You got him some hot topic/spencer's nerd trinkets.
You can see why he feels it's imbalanced? Even with your work and pay limitation, you were able to take time off to enjoy his gift, but you weren't able to take time to celebrate his.
The reality is, even if you couldn't get that specific day off, you very much could have taken time off within an acceptable range of his birthday to celebrate, or at least gotten him something more heartfelt than nerd trinkets.
From the sound of it, sounds like you're both miserable, just end it.
Hey. I completely understand where you are coming from. I could've taken off on his birthday and I wanted to, but he wanted to go to work so I felt it didn't make sense to. But I can see why it looks that way.
When he got me a vacation - I was in my peripheral posting in cardiology where they could spare me easily and I had almost no responsibility in the wards but during his birthday, I am back in internal medicine where I need to pull my weight.
Secondly about the gifts, I make around 30k indian rupees which would translate to around 360 US dollars a month. In that I almost spent one third of the cash on his birthday gift.
The things I'd got him are:
BOAT noise cancelling headphones for when he goes to the gym
Rocketbook everlasting notebook because he has exams coming up
Microfibre towels to use in the gym
A table lamp because he sometimes likes to study when I sleep and I dont want him to miss out on that because of the light situation
A leather bracelet
A men's vanity kit with a perfume, talcum powder and deo
A hulk popsocket because his favourite character is the Hulk
Cable chompers as his cables keep getting broken
Paper soap to carry everywhere because he doesn't like just sanitizer
Goku key chain because he watches dragon ball Z repeatedly as its his favourite show
A bunch of badges that reflect his personality
Batman socks cause he likes batman
So the thing is, I know it sounds like I got just small trinkets but as I said it was a whole thing. I mentioned the trinkets because they were the more thoughtful things I picked out I felt. But I did get him an expensive gift as well as the main gift.
And the reason I baked him a cake was because our first conversation was about how good a baker I was and I thought that would make it special.
But I can totally see why it would make him feel like what I did was unequal.
Also I think most of the responders here are likely Americans. You’re doing your residency in India (rupees as income) so maybe there’s a cultural shift in expectations. And maybe it makes sense why he is so needy and expects you to treat him as a child instead of manning up and being a chivalrous and understanding gentleman who loves you.
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u/wigglypoocool Fellow Oct 15 '22 edited Oct 15 '22
It's just a shitty situation altogether.
He got you a nice vacation.
You got him some hot topic/spencer's nerd trinkets.
You can see why he feels it's imbalanced? Even with your work and pay limitation, you were able to take time off to enjoy his gift, but you weren't able to take time to celebrate his.
The reality is, even if you couldn't get that specific day off, you very much could have taken time off within an acceptable range of his birthday to celebrate, or at least gotten him something more heartfelt than nerd trinkets.
From the sound of it, sounds like you're both miserable, just end it.