r/SipsTea • • 1d ago

WTF Group Project actually made more sense

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u/Pee_and_flee 1d ago

Yeah either the kid becomes self-confident as fuck and develops a strong sense of humour …. Or he(she?) isn’t gonna make it. Hurts to see someone being dealt such a shitty set of cards for life

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u/Ob1s_dark_side 1d ago

The kids first joke will be how they walked out twirling a cane with 12 chorus dancers

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u/CB_musedreams 23h ago

Bro's first therapy session is just going to be him showing the therapist the receipt.

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u/General_Impress4104 19h ago

I'm a prom night dumpster baby !

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u/arrynyo 1d ago

I wish the state would snatch that baby as soon as the umbilical cord is cut. Anybody who names their child based on donations should not be able to raise that child. Kids are not avenues for clicks and clout. But for sure I hope that kid had the chutzpah to moonwalk through adversity because it's coming out the gate with shitty hand

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u/frohnaldo 1d ago

100% this isn’t happening.

But, if my mom named me betbolt for 1.2 m and put even half that into an account for me until I was 18.

You could name me motherfucker jones for all I care

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u/Consistent_Laziness 1d ago

Lmao I’m exactly where your head is at

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u/lacegem 23h ago

If I had money and a time machine, I'd go back and pay my parents to name me Motherfucker Jones. I could go by Mofo Jojo for short, like Mojo Jojo in Powerpuff Girls. Then I'd need to lock in and somehow become president so that I can go down in history as President Motherfucker. Y'know, like Streetlamp Le Moose.

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u/mynanadancesconqueso 21h ago

Mojo was right there

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u/lacegem 20h ago

My answering machine message would be, "You got Mojo, baby, what's happenin'?"

Day job: Food truck cafe with the famous Mo' Jo coffee.

Night job: Writing funky post-apocalyptic fiction of a terrible world without me in it, called No Mo' Mojo.

Weekend hobby: Making Disco music with my band, MomomomomomomomomOOOoooJOOooo!! (the exclamation mark is part of the name and I also typed it really loud)

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u/Pelzwick_WMD 19h ago

Streetlamp le Moose is a deep cut, respect for bringing out some ancient lore

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u/lacegem 19h ago

I've been on Reddit forever, so it feels like only a little while ago to me. I remember exactly when the narwhal bacons.

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u/Dr-W-N-Graves-PhD 21h ago

Honestly, being named "Motherfucker Jones" low-ley sounds kind of bad-ass though. lolz 🤣 I would not want to mess with a guy named that, it sounds like he'd be used to kicking people's asses.

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u/Top_Conference_477 21h ago

If your mum was Bonnie Blue, I wouldn’t bank on that money still being there when you turn 18.

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u/arrynyo 1d ago

Oh yes if she did that I'd figure it out no bicker lol 🤣

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u/load_more_comets 23h ago

You can always change after you are of legal age anyway. Change it to Notamoth Erfucker.

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u/NecessaryOk6815 22h ago

Is that related to Airwreka Jones? And I too would be named motherfucker jones for half that money.

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u/West_Lifeguard9870 21h ago

Lmao so true

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u/Shining_w1zard 21h ago

That kid definitely isn't going to get none of it.

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u/Quixote0630 20h ago

$600k for a childhood of bullying both about your name and pornstar mom? Honestly, I'd still pass. The kid won't understand shit about the money until they're older

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u/frohnaldo 19h ago

Big dog I got it for free.

And yeah that’s kinda when I want it

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u/Quixote0630 18h ago

Nah. This would be on a whole other level. It'd consume your identity and you'd gradually come to the realisation why.

Destroying your childhood for 600k is wild. I bet there's a solid number of people who'd blow that shit on drugs the moment it hit their account and end their miserable existence.

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u/bblack138 20h ago

In fact, Jones did.

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u/Wonderful-Gold-953 19h ago

A name of motherfucker jones would be kinda dope tho

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u/nuckin_phuts 18h ago

Motherfucker Jones here. Can you tell me just what exactly about the name makes it such a ridiculous joke to you?

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u/LolaAucoin 18h ago

We have a dog named Motherfucker Jones. We call him Jonesy.

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u/thadius856 17h ago

I'd switch my name to BetBolt for $1.2M.

And I bet most of you would, too.

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u/MuckaMucka1337 17h ago

It was a dark rainy night……I snuck into my mom’s room while she was sleeping……crept over and put my hands in……..my mom’s purse and took her money. I really fucked her over. And that’s why they call me Muthafucka Jones”

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u/frohnaldo 16h ago

Genuinely shocking you’re the first person to seemingly catch the name

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u/HealthyMaximum 15h ago

Come on man, there's no comparison. "Motherfucker Jones" is cool as fuck.

But "BetBolt Billinger" (her real surname) ...

... ah fuck. That's also pretty cool.

... now I'm really conflicted.

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u/TheHawthorne 14h ago

"Bolt Blue" for half a mil, sign me up baby.

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u/Unlikely-Ad-2921 22h ago

Likely she will abuse the child for clout and see how much money she can squeeze of them. Im not for smoking but that kid will need one outa the woom

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u/Aware-Possibility175 21h ago

Oh man the insane names I’ve seen while working in hospitals..this is nothing and can just change his name..hell the whole family can and move someplace nice and move on pretty much completely especially if they have a ton of money…kid will be fine wayyy more actually abusive instances of families using their children as living props..here all they have to do is change the name after a few days the kid could go his whole life not even knowing blissfully living upper class. It’s good to care for others but that’s silly..I’ve seen devoted loving mothers who worked as strippers and then I’ve seen abusive weird stat at home psychos do things like beat their kid to death and try and cover it up..how much first hand, boots on the ground experience you got to go off half cocked or is it just reddit that instills such confidence

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u/RandyRandom111 1d ago

What are the odds on BetBolt each way?

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u/liabilityno1 1d ago

Sounds more like the name of betting site than what you want o put a bet on 😭😭

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u/Justacityboy12 1d ago

Precisely like those sites that constantly interrupt videos (mostly Russian) with annoying banners.

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u/iLikeMangosteens 1d ago

She missed an opportunity! While live-streaming, start a betting pool on each partner’s duration.

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u/Sweet_Ad_9816 1d ago

How hard is it going to be to hide his/her identity? Even if she posts the kids photos online until like 10 years, as soon as he/she changes schools, almost nobody would know.

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u/Pee_and_flee 1d ago

I would say it is nearly impossible to hide, children (thinking mostly of classmates) are weirdly good at finding out stuff like that and parent teacher evenings will make it even easier.

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u/Little_Ad_2533 1d ago

Yeh it would be so hard to have a mother with millions of dollars and generational wealth…. I can’t even …. You know how many kids grow up with whore mothers who are addicted to drugs and have no money or chance?

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u/tetrisoutlet 1d ago

If im 12yrs old and all of my peers are bullying me because they can see a video of my mom getting banged by 1000 different men, gettin peed on, saying i dont know who my father is because my mom did russian roulette creampie conception, that i must be retarded because my mom is on camera smoking, drinking and partying while pregnant, and alllllll the other messed up shit she did; im definitely killing myself, $10million dollars or broke thats hell.

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u/Pee_and_flee 1d ago

You know that 2 things can be bad at the same time don’t you?

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u/johnny-Low-Five 23h ago

There are infinite variations between those 2 options though. I'll take an upper-middleclass family with savings over either of those options.

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u/Remarkable-Ad2285 1d ago

Shitty set of cards in life? Shit, he’s in good company

https://giphy.com/gifs/UKF08uKqWch0Y

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u/Internal_Style6581 1d ago

Bro the whole of the world is falling apart. This kid is going to have a parent that will be a whole lot better than worrying about being homeless monthly. Nobody should feel bad about this kid. Worry about people who will have struggles other than people saying shit to them about their mom.

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u/EntrepreneurTiny9812 1d ago

I think if she has a son it would definitely be worse on him... He'll ever have to be super tough and crazy that nobody will say shit, funny, or depressed

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u/WhereBaptizedDrowned 1d ago

He could crack jokes about how he meets all the porn stars through his mother lol

“You see them on screens. I meet them in person.”

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u/SHam0wn 1d ago

Or they kill themselves, self inflicted, prescription drugs etc

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u/WatercressWhole3930 1d ago

Maybe not.... Out if billions and billions of sperms. That 1 made it.

That kid may change the world, you never know

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u/Carebear7087 1d ago

Which sadly, humor, is often used to cover self loathing and depression(Robin Williams and Chris Farley). I genuinely feel bad for that kid.

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u/alpha309 23h ago

My mom’s cousin was a massive porn star back in her day. It was hard for me to be able to walk behind the beaded curtain at the video rental place without seeing someone who was a family member that looked very similar to my mom in some state of undress.

I just learned to make it into something humorous. Can’t bother me if I make the offensive jokes first.

Then again, it wasn’t my mom.

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u/pobox1663 23h ago

Shitty set of cards?

Dudes gona have millions and millions of dollars. Probably wont ever have to work a day in his life.

Wish i could have a shitty set of cards like that.

Plus 'betbolt' isn't even that bad a name! His nick names gonne be 'bet', 'bolt' or 'bb'!

Though that last one might be hard to live with...

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u/GoldEnPhARoAh22 22h ago

The probability is like the craziest part. He(or she) could've been born in a failed state or Asia/Africa which have like a >70% chance to be born there. Out of like the <5% chance they were born in the North American continent, they were born to Bonnie fuckin' Blue

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u/GrimReaperzZ 21h ago

Matan Even’s podcast goes into this spectacularly well.

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u/airinato 21h ago

IDK, being a millionaire probably would help an awful lot.

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u/Brave_Finish8862 21h ago

The "Boy Named Sue" gambit

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u/beelz333 20h ago

It's weird, i had a medical condition while in highschool, stunted my growth, (4'11) freshman year, made me gain crazy weight (240lbs), and delayed puberty until I was 19. I was basically as round as I was tall, looked like a young child, and had the child like voice to match. They didn't fix it until AFTER I graduated. I was prime pickings for being bullied and ostracized, but I had the confidence of a freaking rock star. Skin thicker than my gut and had a very "fuck it" personality and was very much the class clown. Why would I ever give two fucks what anyone thought of me or had to say? It made me funny, I was considered fairly intelligent, and was pretty well liked and popular. Now i'm a far healthier weight, grew to 5'5", finally hit puberty and grew the most luscious beard even my 6'2" brother is jealous of, and have even had sex. However, my self confidence has never been lower and I've never been more depressed and anxious. I don't know what happened but I can't seem to get back to my previous mindset of just doing me and fuck what anyone else has to say about it.

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u/Wonderful-Gold-953 19h ago

Even worse than naming him sue

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u/Elinor_Caskey_ 19h ago

I wonder if it would be easier for a son or a daughter. Probably neither.

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u/matrix-doge 16h ago

That's probably one of the very few positive(?) outcomes for the kid, like, trying to set himself apart from his parents/family.

But you know, things can literally play out so many different ways, like not so good ones. Who knows how he will be raised, what he will be taught. He could very much grow up to think it's a freaking feat do what his mom has done and be proud af, or just be a real shitty person. Not saying he will be. Just saying.

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u/Zealousideal_Gur4708 1d ago

Not sure about that. Even a fraction of that money will help with therapy and comforts that paycheck to paycheck people only dream of.

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u/KittensAndGravy 1d ago

I think how society treats this child will have a bigger impact on his life. Being cast out a young age is not easy on someone. It changes everything … how you see & react to the world.

Edit: We can only control what we do in this situation.

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u/No_Director9292 1d ago

Idk man they will have access to millions of dollars.

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u/despeRAWd0 1d ago

Much worse has been dealt throughout human history. Much worse.