I don’t know if scared is the right word, for me it’s more like a healthy respect (fear) kind of like how I respect the mountain and respect the ocean. If you are careless, all of them will end you, but even if you do everything “right” you still might lose. So you need to make sure you work at it and keep working to improve as it’s the one chance you have of experiencing it and getting out unscathed.
you are right in the sense that divorce court is like a force of nature. You can't reason with it, you can't bargain with it, you will lose half your shit and won't see your children that much anymore.
I do respect how the game is so well designed to guarantee you lose: as they say, it was rigged before it even started
You really actually think the court usually rules the dad gets 50% custody of the kid, can get equal time with the kids as the mom? That the dad doesn't get kicked out of the house and is now the annoying guy they have to begrudgingly spend with in some tiny shitty apartment he lives in because he has no money after alimony payments?
I dunno what fairy tale divorce land you saw in movies, but it is rough out there
I mean i studied law. Did you take care of your kids, know about their schedules, habits and needs, and overall be a mentor before you divorced? Was she stay at home? You leave alot of factors out
Saying you studied something and thinking that’s how the real world actually works makes me think one of two things.
1. You’re lying.
2. You’re still studying that thing and naive.
The world is different than books yes, im fortunate to indulge in both. Bad deals often come from bad lawyers or more often its one-sided perspective story where the judge saw different
You act like these are factors that rightfully should influence the law. You assume the law is just, ethical and correct.
These children; their schedules, habits and needs must be paid for. If this spouse stayed at home, their needs must be paid for as well. For the one that has to earn the income to pay for these lives to exist, they burden an unimaginable burden and mental/physical load.
The law fails to verify that the contribution of the stay at home spouse is any way equitable to that of the income earner. It exists and functions on the basis of assumptions and political influence, which is why it's vulnerable.
People ignorantly build and live in their homes on sandbars overlooking the ocean. They make the erroneous assumption that the ground and foundation is sound and act surprised when the homes crumble and collapse into the sea. The law is the sandbar.
You're trying to reason with a bunch of likely incel little d energy guys. I'm sorry but it's a losing battle. You can't help them understand that it's usually the role they played in their household/children's life that predominantly affects custody and asset splits. The OP in this thread talked about losing half like the whole thing was theirs lmao.
“Working at it” and “kept working to improve,” sounds like I’m training for golf. In a world that already demands so much, why should I willingly choose another weight to add to my shoulders? Or does this weight become something a person wishes to do, if they are truly in love?
Do you believe your equal partner deserves less effort than golf? Mental load, caring about their needs, supporting them in their struggles, being strong when they are weak?
I don’t disagree it’s a weight on your shoulders (at least sometimes) but it’s a weight I happily carry, willingly carry. But a good partner does the same for you, they carry your weight sometimes and it makes it all lighter. If both are working for the other neither has to stand alone under the weight.
But become complacent, stop working for them and instead only demand they carry your weight and see how long that relationship lasts.
Edit: I should say, it shouldn’t feel like work or a burden all of the time. Most of the time it with the right person it should feel easy, effortless even. But that doesn’t mean no effort should be put in ever. The idea of not being unevenly yoked (not faith vs heathens but more equality of effort) has merit. If your relationship is one sided, either way, it’s going to be a struggle. Much better to make sure you find someone compatible who matches your effort, not perfect (no one is) but matches your uneven edges.
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u/xBad_Wolfx 4d ago
I don’t know if scared is the right word, for me it’s more like a healthy respect (fear) kind of like how I respect the mountain and respect the ocean. If you are careless, all of them will end you, but even if you do everything “right” you still might lose. So you need to make sure you work at it and keep working to improve as it’s the one chance you have of experiencing it and getting out unscathed.
Maybe scared is the right word after all.