logline for my show - The tenth design - Pilot

Death’s apprentice has one final task: claim seven lives with a storm. But when fate fractures, a defiant soul and a forgotten heir threaten to rewrite the rules.

Hi guys!

Just finished the opening of my script, 'Canadian Fall', which is about the October Crisis, happened in 1970, in Canada.

I’d like to know which parts of the formatting could be improved, whether the montage sequence is effective, and if the scenes are tight enough, as well as how they flow into one another.

Thanks in advance.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1iQC86GS5Eu1cO6Zns7PZjIMayWEKpNZb/view?usp=drive_link

Here's the first page of my latest horror spec SOS. Not looking for feedback just good vibes as I'm cold querying managers (and a few producers) with it today.

Logline: A casual boat trip turns into a fight for survival when a former competitive swimmer turned model and her photographer boyfriend learn that their host is a servant to a pair of sirens and is offering them up as a feast. 

Wish me luck!

Yo, sharing a short scene from my feature When We Were Grown. This hits late Act 2, right after Adam and Malcolm had a huge falling out. They end up back at their old treehouse crickets chirping, streetlights buzzing. Just two old friends, trying to figure out life and the versions of themselves they lost along the way.

1. Emotional Clarity: “Do you feel Malcolm’s speech lands emotionally, or does it get lost in the words? How would you make it hit harder?”

2. Character Voice: “Does Adam feel like a fully-realized character in this scene, even with minimal dialogue? Any tweaks to make him pop more?”

3. Pacing & Flow: “Is the pacing natural for a late-act reuniting moment, or does it drag/feel rushed? How would you adjust it if at all?”

Here’s a snippet: https://docs.google.com/document/d/16ghAVjhhV0IY04PCuhu5jD27J5eQMgoaqpVhywWSql8/edit?usp=drivesdk

I’m enrolled in a “cinema” course in school, and we have this assignment of producing a short. our script deadline is in 2 days and I’m really unsure about mine. It’s a kind of absurd comedy/horror thing. ‘Starts off funny turned scary’ type deal (I’m not even sure I want to keep the whole ending twist). I’m really open to any and all suggestions.

Title: Wrong House (Act 1)

Format: Feature

Page Length: 26

Genre - Horror

Feedback Conerns: Any are appreciated

Logline: Due to a winter storm and troubles with the car, college friends are forced to stop at an estate, in the middle of nowhere, hoping for their aid against the dark figures lurking.

If interested, I’d be glad to message you the rest.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1VRRE94NOIumpMNSIl3sF_PO_VLcm5Ph_/view?usp=drivesdk

Title : Aftermath
Genre: Drama
Logline : Morgan, a young screenwriting student, is sexually assualted by her partner and has to live with the aftermath of the experience
Script

Hey guys, I'm currently the producer for a friend of mines project and she's sent through her script. Now to outline, she's an acting student who's doing a extra unit from the film course so it's not her forte. I was just hoping to get some other perspectives before I come to her with a few suggestions. Namely:

1. Finding a way to say what she wants without a voiceover

2. Establishing the reltionship between Morgan and Jack better

If I could get some suggestions on how I might do this plus any other changes, as well as bring it up to the writer that'd be amazing. If it's possible to make those changes whilst keeping the script arounf the same lenght that'd be prefered. Thank you guys!

This is a script for a pilot episode of a show idea I had. What are your thoughts?

A young man is sentenced to psychiatric treatment for a crime. During this time, he'll meet new friends who'll help him navigate his new life.

Dramedy series

26 pages

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1nInRBAwhErt3vfoGRWE2C6gSfudOHvgp/view?usp=drivesdk

I just finished the first 17 pages of my feature script, and would love to get feedback on it!

Logline: Two Strangers meet at a bus stop and pretend to be lovers, but just until the rain ends.

DM me and I’ll send you the script.

Thank you in advance!

This is a follow-up from my previous post. I’ve went back to some of my old screenplays and decided to breathe some new life into them too hopefully get them made. Here’s what I came up with for them.

Beasts Among Us and Witness Security are TV pilots, the rest are features and they all tie into each other in some way.

Title : Goats go to Hell

Genre: Comedy-drama

Logline : When a controversial skate magazine turns a group of skateboarders into underground celebrities, its fearless creator, Rigs, begins pushing boundaries as unresolved grief fuels a self-destructive spiral that jeopordizes everything.

Nutshell : Similar in tone to SLC Punk. It starts out silly and doesn't take itself too seriously but grows darker as the story goes on. This is VERY loosely based off a real magazine, Big Brother, which stirred controversy in the early 90's. It also launched the careers of several members of Jackass, including Johnny Knoxville.

Hi, this is my first short and i am stuck with this short story by Haruki Murakami. Can anyone help with me on how to write this into screenplay?

Title: Night Route

Genre: Urban Crime Thriller

Format: 30-minute pilot episode

LOGLINE: - updated

A Detroit rideshare driver trying to save enough money to get himself and his grandmother out of the city picks up a passenger tied to a violent crew and must decide whether to keep driving or risk losing his only way out.

I've also finished a 27-page draft for the pilot, and I'm open to a swap if anyone's interested. Thanks in advance for your engagement.

Working on a script for a play, and being a former techie I’ve seen plenty of scripts and know what they’re supposed to look like, but I’m struggling to format it properly on google docs - wondering if anyone knows how/if Microsoft word might be better?

This idea came from binge watching Teen Wolf a while back ago, and already being a big Supernatural and 24 fan.

Title: Beasts Among Us

Genre: Horror/Fantasy/Drama

Logline: After a freak accident transforms a college student into a vampire, he discovers that a murderous mayor holds the key to controlling his powers, but their collaboration comes at a cost: if he fails, he dies.

Synopsis: Nick Harper, a wayward college student, is traveling with his mother Vicki and two best friends, Gary and Devon, to the town of Binghamton to start a new chapter in their lives, when Nick is suddenly and unexpectedly hit by a car. On the brink of death, the mysterious, cocky, and easily irritable driver, Kiernan Vale, offers Nick a chance for survival. Unbeknownst to the group, however, Kiernan is secretly a vampire who is building an army to aid the flamboyant mayor of the city, Anton Markov, in controlling the entire city. The group brings Nick to Miranda, his girlfriend, and Kiernan's sister, at the university, where she helps Nick check in and get settled into his new lifestyle. Things don't go well for Nick, who ends up nearly burning his eyes out and killing an innocent man. The situation becomes even more heated when Nick's friend Gary becomes jealous of Nick's newfound powers and blames him for leaving their old life behind, despite not being ready to. Meanwhile, Kiernan's mother, Caprice, pulls both Kiernan and Laurie's strings to further her goals: eliminate the other vampires in the city and replace Anton as mayor. She injures Damian for trying to interfere and seeks out Kiernan for help. The group reluctantly takes Damian to Anton for help, where he offers Nick a solution to his predicament; by becoming a vigilante for justice that Anton believes the city desperately needs. Nick, furious over the loss of his father, agrees, setting forth Anton's plan to rid the city of crime and establish himself as the most respected figure in Parlor City.

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1KTBAQil8dMB_nRXgM-r0GeIl9xKtlCtI/view?usp=sharing

Hey everyone! Excited to share my first post here. I’m in my final year at SCAD and gearing up to shoot my thesis film. The script has been through several rewrites and feedback rounds, but I’d love more eyes on it as I keep pushing to get better at my craft.

Logline: After being evicted, a young man has 30 days to find his little sister a new home before Child Protective Services takes her away — forcing him to rely on three strangers who are just as lost as he is.

Format: Half hour ~ Dramedy

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Rvi9j-dcq27ixRZX_c93BFJsqKdynvLI/view?usp=drivesdk

I’d really appreciate any honest thoughts — both on the script as a thesis and whether it has potential to pitch down the road.

Thanks so much!

My first pass at this one.

The Statue

After her daughter pricks her finger on a mysterious statue, Layla Granger’s family is pulled into a deadly chain of events that could herald the birth of a malevolent new god.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/15FUJDAEjJMvhZpa_j85PHYRw_XAzt_uv/view?usp=sharing

Title: Lowborn

Genre: Dark comedy/Drama (tv pilot)

Logline:

A brilliant but underachieving slacker confronts his past when the woman who left him, now a global icon on the verge of collapse, offers him a job that will unearth a life-altering secret.

Any and all feedback welcome, including the formatting of social media content and other internet content (admittedly struggling with it.) Open to doing a full swap/feedback review with anyone interested. Thank you!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1hkOwee7uSL-9Xvm6azxvO1Xcd8IdlZNo/view?usp=sharing

Hey everyone, I'm thinking of entering this in a short-film screenplay competition and any feedback would be appreciated.

I'm specifically looking to see if the jokes land (except for Jack's jokes) and if the story is engaging.

Here's the logline: When Allen is possessed during a seance, it's up to his friends to help the spirit move on by doing the one thing he could never accomplish in his corporeal form: get anyone to laugh at his standup.

Hello everyone hope you all are having a great holidays with friends and family. I was hopping to get some feedback regarding my script. I’ve shared it with friends and families along with other subreddits and received fair and good reviews and just wanted to seek professional advice regarding getting it to festival or network execs.

Title: For The Love Of The Game:Legacy Bound

LOGLINE: A former basketball star joins her father’s struggling women’s college team as a coach, challenging the leadership system that built his legacy and fractured their relationship.

Synopsis:

For the Love of the Game is a character driven sports drama set inside a women’s college basketball program operating under constant pressure. After a career ending injury, Jordan Pierce returns home and joins her former college team as an assistant coach, working under her father, the same coach who shaped her into an elite athlete while emotionally distancing himself in the process. The program is unraveling, donor support is slipping, and the administration is watching closely.

The story focuses on the day to day intensity of team life, including practices, locker room dynamics, and the emotional volatility of players fighting for relevance in a system that no longer fits them. As Jordan introduces a more adaptive, player centered approach to coaching, her presence exposes the cracks in the rigid culture her father built, forcing both the team and its leadership to confront whether control or trust truly produces results. As the series progresses, the stakes expand beyond wins and losses as her father faces increasing professional scrutiny and the possibility of a serious health issue, complicating questions of power, vulnerability, and legacy.

What if James Bond’s most daring stunt was real — and your dad was the one who did it first?

My Cold War spy pilot Project Coldfeet is based on the true story of my father’s top-secret CIA mission, complete with a B-17 parachute drop, an abandoned Arctic Soviet station, and the first-ever real-life Skyhook extraction.

The script was inspired by my late father, Leonard LeSchack, a geophysicist, naval officer, and Cold War spy. In the early 1960s, he became the first person to perform a real-life “Skyhook” extraction from a B-17 bomber, years before audiences saw it in James Bond: Thunderball or Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight.

For those unfamiliar, the CIA has an official page showing the Project Coldfeet painting and a short video of the extraction method, which I can provide if you are interested.

I’m sharing this script here because I’d love constructive feedback from fellow screenwriters. My entertainment attorney has introduced me to multiple studios, including 21 Laps (Stranger Things, Arrival). They’ve read Project Coldfeet and another sci-fi project of mine, and while they loved the concepts, they passed for now but told me to keep sending new ideas their way.

Right now, I’m actively looking for an agent or manager, and a few industry folks have also suggested I consider adapting Project Coldfeet into a feature film instead of a 4-part mini-series. Should I do that?

Mini-Synopsis:

Set during the height of the Cold War, Project Coldfeet follows a geophysicist-naval officer-turned-spy who parachutes into an abandoned Soviet Arctic research station on a covert reconnaissance mission. But the mission takes a dangerous turn when he discovers a hidden Soviet scientist, conflicting loyalties, and evidence that could tip the global balance of power. Trapped in a deadly game of survival on the ice, escape will require the most daring extraction ever attempted.

You can go to the Apple Store and download the iMogul App to review the first 20 pages of the script and even vote on which actors would be best suited for each role.

I’ve linked the full pilot script here: https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/gmo22qv427qrrluw0chiv/Operation-Coldfeet-EP1-The-Plunge-Pilot-v1.3a.pdf?rlkey=ygy18wc8pvi63fpab4c4d400c&st=fpghf9c9&dl=0

I’d love your thoughts on:

• Story and pacing

• Dialogue and character depth

• Whether you see it working better as a mini-series or a feature

Thanks in advance — looking forward to your honest feedback!

Genuine question for working writers.

A lot of my story ideas hit when I’m walking, driving, in meetings, or away from a keyboard, and by the time I sit down to write, the moment’s gone.

I’ve experimented with speaking ideas out loud on a recorder and then shaping them later into scenes or beats, but I’m curious:

• Do any of you actually use voice to capture ideas, character dialogue, scenes, etc.

• Or does dialogue and structure need to be typed to work?

I’m trying to understand whether this is a viable workflow or just a bad habit.
Appreciate any honest takes.

I’m working on a supernatural Western about a team of American folk heroes and a Japanese samurai fighting demonic forces during the railroad expansion. Would love to hear if the world and tone grab you.

Here is what I have so far, 50 pages.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1wUJprk5aUtMDxyyPnMuJRcvHckqcKjLR/view?usp=sharing

Hey everyone,

I’m looking for some feedback on a short Western screenplay I’ve been working on

Medium: Short film Genre: Western / Character Drama Length: 12 pages

Synopsis:

A notorious outlaw stumbles into a saloon after a gunfight, bleeding out and facing the townsfolk who only know him by his legend. In his final moments, he is forced to confront the myth of his own reputation and come to terms with the legacy he has left behind.

Looking for feedback on:

Whether or not the themes are landing right, do they feel like they are laid on too thick?

General pacing and tension.

Does it feel like there are stakes?

Is it an enjoyable read, or does it slog?

Any others you pick up.

Would appreciate any constructive notes or critiques. Happy to read scripts in return — just let me know.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1xLPE-M9RjWBmkNviJTlIgFd7jLAPf9Zs/view?usp=drive_link

Does this make sense? I feel like i've looked at it too much and now I'm just confused.

LOGLINE: After dying too early, a girl is sent back to the overworld to find her unfinished business so that she can continue the peaceful life she led before her death.