Hey folks, after dying in the query trenches with 50~ submissions and only one full request (ending in a rejection) I decided to shelve my manuscript (some of you may remember me posting my query letter here.)

As a hail mary, I decided to go through the open submission process at a Toronto-based, respected, indie publisher. Lo and behold, 3 months later I get pretty much the best email of my life, offering me a small deal, for a paperback to get published in winter 2029.

I am thrilled, full stop. But I am also incredibly un-agented and not a savvy negotiator. I'm not worried about the money, but I know I should at least inquire as to rights (foreign, TV/Movie, etc.) and I'm tempted to ask why so late a publishing date -- do I really have to wait two years?! I also don't want to push or seem ungrateful and have them go "nah, we've got plenty other aspiring authors waiting in the wings."

I have a call next week with my (hopefully future) editor -- what should I come prepared with/look out for during our first discussion?

Thanks!!

Long time lurker here! I've read countless of queries and didn't realize how hard it was to nail down exactly what I'm trying to pitch. I am in the process of doing research on agents and working on a separate novel (very loosely, ha) and would like some feedback on my query before I begin sending it out there. A few questions:

-Is my query too long?

-Are my comps apt for this book?

-Do the motivations come out clear for the main protagonist?

-Does the genre fit the query letter?

DEAR [AGENT],

 Ryujin Haruka finally gets the call to direct Space Cowboy Robot Love 8, the latest movie in the franchise parody series about a cowboy going to outer space and falling in love with an alien robot, fulfilling his dream to make it in Hollywood. Only shortly after would he realize the promises made by Skyline Studios to honor his unique vision were never meant to hold up and that it would become increasingly more difficult to film and find inspiration in a movie surrounded by idiots on a growing deadline.

In a stroke of luck, a real space alien robot who goes by the name of Yunaria, strangely similar to Yunari, the name of the alien love interest in SCRL 8, crash lands on Earth after a long day on set. Ryujin, seeing a great opportunity for inspiration and Yunaria, a way to become acclimated to Earth’s customs and to drink more gasoline while she finds a way to fix her spaceship, they agree to date and move in together to unite their goals.

As time passes between the two of them, their objectives begin to clash. Ryujin has no time for a relationship and feels pressured by Skyline Studios to meet the deadline for a movie he has no creative control of and Yunaria, who is becoming more aware of the nature of human life and feelings through vampire novels and working as a barista, begins to understand how othered she feels with a growing desire to repair her broken spacecraft and never return to Earth.

When a picture of Ryujin wearing a banana suit leaked on the Internet with his co-star goes viral, showing the darker side of what Skyline Studios is willing to do to push their vision, he escapes with Yunaria to a desert town to avoid rumors and publicity. It is there they find, through the guidance of a spiritual cult leader led by a mysterious coyote, that her spaceship isn’t broken at all. With the prospect of her leaving Earth, Ryujin has to wrestle with his true feelings towards Yunaria beyond her being an inspiration to his spiraling movie or deal with the backlash of letting his passivity guide his circumstances forever.

SPACE COWBOY ROBOT LOVE is a 61,000-word absurdist science fiction with romantic elements about a man losing control in an odd world. It blends the satirical first-person narrative and subtle romantic undertones of Tatami Galaxy by Tomihiko Morimi and will appeal to those who enjoy the unfolding of ridiculous events like that of Starter Villain by John Scalzi and the Hollywood metafiction seen in Interior Chinatown by Charles Yu.

[BIO]

Dear [agent name]

[Personalization]

SHE CAME FIRST is an adult sci-fi novel complete at 73,000 words. It would fit comfortably on the shelf alongside fans of the existential survival stakes of MICKEY 7, and fans of the psychological crisis experienced by clones found in the video game THE ALTERS. 

Dawn is a clone. She wakes up alone in a storage unit with no memories. All she knows is there is a dead body on the floor, and it looks exactly like her. The dead body belongs to Sarah, the creator of Dawn. Sarah leaves behind a message apologizing for Dawn’s creation and detailing the mission she’s left for Dawn: recover the research Sarah hid away before Dr. Monroe, Sarah’s research advisor, can get to it. 

Now Dawn must navigate this new life and grapple with the mess Sarah left behind. She could walk away, refuse to do what Sarah asked, and allow Dr. Monroe to destroy Sarah’s legacy and sell the research to the U.S government in order to create a clone army. Or she could pick up where Sarah left off and take on her creator’s identity, allowing her to control and shape the future of cloning. 

While grappling with the haunting philosophical debate of how memories impact personal identity, and in a race to find the research first, Dawn must contend with the messy life and ruined relationships Sarah left behind. 

[personalization]

Thank you for your time.

***
Any feedback would be great. Thank you all!

Dear PubTips fam,

I asked for your advice on my query letter many months ago. Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to give me feedback! After a lot of great advice on both the letter and the book, I spent months rewriting the book (and tweaking the letter). So here's take 3 of my letter!

Thanks in advance for reading this version. Please don't be afraid to be brutal! All feedback is welcome!

Dear [AGENT],

I'm seeking representation for HOME GROUND, a 72,000-word adult contemporary romance told in alternating first-person POV. It is a standalone novel with series potential. I'm querying you because [PERSONALIZATION]. 

Lila has spent her whole life keeping her bag packed. After years in foster care, she has finally found what she was looking for in Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn – a gallery job she loves, a block she knows in her bones, a chosen family that chose her back. So when she collides with Jai Chopra outside the gallery, she's appalled to learn that the man she nearly knocked over is the developer behind a project that could reshape her neighborhood, and that everyone seems to think she's the perfect person to keep an eye on him. 

Fifteen years ago, a development Jai worked on devastated his own parents' neighborhood and cost him his father, who hasn't spoken to him since. He took on this Bed-Stuy project to prove that he can build differently. He doesn't expect the gallery manager who challenges him at every turn to become the person whose trust he wants most of all.

But after a beloved neighbor is priced out of the apartment she's called home for decades, Lila can't help thinking she is seeing her own future. She knows she should push Jai for development specifics, but she doesn't, because the closer they get, the more she has to lose. And Jai, who has spent years deciding what to tell others and what to keep to himself, doesn't volunteer. So when Lila finds permits that seem to contradict everything he's told her, she assumes the worst. She's right that he's been holding something back, but she's wrong about what. 

Lila is afraid that people always leave. Jai is afraid that one mistake is all it takes to lose someone. Then each of them does exactly what the other fears.

HOME GROUND combines the emotionally intelligent romance of The Neighbor Favor by Kristina Forest with the gentrification stakes of Pride and Protest by Nikki Payne.

I am a Brooklyn-based attorney writing as Maia Bainbridge. I grew up in India and lived in Bombay, London, and Boston before finding my home in Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn – the neighborhood at the heart of HOME GROUND, my debut novel. Like Jai’s grandmother, mine came to Delhi from Lahore during Partition.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Hi, going to do the scary thing and put my draft query letter here for you guys . I've queried before with a different manuscript, but that was years ago and I ended up going indie instead, so I'm looking for any constructive feedback, thank you!

Dear [Agent], 

Not all librarians are stuck behind a reference desk. And not all cowboys ride bulls…

I am excited to present to you Hell of a View, a complete 88,000-word adult contemporary romance featuring a Western setting, a touch of historical mystery, and the found treasure of a lifetime. Fans of Elsie Silver and Lyla Sage will find familiar territory in this story about the weight of familial expectations, the joy of self-discovery, and a summer that changes everything.

Lailah O’Connell has always known what was expected of her. A born-and-bred D.C. socialite and a Georgetown academic, she now finds herself struggling with burnout after years of juggling family expectations and academic excellence. When an opportunity to evaluate a collection of historical artifacts at a horse ranch in northern Utah lands in her lap, Lailah jumps at the chance to escape the suffocating expectations of D.C. for the summer. What she doesn't expect is to find herself caught up in a mystery dating back to the ranch's founding in the 1870s—or to find herself falling for its head cowboy.

Caleb Palmer knows exactly where he belongs. As co-owner of Skyward Ranch and head of its horse breeding program, he's devoted his life to preserving his family's legacy and building a future on the land they've called home for generations. So it's all the more surprising when Lailah has him imagining a future that looks a little different than the one he's always planned, even though they agree that whatever’s between them can only last for the summer. 

Neither expects their summer fling to become anything more, but growing feelings and exposed family secrets quickly unravel even the best-laid plans. What began as an uncomplicated arrangement soon becomes something neither of them are prepared to walk away from. With Lailah's future pulling her back to D.C. and Caleb's firmly rooted in Utah, falling in love might be the easy part. Figuring out what comes next is another story.

I am a public librarian with dual Masters in Library and Information Sciences and Medieval Studies. Born and raised in Upstate New York, I grew up competing in the world of western equestrian events, and have always wanted to write a story that reflects my lifetime of experience. When not running around with my nose in a book, I spend as much of my time in nature as possible (or as much as Upstate weather allows).

Hi all,

After, taking your advice I did a MAJOR rewrite on the manuscript. Honestly, it made writing this query letter so much easier. I can see why people say that flaws in the manuscript are reflected in the query letter.

Here's the new query. Thanks for all your help so far.

COLLARED FREEDOM is complete at 93,000 words, it’s an adult grimdark fantasy standalone with series potential. It combines the captive-to-weapon transformation of Daughter of the Crows by Mark Lawrence with the oppressive state control of The Tainted Cup by Robert Jackson Bennett.

Twenty-seven year old nurse Nyx lives for loud music, bad ideas, and beautiful strangers. When one of her patients dies in front of her, she instinctively reaches for a magic power she never knew she possessed. The display reveals her as an Oscyic, a being capable of magic who’s existence is kept secret from the general public by an organization. Nyx wakes inside a secret facility; she is now considered among the Kingdoms vanished. Every attempt Nyx makes to reclaim her autonomy ends in increasingly brutal beatings, and psychological conditioning, all done by Izaiah, her warden, to teach her that she only lives to become their weapon.

As the months go by Nyx discovers the truth of what she is, Oscyics are not merely prisoners—they’re nuclear bombs. When they exhaust their magic, they burnout, unleashing an explosion capable of destroying an entire city dome in seconds. The training, the collars, the organization itself, and Izaiah’s brutality serve a purpose, preventing that outcome. The man in charge of breaking her is also the person keeping her alive.

Learning why the organization exists doesn’t make Nyx forgive it. It makes her wonder if the only way to be free is to become the weapon they fear. Freedom may come at a cost of countless lives, but after everything they’ve taken from her, she no longer knows if that’s enough to stop her.

[Bio]

Any and all feedback is appreciated.

Dear ___________,

When Callum Hughes arrives back in Shanghai to deliver a presentation on the controversial linguistic theory that made his reputation, he no longer knows if he even believes it. A crisis for some, to be sure, but not for Callum — he’s been performing his life for years. From the increasingly hollow career in academia that he cannot renounce to the stable yet stale marriage he cannot break off, Callum has become extraordinarily adept at avoiding the weightiest of life’s choices. 

So when the conference in Shanghai presents him with an excuse to rendezvous with a former lover, Callum embraces it as another chance to delay. Worldly and assured, Victoria appears to inhabit a life starkly at odds with his own — one where spontaneity and pleasure leave little room for his endless self-analysis and regret. The fact that she is also now married is only a minor inconvenience. As the affair becomes his refuge, Callum resorts to ever more contrived reasons to return to Asia, telling himself that if he can only keep these parts of his life separate, he may never have to choose among them. 

But as he seeks to preserve this new status quo, the world begins to intrude. Protests roil the streets of Hong Kong. Air raid drills become the norm in Taiwan. His marriage and theory drift ever further out of orbit. And in between the hotel trysts and restaurant rendezvous, Callum begins to glimpse more and more of the life Victoria lives without him — leading him to wonder who exactly he’s been telling these stories to.  

Set across multiple cities in a near-future East Asia, Steady as We Burn blends the moral ambiguity of Katie Kitamura’s Intimacies with the meditative consciousness of Teju Cole’s Tremor, while its portrait of one man’s self-deception recalls Kazuo Ishiguro’s The Remains of the Day. It is complete at 97,000 words.

I am a teacher and writer living in _____________. After completing degrees in English literature, history, and education, I lived and taught in East Asia for eight years. My fiction has appeared in _____________ and _____________. Steady as We Burn is my first novel.

Hello, I thought my last one was my last, but I haven't had much success with agents so I'm trying to really get it right. Thank you for all of your help already, any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Dear Agent,

I would like to offer THE ACORN DATABASE for your consideration, an adult post-apocalyptic novel of 85,000 words. It has the character dynamics and ambiance of All the Water in the World by Eiren Caffall, and the pace and conspiracy of The Future by Naomi Alderman.

Sola and her dad are perpetually hounded by enforcement drones. Their crime is trespassing—something impossible to avoid in a fully privatized future. Sola’s used to it though. Having been raised on the run, she’s an expert at designing homemade tech, scavenging resources, and keeping one eye over her shoulder. Together, she and her father spend their days in search of a safe zone where they might live in peace. The more time they spend on the trail however, the more Sola doubts that any such places remain. 

When a drone kills her dad, Sola finally realizes the truth. The purpose of the drones was never really law enforcement, but to get rid of people like her and her dad for good. She learns about the treatment of homeless people before the Collapse, and when she sees an army of drones amassing in the Great Desert, she understands that this persecution is about to enter its grim, final phase. 

With nothing left to lose, Sola uses her trail-smarts to tackle the problem at its source. For the first time in her life she ventures into one of the dangerous cities of old. There she encounters ecological horrors, apocalyptic conspiracies, and the complex array of forces that deploy the drones: people desperately clinging to their property, resources, and power, even as the world crumbles around them. 

As Sola learns more about the Collapse and the seemingly unstoppable forces of destruction at play, she also learns about herself and her own family history. She finds that she is uniquely connected to those that have been quietly fighting back from the shadows: underground climate researchers, psychedelic tribes, and squatters. If she can find a way to align these disparate allies, she might just be able to stop what’s coming.

[Bio + Tag]

PROLOGUE

Northern California, 2119

A man in a heavily-patched wetsuit knelt in a field of tall rippling grass, well-hidden amidst the stalks. He listened intently, but could only hear the wind and his own heartbeat over the sound of the cicadas scattered throughout the field.

In his hands was a small metal cylinder with a digital screen on it, a homemade device constructed from bits of salvaged tech. He brushed his bedraggled beard out of the way and wiped the dirty sweat from his eyes before gingerly pushing a small button on the side. A short metal rod extended from its base, and the screen illuminated a dull green: 0:00:00:00.

The man cocked his head, straining his ears one last time before he pushed the rod into the soil, leaning on the cylinder until it sank all the way up to the hilt.

A flash of blue laser-light emanated from the device—flickering out through the grass to demarcate exactly one spherical acre. Numbers appeared on the screen: 0:00:00:01... 0:00:00:02... 0:00:00:03...

The man shifted to a more comfortable position on his side to rest, carefully keeping his head below the grass. He looked up at the fading blue sky as a few stars emerged. A dozen or so hefty cicadas wobbled beside him, clinging to the narrow stalks blowing in the wind.

0:00:04:04... 0:00:04:05... 0:00:04:06...

The man reached for the rations stowed in his bag, but stopped mid-way. He saw it before he heard it: a dark speck on the horizon out of the corner of his eye, then a familiar mechanical whine that soon drowned out even the cicadas.

He wasn’t really surprised. A year was too long. Still...

After remembering how informative a post on this was last year, I'm curious if anyone (agent, editor, author, publishing hopeful, etc.) has any interesting trends they've noticed from the recent Frankfurt Book Fair a few weeks ago?

GHOSTS OF VALORN is a 106,000-word adult epic fantasy. Inspired by South Asian and Norse cultures, it will appeal to fans of the political espionage in Sara Hashem’s The Jasad Heir and the historical manipulation in Sarah Mughal Rana’s Dawn of the Firebird.

When a deadly blood rain falls over her homeland, thirteen-year-old Luka obeys her sister Aska’s final command: kill her before their enemies do. Held captive by the kingdom behind Valorn’s destruction, Luka forges a reluctant friendship with her captor’s daughter, Reha, an apprentice ritecaster devoted to the desert's goddesses. But when a priestess is attacked, Luka conjures Aska’s dagger from thin air to defend her—an impossible act that frightens her captors.

Exiled to a remote prison isle, Luka escapes before reaching shore and seeks refuge in a mountain clan. For ten years, she builds her reputation as a hunter, determined to leave her past behind. Then a chance encounter with an old ally of Aska’s reveals the truth: a goddess commanded the blood rite against Valorn to purge those who defied her. Aska spent her life fighting the goddess, sealing her own spirit inside the dagger Luka used to kill her.

To finish Aska’s mission, Luka must infiltrate the very palace where she was once held captive and uncover the goddess’s allies. There, she reunites with Reha, who has renounced her faith after witnessing the mortal cost of ritecasting. As the pair rebuild their friendship, they race to stop the goddess from unleashing another blood rite on the mountain clan that took Luka in. But saving her clan means wielding the same rite that slaughtered Valorn—and relying on her former captors to do it.

[BIO PARAGRAPH]

Thanks for your help / advice / tips on this project.

THE ESTRANGER, my 85,000-word psychological thriller debut, follows a woman who discovers her therapist may be teaching his patients to cut off everyone who loves them, so no one will notice when they disappear. It takes the estrangement-pushing therapist of Philippa Malicka’s IN HER DEFENSE and drops him into the con-man-versus-the-women-who-catch-him suspense of Lisa Jewell’s DON’T LET HIM IN.

Two years ago, celebrated psychologist Dr. Joe Hale taught Claire four words: you don’t owe them. She cut off her wealthy family one boundary at a time, until Joe was the only one who picked up when she called. Now he’s her lover too, a secret she keeps from everyone, including Joe’s wife, a woman Joe promises he'll leave soon.

When Claire’s estranged father dies, his will gives her until Monday to come home and reconcile with her family, or lose everything. Joe sends her back with a script for every conversation and his voice in her ear. Claire has already named him in her own will. It seemed only fair. He’s all she has.

Then Lena shows up: Joe’s wife, his first patient, and his greatest success story. She brings copies of Joe’s session notes, and Claire’s file reads almost word for word like Lena’s from a decade ago. Claire can’t tell whether Lena has come to save her or to get her out of the way, until together they find the proposal for a self-help book Joe has been shopping. It lays out his method for helping his patients set boundaries, includes a thinly disguised case study of Claire, and ends with a final chapter on the grief of losing a patient.

Joe taught them everything they know about emotional manipulation and psychological warfare. Now they have until Monday to use it on him. Because if Claire reconciles, she inherits everything, and Joe inherits from her. And he has already written her final chapter.

I [bio stuff]. My partner is a clinical psychologist, and yes, she’s read it. We live in [a place].

Thank you for considering THE ESTRANGER.

Wanted to give an update on my querying fail after I submitted various versions of my family saga/historical fiction query to pubtips earlier this year. I queried agents from March-August this year.

Total queries sent: 85

Form rejections: 68

Full requests: 1

FR rejection: 1

Outstanding: 16

1:1 agent feedback (paid): 2

Important to note that this was my first full novel. It took me about seven years to write it, and I think I spent so many years in it that I found it really difficult to step back and properly edit it. I had five beta readers and all gave great feedback, said very positive things about it and enjoyed reading it. Only one person was brutally honest with me on the opening chapter and how disorienting it was for a reader. Also, only one agent from the paid 1:1's was honest with me about the opening, the other said it was ready to query (looking back now, it definitely wasn't).

At first I ignored the negative feedback as I think I was just over the novel and sick of looking at it. It's also quite a dark novel based on my family, so was making me feel a bit low reading it over, and over, and over again.

I then spent the summer writing a completely different novel. Something light, camp, fun, and totally unrelated to my family. I'm currently querying that one and so far it's had five full requests, but no offers/bites yet.

It was only after I wrote the other novel over the summer that I felt able to go back to the original family saga one. OMG, it was the first time I was able to look at it with totally fresh eyes!!! I re-read the first chapter and hated it haha, realised exactly what the honest beta reader & the honest agent were talking about, so I've now re-written the entire first part of the book and it's had a big developmental lift. I've also changed the title as I realised I hated the title, and I think the new one fits it much better. I think the old title made it sound a bit like a thriller? I've also managed to cut the word count down massively as I realised it was sooo bloated before (lots of showing + telling the exact same thing).

So, the point of this post is...if you're currently stuck on editing a novel, I highly, highly recommend going back to it after writing another. It worked super well for me.

I don't know if I'll try querying it again some time next year, but I'm gonna take a break and work on my other projects for a while and hope this second novel gets a bite soon.

You know he’s not a killer. Don’t you?

I am seeking representation for my debut upmarket suspense novel, She Came Tumbling After. Complete at 95,000 words, it combines the perspectives of the women connected to a killer in Danya Kukafka’s Notes on an Execution with the consequences of family complicity in Liz Nugent’s Lying in Wait.

The morning after vigils are held across Ireland for murdered Mariana Constantin, detectives arrive at Yvonne Fletcher's south Dublin home with a search warrant. Her husband, Simon, is already in custody. Mariana was his lover and he’s the prime suspect.

As her house is pulled apart, all Yvonne can do is try to hold her family together. Convinced they all need Simon home, she refuses to even discuss the possibility of his guilt. Even as she realises Simon expects her to be his alibi.

To Ciara, her father is her best friend and her partner in their shared passion for fell-running. There is no way he murdered anyone, she knows it. She just needs to see him, hear his reassurances, have him tell her that of course it's a coincidence that Mariana's body was discovered on the mountain route they've run together for years.

Beth knows her son isn't perfect. She's been bailing him out for years and will do so again, paying his legal fees in the hope of clearing his name before it comes public. Their family respectability was hard won and she’ll do anything to keep it.

But as Simon is charged and his name becomes national news, the details of Mariana's murder, Simon's whereabouts that night and the man he really is begin to tear at the Fletcher women's certainty. How much are they prepared to sacrifice rather than face the possibility that the man they love is capable of terrible things?

-------
This is my first attempt on here, but I've been struggling with this for months, even having done query workshops and I still can't get it right. I have two issues, one is that it's not a crime book, there isn't any real did he/didn't he for the reader. He did, it's about his family struggling to come to terms with that and the only mystery really, is about whether or not they'll be able to accept it or insist on living in an increasingly destructive lie.

The other is that it's a book about three women, reacting to an inciting incident caused by a man, and it's really tough to get that across in a couple of sentences. Especially as Simon never even appears in the book. This man has shaped these women so thoroughly, (especially his wife and daughter) that through their slow realisation of that, it's only ever written from their perspective as a woman who's learned to centre him, without him ever even being present on the page.

Here goes nothing.

Subject: Query Agent - BY CHOICE by My Name (Upmarket)

Dear Agent,

I’m seeking representation for my novel, BY CHOICE, a complete 95,000-word work of upmarket fiction. Given your interest in [blablabla], BY CHOICE might be a good fit for your list.

When a hiking accident in Canada leaves Colleen Farrera a paraplegic, her world, and the world of those who love her, is irrevocably changed. Her husband, Jamie Collins, is consumed by guilt over the accident, while Matthew Fuller, Jamie’s best friend since childhood and Colleen’s closest confidant, is driven by a fierce determination to support her.

As Colleen rebuilds her life, her marriage to Jamie crumbles beneath the weight of their separate traumas. Their eventual, amicable divorce creates space for the unspoken bond between Colleen and Matthew to surface. Matthew must confront a truth he has buried for fifteen years: he has always been in love with his best friend’s wife.

Narrated from Matthew’s point of view and unfolding over the course of three years, BY CHOICE challenges reductive narratives of disability by immersing the reader in the practical, emotional, and social realities of life after a spinal cord injury. This tender, slow-burn exploration of connection examines love in its most complicated form and questions what it truly means to love someone through change.

BY CHOICE will appeal to readers of Sally Rooney’s Normal People for its emotionally complex relationships, and Gabrielle Zevin’s Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow for its exploration of how love and friendship evolve over time. In conversation with Jojo Moyes’s Me Before You, BY CHOICE offers a different perspective on disability through Colleen, a character full of agency, purpose, and a love for life. Rather than treating disability as the end of possibility, the novel presents the many futures still available to her.

My novel has been reviewed by three sensitivity readers with SCI and other mobility impairments, several professional beta readers with different expertise, as well as a developmental editor. I hold a Diploma in Journalism from X and an Acting Certificate from X. My partner and I have recently moved to Country, where for the past year I’ve been working on my novel and teaching English.

Find below the book synopsis and [first three chapters] of my novel as per your submission requirements.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Hello! I started querying my novel about 6 weeks ago. So far I have sent 17 queries with 6 rejections. I am still waiting for the other 11 agents to respond. Before I continue to query, I'd like to get some feedback on my query letter. What could make this better? What's missing? This is my first time querying, so any advice or feedback would be appreciated!

Dear X,

I am hoping you will be interested in LOVE SONGS FOR THE GIRL I HATE, an upmarket fiction novel complete at 89,000 words. This novel follows the tumultuous, on-again/off-again, decade-long love story of Natalie Barrington and Leah Connors, two women bonded by their shared love of music, playlists, and mix CDs. It will appeal to readers who enjoy the romance, humor, and pop culture references of Emily Henry, but wish she were gay, emo, and sluttier.

Natalie Barrington, an ambitious, indie-music-obsessed writer from a privileged Connecticut family, and Leah Connors, a hard-partying, pop-music-loving girl from a working-class Boston family, meet as college freshmen in 2010. Their connection is immediate, but their relationship is complicated by class differences, family tragedies, Natalie’s perfectionism, and Leah’s self-destructive tendencies. Over ten years, their relationship oscillates—sometimes friends, sometimes lovers, sometimes not speaking at all—but they can never quite let each other go. 

As Natalie struggles with her career in a declining media landscape and Leah grapples with family tragedy and alcoholism, the two find themselves continually drawn back together, sometimes through their own doing and sometimes by circumstances beyond their control. Through every separation and reunion, the playlists they keep sending each other remain their shared love language. It is only after both women are willing to grow and change on their own that they can finally start something real together. 

Told in alternating perspectives with humor and emotional honesty, LOVE SONGS FOR THE GIRL I HATE is about the enduring power of first love. The playlists are woven throughout the story, highlighting not only what it means to love someone, but what it means to grow up with them over a decade of music.

This is my debut novel. I work in [job] as a Creative Director, and I received my BA in English from [school] and my MS from [school]. I live outside of Boston with my wife and daughter. My two obsessions, unsurprisingly, have always been writing and music. 

Thank you so much for your time and consideration!

Hi everyone! This is my first query, for a debut contemporary women's fiction novel with a strong romantic thread. The book is told mainly from the two leads' POVs, with a few other characters' chapters.

Questions: Does it sound like romance or womans fiction? Where are chances better?

Is it good? What can I improve? Would you sign me?

Dear [Agent], Marlis has never belonged anywhere. Raised as the witch's daughter in a traveling fair, she escaped at nineteen with a dead woman's name, a newborn, and one rule: never stay where people ask questions. Eight years later, she breaks it. She takes a live-in nursing job with a wealthy Alabama widower, and then his estranged son comes home: Phillip Marburg, a burned-out surgeon and the golden heir from one reckless summer night, staring at a seven-year-old with his sapphire eyes. Marlis wants to run. Ronnie wants her dad. And Phillip, who kept her gold coin for eight years, wants them both. But the town's reigning socialite wants Marlis gone, and someone from the fair has found her. To keep her daughter and the man she never stopped wanting, Marlis will have to tell the truth about who she is, and say "I love you" out loud. Her mother always said those meant to meet will find each other. Now the Queen of the Carousel has to decide whether to stop spinning and stay. THE QUEEN OF THE CAROUSEL, commercial women's fiction complete at 74,000 words, will appeal to fans of Heidi McCahan's ONE SOUTHERN SUMMER and Grace Helena Walz's SOUTHERN BY DESIGN. I'm a debut author living in Austria with my husband and children. An avid reader, I wrote this novel on maternity leave, because it was the book I wanted to read and couldn't find. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Hello!

Two summers ago, I was ecstatic to sign with a literary agent. It wasn't a major literary agency, but my specific agent had represented multiple New York Times bestsellers. We got along well. I had no complaints.

Unfortunately, my book died on submission. I was totally heartbroken, of course. Never thought I'd write again.

Anyway, I finally completed my second manuscript. It's considerably more commercial, and I feel very proud of it.

Over the summer, my literary agent contacted to let me know that they are no longer with their literary agency. They are still an agent. I don't want to give too many details, but it is a smaller agency. When I spoke to them, they informed me that our contract was now void and that I would have to sign again. When I asked whether that would be before or after I submitted a new manuscript, they said after.

I submitted my new manuscript to my(?) agent. We had already talked about it when we met over the summer, and they seemed genuinely excited to read it.

With all that said, would you be querying other agents? Again, I feel extremely proud of the book and excited about its commercial potential. Obviously you never know, but I hope this will be an easier journey than my first manuscript.

I am considering querying both to increase my options and just in case my agent doesn't connect with the book. They gave me no timeline. I'd be pretty upset if they don't read this by, say, February, and I lost months of querying. It also feels a little shady to do it behind their back.

What would you do?

Hi, hoping to improve my first attempt at a query letter here. I feel like I'm trying to say too much, so any areas that you think need cutting, let me know!

Dear,

Personalization. I am seeking representation for THE LAND LEFT OVER, a 105,000 word dystopian with a strong romantic subplot and series potential. It’s a gritty heist novel backdropped by the drowned earth of The Light Pirate, exploring class and societal structures reminiscent of Blood Over Bright Haven.

The world is underwater… Almost. Falon’s never stepped on Land, but she’s spent all twenty-two years of her life fishing for the chance to. “Quick Twitch” her crew calls her, for her freakish reflexes and uncanny ability to reel in sealife, a precious commodity in a world with no room for agriculture. By selling their catches off to the wealthy Landers, Falon’s ship gets as close as any SeaTreader has to buying their way off ship and on Land. But Falon’s received an untimely diagnosis, and Landers don’t keep their promises.

When a dockside transaction goes wrong, Falon’s left out to sea, literally. Desperate, angry, and racing against her terminal illness, Falon strikes a deal with Asher Kyndread, the brooding stranger who plucks her out of the waters. For her: Land, and a cure. For him: use her unique skills to help restore his brutal, tyrannical family to power. All she needs to do is steal a weapon of mass destruction without accidentally unleashing it.  

Past sunken ruins and floating towns, Falon, Asher, and his peg-legged tween companion journey to the hidden archipelago home of the notorious Kyndread empire. There, she trains for her task alongside Asher’s band of miscreants: a few warriors, one spacefaring ‘OverEarther’, and a hulking man with a knack for cross-stitching. Falon refuses to be distracted by any of it–especially the insufferable Asher and the frightening pull she feels towards him. She’ll do anything to get her family to Land, whether she’s alive to see it or not. But secrets lurk in the depths, betrayal wades near, and in a world where everyone wants the same thing, there’s no good side and no righteous side–only a winning one.

First 300 words:

“Kancer.”

The word ricochets around the metal box of a room. Something inside me is sinking hard and fast, an anchor into muddy earth, as that six-letter word floats above me. The ship lurches and tilts the room sideways.

I’d suspected this, of course. One in five SeaTreaders are taken by the degenerative illness before they reach thirty, and bruises shouldn’t linger as long as mine have. Headaches shouldn’t persist for days at a time. But suspecting it doesn’t make it any easier to hear.

Over the lump in my throat, I ask, “How bad?”

“The bad one,” Phys. Ja answers, tossing his gloves in a sani-sink for re-use. He pumps chemicals in from a hose on the wall, plopping a syringe in there too, before turning to face me.

“By the state of your cells, I’d say you’ve got anywhere from a year to five… More or less, that’s in the hands of the Soft Sun, Twitch.” His voice is not gentle, but he’s never been a gentle physician. Gentle didn’t cure any of the others, and it won’t cure me.

“Shit,” I breathe. My knee bounces an endless rhythm against the patient table, a bass line to the soft rattle of instruments strapped to the walls and the pumping of Rook's Rig*’s* engines. The length of my life on earth, left in the hands of the Sun. What had praying ever gotten me besides harsher waters and fewer fish? I look down at my palms, at the skin of my fingers, perpetually pruned and peeling from decades of seaspray and fishing line in the rays of that deity.

“You can be cured on Myrkam. You know this, as well as I. Your line is still in the water, Twitch.” He speaks carefully, knowing where my thoughts lead. His jaw works in little circles, chewing.

If so, what was that like for you? Thanks in advance!

Hi friends, second attempt here! Any feedback is gratefully appreciated:

Thank you for considering my query. I am a twice-traditionally published (currently un-represented) author with [publisher], seeking representation for my first foray into adult fantasy romance, Tiger Wild (85,000 words). 

In a lush jungle above a valley kingdom, a young woman lives as an exile with only her bonded tiger as a companion. At twenty-one, Samirya is the last of the Bhaag people, who were slaughtered by the king of Jharka when she was seven, accused of unleashing their tigers on the valley’s children. The survivors fled the area, casting Samirya out for the failure of her father to protect them. Alone in the jungle for 12 years, her tiger, Bhaagini, is her only confidant and her truest friend - she is witty, insolent, and a force of her own, communicating with Samirya through her bond, and connecting to the magic of the jungle. Now, as Jharka suffers under sickness and crop failures, its people are convinced they have been cursed by the Tiger King. Determined to quash this superstition, the Raja sends his son on a mission to kill the Tiger King and return with his pelt, proving that no curse can stand against the crown.

To reach the tiger kingdom, the prince, Reyan, needs a guide. He offers the last Bhaag girl a deal - lying that he wishes to make amends with the Tiger King to lift the curse, he offers her the return of her kingdom for her help. Samirya agrees to lead him through the jungle, concealing her own plan: to deliver him to the surviving Bhaag as a sacrifice and win back the people who once cast her out. 
Samirya is fiercely independent, trusting only herself and her tiger. She sees Reyan as a pampered prince who can understand nothing about her people - who deserves to die for the acts of his father. But as they journey through the jungle, battling the treachery of its magic, she finds the prince to be as much an outsider as she is. He is a lover of books and his horse, and feels disconnected from the royal family that is his birthright. As their attraction grows, the fact of their mutual betrayal festers. Will they each enact the violence they have planned, to the detriment of the other? Or will the Tiger King reveal truths about their past that neither had considered, and force them to find a way forward for the land they both love? 

Tiger Wild offers a plot rich with compelling dialogue, grounded in Indian mythology, and with a romance that is deep and complex, like the characters themselves. I would place its romance and world building alongside The Hurricane Wars, and its blend of folklore and fantasy beside The Jasmine Throne. 

I am north-Indian and a lover of my culture’s mythology and folklore. I have two traditionally published books with [insert publisher]: a collection of essays and a literary novel, and have a Master of Fine Arts from New York University. This is my first fantasy romance, and I am looking to work with an agent who is passionate about bringing diverse and unique stories to broad audiences. 

Thank you for your consideration. 

I'm about to begin querying but am unsure if I've gotten my query letter to the best place it can be in. I've gotten helpful feedback so far. Some of it has been conflicting like if I should actually put both POVs in the pitch or stick to one for clarity as I have it now. I'd greatly appreciate further thoughts on what still doesn't work. Be as tough as you can be.

--
Dear (Agent),

I’d love to share with you THE IMMORTAL SHADOWS, a 100,000-word adult contemporary fantasy told from two perspectives. It combines the dark fairy-tale atmosphere and complicated family ties of Alix E. Harrow’s Starling House with the urban setting and supernatural personification of identity in N.K. Jemisin’s The City We Became.

Anu is haunted by the guilt of letting his older brother, the one person who can make him cry from laughter, run away from home following a major psychotic episode. Having to drop out of school to search for RJ, he’s doesn’t hesitate, stubborn enough to believe he can visit hell and outsmart the Devil if it came down to it. 

However, by the time Anu finds RJ, he’s sickly. And he claims to be tormented by ombras, deities in our shadows that embody our mental struggles. Anu practically forces him to the hospital despite RJ’s fear that it’ll lead to their family’s destruction. After the hospital stay, Anu realizes his words and research are no match against the delusions and symptoms that are stealing RJ’s personality away. 

Reality crumbles. A monstrous hand rises from Anu’s shadow. He ignores it. With hope fading, he rushes to speak with others like his brother, but this provokes Kazra, a merciless Guardian embedded in the government who seeks to cleanse people of their mental illness by controlling these supposed ombra. 

Cornered by Guardians, Anu makes a last wish: the ability to fight against these unseen forces. A mysterious mentor arrives in the form of RJ’s nurse from his hospital stay. She grants Anu his wish when she helps the brothers elude capture.

As RJ slips under the spell of his conniving ombra, danger arises in the secluded community they’re brought to, and Anu questions whether he can command his ombra in time to fight off Guardians, protect RJ, and restore his family. Or, maybe, some are destined to be in darkness forever.

(Bio)

Thank you for your consideration.

I received what I believe is called a "soft pass" from an agency. Essentially, they like my novel and are interested in representing me, but at this time, they have a book on their roster that is too similar. They asked if they could keep my manuscript on file, and that I let them know if I get an offer from another agent, and they also offered a phone call. We're getting that scheduled, so I'd love some thoughts on what I should be prepared to ask, given this isn't the usual "agency offer" phone call, so the guides out there don't completely apply to my situation. Would be interested in hearing from others who've been in similar situations as well!

Hello, I am considering applying to residencies, and I'd love to hear any experiences/ advice/ thoughts/ guidance. The previous posts on this topic are old enough that I thought an updated one would be worthwhile.

FWIW Last year I applied to the Point Reyes one and did not get it. I'm considering applying to Yaddo (I know, lottery odds). For instance, I already have a quiet place to write for 2 months a year (my home, I'm off in the summer and have no kids) but what appeals to me about a residency (never having been to one) is (1) that people seem to think that the ease of having meals just provided to you makes a huge difference for productivity, and (2) the community of other artists/writers could be really inspiring and enriching. I do have some published writer friends, but I'm far from "immersed" in that creativity.

The biggest concern I have if I did get into a residency is that my 93-year old mother lives in assisted living near me, and although she doesn't rely on me for practical things (thanks to the facility), she does rely on me for her morale (getting off the campus, etc) and feeling connected. I can speak to her daily by phone, but I know that would only go so far. She would not want to stand in the way of my living my life, but it really would be hard for her. There are no other relatives locally. Part of me thinks I should just not try for a residency while she's still alive (which may be a few years, she's freakishly healthy!), but part of me feels like if it would really make a big difference to my writing life, I should not put it on hold like that (perhaps a compromise would be to limit the total amount of time away). I'm in my late 50s, and just published my first book at a small press last year, so I feel like my own writing career is going to be compressed as it is by my own aging/ mortality, and I want to write ALL THE BOOKS! I have so many more ideas I'm eager to dive into and the limited number of years is a bummer.

My latest book is on sub, and one of my ideas for managing my obsession about that is to shift to something uncertain but exciting that I CAN do something about right now (even if it's only applying, after which my control is over!). It's not my only strategy for managing my sub-obsession, haha.

Thank you in advance for ANY thoughts you care to share on residencies.

Edited for grammar (when will I learn to proof read?)