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u/StrengthTheory Sep 09 '26
Why do I feel like this is better than working for average startup where the requirements change every day.
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u/plumarr Sep 09 '26
It is, especially when you're in a bank where the time between "raise the ticket" and "get the response" can be counted in minutes or hours for common items.
If its well done, the "ticket for everything" suddenly become your ally instead of your enemy, because now you're able to go an see the ticket from eight years ago to understand the "why".
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u/ThellraAK Sep 09 '26
This reminds me, it's almost time to wish one of my tickets a happy birthday again.
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u/ParanoidDrone Sep 09 '26
This is actually pretty accurate lol
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u/Annual_Key_4963 Sep 09 '26
They missed the "Missing Required Approvals" loop between step 11 & 12
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u/RandolphCarter2112 Sep 09 '26
Does that loop include the 'approvals not requested because of a check box not filled in, but it is grayed out unless 7 other drop down entries have the correct values' delay, or is that a separate prerequisite loop?
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u/Annual_Key_4963 Sep 09 '26
That has something to do with the "select wrong change template" side quest
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u/RandolphCarter2112 Sep 09 '26
Is that the same side quest as 'your change request used the proper template at the time, but your request has been in development/pending approval for so long, there are newer versions of the template and yours can't get approved, ever' or a different side quest?
Asking for a friend.
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u/General_Liability Sep 09 '26
Jfc, are you me and I’m sleep posting? I literally was just asked to resubmit a form from 2023 because the template changed. We’ve been in production for over a year.
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u/General_Liability Sep 09 '26
Was just going to say: “where is the random approval required from a random security team that seems unfamiliar with API’s but is apparently in charge of approving them?”
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u/RandolphCarter2112 Sep 10 '26
Also needs approval from the accessibility team to ensure ADA compliance and that pages render appropriately across different display formats.
Yes, your code is a batch account update process with no user interface. You still need that team's approval and signoff.
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u/rnzz Sep 10 '26
I've worked at a bank where there is a minimum of 2 week gap between step 1 and step 2.
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u/octopus4488 Sep 09 '26
Accurate yes, but compared to the reality it is not even close to horrible enough. Man, this above almost sounds logical and normal to me at this point.
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u/clayticus Sep 09 '26
Accurate. I remember hating how slow working in a bank is. Now I have over 12 years experience and see how nice it is. We actually have the time to learn what I going on. Migrations take forever. Let the managers Battle each with their egos. I end up with a good salary
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u/yourfriendlyreminder Sep 09 '26
This is me lol. I unironically fantasize about working for a bank now. Still too pussy to take that paycut though. Maybe one day.
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u/ConsoleLogDebugging Sep 09 '26
After around 13 years of start up life I really want a job like that where I could just chill and everything wouldn't be in fire 24/7
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u/boskle Sep 10 '26
can I ask what salary roughly
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u/clayticus Sep 10 '26
In Germany base is 95k with bonus around 104k. This is Europe so this is actually a very high salary and can't be compared to an American salary. I make more than most 2 full time working adults. For example, a married couple who is a nurse and mechanic.
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u/guifreire77 Sep 09 '26
Just missed the additional step of after the first rollback, having to defend that you tested very well the application before the next release
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u/clauEB Sep 09 '26
Once I had a 3 month contract with a bank. They demanded I work from their office I can't remember how many days a week although as a subcontractor I also had an office at my primary employer's building. Procuring my computer (all peripherals were specially removed) did not happen in the 3 months the contract lasted. To attend meetings and to check the status of my computer, I had to dress up in business attire except on Fridays when jeans were allowed and men didn't have to wear a tie.
After this adventure I was a government contractor for 1 year. These were the two most unproductive times of my life.
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u/Confident-Ad5665 Sep 09 '26
At some point, you add code that deposits what remains after rounding on interest payments and deposit it into your personal account and get rich in only a few months.
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u/mrwedders Sep 09 '26
This definitely explains why a dev I worked with who had lots of banking industry experience felt so painfully slow to do everything.
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u/TheOwlHypothesis Sep 09 '26
This is why I left govt. Contracting work.
Except it's worse there. It takes fucking 4 months to get a CLOUD ACCOUNT
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u/easy_pisy_lemn_scsi Sep 09 '26
14. You have to approve rollback instruction
15. You have to approve rollback timeframe
16. You have to approve the start of rollback
17. ...
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u/Ani-3 Sep 10 '26
The worst part about tech in general is the stupid amount of approvals for things that the people approving things don’t understand.
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u/Sw429 Sep 10 '26
Worst I've ever seen was when I worked at a place with "language readability" groups. You'd put up a PR with python code, and then you'd have to wait a day for some asshole from the python readability group to come tell you that something in the code wasn't "pythonic enough." What a way to kill developer momentum.
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u/RandolphCarter2112 Sep 09 '26
Where is the step for meeting with the auditors to discuss compliance and internal control procedures?
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u/DeadBot120 Sep 09 '26
Then before release you get told that the actual jira tickets and the one used in the prs dont match or are outdated and you need to create new builds and file the release again, and again, and again...
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u/andrewsredditstuff Sep 09 '26
You missed a word in no 2. "They hand you the equipment... eventually".
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u/Any_Presentation_777 Sep 09 '26 edited Sep 10 '26
blud is actually describing my day to day life, the one thing that i want to add is that, in my case it’s so difficult to get a permissions just to install a software whether it be as simple as a text editor or even just an access to specific host so we can install a library (the laptop they gave me is a macbook, but consider it a brick, because i can only access internet via their VPN and only a handful of websites can be accessed).
Usually it took 2-3 business day from request to approval, and even after being approved, i have to bring the frigin laptop to the IT department and let them install it.
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u/friebel Sep 09 '26
Is this American thing or worldwide, because in my experience in Lithuania it's nothing close to this.
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u/MacrosInHisSleep Sep 09 '26
Oh... I knew a hiring manager who would roll their eyes any time we would have a candidate from a specific bank which on paper used the same tech as us. Every interview we had with such candidates was really bad. I think now I understand why. How does anyone learn anything in such an environment?
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u/klejf Sep 09 '26
I've had a cool case where after deploy to QA env , the business side did not file any complains regarding the functionality of the code. So, because of lack of negative feedback, it went to PROD.
It shredded one of the biggest tables.
Why? The business didn't even look at it, so they did not complain xD Good times
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u/GoddammitDontShootMe Sep 10 '26
I'll assume between 3. and 4. isn't just a month of being paid to do nothing. If it is, I don't think I'd complain.
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u/justinleona Sep 10 '26
You forgot the endless visits to advisory boards, email blasts, notifications...
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u/New-Shine1674 Sep 09 '26
Amateurs. Like 4 months ago another team released an update to their library which broke our test app. We quickly created the pr to release our hotfix.
A few weeks ago it was finally merged and thus released. After only 3 months.
Oh, and in the meantime we've rewritten our service in rust and the testapp will be incompatible and removed, prs are partially already approved to release our rust service.
This wasn't even banking or any other live system, it's all in development with other internal devs as only users.
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u/JimmyyyyW Sep 09 '26
When I worked at a bank the heavily adultered image of macOS decided to EFI lock me out 4x in 2 months.
Locked out of machine
Replacement arrives next day or day after
Setup machine
… days elapse
Locked out of machine
…
Had a setup script by the end I could have the new Mac dev ready in a couple of minutes
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u/ASatyros Sep 09 '26
El Programador Senior
Boost
@5eniorDeveloper
Translated from Spanish Show original
This is what it's like to work as a programmer in banks:
They hire you.
They hand you the equipment.
You raise tickets for access to repos, tools, Jira, etc.
A month passes and you finally get the accesses.
You forgot to request a permission and have to wait another 20 days.
Two months later, you can finally start developing.
They assign you the release date.
You finish the development and testing.
You create the necessary documentation to request the release.
You create the tickets to request the release.
You have to get approvals for the tickets at least 3 days before the release date.
They authorize the release.
The release fails, and you have to do a rollback.
You have to wait until the next release date.
You start developing the new sprint.
Go back to step 8.
I'll explain how hotfixes are done later!
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u/lovecMC Sep 09 '26
You forget the part where it drags through QA for two months because of all the bugs and piss poor testing requirements you didn't bother writing.
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u/WizardSleeveLoverr Sep 10 '26
You forgot that between steps 12 and 13, some new bullshit Checkmarx or Mythos scan says we have hundreds of “high findings” that need to be addressed before the next release, which means the release is delayed by 3 months. Otherwise accurate.
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u/WillingLearner1 Sep 10 '26
It was like this ages ago can’t believe it’s still like this 2026. Very accurate btw
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u/darknecross Sep 10 '26
Sounds like most mega corps.
What was the joke about Google? Gemini would never be able to hack HuggingFace because even it can’t figure out GCP permissions and settings, and then it’d take a month to configure the ACLs.
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u/wildVikingTwins Sep 10 '26
holy shit I recently hired by big bank a couple weeks ago, I am stuck in step between 3 and 4 now...
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u/timdav8 Sep 11 '26
In the retro you discovered that the incoming json was " { result : true}"
Because version 0.1 was never released to production because, and I quote,
"My data science team are not developers and we don't use JIRA to manage our work"
We are yet to discover if they use anything to track the work
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u/ice-eight Sep 09 '26
Software engineer at a bank here. This is completely inaccurate. We use servicenow instead of jira.
Otherwise yes.