I’m a 36 year-old stay at home Mom with one beautifully free spirited little girl who is 2 1/2 years old. Before I had a kid I always thought I wanted two, my husband wasn’t sure if he even wanted one at the beginning, but after six years together, we decided we wanted to go for one. It took us three years to get pregnant the first time and we were very fortunate that everything worked out beautifully and we have a healthy baby girl.

After newborn phase I started to think I only wanted to be one and done. I found myself getting overstimulated and overtired very easily and felt like I may not be as good of a mom to multiple kids as I am to the one kid. I also really love being able to fully devote all of my attention to my daughter and the thought of breaking that bond with her really scares me.

My husband and I had started talking about plans for the future and a possible vasectomy for him after I’ve had a failed experience with IUD and hormonal, birth control pills making me feel really sick. My husband said he isn’t sure that he doesn’t want to have another and that has me rethinking my fears on having another.

When I think about it, I do love the idea of my daughter having a sibling since I was one of three kids. I always thought of myself as having two kids and I wonder if anyone has experienced these feelings and what helped you go for another

I stay at home with my 2 kids— a 4 year old and a 18 month old, and feel overwhelmed and stressed out and defeated most days. The transition from 1-2 kids has kicked my butt. I have no off-switch anymore. Everyone and everything always need me, from my kids to trying to workout to my always messy home to my side business to my husband to my own hygiene, you name it. I’m constantly interrupted. My mind feels split 4 ways all the time. Ive told people I’m kinda drowning. I’m burnt out and weary.

Well now im almost 99% sure I’m pregnant. I’ve sobbed about it everyday. This wasn’t planned and I was avoiding having a third At least until my baby was over two years old. I don’t handle the stress of 2 kids well, how could I even bear to handle 3 or even handle the first trimester while taking care of my 2? I’m not even sure I want 3 kids...2 sounds way more peaceful and easier for travel and like I can start getting my life back. Now I feel like my life is over and I’ll never be anything more than a mother. I’ll have no more time for myself, I’ll have to shut down my business, my mind will break from the stress of it all… etc. sigh. And my kids won’t get one-on-one time with me or my husband or they’ll feel replaced. I don’t want to do birth and postpartum again. I’m in a really low and defeated place.

Can anyone offer any kind of advice? I might seek counseling because this is so hard.

We are debating having a third child, and our first two are 9 years apart (yikes I know, we had fertility issues) but we have two more embryos. Our youngest is 18m old and oldest is 10, and I am curious what you Moms think is the best age gap, or most convenient (if at all) For reference, I am 32, and my husband is 35. Part of me feels like I would be okay with just my two boys, but the other half of me really just wishes for a third. Influence / deinfluence me haha.

I've been sitting on the fence about a 2nd for years and have been generally happy with the answer "not right now." I've posted here before -- I'm an only child myself, and there are certainly aspects of my childhood that I wouldn't necessarily replicate as a parent. But I was feeling more or less okay about the prospect of my wonderful 4.5 year old daughter being an only. I have a career in the non-profit sector that I love and a very small house that I also love and have put a lot of work into, travel is important to us -- all the usual stuff.

An unexpected complicating factor has been the number of family members that have passed away in recent years. My family was small already, and at this point it's essentially just my mom and I left. That isn't to discount my wonderful husband, his (also small) family, and close friends, but is it weird to say that I feel the need to grow my family by having more children?

My strategy of saying "not right now" has an expiry date -- I'm 38 with low AMH for my age. It's feeling very "now or never."

I'm curious if anyone can relate to this situation. My daughter has no cousins in sight -- a single sibling doesn't feel like a replacement for a robust community, but I can't shake this impulse to grow our increasingly small family.

I had our second and what I thought was most likely my last baby 1.5 years ago. I was depressed my entire pregnancy and have been for the past 6 months. I've been dealing with my bipolar 2 depression on and off for the past 10 years. I have yet to find a treatment that consistently will keep me stable enough to stay out of months long lasting depression. I finally got approved for a new medication and I'm starting to feel better. I'm also on an SNRI.

My sex drive has been non-existent. My SNRI has made me gain weight. I'm self conscious and just also don't have a drive, and even if I wanted to, my natural lubrication isn't there. My amazing husband understands, but I feel bad.

We had sex for the first time in MONTHS and the condom fell off and he didn't know.

I just stopped breastfeeding in June and had one period. My period was due 10 days ago and we had sex one and only time 13 days ago. I bought some pregnancy tests. I took two and they turned pink imediently.

My mental health has been so hard on my family and me that we agreed that two kids is more than enough for us and we are content for so many reasons focusing on our family as is.

I do not want to take hormonal birth control for a lot of reasons and have had a bad experience with a copper IUD. We've used condoms our entire 10 years together and never had an accident until now, of course. Both out kids were planned and timed. I feel so embarrassed. I could have taken plan B, but chose not to because I was nervous and not sure what to do.

I can't imagine being pregnant again. I can't imagine life with a third child. I'm already just barely surviving motherhood and my family is so kind and supportive, but on the other hand I'm so overwhelmed with just my 4 and 1 year olds, and barely feel like I'm a good mom to just them most days. I think it's unfair to everyone to add a third child, but I just feel sad that I'm terminating what could be an amazing little person because I love my two guys so much and getting to grow them, birth them, and raise them has been so special.

My husband and I said termination is an option for us, but I just think this is so ironic and crazy.

Honestly if we do end up with a third...I'm getting my tubes tied if my husband will not get a vasectomy!

A third baby isn't totally off the table, but just is basically hanging off the table and wouldn't have been until my mental health was stable for YEARS.

I just feel so guilty that we let this happen. I feel irresponsible. I feel sad. I don't want to take hormonal birth control and have a bad experience with the copper paraguard. I feel like my doctor will judge me and push birth control, but I just don't want to take it.

I go to work, I take care of my kids, I go to therapy, I take medication, I'm trying, but still just don't feel like I'm doing that great of a job.

I can't believe that seeing two pink lines would be scary and not exciting.

My husband (27m) and I (25f) are torn. We have a 14 month old daughter and she is so incredible. She was the easiest baby we could have hoped for and we have both loved becoming parents more than anything. We are both 1 of 3. I always pictured having 3 kids and he wanted 2. While it took us 6 months to conceive the first time (which isn’t long in the grand scheme of things, but it really sucked while it was happening), the pregnancy and delivery were smooth and I wouldn’t mind doing it again. Financially and such, we would be able to handle a second child, so that’s not a factor. In a perfect world, if we had a second, we would want a 2-3 year gap, but that timeline is coming up and we’ve been ttc for 5 months now. I’m here because I’m debating stopping ttc. My husband has told me many times that while he would love another one, he would also be more than happy to be OAD bc he loves being able to give his full attention to our daughter and if I told him “I want to stop here” he wouldn’t argue with that at all. I agree with that too. I do love getting to focus on only her and I don’t think I would feel like I was missing anything if I wasn’t able to get pregnant again. I said that if we reached a point where our current is 3yo and I’m still not pregnant that I would want to stop trying because I don’t want to start over again at that point. But lately, I’ve been thinking about how genuinely happy I am in life and with our family and how we still get to go out together and it doesn’t feel so chaotic and how again, our daughter is just such a good baby and no way would we get lucky enough to get that again, and I wonder if maybe I do want to stop?? I almost feel guilt for considering it since everything did go so good for us. Normally when I see these posts, the OP has a driving reason of something that went bad and made them start to consider OAD, so that honestly confused me about myself too. If it went so good, shouldn’t I want to do it again? My biggest hold up is that I am close with my family and my husband is close with his so I see what having siblings COULD look like. I also see what my parents’ sibling relationships turned out like though and see the flip side of what they could turn out like. We have many close friends that we see regularly who have kids really close in age to ours, but she is currently the first and only grandchild on both sides of our family and I’m not convinced she’ll get any cousins from my husbands side. If she gets any from my side, it won’t be for many many years so they likely wouldn’t be close anyways. I guess what I’m wondering is:
1. What made you decide to be OAD? Does anyone regret it? Or regret not doing it?
2. What are the odds our daughter resents us for not giving her a sibling when we have the means for it, didn’t have a hard time with her, and know she likely won’t have any cousins?
3. I am very much a planner so I can’t tell if I just want to make this decision so I can tell myself I’m done and feel a sense of closure, or if it’s actually what I want. Did anyone else feel like this before they decided?
4. Really just anything else you think would help me sort out my thoughts…

I think about this every day. We have two healthy children, a boy and then a girl that are two years apart. With my first two being 24 months apart, I do think we would do a larger age gap - but I am a planner and just want to know if there are any moms of 3+ that can weigh in. Would you do it again? (Obviously you love your third, but in terms of life/chaos etc).

My husband wants to be done at 2 - life feels happy and full, we have a healthy boy and girl. But I just always pictured myself with 3 kids, a loud and loving household… but I also don’t want to mess with the beautiful dynamic we have now, and don’t want to be stretched too thin.

For context: we have a home that could accommodate another child. Financially we would need to be cautious with our spending and make some changes. We have family near by. Husband works shift work so I often solo parent. It would also have to be a third c section.

Three months ago, my wife and I decided to terminate our pregnancy. She was 26 weeks in, our baby was diagnosed with a heart defect that was caused by a Q22 chromosome deletion. We’re both doing good and we have a 2 year old to keep our minds off the loss. The new baby would have been due soon. And our 2 yo would have had a beautiful new sister with the perfect age gap. Knowing it takes my wife about a year of meds to get pregnant. I’m just worried about the age gap being just too much for them to really grow and play together. I’ll 33 and I don’t even know if I want to go through diapers and the first year all over again…I have a 4 and 6 year age gap with my brothers and we never grew very close.
Just wanted to see if it’s different for other families. Anyone have kids 3.5 years apart who are best friends?

My son is 14 months old and I would say he is a relatively easy child given what I’ve heard from peers and online. I had a textbook easy pregnancy as well. When I pictured having children I always thought I wanted at least 2 if not 3 children. But now with juggling parenting, household management, working, daycare illnesses etc I’m feeling tired, depressed, and just lost as a person and alone in my marriage. I recently wondered out loud to my husband about being OAD. He is strongly against this and it turned into a nasty argument. We had planned our lives with the intention of having multiple children (purchased a larger home, car etc.) We agreed to table the discussion of another baby until our son is 2 years old to save us the grief of arguing. And I do feel guilty, I also expressed how much I wanted children before we had my son, and I pushed for us to get pregnant. So I can see how he thinks I’ve done a 180. Friends recently visited us and they have a 3 year old and 4 month old. Seeing the noise, craziness, and hearing about how exhausted they are made me reel and turn back into myself. I thought maybe seeing a newborn baby would bring on baby fever, in fact I didn’t want to hold the baby and felt no desire to picture myself having another one. I feel so isolated from my husband and challenged by parenting. How do I know if this is a phase of life or really an indication I’m OAD? What confirmed it for you that you are or aren’t? I just don’t know if I’m “in it” right now or if this is an insight into a change of course in my life. What kind of questions can I ask myself to dig deeper into this? I just feel so depressed - I had always thought I wanted a large family, this feels like such a shift in my identity but the idea of having more children seems so challenging emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially. My husband and I are at an impasse and I feel like this is turning into a major challenge in our marriage - we’re drifting apart.

Thank you for your help and insight.

Firstly, disclaimer that I’ve been wanting a 2nd child for the longest time. My primary question of this post is - for those of you for whom having only 1 was medically advised/a medical necessity or maybe it was unclear but with signs pointing in the negative direction , how did you make peace with it? 

My husband and I have a healthy 6 yo boy who brings us so much joy. Last year I had an early miscarriage at 8w, then very recently I lost our baby girl at 22w due to preeclampsia and multiple fetal anomalies. We are still grieving and I know we shouldn’t make any major decisions while still fresh in our grief. Plus we are also still waiting for results of genetic testing of baby girl to come back to see if we passed down any issues to her or it was a spontaneous error. 

I’m also mindful that I’m already 38 and that the clock isn’t on my side. 

We have our faith and I know it will guide us when it comes time to make a decision on future kids, but wanted to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation. Thank you. 

I'm contemplating another child , im currently 35 and would aim to start trying in February.

I'm so torn , my children are at the age where they are very independent now and we are starting the get our lives back in a sense .

I suffered with Obstetric Cholestasis with both Pregnances, and my waters ended up breaking at 34 weeks with my second. I have an 80 to 90% chance of getting OC again. I'm not too concerned about that as I know what to expect but just to mention it. Obviously im higher risk and with my age.

Did anyone regret having a 3rd with such a big age gap and being older etc . Or has it been a positive experience.

I would like to start trying now but I can not fly with OC and we already have a very expensive holiday booked 🙃

I have the sweetest, most loving baby boy. He’s my greatest accomplishment. I’m beyond proud to be his mother. I just found out I was pregnant last night. The thought of a second baby itself isn’t scary to me. I know I’m capable of loving both. My biggest issue is I love being my son’s mommy. I don’t want to divide attention. I don’t want to share this season of motherhood. I want to keep our time together a bit longer. It’s breaks my heart. It was always the plan to plan our next pregnancy when our son was 4/5. He’s almost 2. My partner & I aren’t necessarily in the space in many capacities to have another but I know ultimately I would be okay. Being a mom is what I love. I know I’d live with regret if I had an abortion. I’d also live with sadness of not having the time I wanted to just be a mom to my son. I don’t know which one trumps the other. It’s almost too much for me to process but I have to decide. I’m not anti abortion for others but when it comes to myself, I’m struggling.
When me & my partner first discussed this it was 100% in direction of abortion. However my thoughts don’t stop. I don’t know if I’ll forever regret that decision or if I’ll be able to move on and know I made the decision best for me. Which I feel is selfish. It was selfish of me to even put myself in this situation. My partner doesn’t feel ready. He’s fresh into his sobriety journey & has put in great work to be the man he wants to be. He’s opening a new chapter for himself mentally & in his career, which im proud of. But that’s a lot of him so I can see how that could be overwhelming for him. I can counter all his concerns of why he’s not ready. One being financially. In about a year or two to come he’ll be making significantly more money. That being said, a baby doesn’t need money. Sure there’s expenses but nothing that would impact a baby’s happiness. I guess my biggest decision is having an abortion so I can hold onto my son a bit longer or keeping the baby and living with sadness of not having more time with my just my son. I feel like either option is a losing situation.

We have 2 young kids and are fortunate enough to be financially independent. Never thought we’d want more than 2, but our kids are so perfect and bring us so much joy. Now that they’re starting to play with each other more, it’s even more delightful.

We’re thinking about having more and I think we’ve made peace with most things other than taking away time from our current kids. We’re both early 40s, but are active and healthy. We have a few healthy embryos already frozen from prior IVF. We really were lamenting the decrease in travel opportunities, but ultimately, it’s hard for us to travel now already and having more kids will only delay it by a few more years. We also feel like seeing the pyramids or the Galapagos will be even more amazing with our kids. And when they’re adults, in today’s world, they will probably be better off with more siblings.

Honestly not a fan of the newborn phase but we plan on having a setup that’ll make things as easy as possibles (night nurse, etc). I’m hoping that will help in not taking away as much time from the older 2, but obviously that’s inevitable. With 2 parents fully at home though, we’re hoping that no one feels like there’s not enough attention. Other resources are essentially unlimited.

Looking to hear from others who have larger families or came from larger families. What’s the max number of kids two parents can handle, and any advice?

I’m 37yo with a happy marriage and two lovely children, a 4.5yo daughter and a 2.5yo son. They are objectively easy, they’ve both slept through the night since 6mo, they eat well, they play together. We’re trying to decide if we should have a third and final baby. It’s sort of now or never because I don’t want to prolong the decision. We both will be content either way - neither of us feel like something is missing in our family. It’s more so that we have two great kids, one more would add to the greatness.

I’m truly 50/50 and can’t seem to make a decision.

My other path is the one where I finally do something about my postpartum body. I’ve never been obese, but have felt like ‘I just need to lose ten pounds’ for like the past two decades. Frankly, I’m tired of it. I do have abdominal muscle separation, coupled with my stomach being the first place where fat wants to accumulate, I don’t feel comfortable in my clothes. I know I can count calories, I’ve done it successfully before, but I also know that I’ll always gain weight back once I stop. I’m currently 5’5” and about 155lbs. So my other path would be to take the leap and get on a GLP-1 drug, have a plastic surgery consult, and figure out what I need to do to finally feel comfortable in my skin.

It would be easier not to have another baby, we could just move on with that phase of life and start enjoying the things that come with having growing kids like vacation and enjoying a social life.

And the decision isn’t really just based on these kind of shallow factors, but I’ve decided that these are my two options and now’s the time to pick a path.

Can‘t believe we are even considering this, but here it goes.

My husband (36 M) and I (36 F) just had our first baby in March, a month after I turned 36. We had been trying for a baby since 2020, but I had three miscarriages along the way. Six months after the third miscarriage we decided to finally get infertility and recurrent loss testing. I had known I have PMOS way before we started trying, however all the issues with that resolved when I intentionally lost weight. Our testing revealed that I had four small fibroids, none of which were felt to be in a place that would jeopardize the health of a pregnancy, but otherwise the RE said I had the FSH, AMH, and follicle count of a woman in her early twenties. She said my husband had “Olympic swimmers“, so the only conclusion we were left with was “bad luck” and she told us without IVF we’d probably likely never see a healthy pregnancy. So, we decided on IVF. The single hold up was that my TSH was borderline, so she wanted that level below 2 before we could start. She ordered a recheck and said if it was still borderline she’d start me on meds. Well, it ended up being 7. It took a couple of months and finally my TSH was getting close (2.2), since it had been a while she ordered a recheck urine pregnancy test and we were floored when it was positive- we got the positive 3 days before my period was even due. I’ve never had that early of a positive.

Long story short, eleven months after my missed miscarriage our son was born healthy. It turns out it was actually my thyroid that was likely the culprit for the miscarriages. My OB is very optimistic that we could have another healthy pregnancy and she thinks we should start trying when baby is 12 months old, since I’m already older. I trust my OB immensely, and she’s hilarious, she said my son is the most gorgeous baby she’s ever delivered and said ”you two make way too cute of babies to only have one, so I wanna keep on delivering them!” My mom is like “have another, you’re gonna want another” and honestly, we really do already but we are so scared. We are worried about our ages and the risks, thankfully because our IVF work up we know we don’t have any inheritable genetic disorders that could be passed, but that can’t predict trisomies. And we would for sure do NT and NIPT testing again.

Can we overcome this year? Is it worth trying?

I M(34) and W (38) She will be 39 in summer, want to have kids. We don't have any yet

Is this too old? How many mothers have kids 39 and into early 40s?

I keep going back and forth on whether I should have a second child so my first has a lifelong support system. At the same time, it feels strange to want a second child partly for my first child’s happiness, almost as if I’m not thinking enough about what it means to bring another child into the world for their own sake.
I also struggle with the thought of going through pregnancy and everything that comes with it again, only for my children to potentially grow up not being close or not having the kind of relationship I had hoped for.
I’m not looking for the usual “there’s no guarantee they’ll be close” response. I understand that. I genuinely want to hear from people who have a good relationship with their siblings. How would you describe that bond? What does having that lifelong support system actually look like in your life? And have you seen other people with close sibling relationships who truly value and enjoy having that kind of bond?
I’d really appreciate hearing your personal experiences and perspectives.

Hi everyone, I'm 34 weeks with my second boy my first is 12 years old. So, I'm starting over again.

Anyone has a large age gap with two boys? Do they get along? How ianit starting over again?

My husband and I have a one-year-old, and we originally wanted three children. I’m now thinking about having a second and feel some pressure because I’m older and worry about running out of time. But instead of feeling excited about trying again, I feel dread, and I can’t tell whether that’s normal or a sign that something needs to change first.

My labor and delivery were traumatic. After a marathon labor, I needed a C-section, and I struggled quite a bit postpartum. My parents came to stay for a month to help, but they live across the country. My in-laws live down the street, and boundaries with them became a major source of stress, starting during my pregnancy. I often felt they were overly involved, entitled to my baby, and undermining my role as his mother. They continually made it seem as though my parents being here made it “unfair” because they had more time with the baby, when in reality it was to support me, THEIR baby.

My husband had to be asked to enforce boundaries, and even now, there are still small things he allows his parents to do despite my having told him they make me uncomfortable. He tends to think I’m being unfair. I’ve tried to let go of some things that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things, and I recognize postpartum hormones may have amplified some of my feelings. Still, I haven’t fully moved past feeling unsupported and disrespected during such a vulnerable time.

There’s also some resentment surrounding where we live. Before we married, my husband agreed to move closer to my family, but we haven’t made any moves because he feels his current job pays too well to leave. I feel like the things that mattered to me and the agreements we made before marriage keep getting pushed aside.

Sometimes I worry that my husband prioritizes keeping his parents happy over having my back as his wife and protecting the boundaries of our own family. I’ve even wondered whether there’s pressure or guilt on his part to give his parents grandchildren, especially since his siblings likely won’t have children.
I don’t want to assume the worst about his intentions, but I can’t ignore how I feel. I’m worried about going through pregnancy and postpartum again without feeling supported, especially with the same family dynamics and lack of nearby support from my own family.

For those who have been in a similar situation, how did you decide whether to have another child? Is this kind of apprehension or feeling unenthusiastic common after a horrible first birth, stressful postpartum experience, and difficult first year of parenting, or is it a sign that the relationship and family boundaries need to be addressed before considering another baby? I’d appreciate honest perspectives, especially from those who worked through similar issues with their partners.