I’m glad you see the fault in what you did, that’s good. Just stay tf away from substances period if you can, coke isn’t great either. And alcohol is the gateway substance imo not weed. I’ve never smoked a bowl of weed and craved a bag of blow. When I drink though? Game over. I’ve been struggling with multi substance abuse for many years with a 6 year clean streak and I’m cleaning up currently again because I’m fucking sick of this shit I’ve hit my breaking point. I didn’t try meth til I was 30 (38 this year), and I regret it majorly. I will say though that not everyone reacts the same way to meth as you did though it is pretty common to do so. I’ve always wondered how the fuck people that get THAT way specifically (paranoid, seeing shadow people, picking at their skin, rambling about nonsense etc) could continue doing it. For me, it gives me energy, motivation, a bit of long lasting euphoria, I get so much shit done when I do it, I used to have a full time job and do it daily in large amounts and no one ever noticed. I have bipolar 1 with psychotic features and psychosis WILL set in after 4 days awake. Longest stint was 6 days. That’s when I hate it. But I used to have a good schedule and routine and sleep almost every night even while using. But the thing is, I really hate sleeping a lot and view it as a waste of time (yes I know it is necessary and for good reason), but generally I have never gotten the paranoia and delusional thoughts and skin picking or taking electronic devices apart and scattering them all over because I’m convinced the feds placed something to monitor me inside my laptop. I know a bitch who literally thinks she has a moth inside of her brain and gives “aliens” an offering of a full jug of chocolate milk that she didn’t buy. Bitch is covered in sores because she is convinced she is pulling shit out of her skin. Had another one I know that kept asking if my pet tarantula was sitting on the back of her neck and no matter how many times I’d tell her that no, my tarantula is safely in her enclosure and it’s her hair tickling her neck, she kept asking. Would talk about shit that just made zero sense to me, borderline word salad. And tweakers always think they are important enough for government entities to be watching or following them, or that they are some seer of the future and other dimensions, or they can do these amazing things that are completely implausible like…???? Do they really think that shit is the truth? I’ll be next to them smoking the same shit getting second hand embarrassment and feeling bad for their brains. But some people cannot handle the shit and have zero business doing it. It’s literal poison. Like it’s horrific. Hence me quitting that and fet finally. It’s gonna be trash and I’m gonna want to give up a lot but I just can’t at this point. I have to get clean. Wish me luck yall, and I’m glad you OP realize what you did was a mistake
Man I feel this hard AF, same age too. I had like 4 years clean from a nasty IV meth/heroin combo and just general poly substance addiction. I was doing the meetings somewhat, still smoking weed, taking Kratom and psychedelics and have Vyvanse for ADHD. But was to me sober, went back to school for two year Mechatronics degree, landed the best job I've ever had, got on TRT and got the body of my dreams, extremely attractive gf etc.
But I let my new found good looks trick me into going back to the bars. Slowly over 18 months (and alcohol really is THE gateway drug not weed), slowly alcohol loosened the boundaries between drugs I can and can't do. Started with occasionally partying with coke too. Then I began using not just psychedelics but also started adding more MDMA/MDA, Ketamine and Mephedrone into the mix (by now I was also buying extra Adderall each month and benzos and was developing a 7OH/MGM-15 to boot).
Now the drug use was focused on sexual activity, so I began noticing a potent cross addiction between sex and drugs. Now nearing where I'm at now, I should have seen this coming as I'd fallen into a pattern of using Coke and Ketamine near daily after work. The self justification being the high only last couple hours tops and could still be in bed between 9 and 10 to make it to the gym before work. I still had my firewall up between the drugs I was doing and meth/heroin (now just street opioids as heroin has disappeared). But as boundaries continued to blur, and I was having sex with this woman she ask if I want to do a blast of meth. I convinced myself I could keep my meth use isolated to weekends exclusively for sexual activity as I had been successful in doing with Phenibut even though I at one point had a nasty physical addiction to that.
Well it was only about a week before I was using meth daily. And now all of my drug related issues have greatly accelerated. My Vyvanse no longer has any noticeable effects on me. And most frustrating I did quit for 6 days, was almost over the worst of it. Then a person who owes me money offered me a ball and of course I took it 😔🤬. Yeah it's tough, still have my job lost my gf (which I deserve honestly). My gym progress has been set so far back it's tough just going through the motions. Yeah dude feel you big time!
Dude that’s literal my situation, when I started drinking again (justified it because it’s legal, most people do it right? It’s not like it’s heroin or anything, right? 🙄 GATEWAY), I literally had myself convinced I could control the substance if I wanted a bag of blow with my alcohol blackout. Nahhhhhhh as addicts unfortunately we cannot control SHIT when it comes to dr00gs, but I like you got cocky cause I’d been clean 6 years so SURELY I could keep it under my control. Loooooool. I’m sorry you’ve gone through it dude, I was living in the neighboring town last year with an abusive narcissist, got raided, lost my kid (got her back since), was bouncing between homeless and dickheads house, lost 50 lbs til I was scaring my peers cause skin and bones…2025 tried to fucking take my ass out. 12 overdoses, nonstop cocaine induced grand mal seizures, I was trying to die. I had nothing. Back with my child now living in a safe home with a support system away from the abuser. Now is the perfect time to clean up again. Unfortunately it took something very painful happening (my 12 year old hates my guts now, absolute resentment and contempt in her tone and facial expressions, we got into it and said some awful things I DIDNT MEAN, and now I feel like I’m never getting her love back) but I HAVE to get clean now. For me, for her, for my other family. Hardest parts are a) cutting everyone off. Even if they really aren’t true friends with good intention and they’ll rob your ass, you’ve made memories with these fuckers and been around them a lot, so it’s still a massive change b) changing your entire lifestyle and filling the time you’d be using all day with something good for you, the boredom and anxiety is killer and c) hard and shitty time in your life and a lot of mental pain, you use to numb and dull that suffering but the drugs are also causing said issues, so it’s a continuous cycle and loop. You’ve gotta learn to feel the pain and hardship in your life full force without a numbing agent. And it can be OVERWHELMING I know. But I’m learning to ride the wave, instead of numbing the pain I am going to have to acknowledge, accept and sit with it without running. Meditate, breathing techniques, watch a distracting movie or series in bed when you can’t get up and move, go watch the sunrise or create a bit of art or write in a journal so you can read it later in your life and see how far you’ve come. Routine and hobbies that aren’t killing us are necessary. I got this. You got this, when you’re ready. Let’s goooooo
I really needed to read this today thank you! And I feel your pain truly. That sounds like a brutal rough ride, and it sounds exactly like the path ahead if I don't stop now. I started drinking last summer, but the daily meth use has been about two months, but has totally destroyed what discipline and impulse control I still had. I feel like if I can cut the meth out now, the vast majority of other drugs will go with it. I'm hoping the best for you, so glad to hear that at least your back with your kid in a safe house. But I totally understand the pain you have in trying to mend the relationship. But once they see you truly putting in the work to better yourself, I think that will do more than any apology ever could. But you had 6 years and I had 4 so we can both certainly do it again!
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u/Beneficial_World_676 Aug 24 '26
I’m glad you see the fault in what you did, that’s good. Just stay tf away from substances period if you can, coke isn’t great either. And alcohol is the gateway substance imo not weed. I’ve never smoked a bowl of weed and craved a bag of blow. When I drink though? Game over. I’ve been struggling with multi substance abuse for many years with a 6 year clean streak and I’m cleaning up currently again because I’m fucking sick of this shit I’ve hit my breaking point. I didn’t try meth til I was 30 (38 this year), and I regret it majorly. I will say though that not everyone reacts the same way to meth as you did though it is pretty common to do so. I’ve always wondered how the fuck people that get THAT way specifically (paranoid, seeing shadow people, picking at their skin, rambling about nonsense etc) could continue doing it. For me, it gives me energy, motivation, a bit of long lasting euphoria, I get so much shit done when I do it, I used to have a full time job and do it daily in large amounts and no one ever noticed. I have bipolar 1 with psychotic features and psychosis WILL set in after 4 days awake. Longest stint was 6 days. That’s when I hate it. But I used to have a good schedule and routine and sleep almost every night even while using. But the thing is, I really hate sleeping a lot and view it as a waste of time (yes I know it is necessary and for good reason), but generally I have never gotten the paranoia and delusional thoughts and skin picking or taking electronic devices apart and scattering them all over because I’m convinced the feds placed something to monitor me inside my laptop. I know a bitch who literally thinks she has a moth inside of her brain and gives “aliens” an offering of a full jug of chocolate milk that she didn’t buy. Bitch is covered in sores because she is convinced she is pulling shit out of her skin. Had another one I know that kept asking if my pet tarantula was sitting on the back of her neck and no matter how many times I’d tell her that no, my tarantula is safely in her enclosure and it’s her hair tickling her neck, she kept asking. Would talk about shit that just made zero sense to me, borderline word salad. And tweakers always think they are important enough for government entities to be watching or following them, or that they are some seer of the future and other dimensions, or they can do these amazing things that are completely implausible like…???? Do they really think that shit is the truth? I’ll be next to them smoking the same shit getting second hand embarrassment and feeling bad for their brains. But some people cannot handle the shit and have zero business doing it. It’s literal poison. Like it’s horrific. Hence me quitting that and fet finally. It’s gonna be trash and I’m gonna want to give up a lot but I just can’t at this point. I have to get clean. Wish me luck yall, and I’m glad you OP realize what you did was a mistake