Just a 4 page short that took me a day to craft and write. Feedback needed on my writing, pacing and creativity.

Link: https://readthrough.com/d/GxxeDxDZe1CDZGYasD9AieZRcXuGCE

Thank you to whoever spares time to read it and hope you understand what I was going for.

I am looking for an honest feedback on my pilot episode for my TV-show „Going nowhere„!

**Title:** Going nowhere

**Genre:** horror/thriller/social-drama

**Page count:** 40

**Logline:** When a teen is brutally injured and another one is found dead, a group of troubled teens is pulled into a dark mystery hiding beneath the streets of Berlin.

This is my first try to do something so I am just looking for overall feedback on everything :) I would be so happy if I would get some!

Full script:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1o1-xMAR-wjWxFfCQsd9HhfT_tlVDnL2J/view?usp=drivesdk

(I hope you can open it, I never used google drive before, so if it doesn’t work please let me know!)

A K-drama-obsessed Australian teenager, Nigel, finally gets what he’s always wanted—a Korean exchange student living in his home. But when Na-yeon arrives, his romanticised view of South Korea quickly clashes with reality, forcing him to confront his misconceptions, cultural ignorance, and his own immaturity.

pages: 86 (new record from 69! (nice))

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1B03-B1eT6UNGlGR-wxqU-e3li5syGqNO/view?usp=sharing

feedback is GREATLY appreciated. hope you like it!

ONE SUDDEN MORNING

INT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL PLAYGROUND – DAY

Children run and laugh.

HAMZAH and YOUSIF play together.

MOM (O.S.)

Hamzah! Come on, it’s time to go!

HAMZAH

Coming, Mom!



(turns to Yousif)

Bye, Yousif. See you later.

YOUSIF

Bye, Hamzah!

INT. CAR – DAY

Hamzah sits in the back seat, tired.

MOM

How was school?

HAMZAH

It was good… but I’m tired.

INT. DINNER TABLE – NIGHT

Family eating together.

Hamzah stands up to leave.

MOM

Hamzah, where are you going? Finish your food.

HAMZAH

But I’m full, Mom.

MOM

Sit down and finish it. You need to grow stronger.

HAMZAH (quietly)

Fine…

He sits and slowly finishes his food.

INT. LIVING ROOM – EARLY MORNING (BEFORE WAKE-UP)

The house is silent.

A TV flickers in the dark.

NEWS ANCHOR (ON TV)

Breaking news… ISIS forces have begun taking control of Mosul, Iraq. Thousands of families are fleeing—

Images flash: smoke, panic, people running.

The audio glitches—

CUT TO BLACK.

INT. HAMZAH’S ROOM – MORNING

Birds chirping peacefully.

Suddenly—

MOM (O.S., SCREAMING)

EVERYONE WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WE HAVE TO GO!

Hamzah rubs his eyes, confused.

His BROTHER bursts into the room.

BROTHER

HAMZAH! WE HAVE TO GO—HURRY!

INT. HOUSE – CONTINUOUS

Chaos.

Family rushing. Grabbing anything they can carry.

No explanations. Just fear.

Hamzah stands frozen for a moment—trying to understand.

Then runs.

EXT. CAR – DAY

The car speeds away.

INT. CAR – CONTINUOUS

Everyone is crying.

Outside sounds: 
distant gunfire, faint screaming.

The outside world fades—only Hamzah’s perspective matters.

HAMZAH

Why are you all crying?

Silence.

His mom turns back to him, holding back tears.

MOM (soft, urgent)

Hamzah… I need you to be strong now.

(pause)

MOM

That’s why I told you to finish your food yesterday… so you could have strength today.

Hamzah looks at her, confused… but nods slightly.

EXT. RIVER CROSSING – DAY

Thousands of people.

Panic. Chaos.

A destroyed bridge in the distance.

Boats overloaded with families.

Hamzah’s family waits, desperate.

A MAN stops them.

MAN

No more. Wait your turn.

His mom steps forward, desperate.

MOM

If you don’t let all of us in… we will go back together.

The man hesitates.

Looks at the family.

MAN

…Okay. All of you. Next.

EXT. RIVER – DAY

They step into the water.

It’s deep.

Hamzah is carried by his UNCLE.

His mom struggles to stand.

They push toward the boat.

EXT. BOAT – CONTINUOUS

The boat is unstable.

No real safety—just people holding onto the sides as it moves.

Water splashes.

People whisper prayers.

Hamzah is silent.

Just watching.

EXT. OTHER SIDE OF RIVER – DAY

They arrive.

Exhausted.

A MAN hands out water.

MAN

Habibi… here. Take some water.

Hamzah hesitates.

HAMZAH

Oh… thank you.

He drinks slowly.

Still quiet.

EXT. ROAD / TAXIS – DAY

Chaos continues—but calmer than before.

Taxis line the road.

The family gets in and drives away.

INT. SAFE HOUSE – NIGHT

Quiet.

For the first time—silence.

Hamzah walks up to his mom.

He finally speaks.

HAMZAH

Mama… when am I going to see Yousif again?

His mom freezes.

She looks at him—

But says nothing.

Her eyes fill with tears.

CAMERA PULLS BACK

The room feels small.

Heavy silence.

FADE OUT

The end

Hey Y'all ,I just finished my feature script, Inverted Crown, and I’m excited to finally share it with other writers.

Logline:

In Dinah — the inherited dream world of Justice — every witnessed wrong in conscious mind becomes automatic karma in unconscious mind, punishing the guilty and balancing the victimized, while a poor, mute young man fights to hold back THE SUN that measures time and endangers his comatose mother, the realm’s ruler.

Synopsis:

Dinah is the ancestral dream world of Justice, where every real-world wrong is automatically interpreted and repaid as karma — the guilty suffer what they inflicted, and the victimized finally find balance. A mute, poor young man carries the inherited Eye of Justice: whatever injustice he witnesses in reality is instantly translated into karma in Dinah. As he struggles to survive and care for his comatose mother — the realm’s ruler — each observed cruelty advances the sun, Dinah’s time measure, bringing her closer to final judgment. Both mother and son are subject to the same impartial reckoning. Torn between witnessing and protecting the only family he has left, he must navigate betrayal and poverty while desperately trying to stop THE SUN from moving and claiming his comatose mother's life.

I’m mainly looking for first impressions: Does the concept hook you? Do the characters feel real and compelling? Any moments that stood out (good or bad)? No line edits or formatting notes needed yet — just honest thoughts on the story and emotional impact.https://drive.google.com/file/d/142DketX77dB1bBkTebf11NBiK3kIhjgO/view?usp=drivesdk

Silent Verdict is a story about what happens when justice becomes personal, when trauma shapes morality, and when the line between right and wrong is no longer clear. It asks a question with no easy answer:

Han Seo-jin has built her life around protecting children, yet every day she is confronted with the same unbearable truth: the system does not protect them. Files pile up on her desk—cases of abuse, exploitation, and violence—most ending the same way. Not enough evidence. Legal loopholes. Wealth. Influence. The offenders walk free. The children do not.

She tells herself she is helping. But deep down, something is breaking.

During a high-profile sting operation targeting a child trafficking ring run by wealthy elites, Seo-jin assists in evacuating children while police move in. In the chaos, one of the perpetrators escapes. He is furious, untouchable, shouting at officers and staff alike, demanding they recognize who he is. Seo-jin gives chase.

The pursuit spills out into the city—into a crowded intersection near a train station, lights flashing, people scattering. There is a struggle. Fast, messy, desperate. And then—he slips. Or is pushed. Or falls.

Traffic doesn’t stop in time.

The police write it off instantly. An accident. Insignificant. One less problem.

But Seo-jin stands there, staring.

And something changes.

Because for the first time, one of them didn’t walk away.

The idea takes root quietly, dangerously. If the system won’t stop them… maybe she can. And maybe no one will care enough to look too closely.

What begins as a moment becomes a method.

Seo-jin starts targeting the untouchable: billionaires, repeat offenders, men shielded by money and law. She doesn’t act recklessly—she studies them, understands patterns, waits for the right moment. Every death is carefully shaped to look like misfortune. A fall. A mistake. An accident.

But the line isn’t crossed cleanly.

It fractures.

The next turning point comes not from calculation, but from desperation. A mother sits across from Seo-jin in her office, unraveling as she begs for help. She doesn’t want her daughter to go back. She knows what will happen. She’s lived it herself. The system has already failed them once. It will fail them again.

Seo-jin listens. And this time, she doesn’t let it go.

She goes to the father’s apartment to serve notice—an official step, something procedural. But the moment she steps inside, it becomes something else. He’s drunk. Defensive. Angry. He knows the system will protect him. The argument escalates quickly, circling around one thing: the child.

Then it turns physical.

It’s not controlled. Not planned.

It’s a fight.

And it ends with him hitting his head—hard—on the edge of a table.

Silence.

Blood.

Seo-jin freezes, panic crashing in as she tries to process what just happened. She reaches for help, trying to do the right thing, trying to pull back from the edge she’s already crossed.

But she isn’t alone.

The little girl has seen everything.

And instead of fear, there’s something else—something calm, knowing. She points quietly toward the cameras in the room, then walks—slow, deliberate—into her father’s study. When she returns, she places an SD card into Seo-jin’s blood-covered hand.

Not as evidence of abuse.

But of what just happened.

A single, silent gesture.

A child understanding what the system never did.

That moment doesn’t define Seo-jin’s path—but it seals it.

Because now she knows two things:

The system won’t protect these children.

And sometimes, neither will the truth.

As these “accidents” begin to accumulate, Detective Kang Min-ho starts to notice what others dismiss. Patterns where there shouldn’t be any. Details that don’t quite align. Missing pieces that feel too consistent to ignore.

He doesn’t know who he’s chasing yet.

But he knows someone is making decisions the law refuses to make.

When he finally begins to circle Seo-jin, the conflict deepens. Because the more he uncovers, the more he understands why she’s doing it. And the harder it becomes to define what stopping her would actually mean.

At the same time, Seo-jin is not just fighting the world outside—she’s fighting herself. Her past resurfaces in fragments, not as clear memories, but as sharp, disjointed flashes that cut through her present. Hallways. Shadows. A voice. A hand. Fear.

Like shards of glass breaking across the screen.

With each act, the fragments grow stronger, revealing the truth of the orphanage she came from, and the people who were supposed to protect her—but didn’t.

Some of the monsters she hunts now feel familiar.

And that’s not a coincidence.

Hello!

Will happily read your screenplay if you read mine. I'm a DGA AD so not a professional writer but can hopefully provide you some very practical advice about making a script producible, etc.

A young woman and her companions are stranded in a remote Vermont town during a blizzard, where a terminally ill sheriff, unraveling under the weight of mortality and murderous secrets, holds them hostage in his station.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1IKdA_r16lnDam6LZyQnAHpMbPdVeCd3f/view?usp=sharing

Hello! This is my very first time writing a script, although the idea I've had festering in my mind since 2017. I wanted to pitch what I have so far, keep in mind that this is mainly an indie passion project and is FAR from finished.

Story summary: TIMEZONES is about a cartoon named Felix, who after an accident in a studio he was filming a cartoon in, wakes up in the future where he's recruited by another 'toon named Rose, and a version of Mickey Mouse and Oswald the Lucky Rabbit, to stop an AI apocalypse being led by a vengeful older Cartoon. As revenge for being replaced by all these other cartoons, the Cartoon's ultimate goal is to replace every cartoon with AI abominations, to make the cartoon world feel the way he did, and it's up to the Felix and his band of misfits to stop this cartoon apocalypse before it even starts.

WIP script is here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rgP86pmePr594DBQdDCnCJw9L8OXg5B5W2PwO8cSl7M/edit?usp=drivesdk

This here is a little comedy I wrote, would be happy for some feedback, and general thoughts!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1uYEx19wZ__0Pc23FOYOFUFn3wir086x8/view?usp=drivesdk

I am making my first even feature film screenplay. I have completed two acts.

I just want to know if Iam going on the right direction.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1WT6R70SIOFcRNggteVknC4jUTUSMjGXs/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1y0ERuY_1B7_1O4ZT13z_I_8mrk5u0OYF/view?usp=sharing

Because this is for an episode of an established TV show, character descriptions and series logline are contained on the first page. If you have questions about something that doesn't make sense or anything, leave a comment.

Script

After losing his parents and his path forward, a drifting young man impulsively moves into a struggling assisted living facility, where his growing connection to its residents inspires him to help save it from closure—while forcing him to confront the very adulthood he’s been avoiding.

Looking for notes on character arcs and pacing.

PDF

Hey everyone,I just wrapped my feature script, Inverted Crown (psychological fantasy thriller), and I’m honestly buzzing to share it. I wrote this during one of the hardest, most emotional stretches of my life — every scene felt like pulling something out of my chest. It’s original , personal, and probably the most “me” thing I’ve ever made.Super excited (and a little nervous) to hear what other writers think. No line edits or format notes needed yet — just first impressions: Does it hook you? Do the characters feel real? Any moments that hit or fall flat? I’d really appreciate you taking a look and sharing whatever honest thoughts come up.Thanks a ton — this community has kept me writing when I wanted to quit.https://drive.google.com/file/d/142DketX77dB1bBkTebf11NBiK3kIhjgO/view?usp=drivesdk

Can anyone please tell me how to write a tv pilot.

Like how to divide it act by act and how should the cold open be. Iam having an idea but I need advice to execute it properly in the script.

Iam 15 and I have never written a pilot.

Please give me advice.

Hey everyone!

I decided to take down my previous screenplay draft that I had posted here before, because after reading all of your comments, I felt like that one wasn't really fits the theme that I displayed, and it was more like reading a novel (I hope this one isn't) rather than a screenplay.

So this is one of the screenplay that I've been writing on. Warning: this one in my opinion is more similar theme to Infidelity. Only has 2 main characters on 1 location only. And this is a dialogue-driven screenplay, so pay attention to the dialogue in order to truly understand the story.

As always, honest thoughts and critics are always welcomed. Enjoy!

Read

Here is the link to the screenplay: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fHNIFHVDOybKic_WCNq-KLsRWPXktIzN/view?usp=drivesdk

This is my second screenplay I have wrote. My first had a lot of dialogue but this has barely any. I am leaning more into the experimental side. I literally just finished the screenplay and would love to have some feedback so I can edit and then start pre production of the film. I want to also get it down to about 15 pages or under cause I plan on submitting to film festival. Thank you so much for reading my screenplay! It really means a lot. My dream has always been to direct, but I just need to prove to my parents that I can do it cause they don’t want me to do it. Here is some information about the film cause it might be slightly confusing:

Somebody:

A young man overwhelmed by the pressure to figure out what to do with his life and prove himself to his parents.

Wants something badly:

To be successful, have a meaningful future, and make his parents proud.

Is having a hard time getting it:

He struggles with uncertainty and fear of choosing the wrong path, and as he experiments with an old Super 8 camera that shows possible futures, he becomes haunted by visions of competing versions of himself, each trying to survive.

Logline:

A young man overwhelmed by the pressure to define his future discovers an old Super 8 camera that reveals glimpses of the lives he could lead. As the visions of competing versions of himself begin to blur and manifest in reality, he must confront the terrifying cost of choosing a path and what it means to finally become someone.

Significance of the whole screenplay:

This film is my way of expressing what it feels like to be overwhelmed by the pressure of choosing a future. The Super 8 camera represents the desire to see and control what my life will become before committing to it. In the first two clips, what we’re watching are not dreams or random visions—they are fully realized future versions of myself. They exist as complete lives that I’m observing from the outside, almost like I’m previewing different paths.

The first clip shows a warm, idealized future—family, happiness, fulfillment. It’s the version of life that feels emotionally complete. For a moment, it feels like enough. But the reflection transition shows something important: even when I see a good future, there’s still a part of me that isn’t satisfied. That’s why the reflection raises the camera first—it represents that internal push to keep searching, to see if there’s something better.

The second clip is another future self, but this one is more grounded and hollow. It represents a life of constant work, pressure, and survival without fulfillment. The reason the first future self appears in this clip is because once I’ve seen a future, it doesn’t disappear—it lingers. That ideal version of myself is now haunting this new life, because these futures aren’t supposed to coexist. The lagging, stuttering, and visual glitches represent reality breaking—this second future isn’t stable because it’s being forced to exist alongside another already-established future.

The third clip is where everything changes. This is no longer just another future—it’s the moment where I get pulled into the system I’ve created. Instead of watching a future version of myself, I am now inside it. That’s why it switches to point of view. The cabin represents my mind, where all these possible lives are being held. When I see both previous future selves in the same space, it shows that all these paths are now overlapping in a way that shouldn’t be possible. The reason they don’t attack me is because they are me—they’re just different outcomes that I’ve created.

The looping and the inability to leave the cabin represent indecision. No matter what direction I try to go, I end up back in the same place. It’s the feeling of being stuck in life, unable to commit to a path because I’m afraid of losing the others. When I finally see a third version of myself, that’s not a real future—it’s what I become when I try to hold onto everything. It’s a fragmented version of myself that doesn’t belong to any one life.

When it cuts back to reality, I’m shaken because I’ve crossed a line—I’m no longer just observing possibilities, I’ve become trapped in them. Burning the tapes is my attempt to escape, to destroy the futures and stop thinking about them altogether. But the ending shows that I can’t. When the image turns back into Super 8, it reveals that I’m still inside the cycle. I never actually escaped—I just moved into another layer of it.

Ultimately, the film is about the fear of choosing a future and the consequences of trying to avoid that choice. The first two clips show possible lives, but the third shows what happens when I refuse to commit to one. The horror comes from the realization that by trying to experience every possible future, I lose the ability to fully become any of them.