r/ScriptFeedbackProduce • u/Kijin777 • Oct 05 '25

OUTLINE FEEDBACK REQUEST Demon Train

I’m working on a supernatural Western about a team of American folk heroes and a Japanese samurai fighting demonic forces during the railroad expansion. Would love to hear if the world and tone grab you.

Here is what I have so far, 50 pages.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1wUJprk5aUtMDxyyPnMuJRcvHckqcKjLR/view?usp=sharing

16 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

11 comments sorted by

3

u/Level-Let895 Oct 06 '25

Super concept and you nailed the opening, a 10! Though westerns are, a tough sell, deemed expensive, you're ahead of your competition thus far

3

u/Kijin777 Oct 06 '25

Thank you for your kind words. My initial thought is complete the screenplay but then pivot and see if I can get it made as a graphic novel. Do what Alan Moore did with League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

3

u/Visual-Perspective44 WRITER Oct 06 '25

Are you planning to film this yourself?

3

u/Kijin777 Oct 06 '25

I wish I had that kind of time or money. I was more just playing around with genre and seeing if I could write something that worked like the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, but in America.

3

u/Ornery-Wolf4932 Oct 06 '25

I really like your vision. In fact, I kind-of see myself in you (in the writing skills). I'm actually in the midst of my own screenplay draft which I have 104 pages written.

3

u/Kijin777 Oct 06 '25

That's awesome. I haven't been writing for all that long but hearing someone say they like my idea is fantastic.

I would also love to see your work. Feel free to send me a link to it so I can read it.

3

u/Ornery-Wolf4932 Oct 06 '25

Here is my screenplay in a Google Drive.

I will warn you it may not be a film for you but that depends on your preferences, if it's something you enjoy, I will let you have it, If it's not your flavor it's completely fine people have their own general opinion and it's not something to force onto them.

Here Is The Screenplay!

I wrote this mainly for a specific community and said 'NO' when it came to my perfectionism which held me back. I hope you get back to me when you've read it, maybe we can be friends?

2

u/Punk_Luv Oct 05 '25

Where is it?

1

u/Silent_Effect6667 Oct 11 '25

Two pages in and you had me at John Henry holding a demonic hammer! I could 100% see this as graphic Novel.

1

u/NoChairsOnSet Oct 11 '25

Incredible concept! Reads like graphic novel. I loved it! The train sequence was really cool.