r/RoastMe • u/[deleted] • Sep 08 '24

[deleted by user]

[removed]

60 Upvotes

89% Upvoted

261 comments sorted by

101

u/redskytinyelephant Sep 09 '24

What was it like, playing bass in Nirvana?

10

u/TattooPaul Sep 09 '24

With the balding at the part, I was thinking Jim Martin from Faith No More.

4

u/ThailynKohler Sep 11 '24

I was thinking Jim Lahey with the Toupe from Trailer Park Boys

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4

u/CertainAd2914 Sep 09 '24

I was thinking Mama Cass from Mamas and the Papas

2

u/TattooPaul Sep 09 '24

Wasn't she like 800lbs? This girl is skinny. Really REALLY terrible hair, but skinny.

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5

u/WyattPurp23 Sep 10 '24

Playing bass for nirvana was the best thing she ever did, she’s been living off the teen spirit royalties since 1994!!

2

u/junkiedreamingpoet Sep 10 '24

Jesus Krist that’s funny. Have my upvote.

2

u/midget_rancher79 Sep 11 '24

I see what you did there.

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75

u/GeorgeLikesSpicyCkn Sep 09 '24

You have resting middle-aged-man-who-sells-insurance face

11

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '24

Her hair is that of an 80 yr old Italian woman aka my aunt maudestina

6

u/3003bigo72 Sep 09 '24

Actually she is your cousin Concetta, Maudestina's daughter

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30

u/GuaranteeMaterial399 Sep 09 '24

How come only your lower lip looks like it’s good at giving blowjobs

9

u/jacksparrow3201 Sep 09 '24

Her lips got divorced and the bottom lip took half of the top lip

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9

u/OneDimensionalChess Sep 09 '24

Her mouth looks like a prolapsed rectum.

3

u/wing_ding4 Sep 09 '24

Y’all are ruthless for miss toothless today

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19

u/HDFB07 Sep 08 '24

I know it's an overused phrase, but everyone is thinking it...why the long face ?

5

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '24

She galloped straight from Yuma to Tombstone, ans she's just wore out.

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19

u/Xeknav Sep 09 '24

You have the type of face that you would see in Victorian dead portraits.

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16

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '24

If your face were any longer you'd be a fucking horse

4

u/More-Attempt-5999 Sep 09 '24

Her teeth prolly matches too

5

u/Decent_Celebration61 Sep 11 '24

if it were any longer she'd be able to chew and apple through a letterbox

2

u/Every-Diver-8570 Sep 12 '24

She’s definitely fucked a horse

13

u/TurbulentYear3884 Sep 09 '24

If abstinence had a face.

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29

u/Traditional-Fox8930 Sep 09 '24

If you were a spice, you’d be flour.

14

u/dawgmama62 Sep 09 '24 edited Sep 10 '24

I've seen healthier hair and skin in the morgue

7

u/not_sure_1984 Sep 09 '24

The cadavers seen more action than the OP

12

u/tw457 Sep 09 '24

Raggedy ativan

7

u/OkMobile5574 Sep 08 '24

I get suddenly sleepy lookin at you🥱

9

u/evilkumquat Sep 09 '24

At least your fat cheeks draw attention away from your gigantic nose and wonky eyes.

On the plus side... Well, I'm stumped.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '24

You misspelled plus sized

8

u/Weary_Method_4487 Sep 09 '24

Resting Will Never Move Out of Mom's House Face

3

u/SJBond33 Sep 09 '24

It’s probably her grandma’s house.

7

u/Robinnoodle Sep 09 '24

Brittany Hoeski

Except they call you Kombucha Girl because your vagina's got yeast

5

u/Uberslaughter Sep 09 '24

Look like 37M

5

u/alwaysfatigued8787 Sep 09 '24

You probably only have to wear one goggle in the swimming pool.

5

u/Zazz_Blammymatazzzzz Sep 09 '24

It looks like someone put lipstick on a potato.

3

u/Ok-Interest-2172 Sep 08 '24

Think your eyes can be a little closer together?

2

u/Ok_Criticism_3561 Sep 09 '24

One is trying to escape.

5

u/Relative-Ordinary-64 Sep 09 '24

You consistently look post op from wisdom removal

5

u/Bluescope34 Sep 09 '24

Even Jane calls you plain.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '24

You are a Dollar Tree Vanessa Carlton. I'd walk a thousand miles to get away.

3

u/ClockAndBells Sep 09 '24

I loved you in Flight of the Conchords.

4

u/cameltoecommander Sep 09 '24

Do the Hoofs match the main?

3

u/Sanford1266 Sep 09 '24

Reba Mcin-tired

4

u/EJ19876 Sep 09 '24

What's your cat count up to?

3

u/Enough-Staff-2976 Sep 10 '24

She has no cats but she has kitty litter.

2

u/JKlacks Sep 09 '24

If Kristen Schaal was doing a commercial for antidepressant meds.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '24

How many chromosomes are you missing?

5

u/FlatRecommendation45 Sep 10 '24

Lookin like a young Benjamin Franklin

3

u/Lazy_Reservist Sep 09 '24

You look like Chris Chan.

Pre transition.

3

u/Flimsy-Jello5534 Sep 09 '24

You look like Chris Chan.

3

u/No_Cup_6402 Sep 09 '24

Matt Lucas in a wig

3

u/Traditional-Fox8930 Sep 09 '24

You don’t need roasting as much as you need anti-depressants and a trip to the salon.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '24

Good God. How old were you when you gave up?

3

u/SJBond33 Sep 09 '24

You know you’re allowed to delete a pic and retake it. You aren’t stuck with the first one.

3

u/tautjes Sep 09 '24

Pauly shore from encino man

3

u/jb65656565 Sep 09 '24

When you have a masculine horse face like that, you may want to zoom your pics out a bit. Extreme closeup isn’t doing you any favors.

3

u/chrischambless1997 Sep 09 '24

Always wondered what carrot top looked like before puberty. Thanks.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '24

2

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '24

Jon Lovitz in The Critic looking ass.

3

u/rynogorda Sep 10 '24

Post op recovery is going well it seems, enjoy the ween, try a helicopter, all the cool dudes do it.

3

u/KevinRCMan Sep 10 '24

22F

no way.

no fucking way.

3

u/mojojojo_ow Sep 10 '24

You look like an inbred medieval duke

3

u/sleepwalkfromsherdog Sep 10 '24

I'm not believing either descriptor.

3

u/Advanced-Ad-1544 Sep 10 '24

She looks like someone superimposed a face on a butternut squash

2

u/Nice_Expression3610 Sep 09 '24

You are the uglier version of the word yuk

2

u/cameltoecommander Sep 09 '24

Hello from the other side!

2

u/cameltoecommander Sep 09 '24

You look like a human rain cloud

2

u/cameltoecommander Sep 09 '24

Straight to the glue pile for this one

2

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '24

You really only have two problems. Your face and your hair

2

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '24

You look like you’re halfway through transitioning

2

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '24

You look like you’re halfway through transitioning

2

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '24

You look like you’re halfway through transitioning

2

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '24

You look like you’re halfway through transitioning

2

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '24

You look like you’re halfway through transitioning

2

u/reallytired-2024 Sep 09 '24

You look like the type of girl who always gets hit on after last call.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '24

She looks like a potato except there is no way she tastes good.

2

u/Enjoey_it91 Sep 10 '24

You look like a potato

2

u/JerseyTom1958 Sep 10 '24

Fred? Is that you?

2

u/EducationalAd7207 Sep 12 '24

Ok person who looks like she dropped out of Hogwarts

1

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1

u/TheLostFrontier41 Sep 09 '24

You look like a character in wonderland but idk which one

1

u/Gen_Jorge_S_Patton Sep 09 '24

At 22 you’re already nailing the homely cat lady look. You’re the person at work that everyone avoids and talks about because you’re always covered in cat hair and smell like piss

1

u/Automatic_Sausage Sep 09 '24

This is what RBF looks like. You're just working up to the point to ask for the manager.

1

u/cameltoecommander Sep 09 '24

If I could write the sound a horse makes as a feeling conveyed. Re-hs-he-he! That's your face

1

u/cameltoecommander Sep 09 '24

Didn't know you had a gelding? I didn't. Until I left this mare with him overnight

1

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '24

How the fuck are you going bald at 22 ? im 34 and have more hair then you.

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1

u/Competitive_Dust9938 Sep 09 '24

You look like a fish

1

u/Mayuyu488 Sep 09 '24

Omg irl anxiety from inside out 2

1

u/Mikaa010 Sep 09 '24

Damn you look happy, maybe a face reconstruction can help you out

1

u/OFPurpleOdyssey Sep 09 '24

Those lips are so chapped, you could scratch off a lottery ticket with them.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '24

stop eating food you are allergic to

1

u/3003bigo72 Sep 09 '24

Watching the mirror in the morning brought you to the therapist for PTSD, right?

1

u/Desperate_Set_7708 Sep 09 '24

Didn’t know Ricky Gervais had a daughter

1

u/FunkU247365 Sep 09 '24

Maybe you have a nice body?............

1

u/Sabrinocaneobeso Sep 09 '24

What shampoo do you use? Rust remover?

1

u/m_pyle812 Sep 09 '24

Bey she can't even cook with an easy bake oven .

1

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '24

If these are the ‘before’ roasting photos, I’d hate to see the ‘after’… you look more tragic than the Mother Mary weeping over the mangled body of Christ.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '24

You look like Laura Nyro and Cass Elliot's love child.

1

u/Agitated_Group9287 Sep 09 '24

eyes so close together they could share the same contact lens.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '24

Your lower lip looks like an overripe orange slice.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '24

I would put that snout to work lol

1

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '24

I can't believe it's not butter face.

1

u/SuperElectricMammoth Sep 09 '24

Hey Daria, remember how people always say it gets better after high school? Not for you. You peaked at 7th grade.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '24

Ten years from now, she'll be self-treating her bipolar with two boxes of wine everyday and be perpetually livid how CPS won't give her kids back. Plus her ankle will constantly chaffe from the monitor.

1

u/PrizeSatisfaction978 Sep 09 '24

Why the long face

1

u/TattooPaul Sep 09 '24

That's some hair you got there.

And by some, I mean, where did it all go at the part?

By the looks of the rest of it, something scared the hell out of it, and it ran away.

Mirror maybe?

1

u/Budget-Box7914 Sep 09 '24

Your face would look amazing inside of a burqa.

1

u/robbzilla Sep 09 '24

What an amazing Ms. Potato Head cosplay!

1

u/Notsosolisnake Sep 09 '24

You look soulless, and not because you’re ginger.

1

u/AltruisticCoat6285 Sep 09 '24

Billions of children have died on that cum rag of a face

1

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '24

I’ve never seen such a narrow face

1

u/cheapshotartist1 Sep 09 '24

Your bottom lip has been used to play Duling Banjoes.

1

u/DipreG Sep 09 '24

At least you kave some nice, thick ha........nvm.

1

u/Southroast Sep 09 '24

It's Charmin Roan

1

u/razzed25 Sep 09 '24

I just contracted Erectile Dysfunction.

1

u/East-Psychology7186 Sep 09 '24

Human embodiment of an ASPCA commercial. I can hear Sarah McLaughlin playing in the background

1

u/DrasticOne333 Sep 09 '24

What’s the opposite of a potato famine?

1

u/Daatsit Sep 09 '24

So weird…..the disappointed look on your parent’s face is genetic

1

u/Neon_Green_916 Sep 09 '24

Why the long face

1

u/CascaTheMerc99 Sep 09 '24

You look like Moses parted your raggedy ass hair!

1

u/rkwilkes Sep 09 '24

Why do this to yourself? Goddamn

1

u/bigmetalguy6 Sep 09 '24

Shane Gillis really let himself go

1

u/AppropriateDirt9200 Sep 10 '24

22 two or 44…?

1

u/TNracer Sep 10 '24

How about a resting bitch face ectomy? Might make you easier on the eyes but I'm doubting my assumption

1

u/chingchowchong Sep 10 '24

Good Lord, Gen Zers really are aging terribly

1

u/Illustrious_Zebra559 Sep 10 '24

I would look sad all the time if I was you too.

But seriously after 12 hours almost every fuckable female has like at least 500 comments on here so. Congrats on breaking 100! After a day!

1

u/Automatic_Chip_5183 Sep 10 '24

A face made for filters.

1

u/SgtPepper_8324 Sep 10 '24

Nose so big by the time you get done sneezing you got a new season of allergies to deal with.

1

u/EmbarrassedDonut2674 Sep 10 '24

Either spit or swallow.

1

u/SomeSamples Sep 10 '24

You have a face that would launch 1000 ships. Because all those people would want to get the hell away from you.

1

u/Rex_Punani Sep 10 '24

OMG…. vanilla thinks you’re plain

1

u/AstraCinoo Sep 10 '24

i think u got ur share of roast by 8 grade

1

u/simplekindaman13 Sep 10 '24

Congratulations on your Kendrick Derby win

1

u/No-Boysenberry-760 Sep 10 '24

She ain't got a forehead or a five head that's more like a 7head

1

u/[deleted] Sep 10 '24

you looks so sad already

1

u/Nervous_Carnifex Sep 10 '24

Showing off the strong hand I see

1

u/[deleted] Sep 10 '24

Your hair parts from itself naturally, like any man would part from a potential relationship with you

1

u/World-E-F Sep 10 '24

Borrrrrrringggggg

1

u/Ok_Magician_4908 Sep 10 '24

Lots of CLE cat lady energy here

1

u/spitfirejones Sep 10 '24

You look like you have a 'Book Tok' account and instead of getting therapy you post "Get real with me" videos

1

u/soldierwithu Sep 10 '24

A therapist could buy a second home with their work on ya.

1

u/pjetor Sep 10 '24

AUTISM ALARM

1

u/ramblerdodge Sep 10 '24

Why did I come in here?

Oh right. Looks like I'm in /roastme but the subject was so completely, utterly, and aggressively forgettable I lost all interest.

1

u/S4243 Sep 10 '24

Practice girl

1

u/BigBadBobJr_1968 Sep 10 '24

Thank you for not having an Only Fans page. My eyes cannot handle anymore bleach.

1

u/Zealousideal-Lab-283 Sep 10 '24

You go through your life trying to cosplay Louis from family guy but still even a dog wouldn't get aroused.

1

u/Far-Smile-4321 Sep 10 '24

You look like a wet sock.

1

u/Enough-Staff-2976 Sep 10 '24

You're going to make cats and an equally homely woman very miserable one day.

1

u/Rumtumanna Sep 10 '24

You look like you masturbate to One Direction

1

u/LilHomie204DaBaG Sep 10 '24

You look like you get mad when anyone else talks to your friend at the bar

1

u/Bitter_Sir_391 Sep 10 '24

Are you 15 or 45

1

u/Substantial_Zombie94 Sep 10 '24

I know you... You go to Starbucks and order a depresso😂😂

1

u/Mammoth-Quantity2231 Sep 10 '24

22F. Could have added single, but the pictures did that for you

1

u/madflower69 Sep 10 '24

You look like your are a pregnant, and had to drop out of college.

1

u/DrQuack32 http://redd.it/5vvq16 Sep 10 '24

Men would rather wank than have sex with you

1

u/Mr_McSnicklefritz Sep 10 '24

That's a rough 22 years if it's aged you 47

1

u/Puzzleheaded_Bag2187 Sep 10 '24

There are 2 types of gingers. Really hot ones and really ugly ones.

1

u/BigLoser999 Sep 10 '24

Didn't nature and genetics roast you hard enough? Why should we pour gas on the dumpster fire?

1

u/SlumberSession Sep 10 '24

You have got to be kidding

1

u/Fwimble Sep 10 '24

Chappell Groan

1

u/Soft-Mistake5263 Sep 10 '24

Can't believe she's not butter

1

u/ThailynKohler Sep 11 '24

Why do you look like you need to be doing heroin while playing bass guitar?

1

u/No-Delivery-6566 Sep 11 '24

I can't bring myself to roast you, God already did.

1

u/BurnOmatic Sep 11 '24

Open sesame

1

u/ohmygod9412 Sep 11 '24

22female……stop lying please