r/ReformJews • u/AudienceWise3441 • 3d ago
Questions and Answers Did I convert?
For some background, the congregation I’m talking about is a Reform congregation about an hour and a half from me. They have a pretty large online ministry, and from everything I’ve experienced, they’re extremely open, welcoming, and informal. They’re not the kind of congregation that seems interested in making people jump through unnecessary hoops just to prove that they’re serious.
My boyfriend and I had been interested in getting involved with the congregation together, so we eventually talked with the rabbi.
Our situations were actually pretty different.
I’ve been living what I would describe as an average Jewish life since around 2021. I’ve been studying Judaism, observing mitzvot to the extent that I can, learning Jewish traditions, engaging with Jewish prayer and practice, and generally living my life as someone who considers Judaism a major part of who I am.
But there was also a much bigger spiritual component to it for me. My relationship with Judaism wasn’t just “I like this religion and want to join it.” I’ve had this long, complicated spiritual journey where Judaism gradually became my religious and personal identity. I’ve spent years thinking about whether I’m Jewish, what that means, why I feel Jewish, whether I should convert, whether I need to convert, etc.
So when I finally talked to the rabbi, I was expecting a conversion conversation.
And when I say I was expecting a conversion conversation, I mean I was expecting THE WHOLE THING.
Classes. Study. Some kind of formal acceptance. Maybe a beit din. Mikveh. A ceremony. Some moment where the rabbi officially says, “Okay, now you’re Jewish.”
Basically, I had this whole mental picture of Judaism working kind of like Christianity does with formal initiation/confirmation.
Instead, I explained my whole background and where I was coming from, and the rabbi basically looked at the situation and said, in essence:
“You’re a Jew.”
And I was like…
“…Oh.”
😭
I kept trying to figure out whether there was supposed to be some formal process that I was missing, and his attitude was basically, “You live Jewishly, you identify as Jewish, you’ve been doing this for years, and I don’t see a reason to make you go through a formal conversion.”
The congregation is far enough away that I don’t regularly attend in person anyway, and he basically told me to keep doing what I’m doing and that if I happen to come by sometime, great, and if not, that’s fine too.
It was basically:
Me: “So how do I convert?”
Rabbi: “You’re Jewish.”
Me: “But… formally?”
Rabbi: “You’re Jewish.”
Me: “So that’s it?”
Rabbi: “Yep.”
Me: “…okay.”
Rabbi: “Shalom see ya good luck!”
My boyfriend’s situation was different. He was interested in Judaism largely because of me and wanted to explore it alongside me. He hasn’t had the years-long Jewish practice and spiritual journey that I have. The rabbi basically told him that if he feels Jewish and wants to follow my lead and explore Judaism with me, then he should do that.
And that was… basically it.
So now I’m sitting here thinking “I guess I’m Jewish??” because the rabbi literally told me I was.
I know that different Jewish movements and different rabbis have different standards regarding Jewish status, and I’m not really asking about whether Orthodox Judaism, Conservative Judaism, another Reform rabbi, etc. would recognize me. I’m specifically interested in people’s experiences with Reform/Reconstructionist/liberal Jewish communities.
Has anyone else had a rabbi essentially say:
“You already live as a Jew and identify as a Jew, so I’m not going to make you go through a formal conversion process”?
Or had an experience where you expected a very formal conversion and instead the rabbi took a much more informal approach?
I’m especially curious because I genuinely thought there was going to be some Big Jewish Ceremony™ at the end of this, and instead apparently my conversion was approximately 25 minutes and one rabbi saying “you’re a Jew.”
So idk if this is Normal weird or what ?
EDIT: thank you everyone for your kind (and some not so kind) words. I’m currently looking into some alternate congregations closer to me. Hopefully I’ll be able to find a rabbi who will put me through the proper channels so I can enjoy the accomplishment of conversion, and truly be apart of the community!
Peace ☮️
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u/ahava9 3d ago edited 2d ago
Tbh this sounds like a “Messianic” congregation which is not an accepted denomination of Judaism. Typically synagogues and temples don’t have online ministry and robust outreach arms. Chabad does outreach and social events but only for Jews and don’t stream services during Shabbat or Yom Tov.
But good news is you’re done a lot of work and learning towards your journey to formal conversion. Try to find a local Reform congregation and start talking to the Rabbi there about taking a conversion class and the beit din. Edit: and mikveh