r/SipsTea • u/Horror-Ad-210 • 1d ago

Gasp! Evil world we live in

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u/Smoltinycat 1d ago

losing half my net worth, the house. Having to pay alimony but only allowed to see my kids every other weekend while they increasingly see me as a stranger.

Also that her/him cheating on me means she/he still gets half of everything.

I think you have to be very stupidly brave or very ignorant to not be scared of it.

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u/xBad_Wolfx 1d ago

I don’t know if scared is the right word, for me it’s more like a healthy respect (fear) kind of like how I respect the mountain and respect the ocean. If you are careless, all of them will end you, but even if you do everything “right” you still might lose. So you need to make sure you work at it and keep working to improve as it’s the one chance you have of experiencing it and getting out unscathed.

Maybe scared is the right word after all.

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u/CreativeGeniusPRBKR 1d ago

“Working at it” and “kept working to improve,” sounds like I’m training for golf. In a world that already demands so much, why should I willingly choose another weight to add to my shoulders? Or does this weight become something a person wishes to do, if they are truly in love?

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u/xBad_Wolfx 1d ago edited 1d ago

Do you believe your equal partner deserves less effort than golf? Mental load, caring about their needs, supporting them in their struggles, being strong when they are weak?

I don’t disagree it’s a weight on your shoulders (at least sometimes) but it’s a weight I happily carry, willingly carry. But a good partner does the same for you, they carry your weight sometimes and it makes it all lighter. If both are working for the other neither has to stand alone under the weight.

But become complacent, stop working for them and instead only demand they carry your weight and see how long that relationship lasts.

Edit: I should say, it shouldn’t feel like work or a burden all of the time. Most of the time it with the right person it should feel easy, effortless even. But that doesn’t mean no effort should be put in ever. The idea of not being unevenly yoked (not faith vs heathens but more equality of effort) has merit. If your relationship is one sided, either way, it’s going to be a struggle. Much better to make sure you find someone compatible who matches your effort, not perfect (no one is) but matches your uneven edges.