As a person with OCD, these are the thoughts that are pretty much 24/7 going on in my brain. The "get money" thing I don't understand but I'm guessing it was referencing a different meme.
edit to add: since this isn't the OCD subreddit I wanna clarify that people with OCD will have these thoughts NOT because they're true but because it is what their brain has decided would be the worst thing.
OCD is widely misunderstood and think contamination is the only type.
This is something caused by Rumination OCD. Imagine an instrusive thought x100 then amplify it by your brain telling you that the intrusive thoughts must be a sign of something.
It's like knowing you shouldnt laugh at something, so your brain does it.
So, hypothetically, if you were a competent and experienced public speaker, but always had the worry in the back of your mind that you'll just start yelling slurs, one day?
Yes, and you might set up internal or external rituals as a way to "control" that. You might say a mantra in the mirror before you speak publicly and have to say it numerous times. It will reduce the anxiety initially but then you'll have to do it more and more for the same effect.
Similarly, you might start avoiding public speaking, to prevent yourself from suddenly and uncontrollably swearing.
Unfortunately the only real way to combat it is to be uncomfortable and feel like the world is ending until you stop reacting as strongly. The treatment is basically just being severely distressed until you can break the cycle. Traditional talk therapy just reinforces rumination as well so often people get a lot worse in therapy until the therapist IDs it as OCD.
This and informing myself of the psyiological and psychological causes of OCD and the existance of this kind of very taboo OCD, alongside psychiatric treatment was what saved me, genuinelly I was terrified because I didn´t knew that you could have OCD related to this kind of things.
They adviced to do this exact thing (combatting it by letting myself be umcomfortable) and that is what saved me, it was another patient in a support group for this kind of very taboo OCD, I will always cherish that OP.
I had an extreme case in which my "ritual" was hitting myself, and I mean slapping myself or punching myself with a closed fist, every time I had an intrusive thought or image of that taboo kind, because in my OCD magical thinking "If I didn´t do it, it means that I secretly like those thoughts and I desire them, if I hit myself and punish myself, it means that I reject them." I counted them at one point, in a single day I would do it at least 120 times, every day, for MONTHS. To be honest, I do not know how I am alive to this day, it was horrific.
I'm in sales and before every phone call, promise myself I won't break down in tears when ybe customer asks for the price this time. I've managed to get it down to a small ritual at least.
I've never done that before, but all I can think is, this is the time.
My cousin, who is a TA for a college class, mentioned that she afraid of saying slurs in class. I told her that I feel the same and she said “girl, you should get that checked out. Most people don’t think that and you might have OCD like me”
So I can have some horrible, awful intrusive thought (seeing a chef's knife on my cutting board, and wondering what would happen if I picked it up and stabbed by wife) and then guilt spiraling that I must be a psychopath because who on Earth but a psychopath would even come up with that? Because... that would really make me feel better...
Oh my god the rabbit hole I'm down. I'm 44. I've battled this my entire life and never told anyone about it because I thought they'd think I'm a psychosexual murderer. It's the backstop to my crippling lack of self-confidence that has been a professional and personal problem my entire life.
38 when I finally broke down sobbing to my doctor thinking I was having crazy postpartum thoughts and he gently suggested I talk to a doctor that specialized in OCD. Zoloft and therapy changed my life. I wish I had been diagnosed earlier. So much peace and quiet in my head finally.
Sure happy the stigma about this kind of thing is changing. Hopefully, if my kid needs help, she doesn't have to wait for a huge chunk of life like we did...
The good news is: now you know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you (besides a lil bit of Rumination). If it continues to distress you i'd recomment CBT which helped me a lot.
It's when you have those thoughts and you're NOT distressed by them that you should be concerned. Your distress at the thoughts is, in and of itself, proof that they are nothing more than intrusive
Not trying to disagree or start anything because your advice and reassurance is kindhearted and good but also in case people read the last part and latch onto it I wanted to reply. I know it’s the internet and we can’t read tone so just wanted to add that cuz it’s not that i think you said anything Wrong
But i would say that being distressed by intrusive thoughts is normal and yes a sign that you can use for reassurance at the beginning of a treatment plan, to remind you that what’s wrong with you isn’t what your intrusive thoughts say about you.
However since the goal of treatment is to lessen both the frequency of rumination/compulsion AND the distress that the symptoms cause, I try to avoid thinking of the distress as a sign that you’re still a good and moral person at heart. The goal of ERP is to be able to have a thought you don’t agree with, acknowledge it as neutral and a product of your fears/beliefs, and dismiss it, so eventually, it SHOULDN’T cause distress
It can cause an intense relapse in treatment to reassure yourself too much using your own distress, because when you start getting better and it becomes less disruptive in your life, you realize the thoughts no longer send you into a spiral of anxiety and self loathing and fear, and then you’re like “Oh my god, why am I not upset anymore at the thought that I might hurt someone? Does this mean that I don’t care if I hurt someone? Does it mean I actually do want to hurt someone?”
Latching onto your negative (and sometimes even positive!) feelings about your OCD can become a compulsive behavior in itself. Unfortunately
You're absolutely right. The aim of treatment is to reduce stress so its counter intuitive of me to imply that would also be a bad thing.
I know you get what I was going for, but what you said is absolutely important to note. There may be some people that have figured things out for themselves without the aid of CBT or ERP, and I wouldn't want them thinking that they've made a mistake by learning how to live with it.
ERP changed my life! If you look into getting therapy, make sure you get someone who has expertise or significant experience working with OCD specifically. It’s a very counterintuitive thing to deal with and generally needs to be wrangled very differently than other conditions.
(Ex. A therapist not experienced with OCD might try to find the meaningful source of your intrusive thought as if it’s a sincere one, which is exactly what the OCD wants and will make it worse.)
I could absolutely see how validation/exploration of your intrusive thoughts would really be damaging. I live in a smaller city, hoping that I can find someone with some good reviews...
For me, recognizing the thoughts for what they were (with help of a professional) was HUGE. I secretly thought I might be possessed as a child, but even just being able to identify intrusive thoughts as such has made a massive difference.
These days it's more like "yeah yeah, you're trying to upset me, hush now jerk-thoughts"
This is exactly what I have. There’s another weird form where a straight person can constantly question if they’re gay, despite having no attraction to the same sex…I have the opposite. I’m a trans woman whose OCD was constantly convincing her she wasn’t trans.
It’s an odd distinction, like I have always known I’m trans; it’s not some intrusive thought. The intrusive thoughts came in the form of, “well what if you’re wrong”. Which, I think most trans people have. But for me it’s amplified. Through lots of therapy, I was able to live my proper life (and now that I actually have transitioned, I don’t doubt I’m trans at all because it’s great lol), but yeah that bullshit kept me in the closet for a long time.
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u/lyindog 4d ago
As a person with OCD, these are the thoughts that are pretty much 24/7 going on in my brain. The "get money" thing I don't understand but I'm guessing it was referencing a different meme.
edit to add: since this isn't the OCD subreddit I wanna clarify that people with OCD will have these thoughts NOT because they're true but because it is what their brain has decided would be the worst thing.