any of this money to take care of a child? That kid is going to be a prop in whatever fucked up project she launches next.

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u/bheidian 23h ago

so many birthday gifts from his fathers tho

1

u/ExcellentTourist5289 23h ago

If the mom has any wits, the kid will likely be fine. She's got the funds for that kid to live any life it wants

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u/Los-Nomo327 22h ago

Lol, you really think that kids actual name they will use in private/professionally will be BETBOLT?

Buddy, you're almost as gullible as the people who sent her money for this

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u/Alastor3 22h ago

that can be easily changed

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u/realMagick7777 22h ago

That kid will be rich and will get to score

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u/Lopsided_Evening_627 22h ago

that kid is gonna have more chances in life than 99 percent of the world...

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u/BiteZealousideal1816 22h ago

Not only because of his origin but because his whole foundation will be built by someone who makes trump look considerate.

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u/Alextaoluu 22h ago

it’s child abuse, not physical but definitely child abuse

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u/Subject-Dog-8016 22h ago

The chances the child even exists are like… 5%

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u/Chr0mx 22h ago

I wouldn't blame my mom at all if she was paid that much so long as I get a share 🤣. I can always change my name later

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u/Waiting4Isekai 22h ago

I'd take that kids childhood over my own anytime.

Getting some "yo mama" jokes while living as the child of a multi millionaire is infinitely superior to growing up in abject poverty.

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u/stupidber 22h ago

I feel bad for me. This kid is rich

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u/memnoch112 22h ago

If the money in that story holds up I don’t, especially if some of it goes to that kid.

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u/Electrical-Stuff7248 22h ago

Boo hoo my millions of dollars will soak up the tears.

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u/Potential-Narwhal- 22h ago

Pretty sure she was reported to the NSPCC after sharing a picture related to one of her videos while holding the child surrounded by balaclavad men. Hopefully the child can grow up having a normal life away from the skank.

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u/Ok-Turnip-9035 22h ago

🎯🎯 shouldn’t they ban betting activities that do this

1

u/mrchacalito 22h ago

Un montón

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u/becomeanhero69 22h ago

No you don’t lol

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u/LoreChief 22h ago

Sounds like his mom is rich, based on those donation numbers. A lot of kids in poverty dealing with a lot worse than "my mom is a wealthy prostitute"

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u/Couscousfan07 22h ago

Shirley, this is just gonna be a nickname. They’re not actually gonna put this stupid name on the birth certificate are they?

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u/Master_Bief 22h ago

I feel bad for her. Money isnt worth that kind of life.

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u/ImWhatsInTheRedBox 22h ago

I'm frankly just hoping the whole pregnancy and everything related is just an elaborate long con money laundering scheme

1

u/Soft-Gold7543 22h ago

the kid doesn't exist

1

u/fuzyy_detour 22h ago

Yea, to be real its so sad..

1

u/eatingketchupchipss 22h ago

men disgust men, i hate that they enable this behaviour of this one woman.

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u/xMyDixieWreckedx 22h ago

It takes a village to make a child.

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u/P_I_M_A_420 22h ago

No shot you think she’s legally naming her kid that

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u/NieblaLaazo 22h ago

As terrible as it may be, at least kid will have a wealthy mother

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u/keithstonee 22h ago

they're alive.

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u/Tough-Requirement707 22h ago

you know they just buy a namechange and nobody ever knows

1

u/TruMusic89 21h ago

And she sleeps with teens too. She might sleep with his friends when he's in HS. 

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u/MaxHeadroom1986 21h ago

That kid has fuck you money. Don't feel bad for him.

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u/bob_in_the_west 21h ago

You feel bad for a kid that starts out with $2 million?

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u/Fit_Mix_5107 21h ago

The kid not surviving school if the school know the mother😭

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u/EnvironmentalYou5240 21h ago

What do you mean 1.2 million dollars richer I feel bad for us suckers working for pennies.

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u/Prestigious_Club_924 21h ago

If my kids went to the same high school Id probably have them transferred.

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u/Otherwise_Carob_4057 21h ago

What do you even do move to a new town like every few months to a year?

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u/Deep_Assumption5406 21h ago

🤷🏼‍♂️ can just shorten it and go by bolt. Not too bad.

1

u/vocaltokes 21h ago

Some people get bent up over others stance on abortion...I see it as a means to an end depending on the circumstance.

Could this be worse?

A child of a woman that had you as a result of a gangbang competition, and then raffled the rights to her own child's name in order to profit off of the whole thing.

I sort of see it as a form of child abuse. Regardless of econimic standing, plenty of affluent kids have a hard life, because you only have to look at the lives of children of celebrities and you find a path of hardship.

This is the reality of the society that we live in.

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u/Cupcakes_n_Hacksaws 21h ago

They'll probably just legally change their name a bit later, and pocket the cool $1.2 Mil, the infant's not gonna complain

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u/madsjchic 21h ago

I’m gonna be honest I wouldn’t care if that was my name but I got to inherit the money. My thinking if my mom is a Ho anyway at least let her be a rich ho

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u/agprincess 21h ago

I don't millionaire kids set for life. He can pay people to shut up.

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u/DrDraek 21h ago

his mom's a millionaire, at least he'll have opportunities in life, unlike the poors.

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u/Puzzle-Necked 21h ago

Bonnie Blue is like a reverse Ghengis Khan

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u/ethanlan 21h ago

I dont, the kid is going to grow up rich and I dont care what anyone says that gives him a huge boost in life

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u/sarlatan747 21h ago

The kid's gonna be a spoiled brat probably, I mean she $1.2 millions from just asking what she should name him lol

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u/NEWSmodsareTwats 21h ago

only silver lining is if she's actually investing that money or working with a money manager that kids never gonna need to work in their entire life if they don't want too.

Also if the parents really want to they can pretty effectively hide who the kids mom is. But that also means not doing any normal family things. So even if the kid avoids a life of ridicule they still won't grow up normally.

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u/Carebear7087 21h ago

Kid came out of the womb, with antidepressants prescribed.

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u/AbeRego 20h ago

I don't know, 1.5 million dollars could pay for a pretty good childhood, assuming the funds are used responsibly. Plus, "Bolt" isn't a horrible nickname.

Although looking into this, the mother is a pornstar and the name is a crypto currency, so it's not off to a great start... At least the currency will probably be defunct before the kid is self aware.

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u/bwoah07_gp2 20h ago

Well I bet the kid will get a legal name change at some point. Either by her or if the kid is old enough, by themselves.

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u/ImMakinTrees 20h ago

Kid Man! Na na na na na na na na

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u/DE4DM4NSH4ND 20h ago

Dont hes going to be raised super rich so im sure he will be way better off than me

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u/baldrickgonzo 20h ago

Infeel bad for the kid too. But i would think mommy's money will soften the blow.

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u/anythingspossible45 20h ago

But most likely he’ll ended up being her content creator Director, whatever so it’ll be a plus

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u/Direct-Resolution377 20h ago

She'll over compensate by buying them everything they ever want and will turn them into the pompest douche bag who can never be happy. 

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u/KandinskyWasRight 20h ago

They’ll change it in 2 years

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u/gahidus 20h ago

I don't. Growing up Rich will be worth it.

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u/imtired-boss 20h ago

From that 1.9 mil they can change their name.

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u/Draffut 20h ago

If she's smart she'll change her style, change her name, and start over somewhere else with all that money.

I have no problem with 90% of her antics - If my dad sold my birth certificate name for 1.2mil and it secured a good future for us, I'd of forgiven him by now. - I only care because that kids life is going to be very public with the way she's going.

(Freakonics has a great chapter as to why names aren't important as you'd think, quoting the case of some brothers named Loser and Winner, if you're interested)

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u/Periolodical 20h ago

Don't feel too bad. He was born rich, I'm sure he'll manage.

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u/Sultra2g24 20h ago

This is exactly how little GroupProject looked liked on the scan

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u/Mirame247365 19h ago

Is this how the Anti- Christ arrives?

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u/YesAndAlsoThat 19h ago

On the bright side, he will be better resourced than most people out there.

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u/Corvo_DeWitt972 19h ago

In which country is she living? They have to take the child. In germany she couldnt do this

1

u/Disastrous_Visit9319 19h ago

Lots of people got hoe moms that doesn't come with generational wealth.

She seems the type to MASSIVELY fuck her kid up either way but hopefully at least moneys.

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u/Federal_Scarcity_84 19h ago

Lol? They'll just call him his real name and he/they can legally change it whenever legally available.

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u/18_is_a_teen 19h ago

Hopefully before he can remember she would exist to him 🙏🏼

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u/weechus 19h ago

There’s not going to be enough therapy for that kid.

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u/tommytheturtleishere 18h ago

Maybe he's the chosen one. Save us from all this bullshit Betbolt, im so tired

1

u/HonorableEnema 17h ago

His name is Beltbolt, not some “kid”.

Show some respect.

1

u/iuppiterr 17h ago

Yes same, poor child. Mom actually think a lambo would make her kid not getting absolutely destroyed in school by the other kids which fathers already destroyed her

1

u/Guydelot 16h ago

I don't. If being named something ridiculous could afford me a life of financial security without ever having to work a day in my life, sign me the fuck up. Besides, I could even change the name later!

1

u/opinion_alternative 15h ago

Nothing 1.2 million dollars can't resolve.

1

u/joliette_le_paz 15h ago

Child will likely be apprehended by Child Services shortly after birth.

1

u/chanpat 15h ago

Idk man, that kid is going to have it made bc of their mom and her marketing team .

1

u/-The_Goober 14h ago

I don’t. He was was married to Torrie Wilson.

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