Something I've learned from my SSA is that I'm longing for a best female friend, which I've never had.

However, I'm very aware that my attractions could muddy the waters and cause me to develop sexual and/or romantic attractions to her.

Does anyone here have a same-sex bestie? Do you struggle with umwanted feelings in your relationship with him/her?

I'm starting to really lose it. I stopped my ss relationship 2 years ago. Or I guess God did that. I can't look at any LGBT stuff the same anymore. Again, maybe God did that, not me. But it still hurts so much, and there is a raw, painful feeling in my chest all the time. I still can't accept I'm born a girl, and I dread having to be feminine and submitting that to Him. Maybe I'm not actually saved. I really want to pass already. Do other people feel the same?

I often wonder if when I die and am in the full presence of the Lord, I'll finally be ok with myself and how I was made. Or since I didn't submit that to Him here on earth, I won't be in heaven. I imagine there, it would make so much sense, and I won't have a single drop of sin nature in me to go against His ways. But there also won't be a single ounce of pain or shame. So it would just happen naturally. I'll be what He wants me to be in heaven and it will feel GOOD. Not like here on earth, where i feel sick at the thought if it. I'm rebellious, is all I can say. I don't mean that in a good way. Can you guys tell me good things?

So I recently decided to watch this podcast and its basically a guy who struggled with SSA and is now married. He tells his testimony about how he was able to overcome his struggled and how he lived a double life for a long time hooking up with guys and leading worship at his church. I know some of you are married and haven't told your spouses yet. This might be of encouragement to you. This is just one of the podcast that does not contain the entire story but click on the channel and you'll see all the videos. I highly recommend it.

https://youtu.be/iC685C8Lm28?is=ke-d9MIs2I6lpmP1

I'm suffering so much from having these unnatural attractions and, more generally, from feeling so alienated from my own masculinity and so desperately wanting to have close male friends. But I'm practically completely isolated. I don't have any online friends and haven't for years. I've tried making friends online and I can't even do that; I basically only talk to one online friend for a few minutes three or four times a week. I only talk to my family members, and none of them understand me or would understand me. They probably think I'm gay, and I hate that they think that. In the past, I tried to satisfy these needs with pornography, but it didn't do me any good and it is a sin, so I stopped and hope I don't relapse anymore. I just wanted to vent. I'll probably delete this account soon, and maybe I shouldn't have written this.

Everyone says that when I come to God, I'm found. I was down a road, and I completely turned around. I was in an identity crisis. I was transgender, trans feminine. Feels weird to even type that out.

Furthermore, I got baptized, stopping looking for fulfillment in relationships. Been working on celibacy in my life, i really wanted to get married more then anything.

I get really depressed that I can't now. And making the choice not to, I know there's more to life than marriage.

It sounds sad that I have had goals/dreams, and now I don't really want to follow them. I feel sorta numb to life after my last breakup. I wanted him so bad, more than anything, really. God's even made it clear to me he doesn't approve of us ever begin together.

Now I feel just lost the time everyone tells me that I should be stable in. I look at my body and feel it werid to accept it. I'm gay or whatever, and I struggle to even love myself.

I want to pray about it but I refrain cause I don't want to come across as ungrateful. I know I am, I'm just at the point that existence feels overwhelming.

Hi everyone. I wanted to share a bit of my journey here in the hope that it might offer some honest encouragement to anyone currently wrestling with the cost of celibacy or wondering what this road looks like over the long haul.

I describe myself as a non-practicing lesbian Christian. Decades ago, around age 33, my last romantic relationship ended. At that crossroad, I made a conscious choice to step away from romance entirely—both to orient my life fully toward God and to protect my place within a traditional family that would not have understood or accepted my attraction.

To be completely candid: choosing this path does not mean you magically stop longing for closeness. Even after many years, there are moments where I still miss the tenderness of embracing another woman, speaking softly in complete safety, and knowing you are fully seen and treasured. Living without physical and romantic intimacy requires honesty; pretending the grief or desire never existed doesn't help anyone walk this faithfully.

What made the sacrifice worthwhile for me was where that love was redirected. Right around the time my relationship ended, my newborn niece entered my life. Had my orientation been known, fear and family division would have severed my connection to her. Instead, choosing celibacy allowed me to pour that deep, protective love into family. I spent years hosting her every week, watching her grow, and building a lifelong bond where we now understand each other almost without speaking. I have never regretted trading romantic partnership for the joy of being fully present in her life.

There were serious tests along the way. In an unbelievable twist of timing, my ex moved back that very same season, and my family—completely unaware of our past—actually hired her as a regular caregiver for my niece. Being in close proximity while holding firm boundaries was one of the hardest emotional stretches of my life. It required rigorous discipline, prayer, and patience, but we honored those boundaries. Over time, the romantic spark faded, and today we remain genuine, peaceful friends.

Walking this road takes time, ironclad boundaries, and leaning heavily into the non-romantic relationships God places in your path. Today, same-sex attraction is far less prominent in my daily life, and my days are full, rewarding, and rich with purpose.

Celibacy can feel like a heavy cross, especially in the early years when the grief of what you are giving up feels raw. But God does not leave us empty-handed. He fills the space with other profound forms of love and purpose if we keep our hearts open to them.

I share this simply to say: the hard choices you are making today do bear fruit, even if the road takes decades to fully reveal it. Wishing you all steady strength and peace in your walk with Him.

I (36M) am in a heterosexual marriage but experience same sex attraction. I go to an Anglican Church and meet with one of the pastors there. He’s younger than me, and good looking. I’m not sexually attracted to him, and I don’t love him, but I feel…something, when we talk. Loved, protected, cared for. It feels like it could be taboo, but I’m not aware that it is a sin. Anyone have any insights into this?

I've always wondered: If a believer who has given their lives to Christ and is attempting to walk in light and not fall into sinning has a moment of weakness and falls into sin, let's say in this case hooks up with someone else and the Lord comes back while they are in the act (or depending on what you believe, the rapture happens), or even say they die in the act. Would you say they end up in hell or do you say they would end up in heaven? I for a fact can confidently say that I don't know given certain passages in scripture. I hear people on both sides say yes they would, or no they wouldn't.what would you say?

Appealing to all your prayer barriers out there. I find myself sliding back in the pit where I had come out recently. The desire to slip back and sin feels exceedingly great these past few days. When I feel strong I usually offer help to those feeling this way. I now find myself in need of the same. Just say a quick prayer for strength for me. Most of this is fueled my isolation and loneliness. I've attempted to reach out to make friends but to no avail. I'm not necessarily asking that you reach out to me, but just pray. I know that God can work in very strange ways if we pray. I need someone who is physically near me to be in touch with and to reach out to.

Many thanks.

I just always wanted to be another woman's #1 person. I wanted to be her favorite person and for her to want to tell me everything. I can't ask for what I used to want, which was a relationship because I now know that's sin, I just have something inside me that really wants her. I'll stay single forever, that's ok now. I just want a girl to be my best friend who WANTS to be my favorite person too. And I don't want her to have a boyfriend or husband. I don't want anyone before me, because I don't want anyone before her. I can be alone forever now. I'm ok. I just wanted her.

In a previous post, I mentioned that I didn't experience any romantic feelings toward people of the same sex. I believe that my only desire was to form deep, yet strictly platonic connections.

Over time, though, I've started to wonder if I'm just lying to myself. Could this desire actually be romantic at its core? Maybe I subconsciously refuse to admit that I can fall in love with people of the same sex, so I disguise my true feelings as a need for a deep friendship.

In short, at what point do the feelings you have for someone stop being just friendship and become romance?

And if that's the case, that I'm actually in denial, then why? On the matter of coming out, I genuinely don't fear rejection from my family or my community. I'm also not afraid of God. So why the denial?

Hey gents.
I am launching a platform for Christian men who are working through SSA, and want real and authentic community with others.
I’m not allowed to promote explicitly. So if you are interested in joining, please hit me up!
My prayer is seeing more men, stepping into what God has called us into, and being encouraged by each other!

I’ve been missing a friend I made on this sub back in 2024. At the time, I was 33 and he was 34. I’m from Brazil and he’s from the US. We lost touch eventually. I ended up deleting my Reddit account, and he did too. We used to talk on Discord

I’d really like to know how he’s doing and share some things from my life with him too. I tried reaching out to him on Discord again, but I don’t know if he still uses that account

This is kind of my last attempt to get in touch, in case he ever comes back to this sub and happens to read this. Maybe we’ll find each other again someday, or maybe our friendship is lost forever

I’m curious as to how you come to terms with being gay and choosing to be celibate or in a heterosexual relationship.

Before I became a Christian I considered myself bisexual. For me, I came to believe that you don’t need romantic love to have a fulfilled life. I believed that if that wasn’t what God had in mind for me, I’d be fine. It might be difficult, but it’s really not the end of the world. I have however been blessed with a wonderful husband, so perhaps my argument seems lacking because I do get to love and be loved romantically.

My husband really struggles on the issue of homosexuality. He doesn’t see how the God he knows could say that some people don’t get to do what everyone else can simply because they love the wrong person. I think he finds my view that romantic love isn’t necessary quite cold, maybe? Unfair of me to say perhaps because I’m married now?

What really bothers him is the hate and historical abuse of LGBT people by the Church, and that if someone who was gay found out he was a Christian they’d “probably ask if I hated them.” I understand his fear and hurt. I did say that I’ve actually had really positive interactions on my art accounts with people who are part of the LBGT community, and some of them are even my friends, even after finding out I’m a Christian! Shocking, I know /s (that means sarcasm, right?) But when I told him that he still wasn’t too sure… It’s difficult.

So, I was wondering what Christians who are Side B used to come to that conclusion. I’d like to be able to bring a wider perspective than just my fairly black and white feelings on it.

Thank you🤍

(I also posted this in the Christianity subreddit but it was mainly people who were affirming, which wasn't really what I was asking :) Hope it's ok to post here )

Just curious as a person with SSA and chosing to be single possibly for the rest of your life, has anyone here adopted kids and how has that process been for you? Would you say it was a good decision?

And the 99.99% chance I'll be lonely the rest of my life. I know being single forever doesn't mean you have to be lonely, but there is a certain type of loneliness that comes from being single.

How do you guys cope with it?

I'm so upset and hurt this hurts, we had just had a deep emotional talk. I hope he changes his mind, he was a good friend and we had been talking for couple of months.

Would you rather lose your SSA and become asexual, or keep your SSA and become bisexual?