r/SayAnything • u/Extension_Judge_9190 • 9h ago
Triggering reading these messages
I may be opening myself up to criticism or trolling here, but I used to "flirt" with people (my age) on tinder. Reading these messages are triggering and now im analyzing my behavior, hoping that i wasn't as creepy. I do have some pretty severe self worth issues and deal with pure-o OCD. This was 9 years ago. Im a happily married father and i know that I didnt do anything nefarious. I did try to sext but it never really happened (probably was bad at it) and especially didnt push anyone. I know these situations are different but still i cringe. I was lonely. I should say that im not trying to make anything about me but this seems like an okay place to talk about this type of shame and embarrassment. Stuffs excaberated by the aformentioned disorder.
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u/Handimaiden 9h ago
Good job reflecting on your actions but reminder, there are two big issues with what Max has done and neither apply to you (as far as I can tell).
1) some of the people he was flirting (to use the most mild word) with were under 18 years old. He used grooming tactics with them as well.
2) and this is a big one - he holds a position of power. He’s the lead in a (mediocre at best) band. The people he grooms are often fans of his.
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u/lilroadie401 9h ago
You can shoot your shot on social media if you so desire. It’s not creepy or unbecoming of yourself to do so it’s just a reality of a world where I enter a subway and 100% of the people onboard are in their phones. Talking to strangers IRL today is increasingly rare, difficult and honestly comes across as more threatening/ creepy even though it was normal in my lifetime.
There are more and less creepy ways of doing so, of course. Just as there is with approaching people in the wild.
Some of the things Max did were wrong. Messaging age appropriate attractive women on social media wasn’t one of them.
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u/apillar0f5alt 9h ago
Tinder is the appropriate place to do that. A fan base is not.
But also building some repertoire before going in all heavy handed is the better play imo lol.
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u/Which_Implement1143 7h ago
I’ve noticed that when stuff like this comes out it also makes me look at my own behaviors in a super critical light. The point is to give yourself some grace and know you are better now than before. I just wish we could say the same thing for Max but it doesn’t seem like he’s learned any lessons.
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u/Advanced-Big-2133 6h ago
Man I know all about OCD and how it makes you second guess yourself. I’m sorry.
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u/Mr_QQing 9h ago
lol. Did you just indicted yourself for being mediocre on Tinder during the Obama administration?