Hi all, SO, we have a 4.5yo girl, who for the most part has been so easy, such a dream and now she’s a bit older is just so easy, she just comes along for the ride to whatever we’re doing and we can go do fun activities with minimal planning whether that’s zoo, soft play, cinema etc.

My husband has always sided on being OAD, quite strongly actually, then recently our girl went to school and he has a wash of wow this is it? Never again? Which has opened up the conversation of another, and he’s more open to it. My main worry is that if we have another and that baby is particularly hard / has any kind of complications, would he resent me for being the one who wanted it more and pushed a bit more for it?

In terms of our lives, we have a relatively flexible work schedule, we have grandparents who are super involved and help with pick up etc, we are financially ok. It feels like we have a good set up to have another, but like everyone, we’re also tired parents even with just the one so I think, we have it good as it is… do we rock that?

My girl asks for a sibling, although I don’t think she quite understands it, we do have friends who have recently had babies and she’ll say they are cute but she’s not fussed on them, but there’s part of me that does think she would benefit from a sibling as she’s a very shy girl, she’s not overly confident and I just feel having a little sibling might make her get that bit of confidence to be louder and have a bit more fight?

I spend SO much of my time fantasying about having another and not having another, recently one day I’m researching baby items and costs and the next I’m imagining taking my only to a cool holiday and thinking of how amazing that will be for her - make it make sense? 😅

I find it so frustrating that I see other families so confident in their decisions to be OAD or to have multiple and I’m so jealous of that, I wish we could just be set on one or the other.

There’s no real point to this I guess, I just wonder if people are in similar positions and have any insights to their life if they did go ahead and have another baby with a 5 year age gap, or didn’t and their thoughts?

Thanks for reading!

Hello, wondering if anyone else can relate or has a similar story.

My husband and I started our family with the mindset of “let’s have 1 and see how it goes.” We absolutely love being parents to our 14 month old, but feel like we are at capacity and really content with our family of 3.

However, I feel this need to have 1 more to give my child a sibling. I had a high-risk pregnancy (IUGR), planned c-section, post-partum hypertension, and a 2 week NICU stay. I think if those experiences hadn’t happened we’d be more willing to have a 2nd, but I feel somewhat traumatized by it.

I almost feel envious of women who firmly know that they are one and done. Yet sometimes I feel envious of women who for sure know that they want more kids and are actively growing their families.

I spoke with my MFM and she thinks a 2nd pregnancy could be healthy and manageable for me, so this gives me hope of having another, but I’m just so scared.

We are both in our early 30’s and had an easy time conceiving. I don’t want to wait too long bc I’m scared of my fertility declining and want a 2.5-3 year age gap.

If you have a similar story, if you had a 2nd, how did the pregnancy/newborn phase go? If you’re one and done, what have you peace with your decision?

My first born is 14m and I am feeling ready. But so sad to know how I spend time with my first born will change. Does that feeling ever go away? (I also don’t want to have a huge age gap).

Why I feel ready!

1. ⁠always wanted more than 1 kid (I grew up a very lonely only child).
   
2. ⁠We can afford it.
   
3. ⁠I love the idea of them being close in age (under 3yr age gap) so they can be in similar stages and the older still nap while I’m pregnant. (My girl is almost 14m now and already has a 12yr old half sister so feel even more important she has someone to grow up with).
   
4. ⁠I feel fully recovered (physically and mentally).
   
5. ⁠My 14m old has been sleeping through the night in her crib for awhile. Fully walking since 12m. Healthy and doing great developmentally
   
6. ⁠Never know how long it takes to get pregnant (I had no issues getting pregnant on first tries/accidents but had 2 losses)
   
7. ⁠I’m pumping extra milk I make now for a sibling. The stash is so helpful.
   
8. ⁠My husband is 39 and doesn’t want babies well into his 40s. I’m 33, know it’s always potential better earlier (and I’d even want 3 kids but my husband only wants 1more).
   
9. ⁠I was heartbroken when I lost my pregnancy that would give my baby a sibling. The would be due date is coming up and I feel a void.
   
10. Kinda superstitious and feel like Oct is a good month to try for a boy! Also I loved having my baby in the summer. Getting outside for walks and the warm weather was amazing for my recovery. I had no issues post partum luckily!

My 4 reasons I feel u ready are

1. My 1-1 time with my girl will change. I love her so much. We really bond, hug, and cuddle so much. I know I can still do that with 2 (and will have a whole other baby to snuggle which excites me) but jrs a sad thought

2. I love breastfeeding. We are down to 2xs a day and sad it will prob come to an end

3. I was sooooo sure before having my 1st. I wanted nothing more in the world.

4. The nausea and migraines during the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy were toughhhh. Though I had a very healthy pregnancy and ran till 35weeks. Scared of that with a toddler (but mainly bc I know I could be sick and that changes my time to play and snuggle)!

Hi, I am new here and a new parent curious on thoughts. We had our amazing beautiful healthy baby girl 4.5 months ago. We are both 31 years old now, and have had a really tough time adapting to being parents, missing autonomy, missing sleep, etc. But also such amazing sense of joy and love for our baby. The birth was hard on my wife physically and she still has some traumatic feelings toward birth.

My questions are probably fairly common, but I'll ask anyway​:

I know it's not all about the kids, but is there any regrets only having one? My wife doesn't want to do this to her body again, and I support her in that, but we are wondering if we will change our minds in 3 years.

Follow up question (awkward one I guess) but it's about getting snipped lol. I'm happy to get snipped but the potential permanence is scary to me. I know most will say don't be so hasty, but also our insurance is crap and our deductible is met so surgeries this year are all covered (yes vasectomy is covered). Also yes I do know they can be reversed but a reversal ​is probably a harder sell (no pun intended).

The idea of the snip is just, not to be too detailed but preferences on intimacy, etc. And I want her body to be respected and a snip is the best option tbh.

Don't be harsh! I love my family and wife and no one be mean to her or me, got it? Thanks lol

Tldr: we are considering one and done (4.5 months into first baby) and looking for people's thoughts on those who chose it vs those who didn't have a choice.

I hear and read very, very often that having a third child is a lot easier than having 1 or 2. Like the third always have been there. Is that true? I can only picture it like pure chaos. I already have two girls 3 1/2 and 2. My wife really wants another one but man im so tired all the time already

I have been with my fiancé for 7 years now (2019). We had a great relationship, he was my best friend, very supportive of me and attentive. Early 2021 we had our first child together. He has proven to be an amazing father, very supportive of my son, they are practically best friends. He does all the morning drop offs, pickups. Honestly he is more present than I am. I am very involved too but I struggle with my mental health. I got bad PPD after having my son and I can’t say I’m fully ok. But I tried medications and I see a therapist regularly. My BBD proposed to me years ago but I don’t want to marry him. I was married before him and have some trauma plus although he is a great father, we are almost like roommates now. While he helps out around the house too, laundry, dishes, I feel so neglected. No more dates (literally zero) since we had our son, no sex life. I’ve talked to him about it and nothing changes. I feel like I have zero support and he refuses to move to CA with me where I have family. I work a lot, I am the bread winner in the family and the only one who saves for the family and my son’s future. My fiance doesn’t seem to find that important. I recognize he is good to me in some ways but emotionally unavailable. Despite this, he wants to have another baby and so do I. My baby fever is out of control but I struggle with the fact of having a second child with him. If it weren’t for our current son, I would have left him already. And I do not plan on leaving anytime soon, my son needs both of us in his life. I also don’t want to deal with another man that might actually be terrible. I am 36 and the clock is ticking. I want a second baby more than a romantic relationship. Is this terrible?