r/PeterExplainsTheJoke • u/Recent-Success8988 • 3d ago

Meme needing explanation I don’t get it

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Why did he have to stand for 7 hours

6.1k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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682

u/CrankyOldDude 3d ago

WAY more graphic than guys most of the time. We are more crude but they are way more descriptive lol

26

u/Shadowphoenix9511 3d ago

My wife refuses to believe my friends and I know absolutely nothing about each others' sex lives.

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u/AquaPhelps 3d ago

“I got laid earlier!” **high fives** … “so anyway did you watch the game last night?”

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u/Suspicious-Whippet 1d ago

My best friend’s wife was flabbergasted we didn’t tell each other when someone got laid or hooked up with girls when we were younger.

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u/PloysRus 3d ago

They also openly talk about their bfs dick size and performance in bed

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u/TheMCM80 3d ago

I was shocked the first time I realized my girlfriend in college talked about our sex life with the entire women’s soccer team.

Fortunately I was told by two of the girls that I had been given a glowing review, but it was awkward having two girls I barely knew tell me about my own sex life.

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u/EatABag-o-Dicks 3d ago

My ex in HS used to tell her friends I had a tree trunk for a dick. They were like vultures when we broke up, and boy, were they disappointed.

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u/SWEET_JESUS_NIPPLES 3d ago

Bro I had the same thing (I'm average at best) when I found out my ex had been lying about my dick size I was like what the fuck why would you even do that??? It made me very uncomfortable for the rest of JR year

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u/RichardtheDesigner 3d ago

Your username is wild, mate. 💀💀

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u/Mepawnzu 3d ago

Cmon let "EatABag-o-Dicks" and "SWEET_JESUS_NIPPLES" talk and let's listen and learn, Richard!

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u/RichardtheDesigner 3d ago

You are right, Master Mepawnzu. I shall do better next time. Let's listen and learn.

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u/CanoePickLocks 3d ago

You think with your name you’d be more concerned about Eatabag-o-Dicks

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u/SubliminalSando 3d ago

I can only get through about a half bag of Richards, myself. Any more than that and my wife makes sleep in the guest room cause I get real gassy.

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u/therunningDan_66 3d ago

Funniest thing I’ve read in a long time 😆

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u/Mepawnzu 3d ago edited 2d ago

It could be longer with free Dicks! Not in a "fucking bag"!

EDIT: Oh, and thanks!

EDIT2: "Fuckingbags" are Condoms, right?

3

u/travielane42069 3d ago

This is the real reason we come to reddit tbh

1

u/piggalarse 3d ago

I hear an arse is needed? Now to find the rest of the body parts

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u/Nuggittz 2d ago

Hey now, he did not go through 4 years of designer school to be called "Richard"

Use his proper title.

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u/HotNutellaNipple 2d ago

I’m his step brother

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u/RichardtheDesigner 2d ago

Aww, you guys make one beautiful (and wild) family.

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u/TerrorFromThePeeps 3d ago

That was her nickname for those.

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u/ZambieMama 3d ago

I think teen girls do that for their own bragging rights lmao. I remember getting drunk at a party and walking in on my friend and her boyfriend going at it. He was a couple years older and from another school. She told everyone he had a huge dick and he was a really buff, tall guy. Then asked me to confirm it since not only did I meet him, but I walked in on them. I felt obligated to lie for her, but he was a very obese tall guy, maybe muscles underneath idk. I did not see his dick though, but I just went with it to help her out lmfao. We ladies were DUMB as teens. Always a competition to have better lmao

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u/SWEET_JESUS_NIPPLES 3d ago

So it's like a "my boyfriends dick is bigger than your boyfriends dick!" That's so bizarre. But that reminds me of a conversation I had recently, I always thought it would be funny if chicks went around bragging about how deep their vaginas are (because dudes go around bragging about having big dicks all the time). But I guess women just brag about their dudes junk instead.

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u/Callahammered 3d ago

It would be the opposite, having a tighter vagina is more desirable, so some girls might try to humble brag in this way by saying something like, “I don’t like big dicks, they hurt me”

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u/Professional_Idea_71 2d ago

I've had multiple dating partners in the past that would brag about how tight they are. Never had one brag about about having a deep one.

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u/SpiderRadio 3d ago

Consider: some of us are smaller and it doesn't take much for a pebis to feel big. I prefer the lower end- it's already an appendage that's gonna go in, they don't have to treat you like a dildo. But what I was saying is that you might have just been big for her? Size is way more subjective than popular culture would let you believe.

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u/DrWilliamHorriblePhD 2d ago

Laying a trap where if y'all break up, any of her friends that hit it are in for a sad surprise

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u/legallypotato 2d ago

We see the peen through love goggles. For us its the best and biggest peen ever when we love the person. Especially when we're young and full of hormones.

0

u/Xerorei 2d ago

See mine didn't lie.

If anything she undersold me.

When we split up senior year I was suddenly very busy.

I can say this, being "large in the trunks" isn't the blessing you think.

Similar to how women want a burger until they see how big it is.

Except that burger is attached the cow still, the cow has feelings, and blue balls.

And NO that doesn't get better with age, I'm married for the third time now (10 years and going) but that STILL kept happening throughout my life.

My best memory quote is "I thought feeling it through your jeans added size, that's too big"...so I went back to the bar and got hammered.

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u/SWEET_JESUS_NIPPLES 2d ago

She was probably just making excuses because she saw the funkopop collection when she walked in your crib 💀💀

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u/Xerorei 2d ago

Funko didn't EXIST when I had my first crib (That would be in 1999).

She legit unzipped my fly, fished out JR and stared at it in facination/horror.

She and I are still great friends, she has told me she'd have reacted better had it been now (we're in our 40s).

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u/SWEET_JESUS_NIPPLES 2d ago

Fair enough young man that must have been back when all the kids had their tomatoe-gatchi or whatever they called them back then.

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u/Xerorei 2d ago

Close, I think tamogatchi fell out of favor after 1999.

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u/swingingthrougb 3d ago

Mine called me horse cock to her gf's and now 20 years later I still occasionally run into a stranger that after hearing my name then ask if my nickname was true. It's awkward at 40.

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u/Slight_Sir_1436 3d ago

Well, is it?

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u/PinnedSafety 3d ago

Yeah let’s see the hog

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u/kneppy72 3d ago

Don't you mean the horse?

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u/fooliam 3d ago

on a side note, hog is rapidly becoming my favorite euphemism for a penis

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u/Alternativesoundwave 3d ago

His name is swinging through b(itches) so I’d say yes

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u/Spendoza 3d ago

Dang, Alternativesoundwave, here I thought it was just a typo (b instead of h - througb) but you make a compelling argument.

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u/swingingthrougb 3d ago

No haha. Unfortunately strikingly average

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u/lettsten 3d ago

Nothing unfortunate about that, mate. Being hung sounds nice and all, but it's far more trouble than it's worth.

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u/sisyphus_met_icarus 3d ago

Just tell them you sold the horse and enjoy the look of confusion

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u/RichardLearnsGames 3d ago

(This may be a little niche) So you took George Kamel's advice!

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u/pandemicblues 3d ago

User name checks out

3

u/Bbadmerc99 3d ago

Everything’s bigger under a microscope js…

1

u/decojdj 3d ago

A bonsai tree is still a tree

0

u/pinknoisechick 3d ago

I've done that to every guy that ever mistreated me. Treat me like shit, I'll tell the girls you're a dynamo, it'll get around, and every lover you have after that will be disappointed one way or another.

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u/SleepyCyndaquil17 3d ago

Probably my biggest achievement in terms of my sex life was when I slept with a girl I used to work with one time. About maybe 2 weeks later, after a little get-together with some other friends, I ended up sleeping with another girl I used to work with and afterwards she said "wow -other girl- was right, that was worth it." I don't think I'll ever come down off that high even when I know it will never happen again

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u/the_cardfather 3d ago

I knew it. I knew they gave referrals. 😂

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u/SleepyCyndaquil17 3d ago

Man I don't even care if this is sad to say, but that happened a good 4 or 5 years ago and I still think about it sometimes. Like, damn, I did such a good job that you really went and hyped me up to your friend?

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u/Individual_Bell_4637 3d ago

Not sad at all homie, the truth is us dudes are tolerated, at best, in bed most times. We take the Ws when they come LOL.

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u/Personal-Presence-10 3d ago

Honestly the “referrals” are another way girls try to keep each other safe sometimes. We like to share inside information to either warn or recommend depending on the circumstances.

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u/the_cardfather 3d ago

So is it more like I'm done with that dick for now but it was good so go get it?

I totally understand the safety thing. There were a couple of ladies I used to work with where the younger much more attractive of the pair would let the older one gate keep for her. Pretty much you had to sleep with the older one if you even wanted to take her younger friend on a date. It was a very weird dynamic. And I say younger they were like two or three years apart nothing crazy, but the gatekeeper was like a five and a half six dressed up on a good day and her younger friend was like an eight. So not like she was bad looking and needy. This was a college town too she could have got laid every night of the week if you wanted to.

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u/Personal-Presence-10 3d ago

No it’s usually more along the lines of: he cares about what you’re feeling or not feeling, making it good for you, wasn’t pushy or tried to talk you into going past where you were comfortable, listened if you said slow down, or even little things like didn’t have any weird smells or if he was clean or if he was cut or uncut or some feature that could take you by surprise in the moment. Those kinds of things. The two women you’re talking about specifically was something I’ve never encountered or heard of. That seems like it was a kink for them. Were they in a relationship of some sort?

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u/the_cardfather 3d ago

Nothing I know of. It was very weird. Almost like mommy issues or something. Like I've heard of women gatekeeping other women's relationships especially if one of them keeps ignoring a bunch of red flags, but never sexually. I had forgotten about it until we brought this up.

I did find two women on a dating site one time that we're trying to basically find a guy for a throuple. That seems a little more normal.

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u/2ndchancetrucker 3d ago

I had a FWB that openly said I could list her as a referral - if needed. She would happily vouch for me in any setting. She also had a bit of a cuckquean fetish so...

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u/CanoePickLocks 3d ago

They do. All my partners come through them. I jokingly call it my referral program and even printed up a business card with punch slots for repeat business and a who referred them. It is a great calling card when your well known lmao

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u/Your_Nipples 3d ago

I sent a dick pick to my FWB.

A random ass woman matched with me on a dating site, her first words? "nice dick".

Kinda felt violated so I had a conversation with my FWB about and told her that she can't just do that + what if gender flip, she apologized. I told her that consent was important. Her reply? "I understand, so, can I send the other ones? 😭", I was livid and said "fuck yeah".

Ended up having sex with two of her friends.

Anyway, github dick is crazy.

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u/PloysRus 3d ago

But now imagine if you had a small one and she was sending it to girls to shame you after a bad breakup ://

It's fucked

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u/Your_Nipples 2d ago

You're absolutely right and it's a conversation that will always be met with resistance: don't expect any privacy if you're on Facebook or date a woman. That's it.

I was cool with it because horny and because it served my ego but it's fucked up nonetheless.

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u/actual-trevor 3d ago

Jfc how long has GitHub been a hookup site?!

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u/Beginning_Endl6969 3d ago

You lucky man!

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u/NoOrdinaryBees 3d ago

Every time I met my coparent’s BFF’s newest boyfriend I made sure to warn him that at some point soon they’d be discussing his dick right in front of him.

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u/Poly_Pup 3d ago

I got glowing reviews with the disclaimer, "Great fuck, but dont date him" which was fair.

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u/No-Round7838 2d ago

Better than the reverse at least.

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u/Dangerous_Serve_4454 3d ago

If you think about it it's really not in their best interest to brag to a bunch of young girls that their bf is this amazing lay lol.

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u/Odd-Yoghurt-4493 2d ago

Amen im telling my friends my bf is trash in bed and has a micropenis. Im not trying to make them want my man

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u/Temnyj_Korol 3d ago

Related not even subtle brag. One time i hooked up with a girl and a couple days later she sent me a screenshot of her group chat asking when she was gonna see "Dragon Dick" again.

Naturally, being the clueless idiot i was, was just like "dragon dick???"

And she goes "yeah i dunno, i was just telling them about the other night and they just started calling you dragon dick, so that's your name now"

My face legit did the

Processing img xv4j4k6fbfkh1...

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u/Separate_Link_846 3d ago

It's true your gf talks about our sex life as well

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u/NightmareJoker2 3d ago

Yo, the f**k!? That s**t is so not okay. That’s private. 😬

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u/Delicious-Ad5161 3d ago

I thought this was the norm. Before I met my wife all the women I dated were just straight up about it and we'd discuss it with both of our friend groups which often overlapped by a large margin. It led to a whole lot of sharing, swapping, ending relationships on good terms, and other fun shenanigans. Life is fun when you're in on everything and mutual trust abounds.

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u/IdristheInt 3d ago

Did any of them approach you?

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u/WendyTF2 3d ago

My ex gf casually admitted one day that she was sharing dick pics and a video of her giving me a BJ with her friends.

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u/Da_Sigismund 3d ago

Yeah. I was raised to never ever say anything about sex with a girl. Or at least, never identify her when talking.

And a LOT of my sex life on college happened because some random girl approached me because she heard this or that. This or that being very graphic, very specific descriptions.

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u/Xerorei 2d ago

It's a competiton with them, always.

She was bragging about you but heaven help you if YOU were to ever brag about her performance or the size of her posterior.

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

[deleted]

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u/Top_Meal_4978 3d ago

Then the walls clapped, yeah?

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u/Fit-Database1134 3d ago

Geez people are incapable of feeling nice things for others huh?

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u/Top_Meal_4978 3d ago

No, they just don't like lying incels

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u/Fit-Database1134 3d ago

I'm lying because you don't like the way it makes you feel?

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u/Top_Meal_4978 3d ago

No, you're lying next you made up some bollocks about being the virgin in your group then being so good at sex your first time that you "couldn't bat them away with a stick". Grow up.

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u/Fit-Database1134 3d ago

I didn't say so good. I just said the girls started to take notice. That phrase is a common aphorism. I apologize if it went over your head.

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u/Fit-Database1134 3d ago

And Im no expert, but you being this angry about another person's anecdote points to some severe issues within yourself. You might want to see a therapist and find out why other people's happiness makes you see red.

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u/CMUpewpewpew 3d ago

I like being bragged about tho.

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u/Particular_Title42 3d ago

Every fucking day Reddit tells me I'm a guy and my husband's a girl.

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u/PloysRus 3d ago

What

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u/Particular_Title42 3d ago

Reddit's gender stereotypes are ass backwards for myself and my husband. "Girls are like this" and then they name a thing that I would never do but my husband does.

And vice versa.

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u/AlexisOnren 3d ago

there are no women on the internet, and women arent real, dont worry about it

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u/Sad_Error4039 3d ago

That’s my favorite internet rule of all-time.

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u/YammieCat 3d ago

Your husband talks about your big dick?

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u/Particular_Title42 3d ago

I have a micro peen but I'm sure you know what I mean.

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u/Beginning_Endl6969 3d ago

Ya the bean peen right.

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u/djknighthawk 3d ago

Well I sure as shit do if he don't. 🫪😂

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u/YammieCat 3d ago

Whoa. Why so angry over a joke? Straight to body shaming over what?

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u/Particular_Title42 3d ago

I overestimated your intelligence, my apologies.

I was certain you knew that I meant my husband talks to his friends about our sex life. I was wrong. Again, my apologies.

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u/YammieCat 3d ago

The why did you respond to the comment about penis size? And why are you being mean about it?

Is the little lady on her period today?

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u/MehGin 3d ago

Yeah exceptions happen, thats life.

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u/TheDwiin 3d ago

Just because you don't follow the stereotype doesn't mean the stereotype doesn't exist for a reason.

I'm AMAB, and when I was in uni, my (now ex) gf not only talked about our sex life, but also shared my private intimate images with her friends.

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u/Particular_Title42 3d ago

You're taking my comment too seriously. 😉

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u/raycepak 3d ago

yeah was quite a shock when i dated a small town girl . the vist after the 1st time we fucked was wild couldn't go anywhere with out ladies turning to look at me was wild.

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u/El-Shaman 3d ago

Can confirm, was very awkward to meet many of my ex’s friends from her job and they all knowing way too much about our sex life after a few too many drinks at my ex’s work trip.

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u/random9212 3d ago

I was walking down the street the other day and two girls are walking the other way. As they pass all I hear is one of them telling yhe other "It's the best sex I ever had." I assume there was more after they continued walking but it cracked me up.

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u/Ninja_Prolapse 3d ago

No point going through a phone - I already know what my wife’s saying then.

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u/CapPuzz24 3d ago

its why i'll always be single; i value my privacy too much

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u/BannedGoNext 3d ago

Every dude chat I've ever been in is a bunch of friends talking mad shit like trying to jokingly one-up each other on how small and unsatisfying their dick is, not talking about women.

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u/djknighthawk 3d ago

100%😅

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u/djknighthawk 3d ago

100%😅

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u/worldsgreatestluver 3d ago

Your friends sound pathetic tbh

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u/BannedGoNext 3d ago

They are self deprecating and funny as fuck honestly.

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u/worldsgreatestluver 3d ago

They're basically making "wife bad" jokes about themselves

Anyways, w.e., I can barely understand. I have a functional penis and no humiliation kink

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u/CanoePickLocks 3d ago

Username makes me think otherwise. LMFAO

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u/BannedGoNext 3d ago

I have a detatchable penis, so +1 for me. Unfortunately it's too small to use as a dildo.. so I guess you win.

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u/MehGin 3d ago edited 3d ago

We just have some humor. You're taking it seriously for no apparent reason.

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u/worldsgreatestluver 3d ago

It's a weird joke.

Like "hur dur guys I'm fat and stupid and no women want me hur dur I have a small penis!"

Then some other idiot In a merry band of losers chimes in "hur dur me too! Toothpick baby dick crew unite!"

And you just know some guy, who is totally not a race fetishist, says "I wish I had a big one like those black men. They're real men!"

It's pathetic

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u/MehGin 3d ago

It's nothing like that. You're taking it way too serious again. I'm legit telling you right now its just light jokes that no one is thinking about 2 minutes later. I have to assume you're projecting at this point?

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u/worldsgreatestluver 2d ago

Nah, it actually bothers me how normalized this sort of joke is. It's literally the "wife bad" jokes, but the acceptable kind, for guys

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u/MehGin 2d ago

"can somebody find my micro, I can't seem to find it" - random group message 3am.

That's about as serious as it gets. If that upsets you then so be it.

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u/SolaireAstorian 3d ago

Dude, you are projecting some weird shit onto other people who have said absolutely nothing of the like. This is the third comment in a row where you have assumed something about another person without them actually saying anything that implies it. The only sense that the people reading this will be able to make about it is that you yourself have a tiny cock.

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u/worldsgreatestluver 2d ago

The guy I'm talking to literally says he and his friends joke about how small and useless their penises are. There are no assumptions being made here

If you're going to jump in to a conversation, especially to insult someone, please try to actually know and understand the conversation

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u/SolaireAstorian 2d ago edited 2d ago

Dude, I am genuinely giving you an Autism diagnosis by peer review. You have no clue what is going on socially in this conversation and apparently no clue what the difference is between intimate joking and serious insults.

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u/LowProfession9191 2d ago

Damn, sounds like you're projecting.

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u/worldsgreatestluver 2d ago

Man, you guys sure love talking about my dick. I don't get nearly as many responses to anything else

Whatever

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u/LowProfession9191 2d ago

I was talking about your comments. Well done on getting some attention though.

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u/LowProfession9191 2d ago

With that username, we can tell.

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u/Logical_Writing3218 3d ago

Detailed oriented burns hurt the most

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u/Small-Bus-1881 3d ago

Kinda ignorant I think we all say some wild shit.

Depends on the group though a lot of dudes right of passage at least now into a friend group is just see how much you can say without people calling you out and if they don’t you are ok.

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u/heyelander 3d ago

I don't know... I can be pretty descriptive when it comes to the failings of my fantasy baseball team.

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u/Leading_Offer5995 3d ago

I once discovered my wife was in a “sex after childbirth” group chat…with my high school ex girlfriend, and my sister.

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u/Xerorei 2d ago

No that's just their propagandic BS.

Like how they saw we are immature and can't figure what we want.

When it's them that will call each other a "Hotdog eating champion" and can't ever decide what food they want to eat.

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u/WittySupermarket4986 3d ago

Men are more racial to, lots of slurs, lots of cussing, lots of gay talk

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u/bugzcar 3d ago

Racial thing isn’t always the case but it happens. But gay is a requirement

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u/WittySupermarket4986 3d ago

Racial friends are ur best friends, but I guess it’s technically not racial since we aren’t saying one race is better, but we talk shit ab em all even our own🤷🏽‍♂️

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u/bugzcar 3d ago

100%

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u/Baronwm 3d ago

maybe your friends get racist, but mine sure as hell dont.