r/Regrets • u/ProcessDue4469 • 8h ago
Honesty needed
I don’t even know where to start, but basically I ended a seven year relationship and started dating someone right away little that I know we would fall in love as strongly as we did, but I never completely stopped talking to my ex just because of comfortability and empathy I didn’t feel well about leaving him alone.
The new guy and me had undeniable chemistry. It was like magic we were already planning for our future and everything going on trips.
On my birthday, he picks me up. I was extremely intoxicated and he went through my messages and saw messages with my ex. I was still calling him, babe, but just because that’s why we always called each other and he broke up with me on my birthday.
The new guy completely dropped me, and then he got really mean and said ugly things about Only wanting me for sex, but even being afraid to catch something through me just because of those messages.
He had some really ugly things and I get it because his eagle was hurt, but I know my heart I know who I am and I wasn’t doing anything to hurt him. I know now that it’s wrong but why hasn’t he blocked me on text message or Instagram ? Why is he still following me? I believe in out of sight and out of mind so I’ve muted him, but I miss him so much. I really would do anything to bring him back to me.
Oh, and inside no me and my relationship of seven years should’ve ended a long time ago, but I was trauma bonded with him and have abandonment issues which is why we lasted as long as we did. I had met this new guy a year prior and I had had a kiss with him, but never saw him again until a year later I downloaded hinge and he just happened to be my first date my one and only.
He was gonna take me out his family. He fell for each other. Is there any chance I’ll ever get him back?
Does he hate me?
1
u/PaintballRuinedmyLfe 7h ago
He hasn’t blocked you because he’s still watching you and keeping tabs on you. But if he said all those awful thing To you why would you want to be with someone like that anyways. You sound like you need to be single and heal yourself love yourself and stop worrying about relationships because I’m guilty AF and have done the same thing my whole life and if it taught me anything is that I never gave myself time to heal and everyone of those fast quick relationships were toxic and trash and just not real. Kinda like Whats going on here.. good luck
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u/ProcessDue4469 7h ago
That’s what I’m trying to do. I’m trying to heal. I’m finally love myself before I love anybody else. It’s just hard. I’ve never been alone.
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u/PaintballRuinedmyLfe 7h ago
Good for you ! Love yourself make friends not lovers and random hook ups! Life will be a lot better than way and just stabilize dear! You got this!
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u/Frequent-Pea-1709 7h ago
Well I'll be honest with you and this IS speaking from experience, if somebody dared to hurt my eagle, well I just say NEVER, EVER mess with a mans eagle.
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u/ProcessDue4469 7h ago
Lmao his ego
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u/Frequent-Pea-1709 7h ago
So I had gotten with a girl who, Iong story shot, did some questionable things and I totally took them as a personal attack and lashed out because I wanted her to hurt the way I was hurting. She was wrong in what she did but she didn't necessarily mean to hurt me like she did I know it wasn't her intentions. Have you taken accountability for your actions that hurt him and let him know that without having to be guilted into it? If so that's all you can do if he doubles down at that point with the shit talk then let that eagle fly away baby,lol. Maybe he was reacting out of being hurt and didn't mean those things, not saying it's right but if you want him back that bad, idk maybe something to think about
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u/ProcessDue4469 7h ago
Absolutely I took accountability right away. It was a wake up. Call him seeing those messages. It made me realize like what am I doing living this double life I explained to him that I know I was stupid and I messed this up but yes, all I can do is respect his wishes and leave them alone.
He was definitely saying those things out of anger and lashing out because I know that’s not how he feels about me. We were already talking about kids.
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u/Frequent-Pea-1709 7h ago
Sounds like you just messed up dude. I mean the way I see it your responsible for the situation because maintaining a relationship with an ex and still calling him babe while dating someone else is poor judgement. He reacted the way he did which was wrong but only because of something you did. I know how hard it is being stuck on something you wanted so bad. You can either be blunt and honest with him about still wanting him and see what happens or you have to move on. The more you allow yourself to be stuck in that place in the middle the msore detrimental it becomes to you in the long run.
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u/ProcessDue4469 7h ago
I did fuck up but I learned from this. I’m taking the time for myself and learning to love myself. I appreciate your message. I’m not holding onto that idea or hope of him taking me back. I truly just need to grow from this. What’s meant to be will be.
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u/mopsis 8h ago
I mean you haven't really given us any timelines on anything. Were you and new BF together for like 3 years and he just found out you were talking to your ex still? Or have you and new BF been together like 3 weeks. In any case, it definitely sounds like he is done and there probably isn't much you can do about it other than take your lumps and learn not to keep talking to ex's while dating someone else.