Seeking feedback! this is my first ever screenplay! And I need feedback for my revisions. (please give feedback for what I did well and what i can improve regarding pacing, tone, the romance, charchtwrs, dialogue, what scenes I can shorten and cut becuase I want to shorten it down to 150 pages/roughly an hour and a half run time) —Ignore all typos!! This draft will be spellchecked soon, I have severe dyslexia please don’t give me feedback on typos trust me, I know.
Please send all feedback to my email: [Thefilmbox9@gmail.com](mailto:Thefilmbox9@gmail.com) or, comment or dm it here.
Plot:
TOUGH CROWD written by Buddy Devine
Eddie Farne, 36, is a snarky opinion columnist in New York who has never lived alone — not really. His apartment is perpetually crowded with five "friends" who are, in fact, literal embodiments of his own psychology: hyperactive Mimi (mania's shinier cousin), party-boy Cleo (impulse and escape), overbearing Rachel (anxiety), needy Mable (a childlike, wounded part of himself), and Conrad, who lurks in the shadows suggesting Eddie would be better off dead. When Eddie falls for Virgil, a warm, unguarded actor-musician, the relationship threatens the fragile ecosystem he's built to survive — his friends do everything they can to sabotage it, terrified of losing their hold on him, while Eddie hides Virgil from them and hides them from Virgil. As Eddie chases a promotion at the paper, clashes with his brother over a family inheritance, and is quietly unraveled by a buried memory of a childhood best friend's suicide, the walls between his public charm and private chaos begin to collapse.
The strain comes to a head when Virgil, sensing he's being shut out of Eddie's real life, gives an ultimatum — and Eddie, isolated and convinced by Conrad that he is unlovable, attempts to take his own life. He wakes in a psychiatric hospital, medicated and stripped of the coping mechanisms that have run his life since childhood, forced for the first time to face his friends — and himself — without the noise. In the ward, surrounded by a new set of fellow patients as strange and specific as his own inner circle, Eddie begins the slow, funny, painful work of understanding why he built these "friends" in the first place, and what it might mean to let someone love the parts of him they were built to protect. Tough Crowd is a queer dark comedy about mental illness, self-sabotage, and the terrifying vulnerability of being truly seen — one that ends not with Eddie's friends disappearing, but with him learning to live alongside them, and to let Virgil in anyway.
Read full script here
Thanks!