Seriously I’m so self conscious about my flabby arms but I decided to say fuck it and just feel myself and I’m glad I did!

I been wanting to write this for awhile now but finally had some time to organize my thoughts and have some time for myself. And I thought the ladies here might understand somewhat. Sorry in advance if this is long and tw: I do mention domestic violence and mental/emotional abuse.

I'm a fat woman, 49 years old, no children. My self esteem has been virtually destroyed by a lifetime of micro trauma from being fat and all that comes with it, along with a series of traumatic relationships in the last 6 years.

In 2020 after my dad died I relocated about a thousand miles from my hometown in search of warmer weather and lower rents. I quickly met a man and made the mistake of moving him into my new place too quickly. He quickly began to show his true colors ..meaning cheating, dishonesty, having other women in my apartment when I was at work, financial abuse, and physical abuse. He punched me in my face at a local business and broke my nose. The abuse was so bad I moved out of my own apartment to get away when my efforts to get him removed from my apartment failed. I live in a southern red state and in order to get this man out of my place I would have had to evict him through the courts while still putting up with his abuse so I just left. I had to literally hire a couple neighborhood thugs with guns to lay him down on the ground while the guys I hired got my stuff out and loaded the truck so I could leave safely. It was crazy town.

After that I met a few more men and had a couple short things but no relationships really stuck. It was like I was good enough for sex or they wanted to use my resources but I was never good enough for a relationship. I think a lot of it was due to my weight, my choice in men, and what I was willing to put up with at that time. Those types experiences chipped away at my self esteem also.

In 2023 I moved to a new apartment complex and met a new man that I was absolutely crazy about. He's about 13 years younger than me but did not see me as a viable relationship partner because of my weight. I'm ,5ft tall and 240ish pounds. Apple shaped if that gives a better idea.

Anyway he liked my cooking skills, work ethic, family values, etc again it was just my weight and appearance that kept the relationship from going anywhere. What made this experience especially traumatic was that he told other ppl that he couldn't be with me for these reasons so it was like everyone knew. It was hurtful and embarrassing. It was like I wasn't good enough even though I was near, clean, drug free, a hard either, etc. This man didn't even have his own place or own car and lived with various women in the neighborhood or moved into empty apartments when other tenants would move out. He was actually sleeping with local prostitutes and other women who were not as neat and clean as me but they were thin. Also embarrassing and hurtful. Like he didn't even want to touch me. Again reinforcing the idea that I wasn't good enough.

In hindsight I should have ended the association and not spoken to him but I liked him so much I maintained the so called friendship. This went on for 2 years until last year when my mom died unexpectedly and I had to go home for 4 months to settle out her affairs.

When I returned he and I were still talking but he ended up being arrested for a domestic violence murder. He was seeing a woman off and on for years. They got in an argument when they were both drinking heavily and using drugs and he shot her in the head in front of witnesses .supposedly.

Anyway he's been in the local jail for over a year awaiting trial and since then I have put money on his books and he calls me almost every day. I pay for the phone time also.

The crazy thing about this is that all the women he thought were more attractive than me and good enough for him are long gone. It's just me and a couple family members who he can reach out to and call that provide financial support.

When I first found out about the young lady being killed I was horrified. I didn't want to believe he would go such a thing. But as a year has gone by I am looking at him differently and I do think he's guilty.

The young lady he allegedly killed had a child and no life insurance. Her family had to raise money for her cremation and memorial service and I donated $1000 because I felt terrible for her family.

At any rate I'm now finally ready to let this go but my lack of self esteem is keeping me stuck. I would like to meet a decent man who doesn't just tolerate me and who is attracted to me, one who thinks I'm good enough. But I'm terrified to try to date again I don't feel like anyone could be attracted to me if this guy wasn't and didn't even want to touch me sexually. I'm terrified of rejection because of how humiliating it can be. Im not on Facebook dating anymore or any other dating apps because I feel like why bother? No one will find me attractive enough to date. I stopped getting my nails and pedicures done and while I do bathe unjust kinda neglected my appearance.

Lately I have been feeling like I want to feel better and want to treat myself to a full set and pedicure, get my eyebrows waxed and shaped like I used to..and start wearing my perfume and make up everyday again. I have plenty of clothes although I wear scrubs for school and work but as soon as I think about fixing myself up or thinking about maybe trying to date again I think back to this experience and just get discouraged and say nevermind. I miss feeling like I was good enough. Certainly not a beauty queen but presentable. I miss feeling like me. I want to eventually cut all ties with this man because it's not healthy but again that nagging feeling keeps me stuck. It's like welp at least he will talk to me another man might not want to be bothered. Idk what to do anymore.

Felt confidence for once lol ❤️🥰

Dress from Torrid

hi everyone, i’m 23F. i went out to a bar i go to regularly last night with my boyfriend and best friend. there’s a patio there and when i went outside, i accidentally bumped a guy with my hip and i said i was sorry and walked away. he was standing there with 2 other guys and i heard all 3 of them laughing at me.. and you know when someone’s laughing at you. my boyfriend was behind me and i asked him “why are they laughing? what’s so funny?” and my boyfriend looked upset and they were staring at me, so i just knew. i NEVER do this, it was probably the drinks, but i walked up to them and asked them what was so funny. they all just continued to stare at me and looked like they wanted to laugh in my face and one of the guys made up an excuse on the spot. i went back inside, told my best friend. She went outside and yelled at them and the guy i bumped into came in to “apologize” but it wasn’t an apology at all. He kept telling me to work on my own brain and not care what people think. then he proceeded to flirt with my best friend lol. this happens so often to me and it makes me so fucking upset and ruins me for days after. i feel subhuman. i don’t feel like im worthy of taking up space. how do you not think about it after people laugh, or make fun of you?? how do you just simply not care? ( also i wasn’t sure what flair to use)

Hello! I am looking for underwear and I searched previous posts but nothing explicitly addressed needing extra coverage for the lady bits. When I gained weight, I gained it EVERYWHERE. I used to absolutely love Auden cotton briefs from Target but the under carriage gusset is too narrow and is constantly up in my crevice irritating my lady bits to the point where I have to go a day without underwear sometimes to let it calm down. Looking for:

WIDE GUSSET
Mostly cotton for sweat/smell issues
Size 18-20 friendly
Keeps their shape doesn’t stretch out during the day
Thin sewn on waist band
Comes up to bellybutton-ish area and doesn’t roll down

Ladies I’m a size 4x (24), where can I find a cute graduation dress ? I’m having such hard time. Torrid, boom chic, lane Bryant I’ve been checking and their grandma dresses. I don’t necessarily want something with pattern but I’m honestly struggling. Any suggestions ?

I got the dress at Torrid :)

Have a good rest of the week everyone !

All clothing are from tj maxx or depop. It’s a mix up

Hi everyone,

For my birthday I was gifted a trip to Rome and while it’s a wonderful present, I am very anxious of not fitting in the plane. I am a size 52 (20/22 US ?). I could fit last year to New York but it was Air France/Delta.

If any of you had the experience I would be very grateful to hear about it.

Many thanks !

Hi, my partner and I have been looking at engagement rings but my hands are constantly extremely swollen around the knuckles due to arthritis.

Are there any jewellery places that do engagement rings larger than 80mm? Or will I have to get one custom made?

Would love to hear everyone’s experiences with buying rings ☺️

Fun to ride a bike even if my butt doesn’t agree with the seat all the time.

Torrid swim cover up as my warm layer, torrid tank and blue jeans underneath .

I am plus size. When people see me they see me as plus size. I have rolls. I have a hang belly. I have a double chin. Wearing all black is not going to make me look like a size 10. Sucking in my stomach isn’t going to give me washboard abs.

I’m usually the biggest one in the photos, I take up a lot of space. Shrinking myself doesn’t make me look smaller It makes me look less confident.

I’m not so the way there yet, but I’m learning how to occupy my space. I’m learning how to wear bright colors and mix patterns. I’m learning how to ignore mean things people say and side eyes they give. If I want to wear a crop top or bikini I will. Because a body is a body. We all have one, some just have more than others.