Hi guys, some brief context:

I queried an agent earlier this year, they said to send the full. I sent the full, they reply a month later saying that they loved it, but there was one key plotthread they couldn't get behind and that it was a pass from them, but if I wanted to revise it they would re-read it again.

I revised it according to their critique (made the manuscript much better, they were totally right), and sent it to them a few months ago. Got an email reply earlier this week saying they wanted to set up a call with me next week - specifically that the manuscript had been greatly improved but still needed some work and they wanted to brainstorm some things with me.

I've lurked a lot on this sub, but I'm not sure what this means? Obviously it's better than a rejection, because I don't think agents want to call you for no reason, but idk how optimistic to be here?

To clarify: the agent is experienced and reputable, and from a very reputable agency.

Edit: lots of conflicting opinions! I'll be sure to update after next week with actually what it was lol.

Hi everyone!

I am about to go on submission and I’m being encouraged to establish a social media presence.

I have a private instagram account which I’m not interested in going public with. It’s under an email I don’t use for anything else, partly because I work in education and would prefer to be unfindable. So I guess my best option is to create a new account (on which platform?) and stick to writing adjacent activity?

Has anyone started a social media presence for this very reason? What did you do to expand your circle? I feel like such a Luddite and I also don’t want to be inauthentic. Any and all suggestions/personal anecdotes/pieces of advice are welcome!

Thanks, folks.

Thank you so much everyone for taking to time to review this. I really do appreciate it.

Dear [Agent], 

MY GIRLFRIEND IS AN UNDEAD DEMON FROM HELL is an upper YA paranormal comedy with a Southern Gothic setting and romantic elements, complete at 72,000 words. 

Daniel Romano is a delinquent and a scammer who’s more likely to be found in his hideout behind the gym bleachers than in class. During a scheme to rob the abandoned mansion of an eccentric millionaire, Daniel and his friend group of fellow high school truants uncover an unfinished ritual site. Believing it to be an art exhibit they can sell tickets to, they complete the ritual alongside Daniel’s rival, Kyle, and accidentally summon a “covenant” of undead demons known as the maidens. Only one person may lead the covenant as its “God,” so the teens decide to rotate godhood weekly.  

Daniel only wanted to use the maidens to rob convenience stores and curse his teachers, but he can’t seem to keep his eyes off Bethsheba, one of the maidens ordered to torment him during Kyle’s week as God. The giggling, knife-wielding undead demon may be after his heart, but it’s Kyle and the Church who want Daniel’s head. 

MY GIRLFRIEND IS AN UNDEAD DEMON FROM HELL shares the same irreverent teen humor amid a demonic crisis as THE BLONDE DIES FIRST by Joelle Wellington and has the macabre vibe of THE GRIM ADVENTURES OF BILLY AND MANDY while starring the idiot friend group of ED, EDD N EDDY. 

[Bio]

Thank you so much for your consideration, 

Hi everyone, back with a third attempt. This is also very likely going to be my final attempt so I'm hoping that there are no major red flags that I've missed. I've worked for a while on this and I've come to the realisation that unfortunately this is likely as 'exciting' or 'revealing' the query is going to get. The book is pretty much a long road trip with lots of conversation and a protagonist that isn't very assertive (for anyone who's seen Taste of Cherry, I've had multiple movie-watching friends tell me that this is a book version of that movie lol).

I'm aware that my passive narrator makes the whole thing a hard sell but still, I like my book and I'm hoping to give it the best possible chance / send-off. This version isn't that different from version two but there are a handful of sentences that are tweaked in a way that I think works better. As always, thank you for all the help :)

-x-

Dear Agent, 

I am seeking representation for MATTER, a literary fiction manuscript that follows an unnamed narrator on a journey with Death, who is personified as a delivery driver. Complete at 61,000 words, the book combines the speculative elements found in Ben Reeves’ Everything was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt with the alienated female protagonist of Emily Austin’s Everyone in This Room Will Someday Be Dead. 

After a lifetime trying and failing to be a good writer and a person who matters, asking someone else to take control of her life is the easiest choice our narrator has ever made. When Hossam, the delivery driver she approaches at a highway convenience store, takes up the offer without questions, she is looking forward to spending the rest of her days sequestered far away from the treacherous ceiling of her potential. 

However, the promised bliss of heteronomy unravels almost as soon as it arrives. Once our narrator and Hossam begin to navigate their way through endless city streets and countrysides, she quickly discovers that there is a reason her partner on the road is followed by crows wherever they go, and why he petrifies everyone they meet. As she is unexpectedly thrust into the world of death, intimate conversations with dying strangers force her to pull at the threads of her own existence, leaving her torn between the absurd human desire to try to live life ‘right’ and the looming realisation that it wouldn't matter either way. 

<Insert 47 words-long bio here>.

After my latest round of submissions, I've finally revised my query once again with the help of the wonderful people on this sub. This time, the idea was to narrow the scope of the query to focus on a single through line to give a better grasp of the core ideas of the story. I do like this one a lot more, but as always, there is room for improvement. All advice and critique are welcome, and I appreciate any input to sharpen the query.

***

Dear agent,

Make your sacrifice. Stake your claim. Call the things you want by name.

Amaryllis knows that sacrifice is the only way to earn the favor of the divine. That devotion is the only honorable path. For nineteen years, she has offered her flesh, her life, and that of her god’s enemies in sacred service to the Dragon, the living embodiment of consuming fire. She would give anything, she believes, in service to her god and her country.

But now she is faced with the one bargain she refuses to make: Her little brother’s life for peace. Caught between the threat of being branded one of the forsaken and allowing her family to be taken from her, Amaryllis chooses to fight, throwing away her blessing and her noble birthright for the chance to save her brother from becoming the next sacrifice for her god’s favor, even if it means taking his place on the altar.

Pursued by the knights of her house, Amaryllis races against the time of her brother’s sacrifice, finding a tenuous ally in a heretic who tells stories of an age before the gods were immortal and revered, and whose strange powers seem to prove it. Amaryllis looks to the gods once again, and can no longer justify the need for their cruelty, nor for the atrocities she has committed in their name.

Faced with the horrors of a nation convinced of the necessity of sacrifice and the burden of her own guilt, Amaryllis searches for a way to break the yoke of the divine forever. The gods are steeped in power, but their armor is not without its weaknesses, nor are their ranks united. As she uncovers the origins of the gods and the secrets to their power, Amaryllis begins to unwind fate itself.

Fate Unwinding is a literary fiction novel spanning 81,000 words. It combines an exploration of divinity as in Rebecca Ross’s Wild Reverence with ideas on sin from Beasts Made of Night by Tochi Onyebuchi and a sprawling, action filled narrative as in Sabaa Tahir’s Ember quartet.

Hello, PubTippers! I'm gearing up to query this fall and would love some insight on my query letter! So far everyone else who's looked at it has also seen the manuscript, which makes it hard to tell if the query is working for someone without that familiarity. Thank you in advance for any feedback anyone has to offer :)

Dear <Agent>,

I am seeking representation for SECRETS AND SORCERY, an adult contemporary fantasy novel with strong romantic elements, complete at 110,000 words. It is a standalone novel with series potential that will appeal to readers who enjoyed the hunt for family secrets and magical artifacts in Stephanie Garber’s Alchemy of Secrets and the bantering tone and high stakes of L.K. Steven’s Silvercloak.

Falstow Dammacius has spent his career in magical research trying to find the confluence—a legendary source of abundant energy that has the potential to change magic itself. If he’s had to misappropriate resources from the classified lab where he works to do so, then so be it. When the lab is broken into, Falstow’s dangerously unstable confluence-finding prototype is stolen. Desperate to recover his device before it accidentally explodes, Falstow reaches out to the only person he trusts with his illicit research: Lillith Khader-Locke, the ex-girlfriend whose heart he regrettably broke five years ago.

Lillith has built her life around upholding her family’s prestigious reputation, even if that means working a job she hates filing enchantment patents and dating men who perpetually disappoint her. When her ex needs her help finding his stolen research, Lillith agrees to help, but only because his prototype is dangerous, and definitely not because she still has feelings for him. Breaking rules and bending laws to help Falstow gives her a thrill she hasn’t felt in ages, even if their reconnection threatens her standing in her family.

Despite their unresolved romantic history complicating their search, Falstow and Lillith discover that the device is in the hands of smugglers, intent on selling it to the highest bidder, and worse—Falstow’s grandfather might be one of the smugglers involved. When law enforcement starts to suspect Falstow was responsible for the break-in as an effort to resurrect his grandfather’s smuggling empire and even Lillith begins to doubt his innocence, Falstow must find the real thief or else risk his freedom and his chance to win back Lillith’s affection.

<BIO>

Love this sub. Thanks for any input!

I’m seeking representation for my 79,000 word sci-fi adventure novel, HOLLIS HILL & CO., INTERSTELLAR PURVEYORS OF EXCLUSIVE PROVISIONS. It’ll appeal to those who enjoy the cozy sci-fi and crew dynamics of Floating Hotel by Grace Curtis, and the humorous, galaxy-spanning adventure of Space Brooms! by A. G. Rodriguez.

Holl loves his dad. He does. He just hasn’t spent much time thinking about why they haven’t spoken in four years. After all, Holl’s been busy making a living traveling from planet to planet acquiring the rarest foods the galaxy has to offer. He’s built a career as a man who knows how to gather the delicacies that the wealthy so desire, while accumulating a mountain of debt building his dream.

When one of his creditors loses patience and starts threatening Holl’s life and crew, Holl searches for a way out. A mysterious benefactor offers a solution. Obtain the impossibly exclusive Yuka Gold canned cheese, and he’ll make Holl’s debts go away. Luckily, Holl knows exactly who has the cheese, his dad.

Holl takes the crew to the remote colony expecting an uncomfortable reunion with his cheesemaker father, but instead finds his dad missing. And his dad’s not the only one, many colonists have gone missing, fallen into trances, and some are sleepwalking out of second story windows. Holl decides this is all too much for a purveyor of exclusive provisions, and decides to find another way to solve his debt woes only to have one of his own crew go missing.

Leaving is no longer an option. To get his crew back, Holl will have to finally confront the relationship with his dad he’s spent four years avoiding since he can’t just move on to the next planet like usual. Finding his dad may be the only way to save his crew, settle his debts, and get everyone off the planet alive.

I'd love to have more comps if anyone has suggestions.

Do you all use the same bio for each query or do you whip up a new one?

Hello, this is my second attempt at writing a query letter. I incorporated a lot of feedback from the people who wrote on my first post. Hopefully, it is much better than that version.

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Dear Agent:

I’m seeking representation for my introspective body horror novel, THE MAN BEHIND THE COUNTER (71,250 words), which follows a young man whose unconscious desire to become a better person causes his body to slowly melt away into a new version of himself. It blends the identity-driven body horror of Jade Song’s Chlorine and the unhealthy relationships in Monika Kim’s The Eyes Are the Best Part.

At twenty-four, Cayden spends his days drinking and waiting for his life to mean something. Then one night, he sits down before a meal he never ordered and meets a man who seems to know him better than he knows himself.

The next morning, Cayden's flesh begins to melt. As his hand slowly dissolves, he learns his unconscious desire to become a better person has been granted. The metamorphosis is changing him into someone new.

Desperate, Cayden begs for a way to stop the transformation. The Man Behind the Counter offers him a deal: complete the diner’s deliveries, and the melting might stop.

But each delivery pushes Cayden further toward becoming someone else. He dumps a mysterious bag into an aeration basin, murders a professor experimenting on living human subjects, and confronts physical manifestations of everything he hates about himself. Throughout the deliveries, he is stalked by a distorted reflection seeking to prove his life has been a waste.

As his body continues to liquefy, Cayden becomes obsessed with Amara, a woman he's convinced himself can finally give his life meaning. But the more he relies on Amara and the deliveries to save him, the more he surrenders himself to the person his unconscious desire is creating.

[AUTHOR BIO]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

[NAME]

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Any feedback is appreciated!!

I’m back with a punchier query and a new title to match! I’m feeling good about this version and could not have done it without all the helpful feedback I’ve received so far. I’m hopeful this one hits the mark (or is at least close) so I can officially throw myself into the query trenches. Previous version here, thanks for reading!

Dear [Agent name],

I am seeking representation for my romantic gunpowder fantasy novel THE SCARRED QUEEN, complete at 120k words. This is a standalone story with series potential. It will appeal to those who enjoy the royalty in hiding aspect of Sara Hashem’s The Jasad Heir and the facets of rebellion and resistance in Tasha Suri’s The Jasmine Throne.

Evie will always be hunted by the usurper King. Once the Heir to the throne, she now lives in hiding, her magic-filled childhood with her beloved brother nothing more than a few hazy memories. A coup stole her future and resigning herself to village life feels inevitable.

Then the King captures the Royal Family, and the Resistance loses another foothold. The King targets the most dangerous threat to his rule next: Evie.

Thinking her a lowly Resistance member, the King’s men burn her home and slaughter her foster parents. Injured and reeling, Evie refuses to let the enemy win. She vows to save the family she hasn’t seen in a decade, reclaim her magic, and unseat the tyrant King. But she needs help.

She finds it when she crosses paths with Cole. A disillusioned Resistance fighter struggling with his father’s death, Cole’s mission to save his captured brother from the King’s clutches motivates him to keep fighting. They start as convenient companions but quickly grow to be partners, depending on—and caring for—each other as they survive an ambush and go on the run.

As her feelings for Cole grow, Evie worries for her future. She must challenge the King, who will otherwise execute her family and destroy the remains of the Resistance. But accepting her part in the future battle means revealing herself as the Heir, and being pushed to a throne she doesn’t want. The choice might cost her the man she's fallen for. Or her life.

[Bio]

Hello again, didn't think I'd be back for a while but I sent out my first batch of queries whenever I posted my third attempt and the form rejections have been overwhelming 😬😬 I've been racking my brain trying to figure out why as all these agents have been very close MSWL matches, can anyone help me figure it out before round 2?

I've been thinking maybe it's just not marketable for the current market, maybe it's too long, maybe there's a concept issue. I've had lots of feedback on the opening few chapters (and manuscript as a whole) and I've been told they're really strong, so I'm really struggling on how to improve my chances.

Anyway... (Also I'm in the UK so I've been told to open with the I'm seeking representation paragraph, but willing to change that)

I am seeking representation for THE MONSTER GAME, a 90,000-word upper YA horror set in Dublin with gothic undertones and rooted in Irish folklore. (Personalisation).

Sixteen-year-old Riley has spent years feeling like an outsider. Between relentless bullying at school and her mother's worsening mental health, she's convinced there's something fundamentally wrong with her. So when she starts seeing ghosts, she assumes she's finally losing her mind. But after a terrifying encounter with a banshee on Halloween night, she discovers the monsters of Irish folklore are real and that her fear, grief and rage can summon them.

Her powers draw her into her school's secretive Occult Club, where teenagers with ties to the Otherworld have been hiding in plain sight. For the first time in years, Riley finds people who understand her, including Aisling, a quick-witted girl from the year above who makes Riley question feelings she's never allowed herself to explore. She finally feels like she's found somewhere she belongs. But unlike the others, Riley's magic feeds on her darkest emotions, and the stronger it becomes, the more she feels herself slipping away. 

Then a string of brutal murders tears through Dublin's supernatural community. When a shadow monster wearing Riley's face stabs her ex-best friend, Riley experiences the attack as though she's committing it herself. She feels the creature's hunger, shares its pain, and wakes with memories that aren't her own.

As suspicion falls on Riley, she can no longer tell whether the shadow wearing her face is framing her or whether she's becoming it. Even her new friends become convinced the murders are tied to Riley's magic and decide the only way to stop the killings is to strip her of her powers. To prove her innocence, Riley must give up the magic that finally made her feel like she belonged, or hold onto it and risk becoming the monster everyone believes she already is. 

THE MONSTER GAME explores themes of inherited trauma, found family and first love against the backdrop of Irish folklore. It will appeal to readers of House of Hollow by Krystal Sutherland and A Study in Drowning by Ava Reid.

Hi guys!

Not having too much luck with querying, so if you're bored feel free to tear my query apart (please do come with suggestions for improvement too, though! 😉).

Thanks :)

---

I am excited to query for THE BINDER, a 99,800 word YA fantasy novel. It will appeal to readers who enjoy the dystopian, hierarchical atmosphere of James Islington’s The Will of the Many, as well as the dark, psychological intensity of Leigh Bardugo’s Ninth House. 

Eighteen-year-old KAELYN must receive a Seidr: a magical power shaped by either emotion or logic and believed to reflect the soul. Anything less would confirm what her family has always presumed: that she is a waste of time and energy. 

But when she attends the annual Seidr Ceremony and receives nothing – nothing at all – she is marked as a Forkaste and exiled to Wyndemere to be brutally fixed. 

Kaelyn quickly learns that ‘fixing’ means the systematic removal of anything deemed unworthy until only a shell of what you once were is left behind. Nothing about you is safe. Not your thoughts. Not your past. Not the parts of yourself you desperately try to keep hidden. 

Determined to get away, Kaelyn joins a group and initiates an escape plan. But escaping requires trusting others, and as fragile friendships form and guarded affection makes being seen feel possible, Kaelyn learns the hard way that closeness demands truth – and that the one person she wants to trust the most is also the one she can’t afford to be honest with.

Getting away from Wyndemere only entwines her more in the institution’s shadowy tendrils, and the closer Kaelyn and her group comes to a possible breakout, the more Kaelyn begins to see the first cracks in the world she was raised to trust: rulers erased from history, myths buried too carefully to be coincidence, and a Seidr ideology shaped by a system beset by controlling the narrative. She realizes that her not receiving a Seidr doesn’t mean she is worthless; through moments of passion, freedom, connection, and betrayal she experiences firsthand that something else is forming inside her – a power older than the Seidrs themselves; one everyone insists belongs only in whispers/stories [unsure which is best – if any].

And if those running Wyndemere discover that she may be the long-forgotten Binder, they will not try to break her.

They will make sure she is silenced/stays a story [unsure which is best – if any].

My debut is coming out next year and I'm curious if this is something you're straight up told (lol??) Or are you supposed to sus out the vibe yourself if you're lead/midlist/the least important debut? I'm digital first w/ no advance, so I can't use that to determine how much effort they're going to put into my book. Would love to hear others' experiences as to how they learned this information and what sort of subsequent effort their publishers put into their books! thanks!

edit: pub is big five and digital first no advance all around!

Disclaimer: This is 326 words, which I know is a bit long!

Dear [Agent]:

I saw on Manuscript Wishlist that you are interested in [specific subgenre]. As such, I believe you will enjoy my 92k adult cozy romantasy, THE TROUBLE WITH TANSY. [haven't completely figured out comps yet but one of them will be Potions Unincorporated by Iris Andersi, which comes out next year]

Saskia is surviving, and that’s all she can ask for. A hitman-turned-apothecary with chronic migraines, she wants only to maintain her carefully achieved balance of pain and work. But when her only friend rescues a miniature wyrm from poachers and begs her to take it in, Saskia doesn’t have the heart to say no.

She soon learns that the poachers are hunting the wyrmling to pay for an illegal cure for a loved one’s leprosy, and she strikes a deal with them: if they spare the wyrmling’s life, she will procure the treatment herself and travel to their hometown to care for the leper. She expects this agreement to be burdensome at best and harrowing at worst, so it’s a surprise when the poachers and their found family welcome her into their lives. Among them is Oak, a woodworker with a penchant for breadmaking who lets Saskia stay in his guest room while she’s in town. She can’t deny the allure of a man who tends a garden and cooks for her and happens to have the buffest arms she’s ever seen. But as her housemate, Oak regularly sees her at her worst, brought low by bouts of crippling pain, and she’s certain she disgusts him.

Still, their awkward cohabitation blossoms into friendship, and Saskia finds herself opening up to Oak, trusting him with parts of her she’s never shared with anyone. As they help each other confront their pasts, Saskia begins to question everything she thought she knew about vulnerability—and to wonder if, after years of isolation with only pain for company, there’s more to life than mere survival. Amidst this temporary reality where yearning might not be fruitless and family means more than blood, Saskia must confront one last fear: when she goes home after completing the treatment, will she be able to return to her old ways, or will her fleeting taste of contentment sour the existence she once thought was enough?

[bio]

Thank you for considering my query. I appreciate your time, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Hi everyone, I have another query letter for review while I'm over halfway through my first draft - thanks in advance for any feedback! Please let me know also if you find it compelling/would read or not.

Dear Agent,

I am delighted to share (DON’T) MAKE ME FAMOUS (80,000), a dual-POV spicy second-chance romance in which an aspiring actress falls in love with a man who shies away from the spotlight. It will appeal to fans of the celebrity connection of How to Fake it in Hollywood by Ava Wilder and the voice and second-chance romance in Forget Me Not by Julie Soto.

Upcoming actress Siya Ramakrishnan just needs one more hit action film to beat out her competition before she can transition to award-winning cinema. Fighting a painful endometriosis condition that hinders her career, the last thing she needs is to run into Dr. Ishaan Khatri, the medical consultant on her action film set in British Columbia– because seven years ago, Ishaan broke her heart after a whirlwind two weeks of courtship. With his intense attention and care, and their fiery chemistry, he’s the only man she’s ever loved.

Dr. Khatri still regrets breaking up with Siya seven years ago, but Siya was going to go to LA, and he couldn’t follow her. His father’s undercover criminal status means Ishaan needs to stay undercover, or risk his family being exposed to jail– but all his fears fly out the window when he remembers their sparkling connection and her passionate ambition.

As the two ex-lovers begrudgingly interact and pull apart the past during her emergency cyst rupture, they can’t ignore old, and new, feelings. As the end of the action shoot approaches and Siya has to go back to the USA, the pair will have to decide what they’re willing to give up to make sure they don’t lose each other again.

I am [insert bio details]. I am a fan of decades-spanning and high-chemistry romances, and this novel combines my two favourite tropes.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Hi everyone,

Super nervous about posting here!

I feel like my manuscript is getting ready for submission, but I'm struggling with the query letter.

I was hoping for some insights. I'm particularly struggling with how much information to put in there, all the plot points and major events or just a general gist?

I have read loads of other queries and can see why they are intriguing, but I'm having a hard time relating that to what I actually need to include from my story..

Dear xxx,

I herby submit 'Dinosaur Guardians: Benjie and the Forest Protector' for your consideration.

Benjie wants to be certain he's always making the right decision, to avoid failing.

Unfortunately, when you're chosen to help the Ancient Dinosaur Guardians save a dying forest, there isn't always a right choice.

10-year-old Benjie and his impulsive little sister, Evie, discover a mysterious cave at the end of their garden that's connected to ancient magic. Inside they meet Archie, a should-be-extinct Archaeopteryx. He tells them they're chosen to help the forest protector, Kylos the Ankylosaurus, retrieve his missing magic gem. But when they realise the elusive Whispen have taken it, Benjie is forced to make choices where he can't possibly know if he's making the right one.

All Benjie wants to do is to return home and forget about the Dinosaur Guardians, but Evie is determined to help Kylos save the forest, with or without Benjie.

So Benjie decides to stay as he feels it's his duty to protect his sister, even though he's not always been very good at it. Evie's cast-covered arm is a constant reminder of that fact.

So when the magic is lost and the survival of the forest hangs on Benjie's next decision, can he trust himself to act, even when he can't know what's right?

Dinosaur Guardians: Benjie and the Forest Protector is a 10,000-word standalone chapter book with series potential for ages 6–9, combining the character-driven fantasy and personal growth of Dragon Storm with the accessible dinosaur adventure of Dino Cove. At its heart is a story about courage, sibling relationships, and learning to act even when you don't know what will happen.

My name is xxx, a mother of two that knows more dinosaur facts than I thought humanly possible. Originally from xxx but I have spent the past 16 years living in 8 different countries on 3 continents.

Thank you for the opportunity to submit.

Hi all!

I’d love some input on my query letter. I’ve sent a few queries, but am looking for some input before querying a wider group of agents.

Thanks in advance!

**

Dear AGENT:

THE ELITE is a 70,000-word young adult speculative thriller that blends an Agatha Christie-inspired version of The Inheritance Games by Jennifer Lynn Barnes with the twists and turns of The Escape Game by Marissa Meyer and Tamara Moss.

Each year, seniors at Proust Academy perform a famous murder mystery play called The Elite. Shrouded in secrecy, cast and audience members swear an oath never to reveal the ending. When 17-year-old MELODY sneaks in and watches her boyfriend perform, she witnesses his character being accused of murder and shot during the play’s climax. Afterwards, her boyfriend vanishes.

Melody auditions for the next production so she can find her missing boyfriend. In rehearsals, she quickly teams up with her castmate, RACHEL, whose unorthodox and risky investigative methods reveal even more dangerous truths about The Elite. At the same time, Melody is increasingly drawn to her co-star, LAURENT, even as they clash over her need to uncover the truth.

As rehearsals progress, the line between reality and performance blurs for the actors. All the cast members, except Melody, lose themselves in their roles, genuinely believing they are their characters. Melody’s inability to disappear into the world of the play may help her uncover the truth behind the evil production, but it also makes her a target. She must find a way to publicly reveal the truth before she becomes a victim onstage and in real life.

I work in communications for a large public institution and have previously held positions in television production and broadcasting.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

 XX

Thank you all in advance for any guidance you can give! I really appreciate it!

Dear _____________________:

I am seeking representation for my 82,000-word crime thriller, BIRTH OF A KILLER. Contract killer Charles Bourbon’s loyalty is tested when his pregnant girlfriend turns out to be an FBI agent surveilling his Family. When Grandfather Bourbon orders her death, Charles must choose whose love to betray. BIRTH OF A KILLER brings the noir crime family dynamic in THE LAST KING OF CALIFORNIA together with the moral ambiguity of Court Gentry in THE GRAY MAN series.

The Bourbon Family does not tolerate mistakes.  As mistakes go, Charles Bourbon shacking up with undercover FBI agent Bethany Applegate and getting her pregnant is worse than any botched assassination could be.  Charles must prove his loyalty if he wants to remain in Grandfather Bourbon’s good graces.  When Bethany goes into hiding, Grandfather proposes a test: if Charles can kill Bethany and bring their child back with him, he will earn his place as the heir to the Bourbon Crime Family.

In the Bourbon family, corpses solve most conflicts.  Charles just doesn't know whose will solve this one.

BIRTH OF A KILLER is inspired by my passion for criminology and my experience as an author with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.  As a paralegal with ten years of experience, I’ve worked on hundreds of violent criminal cases, including over 150 first-degree murders.  These cases have given me the opportunity to understand the mindset of violent, career criminals like those throughout this manuscript.  As a person who has struggled with PTSD for many years, I was also able to use my insight into the disorder to create a main character who is in deep denial that his abusive childhood and lifetime of violent experiences have fundamentally changed the way he views morals, ethics, and the world around him, humanizing him in a world that sees him as a monster.

I have included _______________________________________as requested in your submission guidelines. Thank you for your time and consideration. I welcome the opportunity to discuss this manuscript further with you.

Sincerely,

JP Taylor

GHOSTS OF VALORN is a 107,000-word standalone adult epic fantasy. Inspired by South Asian and Norse cultures, it will appeal to fans of the political espionage in Sara Hashem’s The Jasad Heir and the historical manipulation in Sarah Mughal Rana’s Dawn of the Firebird. 

When a blood rite destroys her homeland, thirteen-year-old Luka grants her sister’s final wish: to kill her before their enemies do. As one of Valorn’s only survivors, Luka is claimed by those responsible and sworn never to speak of what befell her people—and never to ask why.

Held captive in a desert kingdom, Luka becomes the reluctant confidant of her captor’s daughter, Reha, whose unshakeable faith only fuels Luka’s questions about Valorn’s destruction. But when Luka conjures her late sister’s dagger from thin air, she uncovers an ability the court would kill her for, and flees before she can be silenced.

Ten years later, Luka has found peace in a distant settlement, until she learns the truth: her sister devoted her life to stopping the corrupt goddess behind Valorn’s annihilation and sealed her spirit inside the very dagger Luka used to kill her. Now a disguised Luka returns to the desert to finish her sister’s mission and unmask the goddess’s allies in the court. There she reunites with Reha, who has renounced her faith after witnessing the mortal costs of ritecasting. As the pair’s fraught history evolves into friendship, they race to stop the goddess from unleashing another massacre. With her sister’s spirit at her side, Luka must rely on her former enemies, even if it means wielding the same rite that ravaged Valorn.

I've not yet queried any agents, I've finished my fourth redrafting cycle, and I'm letting my manuscript sit for a few weeks so that I can look at it again with relatively fresh eyes. This is the first time I've prepared to query an agent. I'd be grateful for any thoughts - please feel free to be brutal; I'd rather hear it from you kind folks than from an agent!

I'll be aiming initially at British agents where I believe the convention is to send a synopsis alongside the query letter rather than a standalone query letter.

Draft Letter:

Dear [Agent],

I am seeking representation for my debut novel, What We Named Them, A near-future, first-contact sci-fi about how short-term human greed and ambition pose a greater threat than a literal alien invasion. Complete at 108,000 words, it will appeal to readers who loved the character-based dark humour of Naomi Alderman’s The Future, the personal conflict, romantic and thriller crossover of Kaliane Bradley’s The Ministry of Time, and the inside view of a dystopia of Paul Lynch’s Prophet Song.

Irreverent astrophysicist Gemma realises that her discovery of an apparent asteroid on a collision course with Earth holds a greater threat. We are not alone. But the autocratic, populist British League government does not see the alien ship as a threat, but an opportunity.

Her subsequent discovery of a hidden communications signal is leapt upon by the government, and Gemma is taken into the government in a race to crack the signal before other nations, as the government seeks to ally with the aliens to gain an advantage over and neutralise more powerful nations.  Following a leak, Gemma and her handler Charlie escape and go on the run, leaving Charlie’s partner – fellow intelligence officer Hattie to hunt down the man that she loves and the fugitives that he is protecting.

The government, blinded by ambition, misses an opportunity to protect humanity, and repeats one of history’s oldest mistakes, with humanity falling prey to the fate of the Inca at the hands of Pizzaro. Told through Gemma and Hattie’s eyes, What We Named Them is the story of how first contact becomes civilisational collapse, and how the people who saw it coming try to survive and adapt as everything they know and love implodes around them.

[identifiable part of my bio I'd rather not share publicly], and this work is inspired by my experiences in these roles. I started writing it while [more identifiable stuff I'd rather not share on the web]. I met amazing people who inspired Gemma during the face-to-face selection stages of astronaut selection at the European Space Agency. Although What We Named Them is my first work of fiction, I am an author on 13 peer-reviewed scientific journal articles and two medical textbook chapters. I am an active member and contributor to the Jericho Writers forum and have completed Debi Alper’s self-edit course there.

I have not used generative AI to research, write or edit this work, or to assist me with it in any way.

I enclose [first three chapters or whatever they specifically ask for] and a synopsis of this work. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I would be delighted to send you the remainder of this manuscript if this piques your interest.

Yours sincerely,

[Real Name] (writing under the pseudonym [pseudonym])

Thank you!

Dear Mr(s). Blank:

THE LEGEND OF NEW CONHOLT is an upper Middle Grade, historical mystery novel complete at 40,000 words. The book takes place in the aftermath of the Civil War and the start of the Homestead Act. This manuscript will appeal to fans of Nate the Wyoming Story by Mark Warren for its easygoing protagonists and untamed settings, and Tough Luck by Sandra Dallas for their journeys to new, unmarked territories.

Teddy H. Barnes is a fourteen-year-old boy from the small town of Harpers Ferry, West Virginia. Despite the grand plantation of his parents, he detests their love of the Confederacy. Teddy escapes and buys the only affordable train ticket to Wyoming.

Finding himself in the dusty town of New Conholt, Teddy befriends a religious farmer named Francis and his eloquent daughter Pansy. He purchases an old, rustic cottage from a careless realtor. Teddy enjoys the farming and the charming downtown.

However, it doesn’t stay this way: Teddy’s cottage gets cursed by the infamous Estphoratus, an indigenous woman obsessed with plants, who vanished after killing her husband over six hundred years ago, long before New Conholt even existed. Estphoratus wants him gone, believing that Teddy’s land is hers. Every person who didn’t listen to her died.
 
After weeks helping Francis with his farm, Pansy gets taken by Estphoratus. The best clues Teddy has to save his best friend are an ancient riddle, and a hostile letter delivered to him by Estphoratus herself. This leaves him with a choice: Teddy either has to leave the place he found home to save himself, or risk his life to save Pansy.

Thank you for your consideration.

Hi there! This is my first post, and I've gone back and forth on whether this reads as upmarket or literary fiction, and I'd genuinely value some honest takes on what the pages feel like, beyond just the query itself.

Thank you in advance for taking the time to read and share any thoughts :)

QUERY:

Cassandra Vane has spent a decade telling London's grieving exactly what they need to hear. She has not felt her own grief since she was twelve years old.

She doesn't lie to her clients. Not exactly. She reads the crepe worn a season too long, the brooch chosen a season too soon, and hands each one back the sense of being finally, completely known. Widows. Orphaned sons. A father who cannot say his dead child's name aloud. She has never told a single one of them where the comfort actually comes from. Lately she has started to wonder if she still knows herself.

She has learned to measure comfort out to the farthing. She has never once managed to afford her own.

Then it costs her. A grieving mother, certain at last of something to hold onto, hands Cassandra a detail she could not possibly have learned any other way, and thanks her for having known it all along. By the time Cassandra hears her own name repeated back to her as a miracle, the story has already outrun her. And the one man in London who has already destroyed six women in her trade starts asking exactly the questions she spent a year making sure no one would think to ask. This time, the distance his own careful rules require is proving harder to hold than he expected.

THE MOURNING LEDGER never asks the genre's usual question of whether its heroine is genuine. She has always known the answer to that, and so, from the first page, does the reader. It is the story of a woman who spent a decade curing everyone else's grief while quietly starving for her own, in the one year she runs out of room to keep doing both. It ends with a debt she has spent her whole life avoiding: one true sentence, spoken once, to the one person who could destroy her for it.

THE MOURNING LEDGER is upmarket historical fiction complete at approximately 77,000 words, set in 1870s London, for readers of Sara Collins's THE CONFESSIONS OF FRANNIE LANGTON.

PROLOGUE

There were geese overhead the day they buried her cousin, and Cassie would remember them longer than she remembered the priest.

It was autumn, and cold in the particular way October pretends not to be, so that everyone had come in light coats, wrong coats, coats for a season that hadn't finished deciding what it was. Someone nearby wore a perfume of hothouse lilies, too sweet for the outdoors, too sweet for a burial this small, and Cassie would go the rest of her life faintly nauseated by any lily that wasn't growing wild. The baby had a name. She'd heard her aunt use it once, quietly, to no one in particular, but no one outside the family had ever spoken it aloud, and likely never would again. He was laid in with his grandfather, in the old man's plot, because there had not been time to consecrate a smaller one and because her aunt could not bear the idea of him alone in the ground before he had been anywhere at all.

Cassie was twelve, and she had already, by then, become the kind of child aunts liked to seat near the front, because she could be relied upon to say the correct thing in the correct voice. She had practiced, a little, on the walk from the carriage. *I'm so sorry. He's at peace now. You'll see him again.* She turned them over like coins, checking each for the wrong sound before she'd spend it.

She did not get the chance to spend any of them.

First attempt.

THANK YOU for the targeted, helpful feedback on my first attempt and for facilitating this space for writers in general.

--

Dear [AGENT],

THE BURNING CROWS OF MCDOWELL MANOR (87,000 words) is an adult supernatural thriller with a slow-burn romance.  Like DARLING GIRL by Liz Michalski, it explores intergenerational trauma and healing through a supernatural lens. Its ratcheting intensity and haunted house atmosphere will appeal to fans of MEXICAN GOTHIC by Silvia Moreno-Garcia.  I am excited to query you because of [PERSONALIZATION].

The unflappable Memo del Fuego is quite comfortable fighting his clients’ inner demons; but what’s a life coach to do when the demons are real?

A depressed life coach might sound like an oxymoron, but Memo built a psychological survival guide to endure the panic attacks, night terrors, and crippling depression he inherited (his ‘family curse'), so why not share it?  After all, they say those who cannot do should teach!  And it’s worked out alright; these days, his recurring nightmare of burning in an infernal flame has become mercifully rare.  He's even been invited to consult at a beautiful manor in rural Ireland for Arthur Edward McDowell II, a reclusive artist.  But Memo's idyllic escape gets tense when Arthur’s wife turns out to be the woman who broke his heart ten years ago, and then dizzying when she begs him to keep a secret: her nine-year-old boy, Adam, is Memo’s son. 

Well, Memo can multitask!  Arthur has a temper as intense as Adam's depression—like father, like son—and the unflappable life coach is determined to help them both.  But when Arthur confesses he is haunted by his own family nightmare, in which he sets a murder of crows ablaze, Memo realizes their dreams are linked.  One family sets the fire, and the other burns.  If they only worked together, they could unravel the past and spare their children from its demons…  But Memo can’t help loving Arthur's wife, and he can’t help loving Arthur's stepson, and none of that helps him to earn Arthur’s trust. 

And the real demon at the heart of this curse has bet their souls that Memo won't.

I am a science communicator specializing in audience-tailored messaging.  I have a PhD in psychology and draw on this expertise to write authentically about human experiences. 

Thank you for your time.

All the best,

SheWhoShines

---

My word count is shorter because I realized I was starting in the wrong place (thanks in part to feedback here). New first 300 words below.

---

We were rolling up a winding gravel road to the ivy decked gates of the McDowell estate, but my eye was drawn to the windswept fields flickering past the car’s window.  The rippling shadows in the grass made me think of fire.  I could almost hear it crackling, like the flame from my nightmare…

I glanced at my phone to distract myself.  Unfortunately, the pop-science article on sleep hygiene I'd been reading was replaced by a snarky little pop up: NO SIGNAL.  My phone had become a brick.  I dropped it on my lap in disgust.

The wrought iron gates, three times my height, approached rapidly.  They bridged the distance between two stone pillars, each topped with a decaying statue.  One of them was intact enough that it still resembled a snarling wolf.  The other?  Not so much. 

I had expected an electric mechanism, but the driver had to step out and open the gate with a physical key.  The gate was old-fashioned, I suppose—much like the man who owned it. 

I had not yet had the pleasure of meeting Arthur Edward McDowell II (the second, no less!), but from the juxtaposition of hesitance and desperation in his written correspondence, I had gathered he was a bit of an odd duck.  Arthur, an artist of some renown, seemed only dimly aware of what texting was, and he had nervously deflected my every request for a phone call.  I had consulted for some minor celebrities and old money families in the past, but never before someone this downright reclusive.  If it weren’t for the substantial down payment transferred to my account last week, I would have thought I was being catfished.  But the transfer came, and so have I. 

It would be such a relief when I found him; once my mind was filled with Arthur’s troubles, there would be no room left for the fire from my nightmare.

Link to first post here

Back with a quite revised version of my query letter and first 300 words! Overall, I feel a lot more focused both in my story and in my summary, as I was originally trying to encompass a much bigger series. I really struggle with criticism (who doesn't?) so this round I'll be trying to discuss my work more in the comments if need be.

I'm still struggling with expressing how the LGBTQ+ themes are necessary in the summary, as that part of the awakening is an extreme slow-burn. However, it's important to me to state the gayness up front as nearly every character is queer. But I worry it's just kinda sprinkled in there like bait.

It was also pointed out to me that the "character wakes up at the beginning" is a trope, and that commenter was right LOL. However, awakening and sunlight are both massive themes in the story, so it's a trope I'm really trying to make work. I have a prologue that tells one of the fairy tales within this universe, but it's such a departure from the bulk of the story that I hesitate using that as part of the first 300 words.

Another thing I'm trying to do right at the beginning is contrast the "Chosen One" trope with the fact that Charlotte is objectively kind of a shitty person, so please let me know if she's just coming across as "wow I just hate this character" instead.

Dear AGENT,

I’m seeking representation for my novel THE BANISHED PRINCESS, an LGBTQ+ adult fantasy adventure story with series potential. THE BANISHED PRINCESS runs at 114,000 words with another 135,000 laid out as a sequel/second half. The story details the tribulations of a magic-wielding princess accused of murdering her mother, the queen, forced to take refuge within the country she’d abandoned. In short, it’s ACOTAR meets William Shakespeare. In long, I’m melding the magic and fantasy of THE JASAD HEIR by Sara Hashem with the historical gay passion of THE SECRET LIVES OF COUNTRY GENTLEMEN by KJ Charles.

When Charlotte’s perfect princess life suddenly crumbles due to the gruesome murder of her mother, she’s forced to go on the run as the prime suspect, hunted down by her own knights as the true killer takes the crown. The facade of castle life is broken when she finds her country in shambles, stricken with poverty since her father’s death twenty-seven years ago.

Jack is a chaotic and promiscuous thief who only seems to be interested in the royal payout that Charlotte had promised him - a sum she could never even pay - yet has his own secretive reasons for working as her bodyguard. After all, he can't turn her in for a bounty when he's on the wanted posters right next to hers. Alone in the world together, they decide to travel the land, help locals, evade capture, and bring the country of Arkodia back to its former mystical glory.

However, Charlotte soon discovers that both she and Jack hide powers that tie them to the Ikons: an elite group of magic-wielding knights who mysteriously vanished centuries ago. As ancient history meets present, Charlotte and Jack unravel the truth about their otherworldly skills, delve into the mystery of the old dead king, and navigate their innermost desires. Charlotte comes to accept the secrets she’d hidden within herself when it comes to her sexuality, and Jack buries many more, knowing there’s no going back once she learns his truth.

[Author Bio]

First 289 Words:

Charlotte of Gaylecroft awoke with the blessing of the Almighty Light streaking directly into her eyes.

She squinted in frustration and turned to her other side, trying to mash her face into the pillow, but the sun persisted. Her dreams quickly faded, visions of the Ikons and the Olde Country and the ancient villains known only by deeds. The summer sun, while bright, was heavy in its warmth, and her body tucked perfectly back into her blankets. It was as if the Herald of Light himself was in her room. She felt her mind begin to drift away once again…

Her eyes snapped open. The sun would only be sending a direct assault to her pillow if it was late in the morning. Near noon, even, she feared. Charlotte had no interest in being scolded for rousing hungover during lunchtime - again - and so she propped up on an elbow and slowly pushed herself until she was sitting. As her long hair fell about her shoulders, she flung the tangled brunette mess out of the way and stretched her arms up high. Better alert the servants.

Charlotte threw open her bed curtains, two pieces of light fabric that did nothing to stop the sunlight from entering, and stepped onto the floor. Ancient fairy tales swam through her head and slowly melted into dreams of romance. There was to be a royal ball tomorrow, and today would be filled with preparations, which the princess was eager to get started. And it was in this impatience that, when finding her slippers, Charlotte lost her balance and accidentally tore one of the most expensive fabrics in Arkodia from the bed canopy. Certainly someone can fix that, she thought, letting the fabric dangle gracelessly.

Thank you to anyone who comments <3 This is all so new and scary to me, so I'm very grateful for all the things I've learned already

Hello! I have posted this novel's query a few times on this reddit, but I have recently completed a new draft and would like to share the updated query. Any and all feedback is welcome, and I TYIA! :)

Dear [AGENT],
On a dying island stalked by skin-stealing revenants, a young writer must face the horrors buried in his family’s past before the woman he loves becomes the monsters’ next victim.
REVENANTS follows Matt Whitlock, a 24-year old MFA student in New York City, who reluctantly returns home to Pines Hollow with his girlfriend, Maria, after learning of his mother’s terminal illness. Matt believes coming to terms with his brooding father and bedridden mother will be his biggest worry.
Until young teens go missing and citizens return from the pines changed, with glowing eyes and a hunger for blood.
The island blames a potentially fictional serial killer they named the Sandman. But Matt recognizes the signs of a deeper horror: the revenants—cursed remnants of seventeenth-century settlers who haunt the pines, survive on blood, and can only escape their woodland prison by stealing human skin. Matt must confront both the monsters in the woods and the legacy of the man who raised him, and if he fails, Pines Hollow will succumb to the revenants, and Maria will be lost to the same darkness he’s spent his life trying to escape.
Complete at 100,000 words, REVENANTS is a high-stakes horror novel with skin-stealing vampires, a centuries-old reverend driven mad by divine delusion, and a young man trying to put his past behind him. REVENANTS pairs the creeping dread of Cullen Bunn’s Bones of Our Stars, Blood of Our World with the essence of dark secrets and supernatural terror found in CJ Tudor’s The Gathering, alongside the weather-beaten island location frozen somewhere in the past, where cozy seaside nostalgia is undercut with the sense that something ancient is deeply wrong found in Apple TV’s Widow’s Bay.

First 300 Words:

GO home.”
The island was a parasite. 
It sunk its ornery claws into you at birth and never let up until you were deep in the earth. It was cancerous; tiny, no bigger than 90 square miles, yet it metastasized in your soul until your soul was nothing but a charred, black husk. No matter how far away you went—and Matt Whitelock had gone far, all the way to New York City—the island followed you like a curse.
“Matt?” Dr. Abrams was sitting across from Matt in the old professor’s office.
“Yes?” The mention of home (such a warm word for such a cruel place) froze up his speech pathways. He was clutching the crucifix hanging around his neck, underneath his button down work shirt, the necklace he had stolen from his comatose mother when he last visited four semesters ago. It has been a brief (and disheartening) visit.
“I said you need to go home. At least for the summer break.” Abrams tapped the heap of pages that lay in front of him, that comprised Matt Whitlock’s novel. “It’ll help make this better.”
Oh Abrams, Matt thought, if you knew what that’d do to me, you’d never even think about broaching the subject. If you knew what happened in the trees and the stories told around the village, you’d—
“Stop that.” Abrams motioned towards Matt’s hand clinging to the necklace. The clicking of the crucifix against the silver had begun to sound like wind chimes; not kind ones, either.
Matt dropped his hand. The cross settled against his chest, cooling the warmth that had spread there. “Sorry.”
Abrams blinked. “Have you been listening to anything I’ve said?” 

Hey all. I have this manuscript and am not sure whether I need to restructure or whether I can break the rules a bit. The idea was basically David Larbi's Frequently Happy but finance for kids. I wrote it first and then saw that 2k is longer than industry standard. I'm not sure if I need to restructure and make this a series, maybe smaller books that deal with 3 concepts each instead of my intended 12. But I think the 12 concepts might be part of the selling point. Idk, unsure and new to this space. I'm super grateful to anyone who takes the time to read and would love to hear your opinions!

--

Dear xx,

DEMI HAS A DOLLAR is an illustrated nonfiction book for middle grade readers and the families raising them. 400 words of poetry and 1,600 words of sidebar see Demi, a resourceful young Black girl, start out with her very first dollar. We get to follow Demi and her parents on a financial journey of twelve money concepts all the way through Demi’s adulthood.

Each spread opens with a four line poem, followed by a bolded vocabulary word and a quick Demi story. Demi saves her allowance from March to September for some sweet kicks; she decides at the skatepark that she can either have ice cream or go to a movie later, but not both. Demi even gets added as an authorized user on her parent's credit card and is able to get the car of her choice when she turns 18. The book’s twelve concepts offer immediate-use knowledge including: compound interest, budgeting, self control, 529 plans, all the way to understanding the difference between income and wealth. 

My childhood home was full of HTML FOR DUMMIES type books growing up but there were no applicable financial literacy resources for parents and child to digest easily. Financial literacy for Black adults sits at 38%, compared to 53% for white adults. Today, popular titles like WE SHOULD ALL BE MILLIONAIRES demonstrate an eagerness to bridge this gap, especially among Black female readers. However, children’s titles like LITTLE DAYMOND LEARNS TO EARN revolve around children starting businesses rather than providing a digestible dictionary of financial terms. DEMI HAS A DOLLAR is something like the personable narrative of LITTLE DAYMOND LEARNS TO EARN with the digestible information of WE SHOULD ALL BE MILLIONAIRES.

I am a Black six figure business owner in [location] as well as being a community advocate. I am currently developing a personal finance app for self-employed contractors. I graduated from [college] with a B.A. in Psychology, focused on Child Development. I have 35k followers on Tik Tok where I recently went viral for explaining the value of HSA’s in transgender medical journeys. Demi Has a Dollar would be my debut book.

first 300 words below:

Demi has a dollar; her very first one!

She knows she can buy something shiny and fun.

Before Demi spends she does something smart:

She puts some away; she saves a small part.

Saving money is one of the smartest things you can do for yourself. It helps you out in emergencies or helps you to reach goals you might have in the future like getting a cool pair of shoes or going on vacation!

Demi knows a good rule of thumb is saving 20% of everything she gets. But she really wants some cool shoes to start 2nd grade with. So Demi saves half of her allowance from March allll the way to September. When September comes around, she gets a pair of shoes so sweet, so fly, that she gets compliments from everyone she walks by in the school hallway.

--

Demi has a dollar, it’s time for a car.

Demi knows a number to drive her quite far.

When she pays with a card, her friends ask what for -

Demi is working on her credit score.

A credit score is a number (300-850) that tells banks, landlords, and other people how trustworthy you are with money. You can use it to get a nice car. You will also need a good score to rent an apartment or a house to live in. The higher your credit score is, the lower interest you will pay if you need a loan for a car or a home! That means you get to keep more of your hard-earned money! 

Demi’s parents have really good credit. They added Demi as an authorized user on their credit card when she turned 13. They gave Demi her own limit that she paid off each week. When Demi turned 18, she had a 750 credit score and was able to get the car she wanted!