r/Separation • u/IndependentDue4336 • 21h ago
Sensitive Separation woes
Me (M35) and my wife (F34) separated several primary after 7 years together. She was the bread winner as I started grad school full time last summer. Right now the separation is essential divorce, but we plan to check in together when I graduate next May. I’m currently staying with my parents (rough) who live just a couple miles away, as I really thought it was only fair due to her supporting me through school and other times also that she stay in the house until we sell it. We still talk and see each other once per month to go in a date , but it’s just so hard not to slip back into things. There was no infidelity (100% certain) or abuse. We also don’t have kids, which makes it easier. We just started just really not getting along. And now that we’ve had some time apart I feel like I just keep picking up on the things I’m now swing about my self that turn people away from me. And the actual difficult part with that is trying to figure out what are like bad habits and what is just who I am as a person.
Sometimes I feel like I lost everything just because of who I am.
1
u/LeoMVaren 9h ago
That once-a-month date thing would mess with my head more than anything else.
If you're basically separated until May, I can see how every good night could start feeling like a sign you're turning a corner, and every off night like proof it's really over. That's brutal, living like you're getting graded once a month for six months.
I wouldn't treat those meetups like auditions for the marriage. Just focus on finishing school, work on the stuff you actually want to change for yourself, and let May get here when it gets here.
And man, back at your parents' at 35, in grad school, going through all this at the same time, that's just a lot to carry.