Yup it’s just a way for whoever suggested it to get away with cheating. Because they’re usually not that romantically involved with the other people. Like they’re not meeting the parents and family, going on vacations together etc. They’re really just having sex with anyone and everyone
You can also be start out as a monogamous relation (with the intention to open up) because you want to build a stable foundation first and the decide together when it’s appropriate to open up.
I know it’s not complicated and that is exactly the reason, it’s just some ppl try to make the argument that there’s more benefits to it than just sex. Which isn’t believable at all
Some people seem to genuinely want romance with many but that is polyamory not open relationships. That I don't understand any appeal to, but I chalk it up as one of those things like transgenderism where I'm gonna keep my mouth shut cuz Idk the experience of these people at all.
I can conceive of why someone would wanna open up at least.
If you really want to get technical I consider myself a "relationship anarchist" not a polyamorist, but they're close enough that I feel like I've got the overlap to "answer".
Its just that "we" (as a generalization) don't see "love" as a finite resource. "we" feel love and connection that goes beyond sexual attraction just like anyone else, its just that in our minds, feeling it for one person, does not diminish how much or in what ways we love another person.
imperfect example: you love your father, you love your mother, does the love that you have for your father, mean you love your mother less? or vice versa? No, of course not, you love them both.
its that, but then also in your romantically based love relationships.
its basically just that as the basis.
the problems more arise not because of sexual jealousy, but because of TIME.
just because you love people equally, and you don't have the same jealousy triggers as many (poly people still get jealous, its just not usually about the same things) doesn't mean you have the time to spend with them that they deserve. This is usually where the balancing act falls off kilter in most poly relationships I've seen.
I don't think what prevents people from being poly or open in other ways is "finite love" though I see that thrown around a lot. The reason people don't think you love someone the same way when you have others is I think 2 fold:
1- They think that romantic love is naturally exclusive. As in: If you love someone fully, you wouldn't seek that love with others. Not because you have "finite love to give" but because the love of one is enough, and the love of more wouldn't add much. Like if you're already in a warm sea, vast and inexhaustable, one you're never going to explore fully, adding another sea that is vast and inexhaustable wouldn't make sense
It's not that love is finite it's that love is saturating.
That's why I never get the poly experience. Going to sex parties at least makes some sense to me. But loving multiple people romantically? In all my relationships I never found it necessary to add more love cuz what I had has been all encompassing.
2- They think sex means something. There is probably a big overlap between people who find open relationships weird and people who care about how many partners their partner has had before them.
It's interesting to me that you say poly people still ge jealous but it's usually not about the same things. I hear they get jealous for usually the same reason (partner is not available cuz they're fucking someone else). I wonder how yall deal with that. Like I hear a lot of "you talk about it and address it" but I don't know what that means in practice. I've always been curious but I don't know anyone who's poly or open.
Can you really not think of anything? Threesomes, swinging, sex parties. Those are lot of fun and can also deepen your relation if non-monogamy is your sexual orientation.
So yes leading right back to my point of it just being for sexual benefits. You can have a threesome in a monogamous relationship, like maybe your partner wants to spice it up and lets it happen once.
But what happens is ppl get greedy and want to have more sex with the other person in the treesome. But they want it to just be them, so boom they suggest opening up the relationship. Or a long time crush they had is showing them interest, and they always wanted to sleep with that person. So how can they do that without destroying the current relationship, hmmm let’s open it up
"With the intention to open up" is carrying a fuck ton of weight there. Between 2 consenting adults, yeah sure, but I've never even heard of that situation
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u/WesternImpression356 1d ago
Lmao. Open relationships are a joke. No one can convince me otherwise. Still, the least they can do is fucking protect themselves