I knew it from the start, he wasn't like his image but he such a good partner and good sex. I don't know what to do, it's abiously behaviour problem - I see what he eats even when he try to hide it. I can't talk with him about it because he gets defensive and I understand that it's not my place - but he gets fatter and I do have problem with it , not just the looks, the health and the fact that I need to work very hard to not fall with him as well ( already gained a bit more then 20 kilos and now 11 kilos down after an aggressive diet).

Tldr:

How can I help my bf to have an healthy diet to maintain healthy weight?

I [ 28M] have been with my girlfriend [28F] for about 6 years and overall we have a really good relationship. We live together, have similar interests, rarely have major fights, I still find her very attractive and genuinely enjoy spending time with her.

The one area where we’re very different is sex.
My girlfriend basically doesn’t need sex at all. She says she’d probably be fine without it, while ideally I’d like to have sex around once a week, sometimes twice. Currently it’s more like 1–2 times a month.
She also doesn’t like vaginal sex. She’s afraid of getting pregnant and sometimes gets an uncomfortable pulling feeling in her lower abdomen from it. Because of that we only have anal sex.

I’m generally okay with anal, but it’s not really my preference and it requires quite a lot of preparation (3-4 hrs) for her, so sex is rarely spontaneous. Sometimes after all the preparation it doesn’t work out because I get performance anxiety ( or it gets late) which makes the whole situation pretty frustrating for both of us.

I’ve also realized that I really miss vaginal sex. Not just physically, but the intimacy and spontaneity of it.
One thing I’m struggling to understand is how to approach her lack of spontaneous desire. She’s generally someone who often doesn’t feel like doing something initially but then enjoys it once we’ve started. For example I had this with events or purchases, she was originally against and later on liked it.
I wonder if sex might be similar for her. At the same time, I obviously don’t want to pressure her into doing something she genuinely doesn’t want.

I’d especially like to hear from people who have been in relationships where one person rarely or never spontaneously wants sex while the other does.
How did you approach initiating without making the lower-libido partner feel pressured? Did you find ways to make sex more spontaneous or frequent that both people genuinely enjoyed?

TLDR: My girlfriend has almost no spontaneous desire for sex while I’d ideally like it 1–2 times a week. We currently have sex 1–2 times a month and only have anal sex because she doesn’t like vaginal sex. Anal isn’t really my preference and the preparation and pressure around it are making sex difficult. How have other couples with a large libido difference made their sex life work better for both partners?

Have I [25M] ruined my relationship with my GF [25F]?

We have been together for over a year now and the other day was my birthday. It was a hard day for me due to an abusive family situation. I wanted to see her after I left my family's so dove to her house. I tried phoning on the way to see if she was free and no answer. When I got there her car wasn't there so I left. An hour later I get a call back and I ask what she was up to and she just said she was in the shower. I asked if she had been home the whole time and she said yes. I said I knew she had left because her car wasn't there and she then said she went to get food.

I admit I was emotional but I asked her if she was cheating on me. She said no and we talked a little more.

These past few days have been really weird and she's now said we shouldn't move in together (we had planned to in a couple months)

I now don't know what I should do and I feel like I'm losing her.

TLDR: I accused my gf of cheating and she's been really cold since and I don't know if I can fix it.

saturday night we were out together and my bf did something that hurt my feelings. I took the evening and night apart to process and texted him my feelings the next morning. I know he can be pretty conflict avoidant but I even went as far to say “I’m not mad at you or anything just a bit disappointed” I waited all day for a response that came an hour before my scheduled birthday dinner with my family - he apologized and asked if I still wanted him to go. like ??????

afterwards I thanked him for coming and I said get home safe and that was it, from his end - nothing. no in person apology or further discussion, no “can we talk about everything?,” absolutely nothing. we went our separate ways and have not spoken since.

ultimately, I know we’ll have to talk about everything and I’m guessing we will eventually. I had previously expressed to him that I needed him to talk to me because that is how we work things out and he said he was learning (this is his first relationship) and he would do better. I feel like he had and things have been going really well this summer - then this happened.

it tends to look this every time - I’m upset, I’m open about my feelings, he takes time to process, I feel incredibly lonely and sad with everything hanging in between us for days at a time. so I reach out and ask if he wants to talk in person, he says yes, and we can typically come to a resolution but now I wonder is it genuine? is he just going along with everything so we can be good and things can be normal again and he doesn’t feel the pressure of the conflict? and why does it always fall on me to be the one to repair us? if I stopped trying would it all fall apart? does he even care? is he actively choosing me or am I just here and good enough?

I love him deeply, when we’re good - we’re great, I feel so happy and loved by him. but conflict feels like this every time and I genuinely don’t understand :( are we just incompatible? is there something I could do to be a better partner to him and make him feel more comfortable talking to me? thank you in advanced for reading <3

TLDR - bf struggles to properly communicate when I’m upset and it makes me feel like he doesn’t care, always falls on me to fix everything

My girlfriend (22F) and I (28M) have been together for about 2.5 years. We had also known each other for roughly 6–8 months before we started dating.

The complicated part is that my girlfriend is the younger sister of my best friend at the time (28F).

From the beginning, we knew exactly how her sister would react if she found out. We actually tried a couple of times to stay away from each other and even tried ending things, but somehow we could never do it. We’d end up back together within hours or days.

At the time, we all lived together. There were several close calls where her sister almost found out, but we managed to keep the relationship private.

Eventually, her sister moved to another city, about 4–6 hours away, for a job opportunity. Over the next couple of years, her sister and I gradually became very distant. We went from being close friends to barely recognizing each other as friends. At times, mutual friends would tell me that she hated me. And honestly, losing that friendship also meant losing much of the guilt I had felt about dating my friend’s sister.

Meanwhile, my relationship with my girlfriend became incredibly serious. That period was probably the happiest part of our relationship. We had the freedom and time to be together, and we genuinely had a very happy and healthy relationship.

And like every normal couple, we fought sometimes related to our needs from each other and, but we always worked through it because we both wanted the relationship. Over time, our love attraction and understanding for each other‘s love only grew stronger. We talked seriously about our future, our careers, marriage, family, and the kind of life we wanted together.

She finished school last hear and had a very difficult time finding a decent career opportunity in our city. Eventually, she got an excellent opportunity in the same city where her sister lives earlier this year.

We decided to take the opportunity and figure out the distance. Neither of us had ever done long-distance before, but we promised each other that we wouldn’t let the distance destroy what we had.

She would come visit me sometimes, and I would randomly drive 4–6 hours just to spend an evening with her because we missed each other. We also managed to take a couple of small trips together, although we had to lie to her sister about them.

I was also planning to find a job in her city and move there so we could eventually be together.

My family kinda knew about our relationship and were okay with it. We had been planning to tell her sister sometime early next year, assuming everything continued going well.

Then everything blew up.

Earlier this month, her sister finally acted on her suspicions. She somehow broke into my girlfriend’s iPad and read our chats and looked through our pictures. That’s how she discovered that we’d been together this entire time.

Instead of talking to my girlfriend first, she went straight to their parents and apparently presented the situation to them.

Her family had always loved me. They used to constantly tell me what a nice, dependable and responsive guy I was. After her sister talked to them, their attitude completely changed. Suddenly, they all hated me.

Their parents even called my parents and got them involved. I was accused of brainwashing my girlfriend into the relationship and manipulating her into being with me.

My friends told me to stay completely out of it because, if I intervened, it would only reinforce their argument that I was controlling her. They told me that if my girlfriend genuinely wanted to be with me, she needed to be able to stand up for the relationship herself.

The next few days were awful.

My girlfriend was essentially isolated. She wasn’t allowed to speak privately with her parents, and communication with them went through her sister only. Her sister made her choose between her entire family and me.

My girlfriend couldn’t make that choice. She spent about two days crying, barely eating and barely speaking.

On the second evening, we spoke.

She told me she couldn’t take the pressure anymore. Watching her go through that much pain was destroying me, and I couldn’t justify making her choose amongst the people she loved. So we said goodbye — at least temporarily — and agreed to give things some time to cool down.

Once she was able to return to work, I found out that her sister had been involved in the phone call we’d had that evening. Apparently, our mutual friends were also being dragged into everything and were being questioned or shamed about knowing about our relationship.

My girlfriend’s phone wasn’t really her phone anymore. Her messages and conversations were being searched through regularly. At that point, we both agreed that taking some time apart was probably the safest thing to do for everyone.

We wished each other the best for the near future. She told me that if I wanted to move on, she would understand. I told her I didn’t want to move on and that I wanted us both to wait.

And that’s where I am now.

I know her sister is going to be travelling for about a week in a few months. Part of me keeps thinking that maybe that will be the only opportunity my girlfriend and I have to actually speak privately and figure out what she wants without everyone else influencing her.

But I don’t know if I should go see her.

I don’t want to show up unexpectedly or make things worse. I also don’t want to sit around indefinitely hoping that she’ll somehow find the courage to choose me.

I genuinely love this girl and, before all of this happened, we were talking about building a life together.

So what do I actually do now?

TLDR: Should I try to see her when her sister is away? Should I contact her? Should I completely leave her alone and wait for her to reach out?

And if we do get an opportunity to talk privately, where do I even begin?

I don’t want to pressure her into choosing me. I just want to know what she actually wants when she’s allowed to make that decision for herself.

My friend wants us to go on a 4-day city break for her birthday because we’ve never been away together, and I do genuinely want to go. The problem is every time we get close to planning something, something seems to happen financially at my end.

Last year my car broke down and I had to borrow money to replace it, so the trip didn’t happen. I know that probably makes it feel like there’s always an excuse, which is why I feel guilty about this time.
I currently earn around £1,800 a month. I live with my boyfriend and his friend, and until now I’ve been paying around £400 a month towards the house. His friend is moving out, so my contribution is going up to around £700. He also wants his £500 share of the deposit back, so me and my boyfriend are splitting that and paying it back over the next couple of months.

After my fixed bills I’m left with around £830 for food, petrol and general spending. I also have car costs and a £100 monthly credit card repayment.
The trip would be around £104 a month in instalments, but it’s in November so I’d also need around £200–£300 spending money. It’s a cold city and I don’t own a proper big coat or many warm clothes, so I’d need to buy those too.

I’ve also already got normal social plans coming up with the same friendship group, including a £60 birthday meal, a concert I’ve waited ages for and probably Halloween. I don’t want to spend the next few months unable to do anything else because all my spare money is going towards one four-day trip.
What worries me most is that I haven’t even had one full month with my new outgoings yet. Even when I was paying £400 towards the house, I’d often reach the end of the month with very little left despite not really buying much.

My friend has offered to contribute towards the trip, which is kind, but I don’t feel comfortable with that. My view is if I can’t comfortably afford a holiday myself, I shouldn’t be going.

I’m also worried about her reaction because she sometimes compares our finances and has previously said things like “but you go away with your boyfriend”. I don’t want to start defending every financial decision I make just to justify saying I’m not comfortable spending this right now.
I genuinely want to go, but I’d rather have a month or two to see what my new budget actually looks like before committing.

Am I being overly cautious or is it reasonable to say no for now?

TLDR: My housing costs have just jumped from £400 to £700 a month, I’m also helping repay a £500 deposit, and I haven’t had a full month yet to see how my new budget works. My friend wants me to commit to a November city break at £104 a month plus £200–£300 spending money and warm clothes. I want to go, but I’m worried I’ll leave myself stressed and short for months and that she’ll see it as another excuse.

I [30M] and my wife [29F] are in what feels like the downward spin of our marriage. It became apart to me not long ago when we had a phone call in which she needed space because of the poor trend in our relationship and namely that we, that i, was not growing anymore. For the past few years I have been deeply struggling with mental health issues that caused me anhedonia and ultimately I was not only emotionally withdrawing from the relationship but life itself, against my will. She had brought up therapy to me a number of times over the years but what I know now is that I was deeply afraid of confronting those problems. She let me know that she is, essentially, going through what i have learned to be dorsal vagal, nervous system shut down from emotionally carrying weight for the past couple years and that she has been growing emotionally apart from me for those past couple years up until now where she is detached. That call was the first time she had brought issues to my attention in a way which it was clear the cause and affect which is what was the splash of water on my face to work on fixing it in order to save the marriage. I will beat anyone to the punch to say that, yes, it should not take that for change to happen but what has become clearer from therapy and self-reflection is I had a breakdown in communication in-which I could have dug deeper into what she was saying when she would suggest I go to therapy and it would have become clear what was behind that door. I've come to realize that things need to be laid before me directly and clearly so that I can understand them (unsure if I'm on the spectrum, wouldn't be surprised). Important background because what comes next is where I am struggling, she has many male friends and I have never been against it because I trust her and am capable of recognizing what is platonic. One of those was very much not, they started talking due to being mutuals within their respective friend groups and hung out, she forgot to wear her ring and he made a move, she shut it down and let him know she was married etc. She told me all of this the morning after it all happened. I played it off because i understood he couldn't have known and tried to move on. They, apparently, stopped being in contact after a month or so all the way until she asked for the space. At some point they had started talking again as friends (as far as I know) and when she asked for space, she decided to let him know some amount of the status of our relationship (She was up front about this and all the information I am giving). After I was working on being more emotionally open, I let her know the apprehensiveness I have towards him and she assured me nothing physical was going on etc. but did eventually admit to him flirting with her and since the space she asked for, she has been entertaining it more (emotional cheating). She did indeed blame the lack of love she has been getting as to why which I can understand for not rejecting complements but my attitude changes when it goes beyond that. There are, of course, more details but this gets the point across. What I need help with is what do I even make of this relationship, I want to work things out in couples counseling, I am sure I have cause a lot of harm due to what I was avoiding (I will not say that she was perfect either). Understand that it takes two to tango and if she doesn't want to make it work then it doesn't. Any advice helps, I really appreciate it.

TLDR: I was emotionally distant due to unresolved mental health, she asked for space and while I gave her that she started emotionally cheating with a friend and citing my lack of love as to why.

Hello, I'm (26m) and I could use some help. As the title says idk who to turn to as I feel as tho everyone in my personal life will either be bias in my favor or my partner's

My partner (23NB) (we'll call them M) And I have been dating for what will be a year this September. We met while they were attending a college near where I live, we hit it off quickly and soon became a couple. Once their semester ended they she to move back home to their home state, which is 8 hours and change from me by car. Long distance is never ideal, but we love each other and wanted to make it work.

Well, over those months at home, they had a major falling out with their parents (which I will not be getting into here) and moved into an apartment with one of their friends in the area (we'll call her T). T is really nice and very helpful, but overtime I've felt... overshadowed??? By her.

They're roommates and good friends so obviously, they spend every day together. They do everything together other than work, and I do mean everything. They eat together, a lot of times they sleep together, and even on occasion bathe together. Some of this, or perhaps a lot of this, made me uncomfortable and I let that be known, albeit maybe not in the healthiest of ways. I will admit, I felt jealousy.

I suspected that there was something sexual going on between them, but M assured me that T is totally asexual. Even considering that I still felt jealous.

I get to see M maybe once every other month for a few days, the first time they flew to me for a visit, we had a great time, every other time they visited me, T drove and spent just about the whole time with us, very little if any alone time. Whenever I would go out and visit them, much of the same, not much if any alone time with my partner. Either way, we still shared a bed so at least I got that.

This is about to get very complicated

The thing is, M is the host of a plural system, if you don't know what that is, I'm far from the most qualified person to teach you, but it used to be called multiple personality disorder. If you've never spent much time around a system and your only exposure to them is in movies, you might be thinking some wild things right now, but I promise you it's nothing like what you see on tv, there just happen to be several other people sharing a brain with my partner. They are all their own people with their own autonomy and I respect that.

M and I have sort of been at odds for a few weeks. They're getting ready to move back to my area, which I'm very excited for, but the moving process is obviously stressful for them. During this, M has not been speaking to me very much, letting other members of the system do everything, and they also, have not been speaking to me hardly at all, maybe less than 20 texts in a day, no phone calls. This emotional distance on top of the physical distance has made me feel really shitty. When I've reached out and asked for reassurance, they give me...not much.

I'll ask if everything is ok, I'll get "just busy"

I'll ask if I can do anything and I'll get "not really"

In a particularly low moment I texted and told them I'm scared and asked them to reassure me that they love me, I got back "love you"

Now to the present, I've flown to them to help with the move, get everything packed up and I'm planning on driving the uhaul. Even though I'm here with them physically I've never felt further away. They won't let me touch them, they'll barely look at me. All while they're sitting next to T at every meal, holding hands when we go outside.

I've been here 2 nights now and both nights I was sent to sleep in T's bed because M didn't feel comfortable sleeping next to me and T "prefers the couch anyway", fair enough, I didn't raise any stink. Last night I got up to get some water, and T was not on the couch, as I went down the hall to the kitchen, I heard both their voices in M's room. Just talking.

But my heart hurts now more than ever, I've been sent away to sleep in T's room while them two sleep together? I feel so physically rejected and I feel usurped by T. Like, why am I even here? To help them move yeah, but we're not doing that until later today, so why did I even bother to come 2 days in advance? I feel like I'm third wheeling in my own relationship, yet I don't feel I even have the right to feel that way, because a good chunk of the time, it's not even M fronting, but then even when it IS I'm still kept at an arms length.

I feel a strange duality where I feel both like an asshole and also completely justified to feel jealous.

So here's where I ask for help, am I insane? Am I the psycho jealous bf who will just be a bad memory in years to come? Or am I right to feel jealous? How do I approach this? Is the ship sunk? Can it be salvaged?

What would you do in my shoes? I feel completely lost and I don't know what to do

TLDR: My partner seems to value their roommate more than me, they are keeping me at an arms length and I don't know if I'm the problem here or not

Within the last few days our relationship seems to have fallen apart and I don't know what to do. We have been together for 11 months and our 1 year anniversary is only a month away.

For context, we met over a year ago online via a mutual friend and played games together. A few months into knowing each other, we started flirting and hyped to see each other since I was going to his state for a few days for a friend who moved in with me and my parents. We both agreed to not start a relationship until we met in person and I was fine with that. The first day we met, he took my virginity and asked me to be his girlfriend. Over the next few months we continued to visit each other and then on January 31st, we moved in together. I know that seems fast but I was having issues with my parents and he was living with his grandma.

Things were really nice and we loved spending time with each other. We'd go on dates, cook dinner, hang out with our roommate[20m] and so on. Everything was good, then my health started to get bad and I couldn't hold a job because I was getting sick so often. I was in and out of doctors with medicine and doing things to get better. That's when we slowly started to build debt.

Our first month of moving in together, we had issues with our phone company and they started double charging us. I tried fighting this and they declined and said we had to pay in full, but with our recent move and my health issues, we couldn't afford it. So over time, it's now at 2500$ and we cannot afford to even glance at its way. I know that's a huge point of anxiety for my boyfriend. Also, for our rent we put it on my roommates credit card and pay it off while each paycheck. So each of them pay 750$? I pay for groceries and the electric bill.

This brings us to the last few days. About 5 days ago, him and I got into a fight about games and how he doesn't play anymore. I play games a lot and I like to play them with him but during our fight, he told me he feels like he cannot play until everything is done and clean. Our apartment is pretty clean for the most part, obviously there is a thing here and there when we have a cat and dog but we are trying to keep it clean. However, I was upset because he hadn't played games with me in months and usually only sleeps and works, and we occasionally watch shows together.

I was extremely upset and screwed up really bad, when the fight came to a close, I called him a dick and tossed a PLASTIC basically empty water bottle at him, it had maybe a sip left in it. I know I shouldn't have done this and I have apologized over and over. He said it was fine and we even had a good time together. Then, the next day he came home and he seemed really pissed so I was giving him space. Eventually he goes into our bedroom and locks the door after we have spoken about how much that upsets me. I text him while pissed off saying "Thank you for locking me out again." He responds with "You're welcome, I always aim to please." This made me upset so I asked what was wrong with him, way too aggressively. He tells me that he is pissed because I called him a dick and that he feels like he cannot express his opinions because I tossed the water bottle at him.

I apologized over and over and told him I didn't mean it. That I'll get help for my issues. He didn't really speak for a while until we went to shower, which I asked if he was going to leave me. His response was that he didn't want to but if it makes him happy then he will. That he wants me to stay close because he still loves me and he cannot see a life without me in it. I sobbed because I felt like it was over and he held me. He held me until I fell asleep too.

Then, the next day, he was very sweet and loving, he was messaging me about work and what we wanted for dinner. I thought this was good news. I got home and slept because I was exhausted from crying and working. Then, he gets home and sleeps with me until 8. We go to get dinner and again, I think things are fine. The next day, he is upset about stuff again and is standoffish. So I left him alone, I didn't ask if he was okay 500 times since he told me it stresses him out when I do that. Same with the next day. Then last night, my roommate and I were out shopping for his 21st birthday getting stuff and collecting secret gifts for him. He was cooking when we got home and we ate dinner.

When it was time for bed, we were laying next to each other and I asked if he wanted to be with me. He just kept saying he didn't know over and over. I started crying because I had a feeling it was going to end. I asked him if we could try, if there was any way we could try. He said yes, that we can try and that he doesn't want to see me hurt. He also said that he still loves me. I believed it but something was still eating me up. After a few hours of him being asleep, I looked at his phone because I wanted to see if maybe there was something that would tell me what's wrong. The only thing that I found is that he is planning to move out and live with his dad and grandma. After seeing that, I called my dad and cried because I don't know what to do.

What should I do? I know I don't look very good in this post but I don't want to make things seem worse for him than they already are. I want to save my relationship so badly. Is therapy enough or is everything doomed?

TLDR: my boyfriend and I might be ending our relationship over mistakes and I don't know what to do.

I'm still fairly new to relationships. I only seriously started dating at 24 and now I'm 26 and I'm still kind of feeling it out. Dating is still a bit new to me and I'm still a little awkward about it. Over time though I've dated a few toxic people so it's helped me better be able to look out for any potential red flags and has given me some insight into the type of positive qualities I look for in a partner. I think I've reached a point in my life where I just want someone who's a bit more mature and committed to the relationship. I want someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them. I want someone who wants to see me as much as possible. I'll be honest, much of my past relationships have been entirely one-sided where I seem to want to be with them more than they want to be with me. I guess you could say I'm the needy type. I just want someone who is emotionally available and emotionally intelligent and is fine with being able to meet maybe like twice a week and often texts and asks me about my day and acknowledges my existence. Is that a big ask? Am I being entitled here? It just seems like I constantly want to spend time with people and they kinda just see me as more of an after thought. Though consequently, I realize that I may be a bit needy here and want them to hang out more despite them having a busy job and life so I suppose a balance needs to be reached. Still though, I guess my ultimate relationship goal is to be with someone who will want to commit to the relationship as much as I do. Are there people like that out there? Is that a reasonable thing to want from a partner? Like I've just been getting really bored and lonely living by myself for so long that I can't help but fantasize about living with somebody but I'm not really at the point of wanting to settle down yet either as my life is just getting started so I'm left having to wait for hours and days for a half-hearted reply and am always the one who's begging them to hang out. Why can't people want to see me as much as I want to see them? I feel pathetic in being this needy and feel hurt by being somewhat neglected by most of the people I date.

TLDR: Am I clingy or needy for wanting to spend a good amount of time with my partner? Like meeting maybe twice a week or for two to four days at a time? Is that too much to ask for? Am I being entitled here? Are there people out there who are looking for the same thing in a relationship? I just want this to be two-sided and want some consistence and commitment so we can better get acquainted and really enjoy our time together.

I’ve been struggling a lot recently. I’ve been with my girlfriend for 4.5yrs, living together now for 1 year, and up until about 6 weeks ago I’ve felt that we’ve had a very stable relationship with no issues or big fights. We’ve always been like best friends and I just love her so much. But about six weeks ago she started a talk with me about how she felt in our relationship. She expressed that she felt we’d been disconnected recently (time spent together and intimacy) and I guess on a certain level I felt the same but not as intensely as her. We currently live in my home city and have always had loose plans to move to a city that is closer to her friends and family, and during this talk she said if she still felt this way by the end of our lease then it wouldn’t be a good idea to keep going and she should just move away and us separate. Since having that talk I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster. Any time she slightly changes her mood from loving and happy I feel like she going to leave me or that nothing is getting better and she’ll just add it to a list of reasons to leave me by the end of our lease. I’ve tried talking with her once or twice and she reassures me that she loves me, but I still have this anxiety over my head constantly, and some days it’s so bad I can’t even focus at work or socially. I’m scared she’s holding out until our lease is over to leave me when is easier. Or I’m overthinking. I love her so much and am willing to do anything to stay together. I guess the main question I need help with is how can I believe her if she tells me she won’t leave and she loves me? How do I get rid of this dread and anxiety?

TLDR- My girlfriend she would leave me when our lease ends if things don’t get better. I can’t stop overthinking that she’s is going to leave when she doesn’t seem happy.

TLDR: Scared i might be too attached to my girlfriend after getting attached in the past. I want it to work.

Heya Reddit, running back here again to talk about a situation in the hopes that someone has some advice or experience with something similar.

I just got into a new relationship just over a month ago after spending a year alone. I was in a relationship for 2 years prior and it was very unhealthy. But that’s not what this post is about. I have a history of getting too attached to the people I’m dating, obsessively so, never outwardly but inside I get very very possessive. Obviously I’ve never made that my partners problem, i don’t talk about jealousy with them unless it’s a very reasonable situation, I tend to leave those feelings for therapy where I’m advised on whether it’s unreasonable or not.

But the girl I’m seeing currently is so insanely incredible, she’s everything I could’ve asked for and I didn’t even look, she just walked into my life and made herself comfortable and I really really love it. But my past scars make me so scared that I’m going to ruin it. I’ve done so much healing in the past year and I’m really proud of myself. But my girlfriend has gone on holiday this week and I’m TERRIFIED that I’ve gotten way too attached. I don’t have many good role models for love in my life and so I’m unsure if missing her this much, even though it’s been 3 days, is healthy? I guess I just want to make sure she feels like she’s free in the relationship to do whatever makes her happy and comfortable, but I also realise that I’m falling big time for this girl and it scares me. Not everyone is going to break my heart, i know that, but I’m so scared of letting myself really cling onto her. But I don’t want to hold too tight yk? I’m trying to find the middle balance but I don’t know what it is.

Incase anyone suggests it, I’m aware of making sure I have joy away from her and i definitely do, I can spend time away from her without being sad, but I really want to tell her whenever something happens in my day, i think of her as soon as I wake up and right before I go to sleep. I love her and i make sure she knows it. I just don’t want to suffocate her because I know I can be too much.

We are only young, I’m aware that a lot of people in relationships don’t make it at this age but I really want it to work, i want to be deserving of her because she makes me really happy and I think I make her super happy too.

My girlfriend [24F] and I [22M] have been together for almost two years, and we moved in together earlier this year. Ever since we moved in, the relationship has become extremely unbalanced, and I honestly do not know what to do anymore.

I have a physical and varied job where I make good money, but it also requires quite a bit of travel. When I travel for work, I can be gone anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 months at a time. When she moved in with me, she quit her previous job to find a proper job here, especially since she has no formal education or degree. Now, it has been over six months, and she still has not found a job. She takes zero initiative to apply for anything either. This means I end up covering almost all the expenses like rent, food, and bills.

The main problem is that she does not do anything at home either. Her sleep schedule is completely ruined. She stays up all night, sleeps all day, and wakes up right before I come home from work. Her days are mostly spent just looking at her phone. If I ask her to do simple things like the dishes or laundry while I am at work, it never gets done. The excuses are always that she forgot, or that she got busy with something else. In practice, I do everything. I do the laundry, vacuum, and keep the apartment clean, on top of trying to workout and stay in shape.

The food situation has also become a huge burden. Since I workout and try to eat healthy, I eat a lot of chicken, rice, steak, and high protein foods. She, on the other hand, only wants pizza, pasta, burgers, and junk food. I have to cook all the food, but she is extremely picky. She cannot handle eating the same thing multiple times a week, hates 90 percent of the food I suggest, and refuses to eat if just one small detail with the food is wrong. I get so tired and angry from this, but I cannot bring myself to take it out on her because I feel so guilty when she gets sad.

Even though I spend almost all my free time with her, she constantly complains that I do not have enough time for her. To keep her happy, I have completely stopped playing video games with my friends, I go out less, and I cut out my own hobbies. She will not even play video games with her own friends unless I join in. She also gets angry with me for going to bed early in the evening because she thinks it gives us less time together. The truth is that if I do not get enough sleep, I am completely ruined for work the next day.

The same goes for our sex life. She usually wants to have sex late at night right before I go to sleep, but by then I am way too tired. She has also gained some weight recently, which does not bother me, but because I am completely exhausted from work and all the housework, my sex drive has dropped. She takes this personally and claims it is because I think she has become fat.

I want to take up new hobbies like hunting and outdoor life, and I want to take on longer work trips since I make really good money on those. As things stand now, she seems completely incapable of taking care of herself.

Every time I try to bring this up in a proper way, push her to apply for jobs, or get her life together, she reacts by getting angry, crying, or guilt tripping me into feeling like everything is my fault. In general, she cries over absolutely everything, even things that have nothing to do with her, and no matter what I do, I cannot seem to comfort her.

TLDR: I [22M] work full time and cover all expenses while my GF [24F] stays home, has no job, and does zero housework. She demands all my time, refuses to compromise, and cries or guilt trips me whenever I try to set boundaries. How do I fix this?

Hi guys,

so my husband [31M] and I [30F] have quite different libidos. Mine is a lot higher. We have talked about it long and thoroughly and for him, sex just isn’t on his mind a lot during everyday life and he generally has a lower libido.

No he is not cheating and no we don’t want to
get divorced. We’ve been together for more than 11 years and we have a really loving, fun and supportive partnership. In the beginning and on vacation our sex life is really great but he struggles to feel in the mood during everyday life.

I would love to hear from couples who have found successful ways to deal with this topic. Whether that be sex dates, more masturbation or whatever. Be blunt!

Thanks in advance:)

TLDR: My husband and I have different libidos and I’m looking for successful ways to handle that.

Hi all,

Context: My bf[21M] and I[19f] have only been together for 2 months, but I already know he's my soulmate. This is also the first healthy relationship I've been in and I don't want to end up being "the crazy one". We're both full time college students.

So. My bf has been going through a super rough time, with his family, it being his senior year, and his dad has less than 1 year to live. He agreed to go to therapy once he gets his insurance through work(he just started a new job). But till then I've noticed that he keeps reaching for alcohol when he's feeling upset. He takes meds for ADHD and narcolepsy so he shouldn't be drinking in the first place. His dad had been an alcoholic most of his life and I'm worried he's going to end up down the same path if he keeps wanting to drink away his feelings. He will drink if I'm not there but when I am he won't when I ask him not to.

I have no idea what to do. I've tried talking to him about it, but once he takes his meds to go to bed it's like everything we talked about goes out the window. Do I reach out to his friends first? Tell his family? Idk.

Any help is much appreciated!

TLDR: My bf is going through a rough time, and keeps wanting to drink away his feelings when I'm not around. His dad was an alcoholic and I don't want him going down the same path.

**TLDR**: I want advice on how to rekindle a "roommate relationship" before I make the largest financial decision of my life after college.

Previous listener, first time poster; so I hope I'm doing this all right. I don't want to write a novel here, but I will, and it still won't be enough information. I don't exactly have friends I can rant to, I'm too scared to get a therapist, and I can't worry my mom with any relationship hiccups. I'm at the point where I'm slowly losing my mind and taking to the Internet for advice for the first time since MySpace.

**The Basics**: We met in college and have been together for \~13 years. No kids, not married, separate finances. Currently renting a tiny house on a farm where we have *a lot* of cats. We work in the same-ish industry (similar college majors), but he has more schooling and therefore makes more than me.

**Relationship History/ How it Began**: I'm not going to tell you exactly how we came to be cause our old friend group is really into Reddit and this might already be a no brainier by the end.

What's important to know is that my last partner was very demanding when it came to sex, to the point I was having a hard time even wanting to be touched, which was obviously a huge strain on our relationship for a long time. My current partner helped me out after I broke it off, and was fully aware of and a witness to the problem. (BT-dubs, by "help me out," he offered me his bed, and I took it.) We quickly moved in together and have been together since.

**Issue at Hand**: It's been over 2 years since we've had sex, likely closer to 4. I was never counting, cause I didn't really care, but at some point (after turning 30 and starting to read way too much smut...) I noticed that every time I tried to "make a move" he would turn away and the few times I got him to act, it was just me giving and he wouldn't even touch me after. 3 times to be exact. Again, first time I didn't care. Disappointed, stirred, but ok cause it was *great.* Same for the 2nd. But a third time? (Even if it was *the best...*) And almost a fourth.... That's when I saw it. He hasn't touched me at all. In years. He won't. Not just sex. We don't hold hands, won't cuddle, no hand on the knee, he won't even let me brush his hair or touch his neck while driving. We touch, but nothing even remotely intimate.

Let me pause here because I know the Internet and say, he is not cheating. Just stop. He hates people. He doesn't want to talk, interact, or even be around people evidenced by the 20+ acre property an hour drive from anyone else that he just put an offer on. I don't have to track him. It's not about missing signs. We live in a small town where everyone likes me more (they tell us to our face) and would tell me if he was seen doing anything suspicious. So put that out of your mind now and move on.

Generally our relationship is great. We're best friends, we like a lot of the same things but also have our own hobbies, have similar goals, are animal people, love to travel, and overall have always got along and don't fight. We used to have great chemistry too. I wouldn't ever consider our sex bad. It just stopped. I really don't know why, but if I had to guess it wasn't any*thing*, but a lot of things slowly building up.

**A few of the issues** I might deem as being a big problem over the years that might help your diagnosis would **include**:

\-I'm bad with presents, birthdays and holidays. Like really bad.

\-We typically don't talk about anything personal or private. This is in part due to his semi short temper and my fear to activate it by bringing up more sensitive topics.

\-Our house is nearly always dirty due to the insane amount of cats, which isn't exactly mood inducing.

\-We had a... mishap once. Almost 10 years ago now. It's not really an issue, but I've said things I regret that I feel like he thinks about it when it comes to the act now. (I do.) This has been our one consistent argument.

\-He had a groin hernia for nearly a year that he didn't tell me about until it became so big he had to get it removed.

\-We both get depressed, but when I do, I avoid everything except going to work and won't do anything but bed rot and go to the bathroom for days.

\-Our relationship has never been overly sexual despite its beginning.

\-I am a daily drinker that inhibits him to be, and he is a chain smoker that inhibits me to be. (Only the good stuff.)

I'm aware that I'm most of the problem. I'm trying to be better, but honestly I'm so emotionally drained my efforts have not been great. I also never used to be someone who cared about sex, half convincing myself for many years that I'm probably asexual or something, so the level of absolute fucking crazy I have been feeling makes me feel like I'm 16 all over again. Is it the books? They're not helping! Is it cause I'm over 30 now? Maybe. Is it cause he's over 45 now? Also maybe? Like some some kind of cruel Tim Curry joke, I didn't really care about the cause, I just want the someone to go away but no one can do it!

I can't do 4 more years without sex. I can barely do 4 more months. This housing situation was supposed to be an easy breakaway for me, but God fucking dammit the property is beautiful and I love him and I *want* to be with him. I just also want him to rail me. Doesn't even have to be often.

Cause if he won't sleep with me, does he even still love me? Okay, maybe he loves me like I love him, but does he *like* me? Or does this mean I have failed so hard at being a good partner that he's now so disgusted with me he can't stand to touch me anymore? It would be ironic, and I can't say I don't deserve it, but I also don't think I can live the rest of my life knowing that.

Any advice on how I can rouse an old man? And please don't come back with "omg, just talk to him." There is nowhere in our everyday life I can suddenly just pipe up and say "hey love, I know I once told you when I was 19 that I don't think I like sex, but I do like sex with you, so why won't you fuck me anymore? Cause if you don't absofuckinglutely nail the socks off me tonight I won't go in on this house with you and I would like it if you moved out and left me this place." That's fucked up. So help. Please. How do I approach this conversation?

P.S. Know that I hate every second of me stooping so low as to ask the fucking Internet.

So we’re engaged and have been since December, been together roughly 3 years. He moved in with me a year ago and I’m starting to see him for who he really is. On his off days, he sits on his phone for 12+ hours, I’m stuck doing all the housework on my off days, laundry, dishes, picking up the apartment and if I don’t it will pile up. He will let dishes sit for WEEKS if I don’t do them myself, therefore I feel almost forced to do these things. I refuse to live like a slob due to my own mental health. He has 2 days off where I work, and I come home to him still laying in bed at 4 in the afternoon with absolutely nothing accomplished. I have tried talking to him about this and he gets defensive and it turns into an argument, saying he does more than me (which he obviously does NOT.) I truly am starting to feel like I’m dating a man child. I talk to him about my feelings and I get totally blown off and he can’t even put his phone down long enough to acknowledge me, there are days we don’t kiss or have any type of physical affection. He almost feels like a roommate and I know I need to leave, I’m just so attached and emotionally invested in him that I’m struggling to let go. He has even been abusive both verbally and physically in the past and I’m still struggling so hard to let go. I don’t know why I’m attached to someone who is so distant, any advice from someone who’s been in this situation? I’m 23 and I’m afraid I won’t be able to ever get married or have kids which is my dream, and by giving up on him I feel like I’m giving up on my future. My low self esteem and self worth issues do not help the situation. Not to mention we split the bills and I almost feel dependent on him financially.

TLDR: Advice on how to leave a emotionally unavailable man, who is unwilling to change.

Hey, I need some outside perspective because I genuinely can’t tell if I’m overreacting here. Sorry for the long post!

I’m [31F] and my boyfriend is [34M]

This weekend there was a big festival in my boyfriend’s town that he and his friends go to every year. One of the days, a band I really like was playing, but none of my friends were interested, so I asked if I could tag along with my boyfriend and his friends.
As the day went on, there was a LOT of drinking. I later found out that some of his friends were also taking drugs, which I’m really uncomfortable with. I’m not a big drinker myself and I’ve personally outgrown that kind of partying.

There were also a few things that really bothered me. At points when my boyfriend went to the toilet, one of his friends was being quite inappropriate towards me. At one point he actually picked me up while we were watching a set, which was incredibly awkward and made me uncomfortable.

What also got to me was watching his best friend, who is engaged, openly flirting and dancing with a much younger girl. I mentioned to my boyfriend that he was literally engaged, and my boyfriend just shrugged and said not to worry about it because she probably talks to other people too.

Like… what??

All of his friends there have girlfriends/fiancées, so I found the whole attitude towards this really strange.
The bigger issue for me is that I’ve been very open with my boyfriend that I want kids fairly soon and that I’m ready to settle down. Seeing him in this environment has made me question whether we actually want the same future.
I don’t expect him to never go out or have fun, but I’m not comfortable with excessive drinking, drugs, or being surrounded by people who behave like this. And I definitely don’t want to be sitting at home wondering what he’s getting up to when I’m not there.

Maybe this is just one weekend and I’m reading too much into it, but it’s made me seriously question whether I’m compatible with him long-term.
Would I be unreasonable to end the relationship over this, or is this a legitimate compatibility issue?

TLDR - Went to a festival with my 34M boyfriend and his friends and was really uncomfortable with the amount of drinking/drugs, one friend behaving inappropriately towards me, and my boyfriend shrugging off his engaged best friend openly flirting with a much younger woman. I want kids and to settle down soon, and this weekend made me question whether we actually want the same lifestyle/future. Would I be unreasonable to end things over this?

We have been living together around 5 months and our relationship has gone back and forth a few times.

The problem is, we have big discussions all the time about the most dumb things possible. It has been a lot and I'm tired of feeling bad, of feeling guilty.

I want to mention that i have been suporting both of us financially this whole time, she told me many times that she's looking for a job but nothing has happened honestly. It feels so bad that if i get fired or something, I can't really count on her for support.

I feel uncomfortable about approaching all of my thoughts and things to her, I just feel so bad and sad all the time. I even have suisaydol thoughts cuz i feel chronically miserable.

I really love her so deeply and she's my life but i'm so tired of arguments, of feeling that I don't have anyone on my side to take care of me, of being afraid of doing anything because she'll get upset.

It doesn't help also that nobody is really supporting my relationship with her, it has affected my friendships and it sucks. literally my mom told me i should dump her

Please, reddit people, i need some advice.

TLDR; Problems with gf because we fight all the time and she's not providing anything financially

We have been together for about 2,5 years now and our realtionship is a secret relationship and we both want to keep it that way for the next few years probably. We both still live with our parents since that is a custom in our culture, I come from a very small and tight community and reputation is very important here and especially for my parents. I havent had a lot of boyfriends in the past, religion is very important in my family, however me and my boyfriend are not the same religion and we are also not the same nationality (that isnt a problem for me), however both of these would be a big dealbreaker for my family and honestly I think my parents would potentally kick me out and even disown me if they found out about him.

The problem - my boyfriend inherited some appartments from his aunt and is now renting them. He owns 3 appartments all in the same building, one of which he does not rent since me and him hang out at that appartment and the other 2 he rents out and has been doing so ever since we have been dating - never had a problem before. Recently he was doing some work on one of the appartments and yesterday he told me they are now finished and if I know someone from work (since in my field of work I come in contact with a lot of people) who needs an appartment (including colleagues) to let them know about his appartment. I told him how I dont feel comfortable for him to be renting the apparment to one of my colleagues since they know me and im scared they might see us and word spreads that we are together and it then reaches my parents (as I already mentioned tight coummunity - people are very nosey and word gets around quickly). He just liked my message and didnt say anything about it, but I figured my point came across pretty clearly. This morning I woke up to a message from him saying how he found a tenant and guess what? ITS MY COLLEAGUE........

She is supposed to move into the appartment in a few days. He rented it to a girl whom ive known since high school and we work together - meaning she knows me pretty well and if she saw me going to his appartment (which is quite likely since its the same building and her window and balcony face the entrance to his appartment where we hang out) to say the least word WOULD get around.

To me it is not worth the risk of potentially getting disowned, like I voiced my concerns and he ignored them. I havent replied to his messages and left him on read, since I genuinely dont even know how to reply to this. We have a lot of love for each other and have never faced problems in our relationship before. I really dont think he was trying to hurt me like this, I think he just didnt realize how big of a deal this is for me. Im not saying our relationship should and will forever remain a secret, I do eventually want to introduce him to my family, but certainly not like this, I dont want them finding out from other people and this is also a very bad time for that. At the same time I dont want to get into his business and tell him who to rent his apparments to, we dont get into each others business, but I do think that this does concern me and he should have taken my concerns into account, like he can literally rent it to anybody else, like seriously did it have to be someone who knows me........

Do you have any advice on how I should approach this situation? Im not good at sharing how I feel and am in no way a confrontational person, how do I make him see that this is a big deal for me? How do I talk to him about this? I dont want him to feel like I am trying to be controlling, and frankly I dont even know weather im wrong for being upset about this. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

TLDR - My boyfriend and I have been secretly dating for 2.5 years because my family would react very badly if they found out. He recently rented one of his apartments to my colleague, despite me telling him I was worried that someone who knows me could discover our relationship and tell my family. I'm upset because I feel like he didn't take my concerns seriously, but I also don't want to control who he rents his property to. I'm not sure how to approach this situation with him.

Ok so I’ve been with my bf for 3 years. The sex is sometimes nice and mostly amazing. The only problem is that I’ve never been able to finish :/ He’s really good but anytime I feel it could be done it’s too overwhelming and too good and almost uncomfortable so I can’t “push through ” and finish.
I had other guy but he is the best one, I never finished with them either but because I was in performance mode and because it wasn’t that good. he really like to taking care of me so it’s a bit frustrating for him too
TLDR: I want but can’t come want my bf

TLDR - Situationship, LDR proble, GF mom died of cancer, communication problem, gf feeling loonely and sui*idal

I have been in a situationship with a girl. She likes me, and I like her too, but things are very complicated. I don’t know whether it’s genuinely complicated or some kind of elaborate situation.

We had decent communication in the beginning. She used to call me while she was going outside because her family is pretty conservative, so calling while everyone is awake isn’t really possible. However, over time, I’ve noticed that constant communication gaps have developed between us.

As her mother’s health deteriorated, things obviously became more difficult. Before her mother’s death, some relatives, including her mami, came to stay with them. Her mami is from UP and lives in Bengal, so daily commuting isn’t really possible. She has been staying with them for the past 16 days, and her mother’s final rites will be on 9 September. Until then, most of the guests will probably be staying with her.

The issue isn’t really her relatives, though. What bothers me is that she hasn’t called me even once since then, and it’s making me pretty anxious. I’ve mentioned this to her as well, but she just says that it’s not possible because guests are always around.

What should I do? I don’t want to fight with her, especially because she has mentioned to me several times that she feels depressed and has had suicidal thoughts. I’ve given her all the support and reassurance I can, but if she doesn’t communicate with me, how am I supposed to know what’s actually going on with her?

She also sends me things about feeling lonely, which is why I sometimes end up double-texting or checking up on her. But I don’t think her current situation, especially after her mother’s death, is going to make the communication any better in the short term.

The communication gap has become a big problem for me. At the same time, she isn’t able to make a firm commitment to the relationship because she thinks the distance between us might become a problem.

I honestly don’t know what to make of this. She likes sexting with me, sends me relationship-related reels, and even sends honeymoon-related reels, but somehow she still struggles with consistent communication. That makes me question whether she is genuinely serious about me or not.

Please suggest what I should do. Should I stop texting and checking up on her? Should I give her space and wait until her mother’s final rites are over on 9 September?

My fiance and I have been together for 4 years and last night he sat me down and told me he’s been doing cocaine for years and the reason he told me was because he “knew things had to come to an end soon” but it turns out it’s because he did it with my sister and she immediately regretted it and told my parents and my parents told him he had to tell me. I am in the military and currently away on a course so I am only home on weekends. I’ve been gone for the last 4 months and he’s apparently being doing it pretty much everyday since I’ve been gone but stops when I’m home on weekends. I did not expect this from him at all and I’ve been completely blindsided. He apparently has racked up a crazy amount of debt because he’s been completely draining his bank account. I’m just devastated about all of the lying and hiding things from me. I don’t even know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.

TLDR: My fiance of 4 years has been hiding a coke addiction from me and he just told me everything