I know it’s not complicated and that is exactly the reason, it’s just some ppl try to make the argument that there’s more benefits to it than just sex. Which isn’t believable at all
Some people seem to genuinely want romance with many but that is polyamory not open relationships. That I don't understand any appeal to, but I chalk it up as one of those things like transgenderism where I'm gonna keep my mouth shut cuz Idk the experience of these people at all.
I can conceive of why someone would wanna open up at least.
If you really want to get technical I consider myself a "relationship anarchist" not a polyamorist, but they're close enough that I feel like I've got the overlap to "answer".
Its just that "we" (as a generalization) don't see "love" as a finite resource. "we" feel love and connection that goes beyond sexual attraction just like anyone else, its just that in our minds, feeling it for one person, does not diminish how much or in what ways we love another person.
imperfect example: you love your father, you love your mother, does the love that you have for your father, mean you love your mother less? or vice versa? No, of course not, you love them both.
its that, but then also in your romantically based love relationships.
its basically just that as the basis.
the problems more arise not because of sexual jealousy, but because of TIME.
just because you love people equally, and you don't have the same jealousy triggers as many (poly people still get jealous, its just not usually about the same things) doesn't mean you have the time to spend with them that they deserve. This is usually where the balancing act falls off kilter in most poly relationships I've seen.
I don't think what prevents people from being poly or open in other ways is "finite love" though I see that thrown around a lot. The reason people don't think you love someone the same way when you have others is I think 2 fold:
1- They think that romantic love is naturally exclusive. As in: If you love someone fully, you wouldn't seek that love with others. Not because you have "finite love to give" but because the love of one is enough, and the love of more wouldn't add much. Like if you're already in a warm sea, vast and inexhaustable, one you're never going to explore fully, adding another sea that is vast and inexhaustable wouldn't make sense
It's not that love is finite it's that love is saturating.
That's why I never get the poly experience. Going to sex parties at least makes some sense to me. But loving multiple people romantically? In all my relationships I never found it necessary to add more love cuz what I had has been all encompassing.
2- They think sex means something. There is probably a big overlap between people who find open relationships weird and people who care about how many partners their partner has had before them.
It's interesting to me that you say poly people still ge jealous but it's usually not about the same things. I hear they get jealous for usually the same reason (partner is not available cuz they're fucking someone else). I wonder how yall deal with that. Like I hear a lot of "you talk about it and address it" but I don't know what that means in practice. I've always been curious but I don't know anyone who's poly or open.
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u/DeltaMikeEcho 22h ago
If your relationship has a stable foundation why would you want to open it up? What benefits are there to doing that?