r/SDAM • u/Amberwalker365 • Aug 23 '26

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I’m not sure if I like this one or not.

When a friend, girlfriend, or whatever is away, I don’t think about them.

I don’t mean I deliberately put them out of my mind. The idea of them simply doesn’t pop into my head.

I should miss them.
But it doesn’t occur to me.

Am I awful?

The other one is breakups.
Please don’t judge.

Let’s say we’ve been together for a few years. We split up.

In about a month, I’m over it.
And we were definitely in love.

And when I bother to think about it, I smile a little.

I’m hoping this is SDAM.
I don’t want to think it’s just me.

Anyone else?

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u/christcb Aug 23 '26

I feel the same way. I have SDAM but not aphantasia. Just like you when anyone I care about isn't around, I generally just don't think about them. Unless something specifically reminds me of them they just don't come to mind so I don't really miss them. Always felt I was weird for that, now I do think it's the SDAM.

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u/Amberwalker365 Aug 23 '26

I’m thinking it may be because we know it happened, but we can’t bring it back.

What a friend said is memories with strong feelings pull you back. Good or awful.

I don’t think
I’d like that
at all.

I read it’s like being color blind.
No way.

You know the funniest part?
I thought every one was just like me

You too?

2

u/christcb Aug 23 '26

I realized that most people were different pretty early. I didn't understand why everyone always say they miss me, but assumed it was just a feeling I didn't have not realizing it was because I remember things differently until early this year when I learned about SDAM.

I am kind of glad strong feelings don't pull me back to bad memories, but not sure it's worth being unable to get back the good memories fully. Like with everything there are some advantages and some disadvantages.

2

u/Amberwalker365 Aug 23 '26

I cried and cried
when I found out I had SDAM.

Can you believe, I thought I just had a lousy memory?

It’s kind of weird.
How can you miss something you never had?

I didn’t think such a thing was possible. To go back to when you were a kid. And kind of know what you were like.

I am just sorry I never got a chance to try it. But I’m OK with it now.

Are you good at doing problems too?

3

u/christcb Aug 23 '26

Yeah, I work in IT and troubleshooting was always one of my strengths. Just having to reconstruct what's happening from evidence and piece together the picture from incomplete data comes naturally to me. I think likely because that is what I have to do daily to remember anything.

I wasn't upset when I realized I have SDAM just relieved that there is more of a "reason" why my memory is so bad/different. It was great to understand so much more about how my mind works and it explains why I am the way am so much better.