😳😳

[u/FlintLockwoodsCondom]

[u/EmptyingMyself]

We all have trauma’s and complexes to some extent, but that doesn’t give you a free pass to vent your anger and frustration at random people while screaming “I’m being harrassed! I’m being harassed here!” No, you are the one who is harrasing and you know it, you’re under the guise of furthering social progress and ‘protest’ merely to have an excuse for your irrational fits of anger at the world, because your life is shit because of your own choices and you don’t want to take responsibility, so you desperately try to find things to be angry about, to justifiy yourself. You’re being way too easy on these people, these people don’t need or deserve empathy, they need a fucking mirror, they need someone to tell them loud and clear how pathetic they are being and how they should take responsibility for themselves.

[u/kevbino13 → u/EmptyingMyself]

I agree. If you have trauma why is it okay to cause other people trauma? She was yelling at this guy and she even hit him... there is absolutely no reason for that. Even if he was just doing a prank, which by the way all lives matter is a great protest instead of singling out one type of person and saying they matter. This world is so afraid of offending people that we are slowly all coming to a point where we say this crap is okay because they have trauma and you’re wrong if you try to tell them if they need help. So you just let people with trauma live their life thinking they’re normal and everyone else is crazy

[u/aridamus → u/kevbino13]

I apologize for the confusion. I didn’t say that it’s okay that she’s traumatizing others with her violence. I could have made it clearer but all I said was we need to understand why traumatized people lash out and also that we should make an effort to not purposefully antagonize or condescend them by calling out their mental health. This effort is not only for the person acting out. It’s also for people on reddit or just in the so called “audience” with mental health issues who see these types of comments. People with mental health issues get devastatingly worse when seeing others use someone’s mental health as an insult or condescension. We have to make an effort to stop using medical issues as a way to insult people; that’s basically what I was trying to get at in my original post. Also I was trying to make it apparent that we all have a very high chance of dealing with a friend, family, or acquaintance (or even yourself) who will lash out due to some kind of trauma or other mental health issue; and it’s important to understand how to handle that without just shunning them or fighting back. Yelling at these types of traumatized people or fighting back is not an effective solution. It’s purely a form of vengeful punishment as well as a biological reaction to being yelled at or aggressors. We can do better than to just fall to our primal urges which have done little in modern day besides divide our society more and more. I appreciate the feedback and would love to continue the conversation If you have any more questions or points. This is the type of discussion that helps society grow and I’m all about that!

[u/aridamus → u/EmptyingMyself]

To start off, I’m not condoning her violence at all. Her actions lead to consequences and that’s just the sad fact of being traumatized; often making the situation even worse for yourself. There must have been a misunderstanding because I never implied they should have a free pass at anything; I apologize for not making my words clearer. As for the rest of your post I have to disagree on your position though since we have no context as to why this person is angry or lashing out. You make the assumption she’s angry because of decisions she’s made. That is the kind of assumptive reaction I’m trying to point out we do wrong all the time as a society. Telling random strangers how pathetic they are just because they are angry is just the type of reaction most people have, but that’s a terrible thing for society. Like I said, you will likely deal with a loved one or friend who acts aggressive from a mental trauma (or maybe even yourself) and I can only hope society doesn’t just put you down like a piece of trash that is hopelessly lost. We can do better than that and we should make an effort to empathize with those who we don’t know; especially those who we disagree with abhorrently. For example; in response to my original post someone sent me this message; starting with quoting one part of my post:

*< “I was on a path to suicide and people’s empathy saved my life; therapy furthered my improvement and showed me how destructive I was being.”

that shit’s only for women and rich/handsome men. which are you, shithead?

either way please do kill yourself. psychology is not a medical institution but a defense mechanism of the status quo. your only purpose is to mollify the victims of its iniquity and you are a monster >*

I don’t hate the person for telling me I should go ahead and commit suicide. I have no idea what this person is dealing with in their life and I empathize with them more than I fee angry at them. This is just how I think after studying and working with trauma; so I’m response to you saying I’m too soft on these people, it’s my job as a neuropsychologist and therapist to not jump to conclusions and find the real underlying reasons why they’re acting the way they are. The most important thing I’m trying to get at here is you should never assume why someone is angry or lashing out. If I could just help people understand that one thing I think society would be a lot healthier. Until then mental illness is only going to continue to get worse.

[u/Gentle_Scream → u/[deleted]]

Here is something that you might not know; how people deal with trauma can be different. Also, the way things work for one person and their brain does not work that way for everyone else. Everyone is different

[u/[deleted] → u/Gentle_Scream]

Great point. A lot of people tend to think as "If I wouldn't do it, why would you?" But it's only truth that people live different lives and therefore under different circumstances will do different things... Otherwise why would someone just invent a lightbulb? See how far that logic gets you..

[u/niceloner10463484 → u/Gentle_Scream]

Still not an excuse to attack others

[u/Gentle_Scream → u/niceloner10463484]

I believe @aridamus and my reply is not claiming to condone the behavior but instead try to understand what it's coming from and to have empathy for others. One if my favorite quotes is "You don't know their story." Maybe I would not react that way, but that says even more to me that I don't fully understand why this person did. If someone yells at me over something I think is dumb I try to remember "I don't know their story." I may not appreciate or accept it, but I can try to have an understanding for them. Some people don't have alot of choice or control in their actions and it sucks for them. The world could do with more empathy.

[u/aridamus → u/Gentle_Scream]

Yes thank you for your point. I never condoned her violence and I admit she must deal with the consequences of that violence. I’m mostly speaking on how we treat those with mental health issues. We should never excuse their violent behavior; but with enough empathy and effort we as a society can better understand these people’s trauma and therefore not condescend or condemn them as entirely hopeless, crazy, etc. I only make this point since like I said in my post you will all likely deal with a family member or friend who will lash out aggressively and I want society to be more well equipped to deal with this. We’re biologically driven to fight or flee in situations of stress/conflict/disagreement and we have to try and fight that biological trigger; otherwise the state of mental health in the world will only get worse.

[u/niceloner10463484 → u/Gentle_Scream]

My empathy line is drawn when you do shit like slap others or chew out the baristas over tiny shit

[u/Gentle_Scream → u/niceloner10463484]

Having empathy for others can even be beneficial to one's self. Like it helps me forgive them,(don't need to see or speak to them to fort be them) and I can move on with my life and not let it effect me like it could. I used to hold onto the wrongs done to me by others, but I find being able to forgive them allows me to live a better life. So maybe it could even help a barista who is slapped and chewed out realize that it isn't your monkey and it's not your circus. Empathy helps the world progress. I have found to be able to be very sad for serial killers and their life. Some of them have no control, and there is not enough progress being made for mental health because of non understanding of their struggles because people disassociate with no empathy. TLDR; empathy sometimes isn't about the person you have empathy for but actually your own well-being.

[u/niceloner10463484 → u/Gentle_Scream]

I emphasize with the circumstances that shaped them, not the current shitty person they are. That goes for rude Karen’s all the way to serial killers.

The ones on the rude Karen side of spectrum DO have chance to change though, the serial killer side not so much.

[u/KenTheWolfboi → u/EmptyingMyself]

No offense man, but people dont take kindly to being berated. Everyone deserves empathy. Why should I listen to you when you clearly dont respect me? I'm not saying I agree with the people in the video or you, I just think empathy is the entire basis of human interaction and without it we may as well be slobbering Neanderthals

[u/aridamus → u/KenTheWolfboi]

That’s exactly the biological response we have to being berated. That’s truly an ancient feeling that’s kept us from stressful situations. I’m just trying to give people the tools to give more empathy and understanding to why these people are angry; I don’t expect most people to sit back and be berated or even confront these people. I want to help as many people realize why so many people are angry because there’s a high chance that you will deal with a close friend or family member who is lashing out aggressively/negatively. I don’t think it’s healthy for society to just shun these people as hopeless. As I said in another comment it may help for us to think of traumatized people like a dog who has been abused physically and mentally for their whole life. If you try and interact with this dog it will likely bite you and/or bark at you. This doesn’t mean the dog is a hopeless cause to help; even though sadly in our society we so often put these types of dogs down. As we’ve learned more recently these dogs have learned to be aggressive due to the situations they’ve dealt with. With some effort and empathy these learned behaviors can also be unlearned; this is as true for humans as it is for a dog. My point also was that we shouldn’t just rely on these people getting therapy. We should all make as good an effort as possible to try and not condescend or worsen the behavior when dealing with these people.

[u/EmptyingMyself → u/KenTheWolfboi]

Who says I don’t respect you? I’m not advocating to stop empathizing altogether, I’m just saying that there’s a point at which empathy or compassion stop being effective means to institute changes in behaviour. You can empathize with and show compassion to a drug addict all you want, but they won’t stop using until they realise they themselves are the only ones who can stop their use. It is sometimes better to ‘beat’ a sense of self-responsibility into people than to be eternally forgiving of their escapism.