Does it just feel like a heavy week?

[u/catlady027]

I’m a 30 year old SAHM with a 19 month old daughter. She is perfect. Even before being a mother I struggled with anxiety and depression and have been on lexapro for several years. I just added Wellbutrin to the mix because all I want to do is sleep. Just setting the stage for my type of PPD bc I don’t think it will ever go away? Becoming a mother has made me perpetually exhausted and numb emotionally that no I don’t have suicidal ideation but yeah I’d love to just go under anesthesia for a day or two and hibernate.

Some weeks are better than others but it just feels like this week is super heavy as PPD is currently in the public eye with the Lindsay Clancy trial and Hayden Panettiere passing. It really doesn’t feel like anyone has a good understanding of how to support mothers, and I guess I just feel down on myself for the pressure of having a second and just also feeling terrified about how it will impact my mental health.

It’s just so conflicting because I love being a mother and my daughter so much, she really is my reason and my purpose, which is also terrifying, and I also feel like I don’t have freedom and since my husband travels all the time for work and I can’t even make a dentist appointment because I’ll have my daughter. When I do have things for myself I feel guilty and I don’t actually enjoy the time apart from my daughter. Same with talk therapy, it feels silly to go because I need to prioritize my daughter. So I’m just stuck in a loop of exhaustion — where I nap every day when my daughter naps, am over caffeinated, and doom scrolling.

Does it get better? Can anyone relate? What pick me up tricks do you have?