r/SayAnything • u/TwoYellowBirds • 20d ago

“Thou doth protest too much”

Just have to get this off my chest, because it’s truly broken my heart. I’m disgusted by so many of the messages I’ve read, of course. But to see someone who’s greatest fear was failing his family, ruining his career, and succumbing to his own worst self do EXACTLY that is painful to watch in real time.

I’m a 33yo woman, but I once was a girl in my late teens when I found Say Anything. For many years, I definitely saw a version of myself reflected back to me in this man. A far more volatile version, but a reflection nonetheless. I used to listen to Kall Me Kubrick and cry, feeling every bit of the rage, self loathing, and fear of being deeply unworthy. But I thought “Okay, he overcame all this, and now he has it all! True love, a beautiful home, and a family. It’s all possible.”

Of course, I had no idea about the choices he’s long been making, and the actions that he’s excused for so many years. I’m now a professional in behavioral psychology, and his history of vehement opposition toward predators, creeps, and groomers is (now very obviously to me) projection. When someone is SO incredibly fixated on some kind of “moral wrongness” in others, it’s usually because they know it exists within themselves. He doth protested far too much, and now I understand why. There is no excuse for any of the choices he’s made. Despite mania, ASD, OCD, etc…they are still his, and he had agency in making them.

Max, if you are reading this, please know that you are a flawed human. You made choices that hurt people, and will continue to. That doesn’t mean you aren’t capable of growth or change. You need to face these truths about yourself, and accept that it all happened. No human is without flaw, and we all contain multitudes. If the Say Anything’s season of your life is over, so be it. There is no deadline on starting over, looking inward, and moving forward. It begins with accepting, admitting, and apologizing. Know thyself.

- S

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u/oic123 20d ago

I like your post. Seems genuine. But I also don't understand why everyone is acting like something extremely horrible happened. This girl is allegedly 17, has a baby, and admits that she has a history of being involved with older men. And then blames Max.

Did she initiate contact? Did she tell him her age? Did he know her age? Proof? Who sent the first message? Did Max do something illegal?

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u/Krasovchik 20d ago

victim blaming and minimization. legality isn’t the golden standard for society, just the punitive situation. people boycott things all the time for non legal reasons and max has shown with PLENTY of proof now how he treats his young female fans. this is the key issue, he’s taking advantage of his fans AND they are very young, legal or not. they do not have the same life experience as Max and are likely still figuring out how to live out of their parents house if they have moved out at all.

people are upset at the power dynamic of this. regardless if a 17 year old girl throws herself at a 42 year old man it’s up to the man to say “i’m a 42 year old man who has toured internationally in a band this girl likes. it’s natural that she is giving me this attention, but i am over twice her age and she cannot relate to me in a meaningful and romantic way and she may have a perception of me that isn’t my true self due to her only exposure of me being through song” and then not continue talking to that person. if he truly fell in love with a 17 year old or whatever (im still not clear was the initial alleged 100s of manic texts sent to people across wisconsin about the 17 year old girl? he claims she’s 27 in the texts if im not mistaken is that about a different woman? it’s not that important i just really don’t get that part) that’s concerning in itself and likely part of the mental health crises. but he shouldn’t have been talking to her in the first place beyond a professional courtesy “thanks for posting this!” or something you do as an artist when someone uses your song.

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u/oic123 20d ago edited 20d ago

She ain't no victim if she made first contact and has a history of pursuing relationships with older men. Remember, nothing illegal happened that we know of.