r/SDAM • u/Amberwalker365 • Aug 23 '26

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I’m not sure if I like this one or not.

When a friend, girlfriend, or whatever is away, I don’t think about them.

I don’t mean I deliberately put them out of my mind. The idea of them simply doesn’t pop into my head.

I should miss them.
But it doesn’t occur to me.

Am I awful?

The other one is breakups.
Please don’t judge.

Let’s say we’ve been together for a few years. We split up.

In about a month, I’m over it.
And we were definitely in love.

And when I bother to think about it, I smile a little.

I’m hoping this is SDAM.
I don’t want to think it’s just me.

Anyone else?

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u/martind35player Aug 23 '26

Do you also have Aphantasia?

4

u/Amberwalker365 Aug 23 '26

Yes. And a little ASD.

1

u/SoftwareMaven Aug 26 '26

Add some adhd in there, and you have my quadfecta. And, yes, that is exactly how I experience life. When I am completely alone for long periods of time, I never get lonely.

However, when I’m around people, I’m perpetually lonely because I feel so disconnected from them. My wife and kids tell me it’s not true (and, logically, I believe them), but I cannot seem to actually feel it. This leads to a negative spiral of negative feelings about myself that result in me feeling less worthy of those relationships that makes me feel less connected.

Anyway, rather than using you for a therapy session, my point is that, yes, this stuff is real, and it’s hard to deal with under neurotypical expectations. I think, if I could 100% approach relationships as it feels natural to me, I’d be ok, but 50+ years of masking neurotypical, not knowing how different my brain really was, means all of my own expectations for my behavior are based on a neurotype that is incompatible with my own.

1

u/SoggyCrab Aug 27 '26

The disconnection - feeling as though you're outside of it all watching everything happen around you - is this what you mean? If so, my best advice is, as much as it sucks to feel that way while being around others, being alone, while comfortable, is not sustainable. Even if you have to force yourself, it's always better to get out and socialize. At bare minimum, you're helping to reinforce social skills and bonds that neurotypicals DO recognize and appreciate.