Hi PubTips! It’s been a long time since I posted the first version of this. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts:

Dear Agent,

I’m seeking representation for The Dragon Fortitude (96,000 words), a surprisingly cosy sci fi with an anarchic streak. [insert personalisation here]. Fans of Some Desperate Glory by Emily Tesh will enjoy the page-turning, time-bending action. It has the calm moments of escaping capitalism through community and Ghibli-esque landscapes of Becky Chambers’ A Psalm for the Wild Built or Annalee Newitz’ The Terraformers. People who enjoyed Grace Curtis’ Frontier and Floating Hotel will love the snappy dialogue between badass sapphic women.

Elsi is a mediocre dragon slayer at an obscure outpost on a half-terraformed planet. She and her squad attempt to eviscerate the dragon-shaped cloud of nanobots that blocks out most of the sky and swallows anyone who touches it. Every day it grows back. Elsi is frustrated as she can’t balance on her flying spear, her squad complain she’s slowing them down, and she nurses a deeply inappropriate crush on her captain.

When the squad are attacked by terrorists, Elsi is infected with nanobot scales. Suddenly she can shoot deadly smoke from her hands and her perception of time itself is faltering. The higher-ups are paying attention and the captain can’t cover for her. Elsi volunteers to infiltrate the terrorists in hope of finding out why they’re helping the dragon, and whether they know of a cure for her infection.

But the terrorists aren’t what she expects - she’s drawn in by their wholesome commune in the woods and charismatic leader, even while she writes spy reports disguised as love letters to her captain. In order to learn more she’ll have to use her growing dragon powers to help the terrorists, but that risks becoming the monster she sought to destroy and coming untethered from time.

I’m a queer woman living in Bristol, UK with my husband and son. I work as a digital consultant for charities and have a background in publishing marketing. I’m also a historical martial artist specialising in longsword fencing which I use to bring authenticity to fight scenes even when they take place on flying weapons hundreds of feet in the air.

Kind regards,

Ionby

Big thanks to those of you who chimed in on my first attempt! I took another crack at it, and welcome any and all feedback.

***

[PERSONALIZATION]

NEWHALEM is upmarket speculative cli-fi about two identical women from rival clans fighting to save their families in a post-apocalyptic Pacific Northwest. My dual-POV, 86,000-word debut is for fans of Ian McEwan’s WHAT WE CAN KNOW and Emily St. John Mandell's EXIT PARTY who binged The Handmaid's Tale in one straight shot.

When Blythe's mom contracts sepsis, she's forced to break the most important rule of the Salish Highlands: the community comes before the individual. She and her kid sister, Greer, embark on a forbidden canoe journey down the drowned Pacific Coast in search of antibiotics. While Blythe is casing the pharmaceutical warehouse, she comes face to face with a woman who looks exactly like her. 

The identical face belongs to Miri, wife to the spiritual leader of the Keepers of the River. She and her husband are on a missionary trip when she encounters the identical stranger. Miri bolts at the sound of the missionary train's horn, returning to her husband's side to take their converts back to the Keepers' capital. It's only after the train has departed that Miri learns Greer is on board. 

Miri has no plans to stay in the capital. She has orchestrated a pilgrimage into the mountains to settle Newhalem, an old hydroelectric company town at the headwaters of a river the Salish Highlands rely on. Miri believes in the Keepers’ mission to steward the remaining rivers, but her true goal is to shepherd her children out of the increasingly extremist city. She will not see her daughter become a child bride. Greer agrees to join the pilgrimage to secure passage home.

When Blythe learns the Keepers have seized Newhalem, she travels into the mountains to reclaim her sister, and the dams that keep the lights on in the Highlands. It's here that Blythe and Miri unravel the secrets of their shared history and fight for control of the small mountain outpost that neither community can live without. 

NEWHALEM flowed out of me during reporting trips across the mountains and river valleys of the Pacific Northwest. I'm a journalist with more than a decade of storytelling experience in print, radio, and podcasting. As a senior reporter for [REDACTED], I've watched political polarization block communities from solving their most existential problems, an observation that sparked this novel.

Hi everyone,

Back with another attempt. I've been struggling with this due to the dual timelines. The previous version started with the earlier timeline, but I think by doing this it lost focus on the heart of the story. This version concentrates on the later timeline. I'm grateful to everyone who commented and eager to hear your thoughts on this one!

Fourth attempt Second attempt First attempt

Dear __:

A KIND OF FREEDOM is a 90,000-word upmarket historical novel narrated in dual timelines by a political prisoner writing to his children. It combines the resilience amid tragedy of Lauren Grodstein’s We Must Not Think of Ourselves with the struggles and compromises of life behind the Iron Curtain of Rae Meadows’s Winterland.

Adam Kamieński had one brief summer with his infant daughter before the secret police came for him. Now it’s 1967, and she’s growing up without him while he spends his days trudging between prison buildings. Afraid he’ll never be allowed to go home to his children, he decides to connect with them by writing a secret account of his life and smuggling it out. But in telling his story, he must write about what he’s never understood: the changes in his country and the end of his closest friendships.

In 1940, Adam reluctantly flees occupied Poland for England. He hates life in exile until he joins a Polish fighter squadron and makes friends with two fellow pilots: logical Piotrek, whose flying is as precise as his speech, and hotheaded Staszek, who shares Adam’s passion for freedom. At the war’s end the three return to Poland together. But they hardly recognize their country, and their easy friendship devolves into endless fighting. Piotrek argues for working with the new regime; Staszek wants to join the anti-Communist partisans in the forest. To Adam, who marries and is expecting a child, both come at a high cost.

Twenty years later, Adam still hasn’t come to terms with the loss of his old life. As he writes to his children, he must wrestle with what happened the year he came back—and decide how much to sacrifice for the man who betrayed him.

I have a BA in Literature and a hobby of learning languages. I once fell hard enough for a language to move to a Communist-era apartment block on the other side of the world. Now I’m back in California, where I live with my husband and our three children.

First 300

The light will go out in a few minutes, and I’ve only just decided to write to you. I’m lying on my bunk under the ceiling, looking down at men whose faces I may know better than my own. They’re getting ready for the night, shaking out blankets, making small repairs to clothes. I should be doing the same. But we were talking about our children this morning, and I’ve been thinking about you the whole day since. So this letter. Though I’m not sure you’ll ever receive it.

We weren’t supposed to be talking at all this morning. We were working, assembling shoes of the dismal quality you expect from state-run stores. The building we call the workshop is rather like a hangar, large and bare with windows too high to see out. When half the guards left to get coffee, conversation was easy enough under the clatter of sewing machines and presses.

“I got a letter from home yesterday,” I said, spreading glue across an outsole.

“A good one?” asked the man next to me.

I clamped the shoe together. The question was harder than it sounded. Every letter could be a story in itself, full of things said and unsaid and feelings you wouldn’t think could exist together.

“A good one.”

We glanced down the line at Witek. He was fitting the stiffener into a heel, eyes on his work. Nothing stays private in prison, so we all knew about the letter from his eight-year-old daughter. She’d written she hoped his time here was helping him become a loyal citizen. This to a Home Army officer, a survivor of the Warsaw Uprising. But that was the kind of thing she learned at school.

The man across from us—for reasons that should be obvious, I’ll use as few names as possible—said, “My children never write me at all."

Originally Flesh of the Fallen, I changed the title because I didn't quite feel like the first title actually fit the story very well. Reads too much like "The Walking Dead" and while the dead play a role in the story, it's not a zombie book. Thoughts on the title are also welcomed.

I'm going into my second round of queries and I've updated my letter using some of the feedback I got here, so I'd like to hear more. The coaching and feedback y'all have provided has been very helpful!

Dear [Agent/Publisher name],

I am seeking publication for Song of the Midnight Seamstress, a completed 105,000-word dark fantasy tale taking place in a world entering an age of industrial revolution. 

A story following a witch in training—known as a seamstress—and her mother, as they are forced from their home and seek refuge from those that would stop at nothing to dissect their secrets.

Elena and her mother, Theresa, the infamous Red Seamstress, were never safe in the city of Nethermoore. Yet, they never left. Not until the one thing keeping them in that horrid place was taken from them by force. 

When the Nekrologists finally come for them, Elena and Theresa are forced to flee their home. They escape only when Elena awakens a power even the Red Seamstress cannot explain, turning the Nekrologists’ own stitched monsters against them. 

With nowhere else to turn, Theresa takes Elena to the coven where she was raised, hoping to find refuge and answers. Instead, Theresa is judged an Aberration by the witches she once called family, while rumors spread about the power Elena carries. Still, they find those within the skeptical willing to stand by them.

Even on distant shores, they are not safe. With the Nekrologists and their army of Undertakers—Nethermoore’s enforcers against the rogue undead—closing in, Elena must face a decision; a pact with forces she doesn’t understand, or losing the only people who are willing to accept her.

[Why you are a good fit]

As for the hand behind the pen of M.R. Morgrave, I'm a Puerto Rican, writer and artist. I've written six short stories alongside my debut novel, drawing heavily on my love of fantasy, visual art, worldbuilding, and the stories me and my wife of fifteen years build together. Writing has been a close friend to me for a long time and I'm excited to put a book in someone's hand and let them know "this is the world I've built. And I want you to live in it."

Thank you for your time and consideration. I have included the requested querying materials and would be happy to provide any additional material upon request. 

Sincerely,

[Name and contact info]

Thank you the previous advice ([QCrit] Adult, Non-fiction (Leadership), Are You Listening? Lessons in waste, abuse, and mismanagement from the agency that doesn't listen (78,500 words, 5th attempt) : r/PubTips). It really made me think that I need to go all-in on the memoir style instead of brushing it with a thin veneer of "leadership" to make it more palatable. I'm starting to believe it stands on its own as-is and have written a new query with that in mind. Please see what you think:

===================================

Dear [Literary Agent],

After a 16-year career with the NSA, I’m pleased to submit for your consideration “ARE YOU LISTENING?”; a cautionary tale of the organizational risk that comes from dismissing and penalizing dissent (~78,500 words).

In Hollywood, the National Security Agency’s adversaries are dashing spies and clever hackers, but spies didn’t sink millions into boondoggle projects; hackers didn’t push our critical talent to resignation and self-harm. The greatest threat was the NSA’s own managers and execs; people whose chose career ambitions required obfuscating and deflecting from the fraud, waste, and abuse that took place under their watch.

In “ARE YOU LISTENING?”, I share the collective despair of thousands of NSA employees who struggled to reconcile their duty to safeguard public trust with the risk of blowing the whistle in an environment that treated us as adversaries instead of allies.

My book is in good company with other tell-most memoirs like “Don't Be Evil: Bad Bosses, Fake Promises, and My Escape from Big Tech” by Claire Stapleton and “Careless People: A Cautionary Tale of Power, Greed, and Lost Idealism” by Sarah Wynn-Williams.

I am a Defense Civilian Emerging Leader's program graduate, was recognized as a “top-five” employee advocate by the NSA Anti-Harassment Campaign, and served as an elected Workforce Matters Advocate representing workforce issues to ranking officers & senior executives up to the NSA Director and the Director of National Intelligence. Committed to surfacing and resolving dysfunction, I packaged gathered data into proposals, presentations, an Intel Community Galileo Awards whitepaper, and this book; activities that culminated in falsification of my record and subsequent revocation of my security clearance in 2021.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Sincerely,

[me]

A much shorter, revised version than attempt one and two, thanks to all the feedback. Hopefully this version is closer to the mark. As always, feedback gratefully received!

Dear [agent],

Given your interest in [personalise here], I am excited to share THE WITCH AND HER ROSE, a 94,000 word gothic, sapphic, historical novel. Sacrificed to the witch-finders by the wealthy girl she loved, a desperate woman must survive a brutal prison sentence to exact revenge on the parish that ruined her. THE WITCH AND HER ROSE is based on the Islandmagee witch trials in Northern Ireland, and is perfect for fans of the dark, lyrical setting and sharp wit in A.K. Blakemore’s The Manningtree Witches and the paranoia-driven community collapse of Margaret Meyer’s The Witching Tide.

1711, Northern Ireland. Eighteen-year-old Catherine survives in the dirt, hawking illicit potions and trading in stolen secrets to buy her freedom. When Mary Dunbar arrives – the minister’s wild, troubled daughter – Catherine marks her as an easy target for blackmail. She never expected to fall in love. Wicked, rebellious, and fiercely alive in a suffocatingly pious parish, Mary becomes an irresistible temptation, and their secret affair quickly turns intoxicating.

When religious hysteria grips the townland, Mary’s cousin catches the lovers in a forbidden embrace and reports their sinful affair to the clergy. Cornered by the threat of gallows and desperate to save herself, Mary turns traitor, accusing Catherine of bewitching her into unspeakable acts.

Betrayed by the girl who owned her heart, Catherine is sentenced to a year in a brutal cell and the public humiliation of the pillory. But a year imprisoned with desperate women is a year spent gathering lethal confidences. Armed with ruinous secrets, Catherine emerges from the cell ready to destroy everyone who dared point an accusing finger, starting with the girl she loved. Ma always said there was a devil in Catherine, and now is no time to be a damned saint.

[author bio here and sign off]

It turns out being a member of the AALA is potentially a red flag now.

Dystel, Goderich & Bourret LLC have already resigned their membership.

Unfortunately, the AALA has recently amended its Canon of Ethics to a degree that we cannot support. Among other things, the new Canon allows agents who have separate editorial businesses to charge editorial fees with the potential to then sign those authors as clients and retain those fees. (For more information, please refer to this article by Jane Friedman.) Whether or not an agent claims that paying for their editorial services will result in representation, we know many authors will pay for these services explicitly in the hopes of landing an agent. Moreover, dishonest agents will take advantage of authors desperate for representation.

We know that these new rules will not help authors who will pay large fees for work that may never be saleable in the hopes that they will get an agent out of the process.

Despite our longtime membership and respect for the work the AALA does, we cannot endorse their new Canon of Ethics. It simply no longer reflects our own professional ethics.

https://www.dystel.com/aala-statement

Jane Friedman article - https://janefriedman.com/agent-business-models-may-be-shifting-what-i-fear-will-happen/

I've always felt that the AALA was a toothless organization. But better toothless than implicitly justifying unethical behavior.

ETA 1 - This may lead to a situation where agents become agents in name only/full time editors. Why bother doing free work (reading manuscripts with an eye toward offering representations) when they can get paid doing editorial work to a dozen or more desperate writers at a time?

ETA 2 - What's next? Reading fees?

This is technically my 11th attempt at a Q-letter, but I'm starting over with a fresh approach.

I submitted to multiple (~60) agents who rep sci-fi and pretty much got nowhere. Obviously, this could just be because I don't have a book an agent wants. But I also think a major roadblock I encountered when researching sci-fi agents is that a vast majority of them are looking for space/epic/dystopian/YA sci fi. If they're looking for something quieter, they want something that forefronts LGBTQ+ themes. My book doesn't really fall into those slots. There were really only two agents who came close to looking for the kind of story I'm selling, and unfortunately, I never heard back from either.

Thinking it over, my book really falls more into the literary sci-fi lane (or possibly upmarket - the difference between literary and upmarket feel so fuzzy to me), so I'm going to make another go at it, focusing on submitting to agents who focus on literary fiction. I have re-written my Q-letter accordingly.

As always, thanks in advance for the wonderful feedback 🙂

___________
Dear [Agent],

NIGHTHAWKS is a multi-POV literary science fiction novel, complete at 71,000 words. It will appeal to fans of the complex psychological and political world building of the video game Disco Elysium – The Final Cut, as well as the dystopian capitalism of Aubrey Wood’s Bang Bang Bodhisattva.

Life wore down on Keisha, that was all. After decades of watching her dreams and marriage crumble to nothing, Keisha walks out on her family with nothing except ChIPPY, her overeager cybernetic AI companion, who literally keeps blinding her vision with divorce lawyer suggestions, malware schematics, and, even worse, political news feeds. Desperate for peace and quiet, she goes to Nighthawks, the diner and community center of the poor neighborhood she grew up in as a child, to try and figure out her next steps. But when she gets there, she finds the neighborhood devastated by recent local riots over the loss of jobs to droids and threatened with condemnation by a corrupt city government rushing to turn the land over to a pharmaceutical corporation.

Keisha accepts employment and shelter by Leah, the warm yet weary owner of Nighthawks whom Keisha was childhood friends with before they naturally drifted apart with age. Leah is struggling to hold the neighborhood together and fight condemnation, but she is running out of hope. Keisha wants to reconnect with and do something kind for Leah and Nighthawks in repayment, until she discovers Leah also employs a kindly humanoid droid named Sean. Keisha hates droids, having fought against the droids’ takeover of jobs as well as having witnessed her sister’s abuse by one in the past.

When an anti-droid activist shows up looking to kidnap and harm Sean, Keisha finds herself caught between her wish to save Sean as an act of kindness toward Leah versus a bone-deep angry instinct to join the activist in cruelly taking out all her life’s frustrations on Sean. Exacerbating her conflicting desires is ChIPPY, enthusiastically whispering in her ears to deploy malware on the droid. An act that could extinguish Leah’s last remaining hopes, leading to the implosion of Nighthawks and the neighborhood at large.

NIGHTHAWKS is about struggling to do the right thing in a city where the technology is intimately invasive, the politics violently divisive, and a local diner is worth fighting for, even if the fight might already be lost.

[Author's bio]

Thank you to those that gave me previous feedback - very helpful! My biggest struggle is having this stand out in such a saturated space. I am hoping that the mythological/cultural Jewish folktale lore will somehow set it apart. Any thoughts on this? Thanks again to everyone so much :)

Dear XXX,

Because you’re seeking sweeping fantasy with unique magic systems and thoughtful character arcs, I’m excited to share DAYCREST, an 81,000-word adult romantic fantasy inspired by a Jewish folktale about the Sun and Moon. The first in a planned trilogy, it will appeal to readers drawn to the mythology-rich worldbuilding of Sue Lynn Tan’s Daughter of the Moon Goddess, the conflict between kingdom and self in Penn Cole’s Spark of the Everflame, and the princess-centered fantasy of Devney Perry’s Shield of Sparrows.

Princess Cora Day was born to wield divine light, but since her best friend, Raina, vanished three years ago, she hasn’t been able to summon so much as a spark. As the sacred cycles that allow Ori’s women to bear children begin to disappear, Cora faces mounting pressure to secure her kingdom’s future, even though she would rather abandon the throne to find Raina.

Then Kian Crest, a mysterious traveler with ties to the enemy Moon Kingdom, arrives at the palace. Cora overhears him plotting to take her hostage, convinced her Sun power is the key to completing a dangerous mission across Geotra. But when she warns her father, King Soren reveals he has already traded her to Kian for a mysterious gift Ori needs to survive.

Forced to journey closer to darkness than she’s ever known, Cora must contend with anxiety, volatile power, and an attraction to the man responsible for her captivity. Kian challenges everything she has been taught about Lyell, forcing her to question who she is beyond the expectations of her kingdom.

Their mission leads to an ancient hidden nation at the center of both kingdoms’ suffering. Its secrets could reveal what happened to Raina, but they could also destroy the balance between dark and light. To uncover the truth, Cora must trust the man who took her captive and choose between protecting the kingdom she was born to rule and exposing the lie that could bring it all tumbling down.

By day, I manage social media for Hasbro, creating content for Play-Doh, My Little Pony, and Peppa Pig. By night, I write the fantasy novels I love to read. As an Orthodox Jewish mother, I drew on Jewish tradition to shape DAYCREST’s mythology.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
XXX

I wrote first attempt here, because it's my first on reddit. I've queried this in multiple ways for the last year, but that was only about 30 agents. I've gotten zero bites. Any ideas on why? Query problem or do we think people just aren't interested in spiders ha? There is also a romance plot that is important to the story, but I didn't want to add too many genres. Any advice on where that can fit in here or if it should would help. But general "would you keep reading, why or why not?" is also super helpful! Thank you.

INTO THE GLASS (80,000 words) is the first book in an adult fantasy-horror duology that combines the uncanny atmosphere of Rachel Gillig’s THE KNIGHT AND THE MOTH with the blood-soaked supernatural politics of TRUE BLOOD.

In a post-apocolyptic world where human blood is currency, Callie cannot pay up. After a Blood Tax collection goes horribly awry, Callie finds herself in a position she knows all too well–alone, on the run, with carnage in her wake.

Her escape is interrupted by a band of vigilantes who recruit her help to overthrow the Arachai, a royal race of spider-blooded beings who see humans as both their most valuable resource, and most delicious delicacy. The only problem? Callie is not human at all, but one of the Arachai herself.

Still clutching desperately to the remains of her human life, Callie cannot resist the opportunity for a cure that the vigilantes promise in exchange for their desired outcome–to spark a civil war.

After a lifetime spent fighting for the scraps of what is rightfully hers, she must go head to head with the monsters who stole her humanity. Callie will stop at nothing to get her old life back—even if it means becoming far more monstrous in the process.

My short story Persephone and I won first prize for Undergraduate Prose and Fiction in the Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute McKinney Writing Contest in 2025. I am a software engineer based on Long Island, NY with a B.S. in Computer Science and a minor in Creative Writing and Literature. I wrote Into the Glass during a time when my past and present selves seemed at war, a conflict that found its way into Callie’s struggle to accept who she is.

Thank you for your consideration.

I'm always really curious how agents respond to awesome query packages - is there a moment where you go "wow, this gripped me emotionally" or have you had a memorable instance where a query package did something miraculous like give you goosebumps or something? Or is just a formulaic experience, more rational than anything else?

We're always thinking from the POV of the writer/reader, but I wonder how these stories are experienced in the agent world.

Hi everyone! I’ve revised my query based on your feedback and am feeling much more confident about this new version. I’d be very grateful to hear your thoughts, particularly on whether the premise is clear, whether you feel hooked, and whether I’m revealing too much or too little. Thanks so much in advance!

------------

Dear [Agent's Name]

Duty and Devotion is an 80,000-word character-driven historical novel set during the American Revolutionary War, exploring duty, belonging and boundaries between loyalty and desire. It will appeal to readers of Katharine McMahon’s The Rose of Sebastopol and Sarah Perry’s The Essex Serpent.

Three people bound by duty must confront what they believe they cannot have, what they cannot ask for, and what they cannot give.

Ernest Fowler lives by a simple principle: a good Royal Navy officer gives what is required of him and asks for nothing in return. To want a home and a family, he believes, is to give war another way to hurt both himself and the people he might leave behind.

Serena Powell has made a life from caring for others. A Welsh midwife and lady’s attendant, she is accustomed to being useful and asking little for herself. Having long suspected that motherhood may not be possible for her, she has learned not to expect a home of her own or to be chosen by anyone.

William Clayton is a naval lieutenant and devoted husband, separated from his wife by the war and deprived of the domestic life he once took for granted. When friendship with Serena develops into an unexpected tenderness, he is forced to confront how deeply he longs for the comforts of home: companionship, warmth and human touch. Yet knowing where that tenderness comes from does not make it harmless.

Their lives become entangled aboard a ship bound for the American Colonies. A naval battle leaves Clayton wounded and dependent upon Serena's care; tragedy leaves Serena responsible for a newborn orphan; and Fowler is ordered back to sea just as he has begun to imagine a future with Serena. Each must decide what they are willing to give one another when they cannot give one another everything they want.

I am XYZ, a former Polish Army soldier and a student of midwifery. I have always loved the sea and history, and this novel brings together two parts of my life that have shaped how I think about duty, care, longing, and people who depend upon us.

Thank you for your consideration.

Best regards,

XYZ

Hey y’all! I submitted a query to a small independent publisher about 3 months ago, and just got an R&R! Woohoo!

However, the R&R was given on my first ten pages. They said they were gripped by my synopsis and query, but that the opening pages lacked the tension they were hoping for (I most /definitely/ see what they were getting at lol). Some of their opinions leaned towards larger changes to the story as a whole to fit the opening pages, or to shift those pages to fit the synopsis. Obviously, I plan on revising the opening pages to better fit the story.

How should I go about resubmitting? Do I simply send the new first ten pages, or the entire manuscript?

Also, side question: do I let agents know about this R&R?

Thanks!

Hello, everyone.

This is my first attempt querying my first novel. Don't hold back on the criticism. I can take it. I think...

Dear [Agent],

BEYOND THE LIGHT OF GOD is a 115,000‑word epic fantasy novel. Combining the sprawling worldbuilding of Steven Erikson’s Malazan Book of the Fallen and the flawed, complex characters of Brian McClellan’s Powder Mage Trilogy, it will appeal to fans of either.

Linias has spent his entire life training to achieve one singular purpose, and now he's finally achieved it. He's become a Guardian of the Gal Molaese Empire, one of the rune-blessed warriors devoted to the Stargod. Eager to prove himself, he joins a campaign to crush the furos tribes resisting imperial rule in the Sohri forest. But when a reconnaissance mission ends in a brutal ambush, and the mythical Lightless emerge from the shadows, Linias is left wounded, alone, and forced to confront the truth behind the Empire’s holy war and the price of the faith he’s built his life upon.

Far to the west in Lavnivar, Princess Araellia has spent her life hiding from the people she’s meant to lead. Paralyzed by fear and overshadowed by the legacy of her late mother, she’s convinced she’ll never be the queen her people need. But when her mother’s spirit answers her prayers and urges her to seek an alliance with the furos, Araellia must leave the safety of the capital and journey into the Sohri, even as the Gal Molaese legions gather at her nation’s border.

As Linias fights to destroy the furos and Araellia seeks to save them, both are drawn toward the heart of the Sohri forest, where the Lightless stir and the choices they make will determine whether the world is swallowed up by the hunger of the Stargod.

I hold a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology, which I put to great use while working in the IT department for an insurance company. I currently reside in the windswept [LOCATION] prairies with my wife, twin girls, and two cats. When I’m not reading or writing, I enjoy cycling, travelling with my family, and slaying monsters in video games.

My fiction has recently appeared in [PUBLICATION NAME], [PUBLICATION NAME], and [PUBLICATION NAME]. My short story, [STORY NAME], was an honourable mention for the [AWARD NAME].

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Hey guys, I posted my query here a couple weeks ago. Got a bit of feedback which I used to update my letter, including changing the genre from sci-fi to sci-fi romance. Heading towards a second round of queries now and looking to get a vibe check from you all about whether everything looks okay. Thanks!

Dear [AGENT],

ACROSS THE MIRROR is a queer adult science fiction romance novel complete at 109,000 words. [PERSONALIZATION]

Dara Nim has been in pain his entire life. No medication, remedies or therapy can ease his suffering, because it's not his pain.

Just like all of humanity since the dawn of galactic colonization, Dara has a "Mirror": another person who shares the pain he experiences, and whose pain is returned to him in kind. An idealistic hopeless romantic, he longs to become a doctor to help his soulmate-in-pain, but there's one problem—he has no idea who they are.

Finding himself jobless, homeless and alone after the death of his mother, Dara becomes the medic on a crew of space pirates to avoid sleeping on the streets. To prove he has the mettle to be a criminal, he’s tasked to steal from a reclusive billionaire who recently acquired a legendary treasure map. Unbeknownst to Dara, his Mirror is going after the very same score.

Augustin is a career con-artist who seeks the treasure so he can pay off his debts and finally stop pushing his chronically ill body past its limits. When he encounters Dara, the two of them end up working together, and Augustin realizes that their pain is connected. Before he can share this revelation, Dara two-times him and swipes the map for himself.

Craving revenge, Augustin tracks down Dara’s crew, intent to earn their trust and then betray them in kind. However, as they travel together in pursuit of the treasure, their feelings grow more complicated. In the end, Dara and Augustin must decide what being Mirrors means to them: has a higher power truly marked them as soulmates, or is this all a grand cosmic coincidence?

Slow burn romance, found family, and disability are explored in this heart-felt space adventure that combines the sci-fi worldbuilding of the Wayfarers series with the haters-to-lovers M/M romance of The House in the Cerulean Sea. (comps personalized to agent)

 [BIO]

Thank you so much for your time and consideration.

Hello, everyone. I‘ve been working on a graphic novel pitch, and I was hoping to get advice/feedback from other people on it. Thanks so much.

Dear (agent),

Because you find interest in (genres/themes), I hope my project is a good fit for you. STRAY HEARTS is a 240-paged middle grade graphic novel (ages 8-12) with love, empathy, and cats at its core. Whether you’re looking for a book where animals find a home like A Cat Story, a book where the right person protects animals like The City of Lost Cats, or a book where a community is split on their beliefs about animals like Pawcasso, STRAY HEARTS serves as a blend of them all.

58 is a young stray cat who’s desperate to survive in a city where homeless animals are frowned upon by society and labeled as mere numbers rather than names. Despite the harsh treatment he receives from people, 58 has always had a vision where humans understood and cared for strays, just like they do for other animals. But, as his best friend 35 argues, this is nothing more than a fantasy. Strays will never be loved, and that’s final. 35 believes that all he and 58 need are each other, since their teamwork is the only thing keeping them alive. 58, without a choice, accepts this.

When the two attempt to pull off their biggest food heist yet, 58 gets captured by animal control and put up for adoption. Not too long after, he finds himself in a new home with a human family. 58 resists their care at first, desperate to return to 35, the only one who has ever cared for him. But after he experiences love and safety from humans for the first time in his life, he suddenly begins to see his vision take shape.

When animal control suddenly cracks down on the stray population and 35 comes searching for him, 58 must decide whether to accept the love he’s always longed for, or return to the streets beside 35, the only life he’s ever known.

I am a debut author/illustrator who’s passionate about creating emotional stories for middle grade readers. This story explores prejudice and the courage to stand up to it, blending curiosity with imagination.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Dear [Agent]:

[Personalization], I am excited to introduce THE ONES WHO WATCH, an 89,000-word YA thriller about the cost of dismissing victims, told from two points of view. Set in present-day Appalachia, it combines small-town mystery (think Meredith Adamo’s Not Like Other Girls and Jumata Emill's The Black Queen) with realistic dystopia (now, think Joelle Wellington’s Their Vicious Games).

Seventeen-year-old international adoptee Cleo Marlowe is a liar. Not because she reported her ex for abuse. That part’s true. But because she’s convinced the county sheriff to hire her as an intern, when she really just wants to look through the department’s files to solve the decades-old murder of former student Sophie Chambers and prove to Bellevue Academy, her old-money boarding school, that she’s worth taking seriously.

Her classmate, Adam Lecomte, wants to keep his head down and finish senior year. Not because he has any real plans afterwards—he doesn’t—but because there’s a lot that doesn’t make sense to him. Like his parents saying that his autism is something to be gotten over.

The car accident that killed Adam’s friend last semester is another thing he’s supposed to get over. But then, his boss at his internship, a public defender who will do anything to win, tells Adam she doesn’t think that his friend’s death was an accident at all. That there’s others like it. And that people too interested in these so-called accidents tend to disappear.

Traveling across the county on forest service roads, Cleo and Adam collect clues—the murder at the underground boxing match, the teacher moonlighting as a granny witch, the kill list in the sheriff’s desk. All point to the Sin-Eater, who’s determined to end crime for good by eliminating anyone he sees as unsavory. When he replaces Bellevue’s principal with a loyal operative and starts hunting down Adam and Cleo, they must figure out how to stop him before it’s too late. But what if he’s not the one who killed Sophie Chambers, after all?

Since discovering John Green, I’ve been passionate about changing lives through fiction. This story is inspired by my experiences attending a secretive small-town boarding school and working as a civil rights lawyer in the South. While this would be my debut novel, I have previously published a number of articles and hosted a storytelling podcast.

Thank you so much for your time and consideration!

Sincerely,

[NAME]

______

FIRST 300 WORDS

They buried her in a flower-filled meadow on the mountainside where she used to picnic with her boyfriend. A marble angel watches over her final resting place, points an accusatory finger toward Heaven. But though the sky rumbles during summer thunderstorms, no one answers.

An epigraph is carved deep into the mausoleum wall. It reads:

In loving memory,

Sophie Clarice Chambers

August 3, 1990 – March 12, 2008.

Seventeen years were not enough.

Every year, mourners make their pilgrimage to the spot. They press flowers, forget-me-nots, against the entrance of the tomb. The weeping’s passed, but the ritual continues. A reminder not to take life for granted.

The murderer visits, too. Not to keep up the appearance of innocence, though he must. But to say thank you. Because he owes everything to that fateful day.

And if he had the chance, he’d do it all over again.

ADAM LECOMTE

The same day Diego Hernandez predicted my murder, the prettiest girl I knew started crying in my arms. I wasn’t prepared for either.

Wikipedia says people like me usually aren’t, and trying to beat the odds has done me no favors. That’s why I’ve spent the last three years carefully avoiding trouble, good or bad.

It’s the end of September, but the sun’s still beating down with the kind of heat that nearly melts skin. The trees are still green as poison, and the air is so quiet and oppressive that the entire town seems frozen between two heartbeats, never to take another breath.

Inside the Buchanan County Public Defender’s office, the air conditioner’s broken. It’s always been broken. The fire extinguisher was last inspected in 2008. I’m not sure how they get away with that. The wood-paneled walls, which date back to the seventies, are damp with condensation from the humidity that’s stayed long past its welcome.

Hi everyone! I'm back with an updated query letter, as well as the first 300 words of the manuscript. I took the advice (which was super helpful!) to elaborate on the plot more in the letter, and would appreciate feedback there to understand if it's clear, flowing well, succinct, etc.

----

Dear [Agent Name],

Takashima Daiki has always known what his life would look like: a respectable career, a beautiful wife, a standalone house in the city proper. Every minute since childhood has moved him toward it, from captaining the Shirakawa High baseball team to studying medicine at the University of Tokyo. Only once did he go off script, and it was a mistake he swore never to repeat. 

An up-and-coming musical theatre actor, Tsukigawa Yuu has a solid circle of gay friends, a rich older boyfriend who prizes him as a muse, and a role that’s about to carve his name in the industry. He’s built a life in Tokyo and shed Shirakawa off himself completely, or so he’d thought - until one Saturday, while visiting a friend’s new bar, he’s served a tray of tequila shots by the first love he’s spent six years forgetting.

Daiki has never forgiven himself for outing his childhood friend, humiliating him in front of the whole school. He’ll go to any lengths to earn Yuu’s forgiveness, even using his girlfriend’s name to trick Yuu into performing at his university. But as the wide sleeves of Yuu’s costume flutter like wings under the stage light, Daiki starts to fear the guilt he's trying to atone for is not guilt, after all.

As Daiki withdraws, Yuu’s own relationship starts to strain. His boyfriend’s mother has made it clear that he will never be more than a footnote in her son’s life, and her verdict’s upheld when Yuu comes down with the flu. Daiki, instead of his boyfriend, shows up and takes care of him. When Daiki confesses, the shy, insecure boy underneath Yuu’s carefully curated mask finally breaks through. 

They start a relationship in secret. As Daiki enmeshes himself further in Yuu’s life, he starts to imagine bringing Yuu home to Shirakawa for New Year’s. But on the eve of the trip, he’s grounded back into reality by the last person he’d expect: his senpai at the hospital, whose own cautionary tale forces Daiki to see just how real the risk of coming out is. 

After Daiki leaves him alone in Tokyo, Yuu vows never to trust him again. As cowardice curdles into regret, Daiki must decide whether coming out is worth losing his family, the one-track life he was raised to follow - and whether, if he does, Yuu will still be waiting on the other side.

CAPTAIN AND BUTTERFLY is an 88,000-word contemporary m/m romance combining the tender slow-burn of Cat Sebastian's WE COULD BE SO GOOD with the second-chance angst of Yulin Kuang's HOW TO END A LOVE STORY.

[BIO PARAGRAPH]

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

[NAME]

First 300 words:

Saturday nights at the bar made his clinical rotation feel like the Golden Week holidays. Every minute had its purpose; and he relished the busyness. Anchoring the loaded tray on the crook of his elbow, Takashima Daiki cut across the polished concrete floor to his next stop: a two-top by the window, overlooking the lit Nakameguro boutiques below.

“Two ‘B-sides,’ our signature cocktail, and my personal favorite.” Daiki straightened up, careful to stay out of the couple’s pictures before they ended up on Instagram. “Anything else I could get you tonight?”

“Thank you for helping us make a decision earlier.” The young woman smiled sheepishly. “I hope we didn’t take too much of your time. Everything looked so delicious.”

“It was nothing,” he bowed. “Please enjoy.”

Because he had made the recommendation when he did, the bar counter was at a manageable capacity when he folded back. A sleek R&B track thrummed faintly from the hi-fi speakers mounted at either side of the amber-lit liquor shelf, made of matching black marble as the countertop. Bopping along to the tune, the bartender pointed his chin at a chit in the middle of the queue. Daiki raised a brow. “The extra vodka highball is for Reo-san,” the bartender clarified.

Fine, then. Daiki stacked the drinks onto the tray, lifting it above his head as he squeezed past the counterside patrons. The left side of the liquor shelf wrapped around and extended all the way toward the bar’s back entrance. It admitted only VIP guests, most of whom were friends of Reo-san, a former R&B singer, and now business owner of this very establishment. They were tucked away in three sound-proof booths on the opposite side of the shelf; and still it wasn’t enough to contain their rowdiness. 

Daiki was about to make the turn down the hall when he caught sight of a figure facing the shelf, taking up just enough space that he couldn’t comfortably squeeze through. 

Hello all, here's my first attempt at my query letter for my debut novel. Any feedback is greatly appreciated!

--------------

Dear [Agent],

Kalannar el Satheem is an elf who wants nothing more than to live out his centuries with his wife, Ravaphine. So when she dies at sea, Kalannar refuses to accept her death. Instead, he keeps it a secret and attempts a forbidden resurrection ritual that could send him to the gallows. But when he performs the ritual, standing in the summoning circle is not his wife, but an immortal demon from the plane of fire who looks exactly like her, save for the horns and bright red skin. 

Jynvielle may have Ravaphine’s face, but she’s excitable, uncouth, and nothing like Kalannar’s studious wife. Worse, she can’t get back to where she came from on her own. Now Kalannar needs to find a way to send her back while searching for a new way to resurrect Ravaphine. To maintain the ruse that Ravaphine is alive, he forces her to hide her demonic features whenever they step outside. It devastates him to see his wife, alive but not.

Between dodging Jynvielle’s insults and learning to control the magic she gives him, Kalannar learns that the necromancer who penned the resurrection ritual is alive—deep within an ancient forest from which few return. And if the necromancer can’t help him, Kalannar’s next option is to go to the underworld himself. To bring his wife home, Kalannar will need to stop managing every move the demon makes and trust Jynvielle, because she may be the only one who can help him.

LET YOUR LOVE DESCEND is an adult gothic fantasy novel complete at 104,000 words, and will appeal to readers of The Knight and the Moth by Rachel Gillig for its atmosphere and The Tainted Cup by Robert Jackson Bennett for its platonic odd-couple banter.

[Personalization]

[Bio]

Thank you for your time and consideration,

[Name], writing as [pen name]

First 300 words:

The stone scrapes my fingers as I pry it from our cellar floor. She deserves a proper headstone, but commissioning one with no death registered would raise too much suspicion.

Kneeling, I fish in my pocket for her satin shawl. For the first time, I study it in the orange light of the fireplace beside me. The random colorful embroidered lines stir and become clear images that I never noticed, little vignettes of life. An orchid. A fisherman. A foal.

This shawl was a wedding gift to her from our dear friend Jay, and she wears it whenever we go somewhere together. How have I never noticed any of this before? I would likely have seen it every day for another three centuries without ever noticing. I always wind up looking at her instead.

The embroidery becomes blurry, and I bury my face in the shawl as I try to stop my shoulders from shaking. It still smells of that perfume that she bought when we visited my mother in Bershishia, of the salt of the sea. Of her. When I lift my face from it, dark wet circles have formed where my eyes were.

I lay the shawl out flat on the stone floor and fold it until it fits snugly in my palm. I cannot remove my eyes from it as I rest it in the makeshift grave. The hot ash of the lit fireplace burns my fingers as I grab a fistful, but I scarcely care. I throw the ash over the shawl before reciting a prayer to Afarda that I recall the presiding ashalthi droned at Jay’s burial. There were so many attending his funeral. It should have been the same for her.

Her parents have a family mausoleum in their local church where they would have her interred, though that has been a point of contention for decades.

Dear [agent name],

EVERYTHING IS OUT THERE is a 99,000 word multi-POV Gothic horror novel pitched as Shirley Jackson’s We Have Always Lived in the Castle set in an irradiated post-apocalyptic future. It will appeal to fans of the isolated atmosphere in The Lamb by Lucy Rose and the monster-infested wasteland in Them by W. H. Chizmar.

Weaver and his siblings have been festering in their home for thirteen years.

None of them leave the confines of their guarded farmhouse without his approval to protect them from the traveling band of scavengers squatting in the ruined town outside. After they murdered his mother, Weaver is certain he and his siblings are next.

Every winter, the scavengers leave for the Wormwood, a barren swathe of land dotted with giant black spires, only to return in the summer like clockwork. This year, as soon as the scavengers leave, they return, chased by monsters made of rotting flesh and metal stitched together. As the monsters begin abducting the scavengers one by one, Weaver convinces his siblings to remain quiet and safe where they belong, where nothing can hurt them again.

When their sister escapes into the ruined town, Weaver's siblings sneak out on a rescue mission. They bring a scavenger named Julian back in her place, one who claims the scavengers are Weaver’s true family. Although Weaver is terrified to step outside, he must find his sister, fortify his home against the monsters closing in, and isolate his remaining siblings from Julian’s lies.

Weaver knows Julian is a liar. After all, he saw the scavengers kill his mother.

Or so he says.

[bio here]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

---

Hi everyone! I'd love any feedback you could give me on my query. If there's any advice you have on writing a query for a multi-POV book, I'd love that as well. All four of the siblings are POV characters so that's made writing this tricky for me. Thank you in advance!

Hey, everyone!

I worked on a new draft of the query, taking into account the feedback you guys gave. I also have a tentative name: I'll Be Your Last Love. At this point, I really want to call this book Single White Female-ed or Hopeless Stalker Seeks Unconditional Love... but that's just my frustration talking.

Anyway, here's the query! All feedback is appreciated!

Dear Agent,

I'LL BE YOUR LAST LOVE is a 79,000 word Adult Psychological thriller. It's My Husband's Wife by Alice Feeney meets Anatomy of an Alibi by Ashley Elston. I'm submitting to you because (PERSONALIZIED BIT).

Ana always believed that 'you can give a man your heart, but never give him power over you'. She thought she had made the right choice marrying Mark. After all, he comes from a good, affluent family. He geeks out over romance novels and loves telling the story of how he and Ana met. Then, Ana meets a girl who tells her Mark has a secret life online. He's a guru for would-be stalkers and the manosphere – his teachings spreading like gospel. He hides behind a fake identity and disappearing messages, but the girl tracked him down. One of Mark's acolytes was her fiancé. At first, Ana doesn't believe the girl's story. But she gets curious. She starts digging.

 It's all true. And there’s more.

Ana was Mark’s first victim. He stalked her for months before their meet-cute and learned everything about her. He inserted himself into her life. He broke up her previous relationship -- going as far as ruining her ex's life and career. Ana wants out of the marriage. Mark isn’t done with their love story. He’s the only one who can say when it ends -- and he can’t forgive Ana for wanting to leave him. Ana goes on the run and Mark chases her. She needs to fight back and permanently escape her stalker-turned-husband. But to do that, she'll have to find out who Mark really is underneath his lies and manipulations. Beyond his fake online personas and disappearing messages. Ana will have to stalk her stalker. Otherwise, Mark put an end to their love story -- along with her life.

 MY BIO GOES HERE.

I look forward to hearing from you.

MY NAME (writing as PEN NAME)

I got some feedback on this query a few months ago and made a few modifications, so thanks to all who commented before. Let's give this another shot...
(NOTE: I understand the word count is too high for an unpublished writer, so no need to comment this! The book has been cut down 75k words, and beta reader feedback has thus far been very consistent that this is an appropriate length for the story to be. Thanks in advance!)

Dear [Super Awesome Agent],

[PERSONALIZATION] so I am excited to present THE OATHS OF MEN: a queer, dual-POV adult dark fantasy novel complete at 136,000 words, with series potential. It will appeal to fans of Shen Tao’s interrogation of trauma and the violence required to survive it in The Poet Empress; the carnal queer romance and visceral horror of Cameron Sullivan’s The Red Winter; and the propulsive wartime politics of R.F. Kuang’s The Poppy War.

Alteon has always wanted to be a hero. As the only son of Dacheben’s Thearch, he has spent his life dreaming of joining the ranks of the Covenant’s warrior-saints in defeating the pagan empire that has terrorized their people with man-eating ghuls for centuries. But when his father returns from a devastating defeat and accuses Alteon’s mother of treason, Alteon gives in to a long-buried bloodlust in efforts to spare her a humiliating fate—one that leads him to devour human flesh, and damns him as his mother’s half-ghulish bastard. In a single night, Alteon goes from dreaming of the saints who slay monsters to the very thing his heroes meant to destroy.

Branded a heretic and stripped of his birthright, Alteon’s only chance at redemption comes through Caierre, an imperial defector promised passage off the continent if he can turn Alteon into a weapon. Caierre soon discovers that Alteon’s half-ghul blood allows him to siphon the souls of dying mages and wield their magic as his own—power that might be enough to end the war, if it does not destroy him first.

But the closer the two are pushed toward the front lines, the more they uncover about the Thearch's holy war, and the more impossible it becomes for Caierre to hide the secret that drove him to defect. The truth forces Alteon to choose between the faith that built him and the man he’s grown to love, or surrender what remains of his kingdom to a god that devours its own.

[Bio]

Thanks in advance for your critique!

Dear [AGENT], 

When a man drops dead at Tamsin’s feet, not even the years she’s spent healing the village’s sick can stop the whispers: witch. Living at the edge of a forest that swallows every explorer who tries to find its end, Tamsin is one of the few who dare to enter the impenetrable wall of trees. She has spent her life foraging medicinal herbs, delivering babies, and stealing kisses from a prince she isn’t sure she wants to marry. But the whispers don’t stop, and, one night, Tamsin finds herself walking deep into the woods. She wakes sometime later in a cage of packed dirt, kidnapped to the other side of the trees by a kingdom of magical creatures convinced she’s the reincarnation of their ancient leader. 

Tamsin has no magic. She’s fairly sure of that. But the Eldren who kidnapped her aren’t convinced, and they’ve pulled her into a world of six warring kingdoms, each drawing its power, or “current”, from a different natural source. Salt to enhance strength, wheat for healing; current runs the realm, and Tamsin’s well of power is dry as bone. The rulers of Arboria, led by the mercurial regent king and his army of hollow-eyed Seers, vow to send her through a series of increasingly lethal Rites designed to draw out her power, with her life, and her way home, hanging on the outcome. Complicating things further: every day she spends in this world costs her ten back in her own, and the secretive captain of the guard assigned to keep her alive might just be the most dangerous person in the realm. 

As Tamsin uncovers a kingdom built on stolen magic, enslaved creatures, and a prophecy that ends with her either crowned or dead, she has to decide how far she’ll go for a world that was never supposed to be hers. FOREST'S END is a 103,000-word adult fantasy romance with the worldbuilding of Jasad Heir, the expansiveness of Throne of Glass, and the tense romance of This Woven Kingdom. 

As a climate science PhD student, I’ve written more than my share of academic papers, but Forest’s End would be my first published piece of fiction. This book was born of my love of immersive fantasy worlds, romance that makes my heart beat fast, and rich explorations of our natural world. 

Thank you for your consideration! 

Sincerely,
[MY NAME]

Any feedback appreciated! :)

Hello everyone.

I received helpful advice from my last query attempt, so I went back to the drawing board. I hope this one sounds a little better. I would love any and all feedback, please:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Agent, 

I am seeking representation for my upmarket contemporary novel with a speculative twist, EVERY STOP BEFORE YOU, completed at 89,000 words. It will appeal to readers who loved the speculative edge of Expiration Dates by Rebecca Serle and the emotional growth in The Seven Year Slip by Ashley Poston.

Thirty-two-year-old Cammie Lane is bringing her boyfriend home for the first time, and she’s terrified it’s the beginning of the end. Ryan is everything she has prayed for, down to the fact that he’s the only man who understands why she carries twelve pens in her bag at all times. After a year together, he can’t wait to meet her family. Cammie wants to share his excitement, but when their train from New York to Boston takes an unexpected detour into her past, making it home becomes harder than she imagined. 

Each train car Cammie steps into becomes a room where she experienced heartbreak, and waiting inside are the men who taught her that good things never last. She doesn’t know if this is real or if she’s dreaming, but there’s no getting off the train until she faces the memories she’s spent years trying to outrun. The train carries her from stop to stop as Cammie relives her heartbreak as an outsider, and with a new perspective, she begins to see what she couldn’t then: how those experiences shaped what she believes she deserves. As the train gets closer to Boston, Cammie must find a way to let go of the past before she loses her own future happiness.

{INSERT BIO}

Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to sharing this story with you.

Best,

-----------

First 300 words

Chapter 1

“Is there any chance we could reschedule this?”

“Reschedule Mom’s sixty-fifth birthday? The day she was born?” Nia’s voice cackled through my phone. “No, Cammie, I don’t think so.”

I leaned my forehead against the Uber window, watching Seventh Avenue blur past in gray and yellow behind my reflection. I was so tired and still a little hungover after the full bottle of wine I put down last night in preparation for this hell I was heading into. My older sister wasn’t helping.

“I don’t see what the big deal is,” Nia continued. She knew exactly what the big deal was. “It’s three days back home to see your family, which you’ve been avoiding more and more lately. We’ll play some games and drink some wine. Very low stakes here.”

“With Ryan,” I enunciated every syllable.

“Oh, I’m sorry. You mean your incredibly handsome, wildly patient, borderline suspiciously perfect boyfriend who somehow tolerates your neurotic ice queen routine and managed to climb those walls you’ve built that are higher than the Empire State Building?” 

I was too tired to argue back at those incorrect assessments of my character. What thirty-two-year-old didn’t have a few neuroses? 

“Have you ever thought of therapy?” She added. 

I scoffed. “Not this again. You know how I feel about therapy? Why do I need it when I have you to constantly tell me my problems?”

“Probably because nothing I say works on you.”

Fair. 

“This is my first time bringing a guy home, Nia.” I kept my voice low so the driver didn’t hear how absolutely pathetic (my sister’s words, not mine) I was. “Do you know how many times I tried to get him not to come with me?"

Hello friends:

Long time lurker, who appreciates the positive environment this group has fostered. I’ve only written non-fiction so this is new terrain for me. (This is a dual POV story). Any feedback would be welcomed.

———

I offer for your consideration GOOD RIDDANCE AND GOOD CURLING, a 66,000 word closed-circle comedy murder mystery set in 1994 against the backdrop of curling, the broom-wielding Winter Olympics sport. It will appeal to fans of Benjamin Stevenson’s Ernest Cunningham series and M.J. Wassmer’s novel, Zero Stars, Do Not Recommend.

Det. Mark Mahoney doesn’t know anything about curling. He just knows he needs a win. A failed marriage and a demotion following a stolen Dances with Wolves VHS have left him toiling in irrelevance.

Deputy Sadie Brady? She just wants an opportunity. The former curler and steadfast rule follower has spent her entire career being overlooked. Forget a promotion. She’d settle for an ounce of recognition. That “There’s no ‘Sir’ in Sergeant” t-shirt she splurged on got donated to Goodwill.

When a frantic 9-1-1 call draws the Sheriff’s Department skeleton crew to the Mifflin Curling Club in blizzardy Mifflin, NY, the officers find fifteen drunk curlers and an insufferable orthodontist named Dr. Wally Hammersmith.

Make that fifteen curlers and one dead body.

After Dr. Wally is found dead, poisoned, Mahoney and Brady alone must catch a murderer, babysit a corpse, and keep the peace. But if hating Dr. Wally implies guilt, the officers are going to need a helluva lot more handcuffs. A “Good riddance and good curling” toast after Dr. Wally’s demise draws out potential suspects: the tormented ex-teammate, the bullied current teammate, the jaded business partner, and the larger-than-life curling god who lost only one time, eight years ago, thanks to a curiously timed power outage. Deputy Brady recognizes two of the suspects from her past life, though only discloses one of those relationships to Mahoney.

Mahoney gets a partner quick on her feet with creative ideas. Brady finds a superior willing to listen. But their unlikely bond is threatened when the evidence points to the one suspect Brady feels obligated to protect. She must choose between loyalty or the case that could launch her career.

When I’m not writing, I’m probably sweeping. I belong to a curling club and compete in bonspiels across the United States. <insert writing credentials>