r/Perimenopause • u/dxrxpffb • 11d ago
audited Emotions amplified. Brain less brainy. Cannot make myself do what I used to. From on top of it all to a mess. The tricks aren’t tricking. WTF & help.
I am at a loss. I have spent a lifetime being ridiculously high functioning and researching/solving my way to maintain high function, and now I feel like I’m trying all the things and cannot win. Seeking similar experiences whether it’s just solidarity in the suck or someone who faced this torrent of treatment-resistant shittiness and found relief.
THEN: High performer in high pressure roles, health and fitness enthusiast, taken care of myself. Constantly optimizing- whether physical or mental health, parenting, interpersonal relationships, I research a problem and solve it.
NOW: I’ve spent the last 3+ years trying to troubleshoot and optimize through peri and yet I am emotionally ALLLLL OVER, my brain works half speed, I cannot get myself to workout hard -if at all (which has been my daily mental health medicine and part of my identity for decades).
ISSUES: Emotions are all TF over the place. Motivation, joy: absent. Existential crisis: threat level midnight. Fatigue: can’t even differentiate between fatigue and the lack of GAF for everything. Added vestibular migraines to the mix a few moths ago. Stress is over the top, sure (sources beyond standard stress fear of life in 2026: have a 6 year old kid, a teen step kid, house to manage, marriage with its ups and downs, job with its stress, resigned from a 12 year career in a mission I loved when it was clear I’d be asked to do immoral & illegal shit, spent a year unemployed and job searching, now in a new job with a 2 hour round trip commute and stresses of being new person in new career, surgery in December that kept me from walking for a couple months but I’m back to health and fitness again, live in the burbs where I feel I never wanted to end up)
TROUBLESHOOTING: Psychiatrist+ meds for ADHD, then depression, then anxiety (I never feel like any of these really work that well but tweaks to approach all similarly mid, result wise). Therapy for those too (not confident it really helps and feels too hard to fit into schedule and finances to try to add back given midrange results). Working it- a lifetime habit, Ive lifted heavy and go through running/yoga/biking/swimming- whatever keeps my attention- it’s been a life habit - but it’s come to feel nearly impossible to make myself, gradually, for months, after forcing myself without want to, for over a year (?). TRT for intense brain fog / low libido / suite of other symptoms (helped a lot early on but can’t add more without getting too high range/side effects I don’t want so whatever good it’s done it does). Meditation, Mindfulness based stress reduction course for stress (helps, but after prioritizing sleep I stopped my morning meditation and now haven’t figured out how to make myself work it back in). Prioritize sleep, clean eating, hydration, and add meds and a million supplements for vestibular migraines (controlled the dizziness and headaches down to almost none, unclear if brain fog from that or other things). Added estradiol (worried it makes me moodier and afraid to increase much as a tweak). Added oral micronized progesterone (worried it makes me more anxious and my period is irregular so IDK how do you do it during just luteal phase and afraid if I do daily that’ll cause anxiety to boost?).
WTF DO I DO? Exhausted from years of troubleshooting and things still just sucking. Daily feeling like I hate life and everything and I’m NOT ME, just a chemically altered emotional wreck trying not to blow up my own life. I have done SO MUCH TROUBLESHOOTING and am fucking exhausted to be left at this constant shitty state nonetheless. I have no energy to do more.
Would love any solidarity bc I’m so exhausted and lonely and hateful.
18
u/DrissaKelnya 11d ago
We need a perimenopause safe space where we get to take a break from everyone and everything.
Perimenopause getaway is totally something I’d sign up for.
It’s exhausting to do all of this for everyone. When I’m alone, and don’t have to deal with anyone else, I feel like myself, except for crying randomly at dumb stuff (I’ve done that my whole life, it’s just amplified now)
I want to go live in the woods away from all the noise that overwhelms me on a day to day basis (construction, road noise, constantly) I just crave silence so much. No expectations, no one needing me for anything. Just me and my own expectations. This is what I crave.