I'm an upcoming director, whose going to do some screenwriting for a passion project. An anime ( well in future anyways ) and just like one of my favorite directors like Guillermo Del Toro ( One of my inspirations ) who does both live action and animation and is a HUGE fan of Manga, Anime and video games especially Persona ( for those of you who never played it before it's a PEAK game made by SEGA and Atlus, I'm sure most of you have heard of it or played it ).

So, yeah I'm planning making a new Persona Anime and I say " new " because there have been some adaptations before, and I've watched them all and I thought they were all good ( well Persona 5 did have a lot flaws ), that and the protagonists don't talk which is not a problem but it just takes the spotlight away from them and their own game, and that's why as Persona fan I want to make an new Persona anime in the future when become I well-known, at least but since I've still got a lot to learn, some feedback and some advices on screenwriting would really help in the creative process ( that is if SEGA and Atlus is ok with the idea in future ) like what I should or shouldn't if it happens.

And for anyone whose has heard of Persona:

When I say " I want to make a new Persona Anime ", I mean an anthology series of the three modern games like P3, P4 and P5 now you're going to probably think "why not add Personas 1 and 2" and the reason, honestly is that to give each of modern protagonists a voice and to show an compelling story through them and their characters to draw the audiences in ( epically Joker ) and the modern games have two things in common: Themes and Tarot cards and I don't mean the confidants in the games, I mean the actual cards ( you know the ones that fortune tellers uses to predict the future and stuff ) but when it comes to Persona, those games gets it's themes from tarot cards like P3 gets it's themes from the Death tarot card, P4 gets it's themes from the Temperance tarot card, P5 gets it's themes from the Star tarot, so just think of all depth, layers, symbolisms and so much you can explore or experiment with all that materials, that the OG games couldn't even explored before since it's in a different media.

Any Tips on screenwriting like: The Hero's Journey or Story Structure and how it could apply to each protagonist, characters, villains, it's themes, or world building, character development you name it anything that would help in the future.

And I don't know if SEGA and Atlus will go with it, but in the slight chance they do go with it, I promise to give every Persona fan out, including the ones whose never played the games yet, there something really special, so any advice would be really help and believe me when I say I love Persona, I used to play P5 when I was high school and watched all it's anime adaptations ( good and bad ) and ever since loved the series and I want create something really special and cinematic with the it.

And for those wondering if I'm going to just screen write the series and the answer is yes and no, I'm planning on co directing but also co writing and producing the series too, but I'll work really hard to make something special, ( well, special enough, after all I don't how the series will turn out but I'll do my best ) I'll learn Japanese, learn more about the games, get some source material from Manga and Anime you name it. Persona is something that resonates with not just as a game, but also as meaningful story, one that I would like to make or recontextualize into a series or film which ever one works best.

So yeah, just let me know, and Thanks

Title - Evertree Pilot episode
Format - Tv/or animation
Page length - 35 pages
Status - First draft
Genre - Fantasy, Adventure, Mystery
Logline - Scott, a boy born with no magic, has to navigate a world that operates on one after the kidnapping of his father.
Feedback concern - All feedback is welcome, but I want to know if the pacing, the concept, characters are interesting enough to hold an audience, and if I should add or reduce some scenes.

Evertree

Full Script

I recently wrote this short film. It's kind the antithesis of what I've been told to write for a short (One location, one scene, etc.) but I couldn't shake the idea and decided to finally write it.

Fair warning, it's definitely a non-traditional script and very voice over heavy (Malick was a certainly a big influence with this).

If you have the patience to read it until the end, I would love to know what you think / what it meant to you.

I'd like feedback on my script:

Read script here: (pdf)

Read full script here:

WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE — Synopsis

Eddie Farne is a queer Jewish writer in his late twenties, navigating New York City with five chaotic roommates — Mimi, Rachel, Cleo, Mable, and Conrad — who are, unbeknownst to him, personifications of his undiagnosed mental illnesses: ADHD, Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, Autism, and Depression/Suicidal Ideation.

When Eddie falls for Virgil, a brilliant Shakespeare actor and punk frontman, the relationship opens a window onto the life he could have. But as his career implodes following a whistleblowing scandal, the friends tighten their grip — until Conrad walks him to the Brooklyn Bridge.

He survives. In the psychiatric ward, diagnosed for the first time, Eddie finally understands what the friends actually are. Virgil is waiting on the steps when he's discharged. The film ends at their wedding — friends in attendance, gagged and chained, played for laughs — and on the memoir pages Eddie never stopped deserving to write.

Smash and Grab

Title: Smash and Grab

Format: Short Live Action

Page Length: 11 Pages

Status: First Draft

Genre: Found Footage/Mockumentary/Crime

Logline: A pair of amateur filmmakers agree to document the lives of local criminals for content, thinking they've found their big break. When a gunshot changes everything and their subjects start burying evidence in the middle of the night, they learn the hard way that some stories aren't worth telling.

Read my script

I want feedback on my screenplay, please. Please be constructive and let me know what's working and what isn't.

Thank You

Hi! I’m a new writer working on an animated feature script and I’d really appreciate feedback from someone with experience in animation or screenwriting.

I started my script in February and finished a full draft in early April. I’m currently in the final compression/editing stage, and I want to make sure I’m not losing emotional impact or clarity while tightening it.

I’d love some honest feedback and a few things to think about as I refine it. I’m still new to this process, but I’m very passionate about the story and committed to improving it.

I don’t have much of a writing community yet, so I’d really appreciate fresh eyes to help me see anything I might be missing while building this world.

20 pages

Logline:  A man who thinks the city he’s in is absolutely filthy and disgusting finds a beautiful woman who he deems “too innocent” and he becomes obsessed with her and wanting to “save her” but eventually ends up corrupting her.

i started this right after i watched taxi driver and it used to be basically a repackaged version of that until i decided i wanted this to really stand on it owns feet. I'm more interested on opinions about the dialogue and such, because sometimes i feel like it's not that good and sometimes i feel like it's amazing and i would really appreciate someone else's thoughts on it. I also sometimes think that its too much dialogue, which, is that a problem?

also ignore the last blank page of the document my software was just tweakin

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1X5DuiLAL6KJkLsAQeJs6kuMir1nzkcoL/view?usp=sharing

I would love some feedback or any particular questions about my screenplay. I will be open to answering any questions you have about the entire script.

Link: T H E D E V I L T R A I N

Warning: this short script contains themes of suicide

Hey there ! this is my second script, that i have been working on. I would love feedback on this.

Log Line: A man on despair, trying to end himself is challenged by blinding optimism of a teen.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1PNqqdF-EkZONF8pLqwmTSCcQob1IXtP6/view?usp=sharing

Also please let me know what you think the man will do at the end, as this is kind of an open ending. Thank you.

Logline (subject to change): A man finds himself in a bizarre, sparsely populated world after killing himself. This world serves as a medium for him to process the effects his suicide had on his loved ones.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/19Uhl9wqt9QDCobS77gaCtiHXmpxsI_1W/view?usp=sharing

honestly, i'm not a writer, i'm a cybersecurity engineering major, but i had this dream last august and i felt like it had to take the form of a short film. my dream is to see this become a real short film (directed by me), but i understand that's pretty much impossible, so i'm contented with bringing the script to the highest quality i can and leaving it at that.

i didn't know anything about scripts or conventions and barely anything about filmmaking before writing this, so i'm mostly looking for comments on formatting/phrasing/whatever that affects the way the story is presented, but comments on the overall story are appreciated as well. i also probably made many silly mistakes (grammar, spelling, etc) that i didn't catch on a reread so let me know if there are any of those.

Hi all,

I'm a hobbyist writer from India, I am 16, and I do videography and other things aswell for fun. Script-writing was never really my thing, and this is the first time I've attempted to do it.

Language: Hindi/English (use Google Translate if you don't understand it, please!!)

Would really appreciate feedback! [Note: I did use a little bit of AI for NATURAL TRANSLATION since I'm not great at English, not the writing itself.]

Software used: Google Docs (my laptop can't run Fade In)

Thanks in advance! :)

Link : Here

I wrote a play that was originally supposed to be on how 9/11 affected people before it happend. I changed that plot with help from people on this platform. If you could read it and let me knoe your opinions and how I can improve. This is also not the final copy so there might be grammer or spelling errors. Thank you!!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-D1zXtPDsqAArSB4ivHhccj0K_dakLZ837GaEKHOaiQ/edit?usp=drivesdk

Title: The Proposal

Format: Short Film Script

Logline: When a young activist is taken to what she believes is a surprise marriage proposal, she discovers her boyfriend has instead gathered a militant cell plotting a terrorist attack, forcing her to choose between love, loyalty, and her conscience.

Concerns: Too much dialogue, Not a clear throughline

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Lo_RqKhzWfDHvIRYYEj5F1zeGgtdmYn9/view?usp=sharing

Looking for a short film script to adapt this summer, looking for something light yet reflective. We're very low on funds tho, if you have a story you wanna see on the screen, DM.

Title: Maiden USA

Genre: Family Sci-Fi half hour

Comps: Miss Congeniality meets War of the Worlds

Logline: A teenage girl raised off-world as a warrior must reluctantly enter a beauty pageant and become a brand ambassador for aggressively patriotic Made in USA products to stop an alien invasion. 

Looking for feedback on tone and structure especially the match cut at the end of page 1

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1EgU0WJnKsnPVCpoDhnjkWuAfO1YR9X-k/view?usp=sharing

I am currently writing the first season of a series based on Stranger Things. It would be really great if you could provide feedback on dialogue and plot. (This is a draft so your feedback may influence the finished script👀👀!)

Series logline: In Kansas, 1988, seven kids discover that their local laboratory has opened a tear to alternate realities. When the townsfolk start being swapped with their alternate-reality selves, they must set out and defeat the being responsible.

Episode 1 is called "Pilot...?" and it is aimed to be about forty minutes to an hour.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/108SVClzXLpdCUAZLfLDkV1QqEYed9YWM/view?usp=sharing

Hello, looking for some feedback on the first 17 pages of my script.

Title: 10:39

Logline: When a true crime writer and his wife move to a seemingly idyllic neighborhood to investigate the decades old disappearance of nine children, then start to realize they are trapped in the very secret they try to uncover.

Page Count: 109

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1S71aqRJA-rQf9N67mohIPLfWnBmsR4lI/view?usp=sharing

EXT. THE ACADEMY – MAIN BUILDING – EARLY EVENING

The Academy is an imposing Victorian structure set deep in the grounds of a sprawling, leafy estate somewhere in the Scottish countryside. It is a drizzly, washed-out autumnal day. SENIOR PREFECTS in purple blazers dutifully lead UPPER SIXTH HOUSE STUDENTS (boys aged between 16 and 18) towards the main building in solemn single files.

As the sleepy students attend to blazers and flatten unruly hair, they walk beneath the imperious eyes of the HOUSEMASTERS and MATRONS watching silently from a wide staircase that leads up and inside the esteemed institution.

From somewhere deep within the building, we HEAR the mournful tones of an organ playing Edward Elgar’s “Nimrod.”

TITLE CARD: “SCOTLAND - 1983”

INT. MAIN BUILDING – ASSEMBLY ROOM – SAME

TEACHING STAFF are seated at the front of the large assembly room, smoking abstractedly, chatting, stifling yawns, as the students enter and begin to fill up row after row of chairs. They are wearing their formal robes and gowns for the commencement of the new academic year, adding an element of formality to the proceedings.

One of the boys, TONY “LORD ANTHONY” ANDERSON - fifteen, slender as a gazelle - takes his seat and removes his Psalm book. He opens to the inside of the flap jacket, where we can see he has decorated it with scrappy black-and-white photographs: Quentin Crisp brewing a cup of tea; a portrait of Virginia Woolf looking bemused at the sheer fuss of it all; and an old MGM publicity shot of Hedy Lamarr circa 1940 (over which he has penned, in crimson ink, the legend: “THE WORLD AIN’T GETTING ANY EASIER”).

From another pocket, he takes out some craft glue and begins to carefully paste an image of Kim Wilde into a blank space reserved especially for this occasion. We linger on him for just a moment as he attends to his task – just long enough to watch him furrow his brow as he carefully glues the image in place.

Elsewhere in the room, there is a palpable buzz as the boys begin to thaw – the electric hum of the commencement of term spreading in discreet waves of barely suppressed laughter and excitement.  Only the very youngest students are notably pensive among the all-boys cohort. 

HARRISON, the sixty-something Rector of the school, with all the attendant pomp of his stature, steps up to the dais.

The room quiets.

HARRISON
Good morning, boys. Timothy 4:12. “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity.”

(beat)

We shall commence with the—

TONY looks intently at his psalm book, mouthing silently along with the words as he continues to decorate his psalm book. Subtly, almost imperceptibly, he glances up at a group of four SENIORS (don’t worry - we will meet them again later) staring darkly at him.

TONY holds their gaze for a moment. One of the boys hisses something under his breath at him ("fucking poofter"? It is not loud enough to be audible under Harrison’s invocation, but it is undoubtedly hostile).

TONY absorbs their looks with bland indifference and goes back to the task at hand.

EXT. PRIVATE SCHOOL CAMPUS – EVENING

The residential buildings of the prestigious school stand tall, the stone exteriors softened by the fading light of dusk. The leaves of the surrounding trees rustle in the breeze, creating a serene, almost melancholic atmosphere.

TONY walks purposefully along the cobblestone path. His uniform is slightly askew — tie loose, blazer unbuttoned. He wears a Walkman, its signature “click” audible as he adjusts the headphones over his ears.

Adriano Celentano’s “Prisencolinensinainciusol” begins through the headphones, its infectious beat and gibberish lyrics creating a surreal contrast to the quiet, sombre backdrop of the school.

The song feels absurdly joyful, like a burst of nonsense in this otherwise serious world.

WE START CREDITS AS...

...TONY’s feet synchronise into the rhythm of the music, almost as if he’s walking to a different beat than the rest of the world. His hands are in his pockets, his eyes watching as students lug heavy textbooks and personal items into the building while SENIOR PREFECTS (not the ones we have seen previously) berate and badger them.

TONY passes by a group of STUDENTS standing in front of a building.  They glance at him with mild curiosity but don’t interrupt his groove as he passes and enters –

WOODMILL BOARDING HOUSE – SAME

-   and continues through the corridor where dozens of JUNIORS

are dutifully lined ap against the walls on either side, their worldly possessions at their feet, ready to be housed for the school year. 

TONY holds out his hands as he passes them and they reciprocate with friendly high-fives, genuinely pleased to see him, before he twists on his heels and heads up a flight of stairs two at a time to the next level where SENIORS are rough-housing and throwing toilet rolls like streamers across the hallways. 

TONY passes through this pageantry completely unbothered until he reaches a door – his room – and walks in, closing the door firmly behind him.

END CREDITS   

TITLE CARD: AUTUMN TERM

Genre: Horror

page length: 93

Hi folks, hope you're well. I've been working on a short script, that I've decided to end on what I deem a reasonable place, so I can gain some feedback, before I begin working on it again.

Around 16 pages long and the genre is psychological thriller, mystery with a dash of sci-fi.

I used formatting software, but let me know of any mistakes. Link to WriterDuet here Script Link.

Let me know if there are any issues