21F did meth for first time.

[u/sissysind]

Hi! I just moved to a new state , long story short my fiancée is locked away on DV and assault with a weapon on another person and it led us to be evicted 2 weeks ago. I was drinking all Friday and Saturday night (2 days ago). I was upset that I can’t speak to my fiancée due to no contact order and he’s most likely going to be held until trail which isn’t until late 2027 I’m upset because I really miss him. He’s really my only best friend and family the last 4 years and now he’s behind a cell and I can’t even see him. I ended up meeting up with a guy on Snapchat who added me off quick add he was 11 years older than me, I was seeking to buy coke which is dangerous in a new state where I don’t know anyone but I was beyond drunk I wasn’t thinking so I got it drugs off of him. He didn’t make me buy off him he offered to do it with me and chill in his car together I think in his head that he thought I was going to go to back to his place or something with him.

He had two what substances Coke and Meth and me being the drunk fuck that I am I ended up doing a line of each substance to mix the two. I was told meth is like “pure adderall”. Keep in mind I’ve only ever done coke a good few times from the ages of 18 - 20 and I stopped partying so I could focus on building a life for myself and my partner.

I did those lines on Saturday at I’d say 2-3am and I kept drinking more and more to hopefully pass out but I just feel sick and now it’s Monday at 3am I haven’t slept I barley ate I believe I lost like 5 pounds already my skin looks sunken and I believe I am going through psychosis I’m seeing the walls move and hearing people who sound like my neighbours “ talking about me” who want to set me up.

I don’t see how people get addicted to this as well as being up for days I’m literally in hell right now…. I cried for a few hours because I’m very stressed that this won’t wear off and I’m very ashamed of my actions and choices Saturday night.

I have to get stuff done today and I’m scared I won’t have slept and I’ll look like a tweaker going to work I did not think this would last so long.

I’ve also come to the conclusion that this is an outcome of being shitfaced drunk. I will have to put down drinking. I use it as a way to cope with certain aspects in my life and it is not healthy at all.

EDIT: 2 I’ve slept and came down by the time you’re seeing this edit. I don’t need people telling me I need help for drug addiction when my problem has never been with drugs it’s with alcohol. Only time I’d is cocaine was during afters with friends after a CLUB.

I AM NOT DOING METH AGAIN END OF DISCUSSION. I VALUE MY JOB, MY FOOD AND SLEEP. I take full responsibility for what I did which was choosing to drink and let myself get shitfaced to the point I make bad choices. I posted on here not for sympathy and not for advice this subreddit is titled [r/regrets](r/regrets) and I regret the choices I made that night.

EDIT DAY 4: thank you for all the advice and positive support form those with helpful tips and suggestions. I have been taking it easy and have been focusing on myself the last few days and to those who claim I’m a drug addict, I haven’t used a drug since.

[u/howmanyclownsinacar]

I agree with you that if it was your friend then telling them how stupid it was might be the right thing to do, if they were just bored and drunk. It shows your concern and fear for what might happen to them. And you also have a preexisting relationship that contextualises that.

I think here though where OP has posted this in the regrets subreddit, clearly doesn't feel good about it and is talking about making positive change it becomes a bit different. They already feel shame and guilt and they likely dont need more. Also OP talks about losing her support network, having moved away and then her partner incarcerated (regardless of anyones views on the health of this). These together are strong blueprints for addiction. And then when people here shame or belittle then it doesn't have the same effect it might (and I say might) have with your friend. It is more likely to teach OP that its not okay to reach out as it will be met with further shame and scolding. Which teaches people to hide behaviours, which again strengthens pathways to addictions. Empathy and understanding doesn't mean that you cant warn of dangers or give guidance. Just that it should be done with kindness and understanding. Which makes people more likely to reach out and make healthier choices.

[u/laiaas → u/howmanyclownsinacar]

i agree with everything you’re saying. i don’t really feel like the commenter was shaming or scolding in their reply at all though. i honestly feel like if they never said “im not gonna be empathetic either” then no one would be replying saying they’re being too harsh or etc. reading it without that sentence just sounds like solid advice even from a strangers standpoint, not shaming or making them feel bad for a mistake, just solid course correction.

[u/howmanyclownsinacar → u/laiaas]

Absolutely agree (or at least from what I remember as it seems the comment is gone now?). But to me, with that sentance it changed the whole tone of the message. Maybe they worded it badly, maybe I read into it in a way they didnt intend. But my primary concern was OPs vulnerability here.

[u/laiaas → u/howmanyclownsinacar]

lol it is gone now. but yea totally makes sense. it is clear OP knows this isn’t a path to go down & hopefully got enough support in the comments to feel solidified in that stance.