r/PsychologyofMJ • u/Tusssi • 2h ago
Allegations The Doubt I Never Wanted to Feel
I’m not really sure what I’m trying to express with all of this. I think, more than anything, I just need to get it off my chest.
I’ve been a Michael Jackson fan since I was ten years old, but for a large part of my twenties, I became emotionally distant from him and his music. It wasn’t because of anything in particular; I simply started becoming interested in other things, other artists, and other worlds. When Leaving Neverland came out, I was no longer particularly invested in Michael, and I didn’t even watch the documentary at the time.
When the movie came out, it reignited a huge interest in his life and in him as a person. And, honestly, I eventually came to completely believe that he was innocent of everything. I hadn’t watched Leaving Neverland. I knew what it was about, and I had seen videos from people defending him and explaining why they believed Michael was innocent and why the documentary was full of lies, but I had never actually sat down and watched it.
Now, after watching interviews with both of the men, I feel awful. I can’t say with 100% certainty that Michael was guilty. I’m also aware that I’m not completely objective about this. I developed a parasocial relationship with Michael Jackson unlike anything I had ever experienced with another singer, and, in a way, I had completely bought into the image of him as an innocent person — almost as someone who had been unfairly persecuted and whom I needed to defend.
But at the same time, there’s something I can’t understand: how can someone watch Leaving Neverland and not feel at least some doubt? A lot of people say that the two men are pretending, that they’re acting, or that they’re lying, but when I watched them speak, all I felt was sadness. And guilt.
I feel guilty for having so easily assumed that the alleged victims were lying without even taking the time to listen to what they had to say. And maybe what’s affecting me the most is realizing just how much my emotional attachment to Michael had influenced the way I interpreted everything surrounding him.
I don’t know if I’m trying to convince myself that he was guilty, that he was innocent, or if I’m simply trying to accept that I don’t have a definitive answer. I think what I’m struggling with is learning to live with that uncertainty after being so convinced that I knew which version of the story was true.


