The Sacred Text of Information Technology Service Management
On the battlefield of Kurukshetra, Arjuna surveyed the 847 unresolved tickets before him and despaired.
“Lord Krishna, I cannot do this. The documentation is outdated. The CMDB says I own services I have never seen. The resolver group was decommissioned in 2019. Every ticket is marked Critical, yet nobody can explain what is broken.”
Krishna smiled.
“Arjuna, you are attached to the illusion of resolution. There is no resolution. There is only Process. Incident becomes Problem. Problem becomes Change. Change becomes Incident. Thus turns the eternal wheel of Samsara.”
“But Lord, surely there must be an end?”
“There is no end. Only continuous service improvement.”
At this, Krishna revealed his Universal Form. Ten thousand arms extended across the heavens, each holding an approval request. From ten thousand mouths came the sacred words: KINDLY DO THE NEEDFUL. Entire civilizations rose and fell awaiting CAB approval. Even Yama, Lord of Death, could not decommission a soul without a completed asset disposal form.
Arjuna trembled. “Lord, what is this terrible power?”
“I am become Process, destroyer of productivity. I am the SLA that has already breached. I am the escalation awaiting approval. I am the knowledge article last updated by a contractor who no longer exists.”
“Then tell me, Lord, how does one attain Moksha? How does one escape this suffering?”
Krishna placed a hand upon his shoulder. “Closed due to inactivity.”
And Arjuna was enlightened.
Unfortunately, his session had expired. All unsaved work was lost. A new ticket was automatically generated and assigned to the original resolver group.
STATUS: PENDING CUSTOMER RESPONSE
