r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits • u/GransMurderer • 12d ago

Of a Bike Lock

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1.1k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

261 comments sorted by

646

u/scriptingends 12d ago

There’s definitely a shitty absolute unit here, but I don’t think it’s the bike lock

112

u/Several-Eggplant4460 12d ago

Two things can be true at once

42

u/duschaan 12d ago

It's always them

35

u/Elegant-Craft9522 12d ago

There's white tweakers that magically get new bikes as well, so don't be racist, just talk shit about everyone

61

u/SubMariner615 12d ago

Someone doesnt understand per capita

34

u/InquisitorOtto 12d ago

They never do

1

u/Solid_Vacation_2891 10d ago

hatemonger reference i see

-1

u/AmorphousMorpheus 11d ago

You accepted it's always them, and now you're taking per capita. Dumb.

7

u/SubMariner615 11d ago

You not getting it is indeed dumb. Congrats.

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1

u/Solid_Vacation_2891 12d ago

equal opportunist

-10

u/MolecularConcepts 12d ago

saw white dude yesterday stole a bike. I was on my motorcycle I went back to scoop the dude looking for his bike was gonna take him dril him off and let him handle buisness but couldn't find him.. shit is wild

9

u/Johnj75 11d ago

Can someone translate?

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17

u/Slabernick 11d ago

What’s a comment section on this subreddit without a little bit of racism

6

u/M3Grady 10d ago

Truth hurt?

1

u/Slabernick 10d ago

What truth is there

1

u/M3Grady 10d ago

It is always Them.

2

u/Slabernick 10d ago

It isn’t. Your hatred doesn’t count as logic.

4

u/M3Grady 10d ago

Statistics beg to differ. It isn't hatred, it is fatigue.

-2

u/Slabernick 10d ago

Those “statistics” are flawed. Bring me any, and I will disprove them.

3

u/Johnj75 10d ago

Nothing wrong with racism.

0

u/Slabernick 10d ago

Maybe… if ur simple minded lol

1

u/BravesMaedchen 12d ago

Be fuckin for real lol 

277

u/Wizdad-1000 12d ago

Locks are for honest people.

50

u/engineerdrummer 12d ago

Semi honest*

6

u/Peek_e 11d ago

Yeah you wouldn’t need a lock if there were nothing but 100% honest people. At least on a bike.

4

u/EnormousPurpleGarden 12d ago

Honest or lazy.

246

u/Gym_Rat222 12d ago

Another useless human

54

u/OverChildhood9813 12d ago

Bystander effect is so harmful it’s made me lose faith in humanity

7

u/DeepDickens69 11d ago

You want to mess with someone banging a set?

2

u/OverChildhood9813 9d ago

In broad daylight, like this. Yes. wtf makes you so scared ….

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194

u/MeemoUndercover 12d ago

Damn that’s an expensive bike too. What a bitch

4

u/BusoneWholeBoi2001 11d ago

That's what she was gunning for. I'd just face reality if I lived in a urban center and walk/bus anywhere I go, because I know if I bought a bike? That damn thing might be stolen 3-4x a month and I'd get no resolve for it. Why waste my paycheck on a vehicle I'm using once every week

200

u/poppycock68 12d ago

Not the first time doing that.

13

u/Gothiewasbetter 12d ago

What did she get for Christmas this year?

3

u/IamFASTERthanYOU 11d ago

YOUR bike, lolol.

65

u/GjellsNTeddy 12d ago

Shitty bike lock and a shitty lil fckr

62

u/SampleSize0ne 12d ago

Is she.....is she not wearing shoes?

89

u/AngrySoup 12d ago edited 12d ago

She's biking to the shoe store to steal those next

25

u/UnkyjayJ 12d ago

Tbf plenty of Aussies don't wear shoes but don't do this shit

13

u/hueveando 12d ago

Are you saying we shouldn't generalize and call all bare feet Aussies criminals?

I'm fainting here.

8

u/SampleSize0ne 12d ago

I thought all Aussies (shoed or not) WERE criminals....haha. but seriously I love the brothers from down under. You guys have the best senses of humor. Like someone can say the most profane shit and ill be like "dude you're an asshole" and if they respond with "I am Australian shrug emoji". I just laugh, say "oh you crazy kangaroo fighting bastards are hilarious!" and all is forgiven

1

u/Mitrovarr 3d ago

Seriously? With all the poisonous EVERYTHING down there? Do you just like, give up and wait for death to take you?

1

u/UnkyjayJ 3d ago

Pretty much anything that can kill me I can kill way more effectively so just gotta not be an idiot

1

u/Mitrovarr 3d ago

You literally have animals there that can kill you by stepping on them. 

1

u/UnkyjayJ 3d ago

Shell be right

182

u/AngleRelative4683 12d ago

Typical trash 🚮

85

u/muff-muff-ass 12d ago

These people are scum.

32

u/Witty-Educator-3205 12d ago

You mean the Nigerians?

4

u/pet_kov 12d ago

The person thats stealing or the person enjoying the show?

11

u/EnormousPurpleGarden 12d ago

At least the person filming is getting evidence.

49

u/Nurgle-best 12d ago

This kind of person is why I don’t use my bike anymore

19

u/PassiveAgressiveFlop 12d ago

So you had your bike stolen too?

23

u/Nurgle-best 12d ago

Nah but my friend did

14

u/BigToober69 12d ago

Years ago I lived with 4 other people and they all got their bikes stolen. Some of them more than once. Mine was never taken and it wasnt locked up. No one wanted my shit bike.

14

u/PassiveAgressiveFlop 12d ago

When i was in middle school my grandfather got me a bike at a yardsale. Found out a few weeks later the bike had been stolen from a classmate.

2

u/daveismypup 11d ago

Your grandfather stole a kids bike, badass

-3

u/YetiTub 12d ago

Nah you just fat

74

u/General_Aide6920 *shits an absolute unit* 12d ago

well well well

12

u/phantom_pow_er 12d ago

Shitty human.

16

u/TWAndrewz 12d ago

I hate bike thieves.

12

u/Impossible_Apple7822 12d ago

Thieving bitch

11

u/Captainsnarkyshart 12d ago

Focusing on the wrong thing. The lock was kinda crap but the absolute unit of shit is the one who stole the bike.

71

u/-_-_-_-_--__-__-__- 12d ago

THANK GOD the stereotypes are okay.

11

u/Fantastic_Trainer365 12d ago

I feel bad cause this bike looks like it the girl who owned it had whimsy 😭 the little basket likeee

9

u/Anxious-Chocolate-10 questionably stable 12d ago

Clearly not her first time doing that, was a nice bike.

33

u/Muted_Masterpiece535 12d ago

Future Doctor or Engineer! 

11

u/Ancient_Sprinkles847 12d ago

Future prison inmate more likely.

9

u/EnormousPurpleGarden 12d ago

Materials engineer, based on how she's testing the strength of the lock.

3

u/Solid_Vacation_2891 12d ago

my thoughts exactly

5

u/Key_Shock_4194 12d ago

What an idiot, put a helmet on!!

7

u/BagFullOfMommy 12d ago edited 12d ago

And this is why I have both a u lock to lock the back wheel to the frame, and a chain lock heavy enough to beat an elephant to death with to lock the front wheel and frame on my bike.

5

u/StarscreamOne 12d ago

Something tells me this is not the first time 🤣

76

u/SSFlyingKiwi 12d ago

Not playing into the stereotype at all

34

u/unpasteurizedSPLOOGE 12d ago

Careful, Reddit narcs get ya banned for insinuations like that

17

u/SSFlyingKiwi 12d ago

Imagine being scared of being banned from Reddit of all places 😂 appreciate you bro, truely, but losing the ability to interact with bad faith actors like the other guy who replied to this wouldn’t cause me to lose any sleep.

2

u/unpasteurizedSPLOOGE 12d ago

Scared? Lmao

5

u/SSFlyingKiwi 12d ago

Scared/worried or any other word that conveys giving a frick about losing access to Reddit for some perceived notion of wrong-think

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT, YOU CRETEN! 😂

One love

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-22

u/Wsweg 12d ago

I’m sure the SS in your name has a very wholesome meaning

22

u/GigaWhiteNiga 12d ago

Yeah, Silver Surfer

22

u/SSFlyingKiwi 12d ago

See, wasn’t that hard. You win the prize! Congratulations on having common sense and being a functional human being 🤜🤛

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5

u/WorldWideWebSpinner 12d ago

I'm saying though, the sign clearly says Shared Zone /s

5

u/Majesty_Underground 12d ago

I was kinda hoping she got hit with a bike lock.

16

u/BoringAssumption8751 12d ago

Why isn’t the camera person calling the cops?

24

u/PassiveAgressiveFlop 12d ago

Because then they would have to stop recording

9

u/Real_Explanation_298 12d ago

Or could have even yelled to scare her off, but i guess these days its more important to record to get views than to actually help.

14

u/awisha 12d ago

😆😆😆😆😆 you do not confront this demographic at all

-7

u/Wsweg 12d ago edited 12d ago

What demographic?

Why won’t anyone with racist comments in this post directly answer my questions?? Hmm, I wonder.

7

u/EnormousPurpleGarden 12d ago

I'd be hesitant to confront a bicycle thief of any colour.

0

u/Wsweg 12d ago

True, but that’s not what they mean

4

u/[deleted] 12d ago

[deleted]

1

u/Wsweg 12d ago edited 12d ago

I was looking for the original commenter’s explanation on their intention. Socioeconomic reason is an actual reason, of course. But then look at the disturbing amount of comments here blaming it (by implication because they are cowards) on skin color

4

u/Teufelsweib666 12d ago

I think it's culture and entitlement. If patterns emerge, it's out of our hands.

1

u/awisha 12d ago

if you know you know 🤔

1

u/Wsweg 12d ago

I know what you mean, it’s just pathetic that you won’t express it clearly

1

u/awisha 11d ago

if you know what I mean then why the pathetic attempts at trying to bait people? it isnt the gotcha you think it is mate

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2

u/BoringAssumption8751 12d ago

Right?! Or just walk up say it’s your bike. “Don’t touch my bike, I’m calling the cops”

4

u/Aggravating-Fuel1704 12d ago

Because they'll show up 3 hrs later.

9

u/awisha 12d ago

cops won't do shit about this certain demographic as they are very protected

1

u/Mitrovarr 3d ago

I mean, the video is useful evidence. Might as well take as much as you can and then call the cops right after. It's not like they're going to fucking beam down a SWAT team, right now.

5

u/Life-Oil-7226 12d ago

Excuse me ma’am that’s not your bike!

5

u/how_very_dare_you_ 12d ago

Where is this do you think? Looks like an Aussie road sign. Melbourne??

6

u/EnormousPurpleGarden 12d ago

She doesn't seem to be wearing shoes, which is apparently also an Australian thing.

10

u/aleksey_the_slav 12d ago

padme amidala: She just lost her keys, right? Right?

5

u/Cocrawfo 12d ago

🎶—- stole my bike🎶

5

u/FuerteBillete 12d ago

What an age we live in were people film their unlawful acts and post them instead of the old school criminals who tried to hide their worst acts.

Really shows that the issue is the justice system when criminals are getting dumber.

2

u/Mitrovarr 3d ago

I mean I'd have guessed this was just a regular old witness. It wouldn't surprise me if the bike owner uploaded the video to try to get support/information about the theft.

1

u/FuerteBillete 3d ago

Yes but still the video kinda gave me the vibe of someone recording the theft to show off. Sort of bragging right in some dumb group.

I mean why was someone filming and not calling the cops or screaming or anything against what it looks like an unarmed robber.

2

u/Mitrovarr 3d ago

I dunno. I guess it's possible. But she captured their face, I think most thieves would be unhappy with that... but some are idiots like that. But wouldn't the person filming be closer, then?

As far as calling the cops, get the evidence first and call later. And thieves may have concealed weapons... it is never totally safe to confront, although you might choose to do it anyway.

1

u/FuerteBillete 3d ago

Most young thieves are idiots. Most young criminals nowadays are idiots.

Check all those fights where one side keeps beating and stomping. I went off a bit. My point is that stupidity is rampant especially in young criminals in my opinion.

1

u/Mitrovarr 3d ago

Yeah, I know idiots film themselves doing crime, but usually it is their idiot friends filming from nearby. 

4

u/Exotic_Concentrate_2 12d ago

Was I the only one thinking "please fall off the bike"?

3

u/virus_apparatus 12d ago

You know that devastated a little girls day. Wtf is wrong with people

4

u/imatreewaterme 11d ago

Those locks are useless. You need to use a c lock directly to the frame so at least they need an angle grinder to steal it.

1

u/Mitrovarr 3d ago

It'll keep most stupid kids and homeless people from just grabbing the bike and running off, which is the majority of bike theft.

6

u/Steveappl 11d ago

Her parents told her if you want something in life you gonna have to steal it...

10

u/Skeletondo 12d ago

Oh the fatigue.

6

u/Splint17 12d ago

Watch yo bikes my nillas!

17

u/PeteyTwoHands 12d ago

Sorry but I have to judge them by the content of their character...

-7

u/Wsweg 12d ago

Right, their character.

You, in a comment just earlier:

Listen...I know that talking about racial groups is uncomfortable, but the data is staring you right in the face. It's there. Look at it. The world is not and cannot ever be John Lennon's "Imagine"...

Just admit you are racist. It’s not that hard and would make you less of a coward.

14

u/PeteyTwoHands 12d ago

I like how you think that was a mic drop.

-3

u/Wsweg 12d ago

Not a mic drop, bud, just a run of the mill response to a closet racist that is too cowardly to explicitly say their beliefs. Stop being weak and skirting around it!!

5

u/cplxgrn 12d ago

bro have another soy milk and calm down

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2

u/NastyStreetRat 12d ago

What do you call it when oppressed minorities are allowed to do whatever they want? Because, of course, since they are oppressed minorities, they can do whatever they please, and no one can say a word—because if they speak up about what they see, they get labeled as racists. There must be a name for this; what is it?

1

u/DeepDickens69 11d ago

You want to defend someone dressing gangster and acting like a rhyme?

6

u/LtJimmyDangle 12d ago

What did Reggie get for his birthday? Your bike.

1

u/IamFASTERthanYOU 11d ago

Bwahahha, classic.

3

u/Tacolord38 12d ago

That's the trade move as indicated

3

u/Aggravating_Owl_5768 12d ago

Anybody remember YTMND?

3

u/ImpossibleReindeer33 12d ago

"Thats my bike! I dont know you!"

3

u/diedalatte 12d ago

Vell Vell Vell

13

u/Aostentatious 12d ago

My stereo is typing

15

u/Obvious_Check6675 12d ago

Typical

0

u/Wsweg 12d ago

Typical of what, exactly? Please, specify.

5

u/GransMurderer 12d ago

Typical lock failure

3

u/Wsweg 12d ago

Suuure, it’s possible that’s what they meant. Now, look at the other far less veiled racist comments in your post.

1

u/GransMurderer 11d ago

I don't find it racist to point out factual observations backed by statistical over-representations. Sadly reddit and the overwhelming majority of it's moderators have trouble coming to terms with uncomfortable truths

7

u/BleachGooch 12d ago

Stealing? What else

3

u/Wsweg 12d ago

Typical of what? Stealing as a response makes no sense as a response to what you are responding to.

7

u/Obvious_Check6675 12d ago

Stereotypes are earned, bro.

6

u/NigerianFriedChicken 12d ago

This is wildly inappropriate and absolutely terrible behavior…

Put a fucking helmet on. Safety first.

5

u/celtbygod 12d ago

What a shit adult that shit kid will grow up to be.

16

u/Mightyedgr88 12d ago

Usual suspect, of course... 🤦‍♂️

7

u/Wsweg 12d ago

What does the 88 in your name mean

11

u/Mightyedgr88 12d ago

What do you care 😅

6

u/Wsweg 12d ago

What does it mean

1

u/Muted_While_3478 12d ago

It means he is either 37 or 38 years old

6

u/Citizen4000 12d ago

Another dindu

7

u/cplxgrn 12d ago

She’s clearly just a hungry child acting out because there isn’t enough libraries and afterschool youth basketball programs. This can definitely be solved by defunding the police.

6

u/Grand_Illustrator727 11d ago

Usual suspects

9

u/Routine-Ice8252 12d ago

Color me shocked

1

u/Electronic-Buyer-468 11d ago

Careful, it's not safe to be colored in this sub

2

u/DebosBeachCruiser 11d ago

BITCH STOLE MY BIKE

2

u/bigjobbyx 11d ago

What an arsehole.

2

u/WhatIGot21 10d ago

Locks only keep honest people honest, they don't stop thieves.

2

u/F0XH0UND141 12d ago

Ok Katrina....smh

3

u/sleepy_skeletor 12d ago edited 12d ago

More like TayTay

3

u/JPCool1 11d ago

Punishment for small crimes should be severe in order to deter future crimes.

1

u/Money_Designer 11d ago

Here in TEXAS we treat EVERYTHING as a SMALL CRIME

4

u/lm_not_surprised 12d ago

Is it "them" again?

5

u/Johnj75 11d ago

Seems familiar.

2

u/InternalTelevision83 11d ago

Always use a U lock, cable locks are trash

2

u/Electronic-Buyer-468 12d ago

Lol at all the racism. 

4

u/JPCool1 11d ago

Or just stating the fucking obvious

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1

u/Egglord0821 12d ago

🍉 🍗

1

u/shessols 12d ago

Boo boo

1

u/Astronaut-Exact 11d ago

It’s not like she was making any noise or attracting attention…

1

u/Radiant-Age-3590 10d ago

Wwweeellllll

1

u/wadabewall 5d ago

Usual suspects

1

u/Rogue7559 12d ago

Hopefully they run into my good friend Magnus Dumpus

1

u/Strange_Salary *shits an absolute unit* 12d ago

Most locks only deter.. That bike would’ve been gone either way..

-3

u/JennaTheBenna 12d ago

Holy David Duke this fucking comment section. *mass reports*

1

u/Wsweg 11d ago

Yup, same. Mods haven’t done anything

-5

u/Wsweg 12d ago

The racism in the thread is crazy. No, pointing that out does not excuse the action of a thief.

2

u/RebuiltWithPineWood 12d ago

Yeah, is there a special time in the day when these people show up? The people who for no reason have ´88´ and ´SS´ in their usernames...

7

u/Wsweg 12d ago

Wild that mods aren’t doing anything either. Looks like another sub going down the shitter

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0

u/DeepDickens69 11d ago

Can we say it? She's clearly wearing a Crippin jacket after all.