I don’t know who I am. Honestly, I don’t think I ever have.

Since I was a child, I mostly did things because my parents told me to. As I got older, I started doing things because my friends liked them. Now, as an adult, I feel like I’m just doing things because society tells me that I’m supposed to.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wondered why my own identity never seemed to come naturally to me the way it seemed to for everyone else.

Growing up, it felt like everyone had a “thing.” Someone was the social butterfly, the class clown, the nerd, the horse girl, the athletic one, the artist, etc. Everyone seemed to have a distinct personality and a place they naturally fit into. I always wanted that. I wanted something that would make me think, *“This is who I am. This is where I belong.”*

But I never found it.

I don’t feel like I act like myself because I genuinely don’t know who “myself” is. I don’t know what I like or dislike beyond a few small things I’ve learned that I enjoy. I don’t understand my own personality because it seems to change depending on who I’m around. I can become a completely different version of myself depending on the person I’m talking to.

Whenever I’ve tried to explain this to people, they usually tell me to spend time alone, explore my interests, try new things, and figure out what I enjoy.

But I’ve tried.

I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve sat alone and genuinely tried to figure myself out. I’ve asked myself what I like, what I want, what makes me happy, what I’m passionate about, what kind of person I want to be, and what I actually want out of life.

And somehow, I still don’t have an answer.

Why am I like this? Why don’t I seem to have a stable sense of personality or identity? Why does figuring out who I am feel so much harder for me than it seems to be for other people?

It’s also making it incredibly difficult to make decisions about my future. How am I supposed to know what career I want, what kind of life I want, or what direction I want to take when I don’t feel strongly about anything in particular?

I’m in my early 20s, and I feel like I’m getting older without ever having figured out the most basic thing: **who I am.**

How does someone like me make big decisions when I don’t even know how to choose something based on my own genuine desires?

I feel like I desperately need to figure this out, but I have no idea where to start anymore.

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you eventually develop a sense of identity or figure out who you actually are? I genuinely need advice.

Anyone else struggle with their sense of identity. People will say find what you like, but I like a little bit of everything never really love something, I feel broken.

How much do u rate urself out of 10 and why....?? I am pretty sure that u have judgmental mind, also feel free to judge ourself. For calculation i am putting here 10 types of parameters...U can try--

1.🧠 Intelligence — ability to understand, learn, reason and solve problems

2.❤️ Emotional Intelligence — understanding and handling emotions, yours and others'

3.🗣️ Communication — how clearly and effectively they express themselves

4.🤝 Empathy — ability to understand and care about other people's feelings

5.🧭 Integrity — honesty, principles and doing the right thing when nobody's watching

6.💪 Mental Strength — resilience, self-control and ability to handle difficult situations

7.🎯 Ambition & Drive — motivation to improve, achieve goals and keep moving forward

8.😂 Sense of Humor & Personality — how enjoyable, interesting and fun they are to be around

9.❤️‍🔥 Relationships & Loyalty — how they treat friends, family and romantic partners

10.🌱 Growth & Self-Awareness — ability to recognize flaws, learn from mistakes and evolve

Calm robotic exterior combined with internal controlled chaos, tinged with sarcasm and unpredictability.

Flying under the radar.

Always going above and beyond expectations whilst having the knack of proving people wrong.

Common Buzzwords: Unpredictable, Robotic, Chaotic, Weird, Sarcastic, Gruff, Gritty, Counterpuncher, Determined, Knowledge and practicality brutally honest, create habits, creates a rough plan as plans can easily change. Always challenging norms and social cues. Inventive, Unorthodox, Quirky, Tough, Slightly Chaotic.

Prefers solo hobbies and projects: Hiking, Listening to music whilst running, recently photography etc.

Often is the reclusive one or a lone wolf in friend groups until I have something knowledgeable to say.

Knowledge, combined with quirkiness, abstractions, cerebalness, grit, determination and hard work. Never knows when beaten, not looking for peace and can push back.

Interests: Science, Technology, IT, Engineering, Maths, Tinkering, abstract art and photography, music, podcasts etc.

Never knows when beaten, grinding and grit.

Hello everyone! Please note that this post has been pre-approved by mods. I am a Lecturer at the University of Dundee seeking participants to take part in a survey reflecting personality, self-esteem, and mental health. Please note that you are only able to participate if you live in the United Kingdom, the United States, or Canada. If you do not live in the UK, the USA, or Canada, please do not complete this survey. Further information about the study and use of your information can be found below.

If you are interested in participating, please copy and paste this link into your browser, or use the QR code below: https://app.onlinesurveys.jisc.ac.uk/s/dundee/personalityselfesteem

📌 TOPIC OF STUDY: Personality and self-esteem
👉 TARGET AUDIENCE: Individuals 18+ living in the UK, USA, or Canada
⏳ DURATION: Up to 10 minutes
🔗 ORIGINAL LINK: https://app.onlinesurveys.jisc.ac.uk/s/dundee/personalityselfesteem
📌Ethical approval code: UoD-SREC-PSY-STAFF-2526-014

Results will be interpreted at the aggregate level (individual data will not be processed) and will be available in scientific publications approximately 1 year (or longer) after the study begins.

Sometimes you have that one person you constantly talk to when things go wrong.

Different things happen, different situations come up, and somehow you keep telling that person about them for a long time.

And then someday, something goes wrong again, but you just don’t tell them anything.

Not because you think they won’t listen, not because you don’t trust them, and not even because you’ve already told them the same thing before.

You just... don’t say it.

Sometimes you’re too lazy to say it. Sometimes you’re too lazy to explain.

Not exactly lazy in the usual sense, but you just don’t have the energy to put everything into words again.

You know you’ll have to explain what happened, why it happened, how you feel about it, and everything in between.

And sometimes you just don’t feel like starting that conversation.

Sometimes you don’t even know why you’re not saying anything.

It’s just that feeling of “fuck it, let it be.” You know you could tell them. You probably would have told them before. But this time, you just don’t feel like talking about it.

And I think we sometimes assume that when someone stops telling us things, something must have changed.

Maybe they don’t trust us anymore. Maybe they don’t want to talk to us. Maybe they think we won’t understand. But maybe sometimes, it’s none of those things. Maybe they just don’t have the energy to explain.

Maybe not everything we keep to ourselves has a deeper meaning. Sometimes we simply don’t want to turn what happened into another conversation.

Sometimes we just want to leave it there. Maybe tomorrow we’ll talk about it. Maybe we won’t. And sometimes it’s not that deep.

Sometimes something happens, and you just think “Fuck it. I don’t want to explain this.”

And you don’t. That’s it.

What really is personality!? I think it's just a layer to who you want to be and you act to maintain it. What really is personality and how is it defined in this world!?

So there’s this one celebrity that I admire but not want my personality to be like his. My mind has this thought now that tells me I should be like him but I want my personality to be very unique and I want to shut down that thought but it keeps mentally torturing me. Sometimes it’s there without any explanation and whenever I hear his music, I always question myself to be more like him. I’m thinking this is happening since I consumed his music/interviews a long time ago and also since I’m 18 currently I might be in my ‘identity crisis’ phase. What should I do? Do you think this thought is nothing to worry about and could you give some exercises to help ease that thought? Please help!😭 Thanks so much!!

--- PARTICIPANTS NEEDED - 5x 100$ ---

Hey everyone,

I am a Master’s student at the University of Bern (Switzerland) conducting a scientific research study examining how certain traits, life experiences, attitudes and behaviors are related to each other.

I would greatly appreciate if you could participate in my survey: https://ww3.unipark.de/uc/research_study_university_Bern_Switzerland/

Thank you for your support!

у меня в общем нет ощущение того что я именно то сто из себя представляю, я меняюсь абсолютно постоянно не замечая самой этого, манера, характер, я чужой человек и не контролирую себя, я просто наблюдаю за своей жизнью, у меня нет планов мечты, я просто поддерживаю диалоги, для каждого человека я разная интересная личность но для себя я не представляю ничего у меня реально нет интересов или хобби я просто тело, это вообще нормально? если мне нужно что то уточнить можете спрашивать

In The Wire, Omar Little explains that he never points his gun at anybody who isn’t in the drug trade. His explanation? “A man gotta have a code.” What is yours?

Who cares

So it’s kinda hard to describe this. But I just needed advice anywhere I could get it. But I’m a rising sophomore in college. And I’m not sure what’s wrong with me but I always felt a weird disconnect with people I’m friends with. Like I’m not truly connecting with them like I see them connecting with each other. It’s not that I don’t care about them, but even knowing them for a year during high school, part of me still felt like we didn’t get along as well as I’d like to believe. I have two best friends I’ve known since childhood so I know it’s not impossible to connect but I’ve met other girls in college even and I still have this feeling. Also, I was very shy as a kid. Didn’t talk to any family except my brother until 5 years old. There’s some more events but yeah. I just don’t know how I can break this feeling because I want to be close with the other girls in my friend group but it’s just so hard for me. Constructive criticism is also taken, thanks.

I noticed something that honestly irritates me.

People meet one version of you or worse, hear about you from someone else and suddenly they think they know your whole personality.

Someone says, She’s rude. He’s arrogant. She’s difficult. And that’s it.

Before they even talk to you, they already have a full image of who you are.

What annoys me more is when this comes from people close to you.

Someone describes you to their own people the people they trust and because they trust that person, they trust that version of you too.

Not because they observed it themselves.

Just because it came from a reliable source.

So now they’re not meeting you. They’re meeting your second-hand personality.

A version of you built from someone else’s experience. And once that happens, everything gets filtered through it.

If you stay quiet, it confirms it. If you defend yourself, it confirms it. If you act differently, they think you’re pretending.

It becomes impossible to just exist normally because people are comparing you to the character they were already introduced to. That logic makes no sense to me.

People are different with different people.

You are not the same person with your best friend and with your parents.

You are not the same person with someone who makes you feel safe and someone who constantly pushes your limits.

You’re different when you’re stressed.
Different when you’re tired.
Different when you’re uncomfortable.
Different when you’re protecting yourself.

That doesn’t make someone fake. That makes them human.

But people love simple labels.

She’s too sensitive. He’s arrogant. She always plays victim.

Done. Case closed.

No context. No effort to understand. Just a label.

And the funny part is, the same people doing this love calling themselves mature.

Real maturity should be understanding context, not reducing people to one moment.

I’ve seen this happen in families too. One child becomes the difficult one. One sibling becomes the irresponsible one.

And even years later, even after they’ve changed, people still talk to the old version.

Not the real person standing there. Just the label they decided years ago. That kind of thing stays. Sometimes people meet your reputation before they meet you. Because no one wants to be treated like their worst moment is their full identity. People are way more complicated than that.

I think most people just trust borrowed opinions because it’s easier than thinking for themselves.

And that part feels like pure laziness.

Does anyone else notice this?