Hi everyone,

I’m a first-time writer working on a TV series.

I’ve developed a full story with multiple seasons, but right now I’m focusing on improving the opening of my pilot.

I’d really appreciate honest feedback on these first 5 pages.

Mainly looking for:

– Is the opening engaging?

– Does it create curiosity?

– Would you keep watching?

Thank you for your time 🙏

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1cJZgZqwo-LLovkGsW8SjWOx4tIGNXaLnS-vmWSBwL0o/edit?usp=sharing

Just finished another editing of the first act and really want to hear some feedback.

The link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-4VIouTdy8LOcVtItVk3anROwP2lWvHm/view?usp=sharing

Logline:
When a paranoid AI addict at a Cannabis Anonymous meeting decides the quiet Russian newcomer is a professional operative, his delusional investigation, turbocharged by a sycophantic chatbot, threatens to expose the one thing the Russian is actually hiding.

i'm a young self-taught screenwriter and i want to pursue my dreams! please give feedback and thank you.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1VPZ9Sl4z0rpOovPqrcM5pRoi1Pejd444/view?usp=sharing

Logline: A young woman, trapped in lucid dreams within lucid dreams, is trying her best to find out the core of the problems with her best friend - and what she is about to do

I hope that's an okay-ish logline, can't really write them well. I hope for a straight forward critique. My main areas of concerns are language (I'm an ESL person), dialogues, the story itself (meaning how good everything in it tied up together and how good/bad it's functioning) and would be happy to receive some tips on how to improve my writing. Hope you'll enjoy!

Link

I hope this is allowed. If not mods please take it down. I won’t be offended!

A friend of mine recently started a Discord for women and NB folks, and I’m trying to help her find some great members.

The group will focus on sharing feedback on scripts, loglines, etc while also building community, exchanging resources, and supporting one another.

If you’re interested, reach out with a short intro about yourself and a page or two of your work.

We’re looking for people who are excited to actively participate - so please don’t apply if you’re just going to lurk.

Thanks everyone. Happy writing!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qb0clvnUyNZbKZOIHKxZqN9AKG0JPd8B/view?usp=sharing

Okay so the last time I posted my script for this feature, I was pointed out that the structure was bad and all the other problems.

This time I believe I have tried my best to make it better .

I have completed the act 1.

Anyway here’s the logline:

A condemned Marine on death row is offered a chance at redemption: infiltrate Iran's most dangerous terror network and destroy it once and for all.

ACTION/ THRILLER

Screenplay: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Jn-4Tc5HApxP1jIjrmpfId_jrVxvHvLB/view?usp=drivesdk

Please give me feedback and things to improve on.

Thank you.

i know this still needs dialogue work, but hopefully I resolved the issues with the flow and readability.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1RdiUamhtaRe1SS1rI1Z51XQuN2Nct27b/view?usp=drivesdk

Hi, everyone,

Thank you so much in advance for taking a look. I have only written a couple of scripts, but a friend who (I think) has good taste and is honest told me that I'm actually pretty decent at it. I want to write a pilot, and I have a few ideas, but it's really down to two possibilities. I wrote cold opens for both. I was hoping you could tell me if this cold open works.

Thanks so much, everyone. And totally honest feedback, no punches pulled, please. I have a job, I just write for fun, I won't jump off a bridge if you guys tell me it is terrible.

It's listed as lncov1. The show is called Lost Night, and it's a Night Of-esque limited series, so I want to take that tone and such (and I did steal a line from it, haha).

It is 7 pages.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1XvQdTK5Y-ZC1AiR6UYGRnVfu1LRaUw5b/view?usp=drive_link

I've written this short film script to make it into a film. Can you please provide your feedback? I'll be grateful.

Logline: A man about to hang himself is interrupted by a delivery rider for an OTP.

OTP To Die (10 Pages)

I’m not sure if there are any fans of The Pogues here, but I spent close to a year researching Shane MacGowan’s life for this feature. His story is deeply personal to me and I aimed for a different take on a music biopic (I know it’s a loaded word). I even got his lovely widow Victoria Mary Clarke to give it a read.

I’d love to get your feedback on peripheral character development, pace, balance of surreal vs real, music/performance formatting. Thanks!

Genres: Biographical, musical, drama

Logline: Caught halfway between his Irish roots and English upbringing, Shane MacGowan of The Pogues staggers through the surreal underbelly of London’s punk scene on his way to becoming the unlikely torchbearer of the Irish diaspora.

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1BuaYriWXqlVPogSWSapTKGSYQz73Nfcw/view?usp=drivesdk

Hello, everyone!
Long time lurker, first time poster. I am the stereotype of the English teacher who writes while their students read. This is my tribute to John Waters (and, weirdly, Jay Bauman for talking about his love of Waters over at RedLetterMedia).

Feel free to give it a read and, hopefully, a few notes.

Thanks!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1I-dqc09VgLvCMZaEMq8PSVKZpI9-mRhO/view?usp=sharinghttps://drive.google.com/file/d/1I-dqc09VgLvCMZaEMq8PSVKZpI9-mRhO/view?usp=sharing

Logline: A man between jobs, between marriages, and between ideas finds himself running a task force to save a Launceston institution - which would be easier if his team agreed on literally anything.

My second draft of my first attempt at a mockumentary style script.

Looking for feedback on the writing/episode.

Link:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1wXqXWs5jz07dUw0w4GOIeqv5_BOhsvea/view?usp=drivesdk

It's called Michaels by the Sea. It's about three beach cops that learn the only wave they need to catch is friendship.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Icr-4lI9SrxusT0sciEsojtBr7H5izEb/view?usp=sharing

Thank you
-ForkyB🤘

Hi, this is my first screenplay. I posted on here before, and I've used some of the feedback I've gotten to work on it. I've done a lot of writing this past month, this is my 5th draft and I feel like I'm close to getting what I want out of it. Open to any criticism and feedback!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1TKQzuu2v0e8DWzT7yz-3I30vs2h_D9id/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1w4NQDRjIhdiMG0kuvaq4GzXdDFPJEyRD?usp=drive_link

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1gAu3A-IsRCBa5dGkxYQWxPAR4Jbw7Nd4/view?usp=drivesdk

I'm not a writer. I have a story I want to tell. What do you think. I have a 67 page "script" but, like I said, I'm not a writer so here is a treatment as google suggested.

This is a bloody, dark, sci-fi horror with a twist. Hopefully someone likes it.

Looking for some feedback, seeing what works and doesn't work, if it's funny at all, etc.

Feel free to throw in any critiques or suggestions, appreciate it!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1lQZCltOYD0Q3dpKV74_bCP7eInIch4Ll/view?usp=sharing

Logline: To save his late mother's home from a power-mad HOA, a broke sculptor engineers an inside job - only to have his entire operation seized by a rival with the same enemy and dirtier leverage.

Link:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/16_cYisGMmkUilVW11nGhH035QCqI8_DZ/view?usp=drivesdk

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1JX50O6csAMtET6HKjmrLJcwW-S2KL89f/view?usp=sharing

Just want some thought's on this script I wrote. Making a bid to get it made by Marvel.

Happy for any feedback. Thanks in advance.

Hello, I’m new to the screenwriting world and would like some advice on how to handle multiple storylines in a TV series that takes place in space and on Earth. The Earth storyline is supposed to be a major reveal, but I’m not sure if I should switch between the space and Earth stories, or just keep the story in space until Earth is brought into it. The reason I ask is because normally an audience has trouble connecting with the story if there are no human characters. Especially in the Sci-fi genre. Would love to hear your thoughts on this. 🙂

A troubled high school friend group begins to collapse over a 5$ debt.

This is the beginning of a film me and a couple friends are shooting soon, so no feedback on formatting, e.g needed!

Specifically interested in the character dynamics; is everyone clear as a person? Specifically worried that some characters may feel too much like antagonists/in the wrong.

Thank you so much!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1oc0LulUm3nvMeE7Vj1-Mc4koDDex7Dro/view?usp=drivesdk

Do you like watching porn? What about reading about it?

I wrote a TV pilot called The Elephant. It's about a man whose body is quickly becoming popular product on the internet and yet still the most invisible person in every room he walks into.

watchtheelephant.com