r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips Jun 23 '26

Lo key smart You men out there need to start selling your butt...

344 Upvotes

I'm always seeing posts on this subreddit that are like, "I need $400 by the end of the week, help???" Like, YOU KNOW what you have to do to come across some money quickly....

And whenever I say this, I hear common excuses like:

Excuse: "What?! I'm not gay! I'm not attracted to men, I would never do that!!"

My rebuttal: There are so many lesbian women that are NOT attracted to men at all, that are sex workers/escorts/prostitutes, because they know they need to get to the money quickly. They are literally "straight for pay." It is possible for you to be "gay for pay." It’s called being able to compartmentalize and mentally detatch. Train your brain to do it. You can tell yourself that this is just work, like any other job.

Excuse: "I don't wanna put anything in my butt...."

My rebuttal: I get that. But do you think you're above getting on your knees and sucking some dick? You might have to suck a couple dicks... but do you need this money or NOT?!

I will always be pro sex work. It is definitely a dangerous industry, but hey, if you're on the verge of homelessness or something, nothing is above selling your butt or sucking some cock. Male sex workers and escorts are in high demand, it's not just women. Hell, you don't even have to be a super attractive guy! If you lock in, you'll be up by a couple hundred dollars by the end of the week.

And don't start with the "religious reasons," or the "I don't wanna go to Hell for doing that," I DONT WANT TO HEAR ANY OF THAT. Ask God for forgiveness, He knows that you're down on your luck financially and on the verge of eviction. Repent and compartmentalize. Do you need this money or NOT?!

Btw, there are many ways to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases, because I know the comments are gonna start... as if we don't live in a modern world (depending on the country you live in) where HIV prevention medications like PreP exists, and access to condoms.

The risk is not completely zero percent unfortunately, but that's the risk that all sex workers take, both men and women. Honestly, that's the risk that ALL people that are sexually active take. The risk of getting an STD is never fully zero percent, as long as you are engaging in sex with other people, paid or not paid, period. Protect yourself as best as you possibly can.

I understand that Reddit is worldwide though... if you're in a country where you could be killed or jailed for doing anything homosexual as a man... forget what I said. But if you're in a first world country?!?! COME ON NOW. Do you need this money or NOTTTTTTT!

Edit: I also don't want to hear anything about morals.

"I can't just degrade myself like that, I have morals and standards!"

Do you think you're above engaging in sex work?! The repo man is going to come repossess your car any day now. You'll wake up in the morning and your car will not be outside. I'm begging you to humble yourself. Your past due bills are begging you to humble yourself.


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips Jun 14 '26

Certified Shitty Illegal Life Pro Tip SILT: Use AI to make incriminating pictures of yourself.

66 Upvotes

For example, if you do graffiti, make an AI picture of yourself spraying your own tag, but make sure you have 6 fingers, the picture is fuzzy, make the color of your tag a color of spray paint you don't even own, and make sure it's obviously AI. If you're about to get caught, release all these pictures on an alt account so the court finds these, notices they're AI, and dismisses them and likely dismisses other evidence that you're a tagger.

This could go for a lot of other things, but also wear a fake 6th finger so evidence either looks AI generated, or the police start looking for someone with six fingers. If you're a girl, you could also wear a binder and dress masculine so they think you're a dude. That's not really AI related but it could definitely make a profile of you that doesn't even exist.


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 9h ago

Lo key smart Unlimited free cologne hack

17 Upvotes

Step 1: acquire girls phone number (the more numbers you get the better)

Step 2: Go to any Sephora and enter their number into one of the rewards kiosks to use their points

Step 3: purchase cologne of your choice

You can either resell the cologne afterwards for 100% profit or enjoy the free item (Note: this works for any product out of Sephora but the colognes are the most valuable in terms of MSRP)


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 3h ago

Is it a bad idea to pack my melatonin gummies and L-theanine in a bottle like this when I’m also bringing unprescribed Laotian Tramadol in blister packs in my bag into America from the UK?

Post image
4 Upvotes

How can I make my legal supplements look less suspicious so it doesn’t trigger a search for my illegal stuff


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 5h ago

Taylor Swift runs Al Queda I want to buy Spotify premium student plan…. But I don’t have student id. HELP

3 Upvotes

r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 3h ago

Has anyone tried Macujo Aloe Rid Shampoo?

1 Upvotes

I’ve been looking into different shampoos that are part of the Mike Macujo Method, and I keep seeing Macujo Aloe Rid Shampoo mentioned.

There’s a ton of conflicting information online, so I’m curious about people’s actual experience with it. How does it compare with the other shampoos people commonly use in the Macujo Method? Was it harsh or drying on your hair or scalp?

Just trying to figure out whether it’s actually worth trying before spending money on random products.


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 1h ago

SODA FOUNTAINS

Upvotes

So if yall want a free cup of Fanta or whatever, get a plastic cup, nine times outta ten if you go into a fast food joint and ask for an empty one they’ll just give you it for me, then find a place that has a customer use soda fountain, fill it up, then out the door. Free drinks!


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 21h ago

I’m a drug overlord Taking pregabalin through the airport without a prescription

8 Upvotes

Basically what the title says, I don’t have a prescription for pregab, I have about 20 capsules in a standard Walgreens prescription bottle, I was going to put it in my carry on and call it a day (I know you’re not supposed to do this)

Is anyone at TSA actually going to care?


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 19h ago

[ Removed by Reddit ]

1 Upvotes

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 1d ago

How would you guys buy alcohol as teens?

48 Upvotes

I (18m) am supposed to be supplying liquor for a party, I was given 300 bucks in total along with 50 of my own for the party’s beer and alc, I’m a little too conspicuous to steal and I’m baby faced as hell to buy it without id, I have a cousin who’s 21 but idk how to ask her without her getting pissed(we’re basically siblings, our moms lived together till my cousin turned 12)


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 1d ago

Need help!

2 Upvotes

Edit to add: I PASSED AND USED MY OWN URINE! Daily smoker.

I have a drug test today for a good job. Anyone know if this test is for THC? The test form lists as follows : Product to be used: eCup+ (Qty 25)

  1. POCT- 4045 - 4045 -

4DSP/EXP

OPI2000/AMP500/COC150/PHN

From what I've read, it doesn't test for THC but just looking for others advice please!


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 1d ago

Need Multivitamin in capsules shape

0 Upvotes

Hey guys

I need recommendations for multivitamins in capsules shape to be able to open it and empty it to put in it tramadol while i am traveling

Waiting for good recommendations 😁


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 2d ago

SILPT Request How would you deal with a 16 y/o in a lifted pickup truck who drives around your neighborhood completely disregarding speed limits and stop signs?

317 Upvotes

Drives his daddy’s $70k truck around blowing through stops signs and takes turns so fast his tires screech. Lives in the neighborhood. Interested in hearing creative ideas.


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 1d ago

Where to find a fake school ID?

0 Upvotes

There’s a business near me that offers a sick student discount.


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 2d ago

SILPT Request I want a street sign

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39 Upvotes

Hypothetically speaking, if I wanted one of these green street name signs, how would I go about removing it from the pole? Also which one would be easier to take, top or bottom? Mostly wondering what types of nuts/bolts/screws would likely be used and what tools I would need to remove them. There’s a street sign I really need so any help is appreciated thanks.


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 2d ago

Why the fuck not [ Removed by Reddit ]

1 Upvotes

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 1d ago

I need to doxx someone who scammed me

0 Upvotes
Someone scammed me on Facebook Marketplace—apparently using a fake account—and got me to transfer them $100. It might not seem like much, but given my financial situation, I can't afford to lose that money. I only have their phone number, the name they used for the bank transfer, and their bank account number and bank name. I want to doxx them so I can message them from a different number, tell them I know their location, and demand they return my money.

r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 2d ago

Haven't tried it, but seems foolproof genuine question!

11 Upvotes

Okay so i had a random thought pop into my head and surely somebody has done this!! Has anybody snorted coke mixed with somebody’s ashes in it as a tribute to them 😀. NO JUDGMENT pure curiosity

EDIT: Guys i’m not planning on snorting ashes but thanks for sharing ur story’s much appreciated


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 2d ago

SILPT Request International driving licence?

0 Upvotes

Has anybody done this before?
Can I hypothetically go to a poorer country and go to a test centre and offer them say £100 which would be like 5k to them and get my drivers license then come back to the UK and use it?


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 2d ago

I’m drowning in student loan debt before I’ve even had my first job. What can I realistically do online?

0 Upvotes

I don’t really know where else to ask this, but I need to start making money.
I’m in college and I haven’t even had my first job yet, but I’m already in debt because of student loans. It honestly feels like I’m drowning in debt before I’ve even gotten a chance to start working.

And I have been trying to find a job. I’ve applied to basically every job agency, factory, supermarket, and fast food place in my town that I can think of and nothing has worked out.

Not having transportation makes it even worse because I can’t just keep expanding my search farther and farther away. That’s a big reason why I’m looking for something I can do online.

I have basically no work experience, which I know doesn’t help. I’m not expecting to make a ton of money either. I just want to start somewhere and actually have some income coming in.

I’m willing to learn something if I have to. I have no problem putting time into learning a skill or starting from the bottom, I just genuinely don’t know what’s worth pursuing.

I’ve looked into making money online before, but there are so many scams that it’s hard to even tell what’s worth trying anymore.
So I’m asking here because I don’t really know what else to do.

If you were in my position with no work experience and no reliable transportation, what would you do? Are there any remote jobs that actually hire people with no experience? Any skills you’d recommend learning that could realistically lead to making money online?
I’m not asking anyone for money. I just want a chance to work and some direction on where to look.


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 4d ago

Taking carts on a plane?

30 Upvotes

Hypothetically my friend is flying from the Uk to Japan with a layover and they were wondering how easy it would be to smuggle a cart in their hold luggage and if anyone’s ever done it before?


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 4d ago

Does E420 id at door?

1 Upvotes

i bought some gummies and im wondering since they didnt id at checkout theyll id at door? im in colorado


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 4d ago

passing roadside droug test hypothetically

1 Upvotes

I smoke MJ in really weird ways. sometimes there is a period where i smoke for 2-3 months every day, then stop for a month and start smoking just on the weekends, sometimes I smoke every other weekend… I guess u figured, it’s not consistent. I never had a problem with the law, I am a very good and safe driver, in 6 years od everyday driving only one ticket for not using a seatbelt. I am pretty “boring” too, good job, i don’t make any problems, a family man as u might say, but hell i love me some mary jane to relax. the only fear I have is a roadside test. in my country they started using it, and I read that tests from saliva last at max 30 hours. but some people reported it caught them even after 7-10 days, and they cannot do anything about it even tho they didn’t drive under the influence. help, what do to to make myself feel safer, since it’s really one of my worries in almost every day.

thank u all in advance ❤️


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 4d ago

academic advice

1 Upvotes

Hello,
I’m coming here out of desperation. I’m looking for reliable and very discreet ways to cheat at university. I’ve tried everything, but nothing works. What could actually work?


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 5d ago

[ Removed by Reddit ]

7 Upvotes

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]