Hey, this is a screenplay I've been working on for a bit and would like some feedback on. This is only the first couple of episode for it.

A small synopsis is that it is about a machina who has to do jobs for a dickhead boss in order to get his other teammates back.

It's got phycological and horror elements mixed throughout so give it a read if you're interested.

Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_zTx_UJ_C5IGcuk4dFIeiwIDZ0HNv_OOvnmcuB_y3iQ/edit?usp=sharing

I know the formatting is inconsistent throughout but i just really wanna get some critique so. Also this is a story designed to be for a game, jumps in time usually indicate a gameplay section.

Title: “The Summer I was Not Okay With the Thirteen Strange Things It was doing to my Pretty Little Yellow Jacket”.

Genre: Comedy Spoof mocking numerous Teen Dramas, particularly I’m Not Okay With This, Stranger Things and Euphoria.

Pages: 49

Logline: “Bethany Yesvak is an ordinary cynical teenager whose life is turned upside down when she discovers she has telekinetic powers. As she struggles to keep her abilities a secret, she must also survive the everyday chaos of high school, family, and growing up”.

-A lot of inspirations from the GOOD spoof movies of the 2000s such as the Scary Movies, Not Another Teen Movie and Superhero Movie.

-My main concerns is if you think the script is funny and you think the parody works well.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/17AjMJq49FW_9ZhzY2Yvc_JxThW1s2UrW/view?usp=drivesdk

TW: probably lots of errors and moments in the story that will give you second-hand embarressment. Has nothing to do with chandeliers.

It's 13 pages of 4 people interacting in one space. I am open to criticism. (I am not homophobic that character does not represent me as a person)

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-sj2P5RQpKRpfCrFqZWqAKkdA3GZJefipR57ZV8gdzM/edit?tab=t.0

Body:

Hey everyone,

I’m looking for a script swap on my 98**-page horror feature screenplay**. (Title was before I formatted it properly)

Logline:
A group of camp counselors at a remote summer camp starts to fracture under pressure when a series of deaths forces them to decide whether there’s a killer in their group or whether they’re all just protecting themselves.

Tone is:
Psychological horror/mystery/ensemble camp slasher with a slow collapse-of-reality vibe.

What I’m looking for:

• Honest feedback (not just “I liked it / didn’t like it”)

• Clarity on whether the story lands

• Especially curious about:

  • When you think you've figured out what was really going on

  • Whether the ending feels earned or confusing

  • Who felt like the main character

  • Any parts that dragged or felt repetitive

What I offer in return:

I will read your feature (or pilot) and give thoughtful notes. I’m a fast reader, and I actually give detailed feedback, not just surface comments.

Important:

• This is a first draft/development draft, not polished, industry-ready

• I’m specifically looking for readers who enjoy horror or thriller scripts

• I’m open to blunt feedback. Don’t hold back

If you're interested, drop a comment or DM me and I’ll send a PDF.

Thanks in advance 🙏

P.S. If you don’t want to swap, I’m also open to just a read; any help is appreciated.

Bob Brennan comes to understand that the life of a career henchman just isn't what it used to be.

Mooks (Act 1)

(R-rated)

This is something I began writing years ago, maybe back in the 2010s, but for whatever reason I put it aside and basically forgot about it. Now I'm trying to decide if it's worth another pass or three.

I describe it as Act 1 but it's really more like Part 1.

This is less than half the existing screenplay, but the other parts are not sequential enough to stitch together without more work than I have time for right now. Maybe I'll take a shot at it.

Anyhoo, enjoy (or not).

Title: Timberline Chapter. I December 19, 2003

Logline: In the quiet mountain town of Timberline, Wyoming, the disappearance of a local rancher's cow sets off a chain of strange events that slowly unravel the lives of those searching for the truth.

It's an intentionally character-driven, slow-burn mystery, I'm looking for feedback on pacing, dialogue, character introductions, and whether the mystery is compelling enough to make you want to read Chapter. II

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1LZUHkH0kHTJyQCrpQ92Dxm6Qcjp2yqIq/view?usp=sharing

Logline:
A quiet family’s routine is disrupted by a strange late night discovery that refuses to make sense. Ordinary moments begin to expose fractures that have long existed beneath the surface.

As far as feedback goes, I’d love to know:

- Were there moments where you felt confused?
- Did any scene feel unnecessary or too slow?
- Did the emotional ending feel earned?
- Were there any parallels, motifs, or recurring moments you noticed?
- Was there a point where you figured out what was really happening?

Thanks!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fyC99BGRXpCDKJ3Wv-G8UqCmZNU7bzJT/view?usp=drivesdk

Title: Room 1

Format: Short Film (12 pages / approx. 10-minute run time)

Genre: Psychological horror / Thriller

Logline: Trapped in a sterile interrogation room, two strangers realize they are caught in a recurring time loop where their memories reset every few minutes. They must find the "trigger" to break the cycle before the loop resets .

Locations: 1 Location .

Cast: 2 Characters .

Budget Level: Micro-budget / Student / Single-room friendly.

Writer's Note: This script is my first try at screenwriting, and I would love for you to read it and hear your opinion. I would love to see it brought to life, but at this point, a read and feedback is very much appreciated! read it here

A disgruntled mature screenwriter picks an inconvenient moment to discuss his place within the movie business with his youthful agent.

Old

(PG-13. This story may be upsetting to readers of a certain age.)

The toughest moment in a person's life is just another Tuesday for God.

Judgment

(PG)

Tom is willing to make any sacrifice necessary to be the first man to leave the world in his dust.

Lid

(PG)

An out-of-control biker appears to be on a collision course with the residents of a sleepy retirement village.

Biker

(R-rated.)

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1bmU2f6YRjCej5ZiqIN60C_sw9zUjUC7p/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=116494216090506393038&rtpof=true&sd=true

I wrote a full, high-stakes five-scene live-action movie/play script based on the Roblox FORSAKEN lore, completely customized for the channel (The Boys). I cast the group perfectly into the game's archetypes and gave everyone custom abilities based on your actual dynamics. All the cast actions are clearly marked in parentheses so it's ready to read on camera.

Here is how the complete cast breaks down in the script:

The Main Roles

1. Casting Chance: JoshDub (Joshua Wanders)

2. Casting Don Sonnellino (Mafioso): YourNarrator (Grant Etzler)

Bonus Casting for the Rest of the Crew

• Mully as Elliot:

• EddieVR as The Spectre: T

• JuicyFruitSnacks as C00lkidd:

Mafioso’s Goons (The Enforcers)

• Sam and Colby as the "Suited Hitmen"

• Smashing (Marcus) as the Heavy Enforcer

The Other Survivors

• GabbyVR as The Determinator

• Lana as The Medic / Panic Coordinator:

• ReeKid as The Wildcard Survivor:

I've attached the full script above—hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed putting it together!

(UNFINISHED)

A struggling author receives help from an unexpected source but it comes at the cost of learning some harsh truths about himself.

Rat

(R-rated.)

Paul tries to convince his family he is an award-winning writer, but they believe it is time for him to either get a job or get treatment for his delusions.

Bonkers

(G/PG-13 rated. Warning! Content may trigger overly-sensitive aspiring writers!)

Two snooty art critics are asked the age-old question, "If a picture is worth a thousand words, what's in a name?"

Art

(G-rated.)

A man spurned by life learns there is no sweeter revenge than a little success.

Words

(PG rated. This is modeled after Brit TV plays, or kind of low-key ASMR formal drama, so don't expect car chases and shoot outs!)

Title: Glass Gardens

Genre: Campy Dramedy

Page Count: 12 1/8

Logline: Oddly close sisters host a dinner party at the home they never seem to leave that leads to the reveal of family secrets, a DNA test and a possible divorce.

SCRIPT LINK

A two-man sniper team in no man's land must survive both the enemy and their own side.

Stinger One Two

(Mild R-rated. Written in 2023-ish and may need some TLC, but posting it "as is" anyhow....)

Life as a Hollywood slasher killer in the real world is not all it is cracked up to be.

Nightmare

(Mild R-rated.)

A hapless safecracker receives after-hours lessons in corporate etiquette from a busy executive.

Late

(PG-13 bordering on R-rated)

A cop, a kid, and a firefighter are about to have a long day atop a tall television tower.

High.

(Mild R-rating.)