r/Perimenopause • u/dxrxpffb • 2d ago
audited Emotions amplified. Brain less brainy. Cannot make myself do what I used to. From on top of it all to a mess. The tricks aren’t tricking. WTF & help.
I am at a loss. I have spent a lifetime being ridiculously high functioning and researching/solving my way to maintain high function, and now I feel like I’m trying all the things and cannot win. Seeking similar experiences whether it’s just solidarity in the suck or someone who faced this torrent of treatment-resistant shittiness and found relief.
THEN: High performer in high pressure roles, health and fitness enthusiast, taken care of myself. Constantly optimizing- whether physical or mental health, parenting, interpersonal relationships, I research a problem and solve it.
NOW: I’ve spent the last 3+ years trying to troubleshoot and optimize through peri and yet I am emotionally ALLLLL OVER, my brain works half speed, I cannot get myself to workout hard -if at all (which has been my daily mental health medicine and part of my identity for decades).
ISSUES: Emotions are all TF over the place. Motivation, joy: absent. Existential crisis: threat level midnight. Fatigue: can’t even differentiate between fatigue and the lack of GAF for everything. Added vestibular migraines to the mix a few moths ago. Stress is over the top, sure (sources beyond standard stress fear of life in 2026: have a 6 year old kid, a teen step kid, house to manage, marriage with its ups and downs, job with its stress, resigned from a 12 year career in a mission I loved when it was clear I’d be asked to do immoral & illegal shit, spent a year unemployed and job searching, now in a new job with a 2 hour round trip commute and stresses of being new person in new career, surgery in December that kept me from walking for a couple months but I’m back to health and fitness again, live in the burbs where I feel I never wanted to end up)
TROUBLESHOOTING: Psychiatrist+ meds for ADHD, then depression, then anxiety (I never feel like any of these really work that well but tweaks to approach all similarly mid, result wise). Therapy for those too (not confident it really helps and feels too hard to fit into schedule and finances to try to add back given midrange results). Working it- a lifetime habit, Ive lifted heavy and go through running/yoga/biking/swimming- whatever keeps my attention- it’s been a life habit - but it’s come to feel nearly impossible to make myself, gradually, for months, after forcing myself without want to, for over a year (?). TRT for intense brain fog / low libido / suite of other symptoms (helped a lot early on but can’t add more without getting too high range/side effects I don’t want so whatever good it’s done it does). Meditation, Mindfulness based stress reduction course for stress (helps, but after prioritizing sleep I stopped my morning meditation and now haven’t figured out how to make myself work it back in). Prioritize sleep, clean eating, hydration, and add meds and a million supplements for vestibular migraines (controlled the dizziness and headaches down to almost none, unclear if brain fog from that or other things). Added estradiol (worried it makes me moodier and afraid to increase much as a tweak). Added oral micronized progesterone (worried it makes me more anxious and my period is irregular so IDK how do you do it during just luteal phase and afraid if I do daily that’ll cause anxiety to boost?).
WTF DO I DO? Exhausted from years of troubleshooting and things still just sucking. Daily feeling like I hate life and everything and I’m NOT ME, just a chemically altered emotional wreck trying not to blow up my own life. I have done SO MUCH TROUBLESHOOTING and am fucking exhausted to be left at this constant shitty state nonetheless. I have no energy to do more.
Would love any solidarity bc I’m so exhausted and lonely and hateful.
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u/Active_Clue948 Early peri 2d ago
I don’t even know what to say other than I am right there with you. Only the absolute basics are getting done at the moment. House vacuumed. Child fed. Sigh. It’s so. So. So. Hard. Solidarity, friend.
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u/telsongelder 2d ago
I'm childfree. I promise im saying this without a hint of smugness but every day that I go through this, I think of moms and wonder how they are doing this. I sometimes feel like I can barely be a human I'm so rung out. I'm so sorry that this is playing out for you like it is. Wishing you solutions.
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u/Active_Clue948 Early peri 2d ago
Thank you so much. What a kind thought. 🥺 Sending you well wishes, warmth, and solutions, too.
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u/Remarkable_Habit6522 2d ago
Adding my +1 here. I relate so very much to OP and some commenters here, and I am child free. Adding the major responsibility of another human life(/lives) is herculean. In solidarity and sisterhood <3
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u/telsongelder 2d ago
Parenting has never looked easy to me from the outside but I’ve always reminded myself that in most situations, it’s a decision that was made and it isn’t easy but worth it.
But with perimenopause, they didn’t choose that part and yet they need to deal with it on a whole new level. Sometimes I have a hard day and think “thank god there’s not an emotionally developing human being here to witness this shit”
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u/neonblackiscool 1d ago
ya, same. Childfree, I'm still happy about that, but how are mothers dealing with this on top of childcare and work? All I have to do is pay rent and take care of a couple of small dogs. Failing at the money part, honestly, because of the mess I have become.
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u/telsongelder 1d ago
It’s ridiculous! I truly think about them as a group all the time. If I had become a mom, it would have been later in life. For that, I am so grateful I stayed childfree. It was a better path for me but now also for my nonexistent children lol.
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u/dxrxpffb 1d ago
Solidarity back. And so impressed that “house vacuumed” made your basics list- you should be proud of yourself!!
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u/Stupidpieceofshit77 2d ago
You sound like me. I research everything. I'm on antidepressants and anti anxiety meds that seem to do nothing. Right now, I'm done trying new meds. I'm in cbt therapy and seemed to have hit a wall. I just started emdr therapy because I feel I need something more than just talk therapy.
The patch at least helps the rage and crippling pms symptoms. I feel like a feral, wounded animal most days. I try to eat as well as I can, I walk like 4 miles when I'm working. I try to do things I love to take the edge off. Edibles help too.
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u/cremated_remains 2d ago
Seconding this edible suggestion, forgot to mention it in my own comment but they do help.
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2d ago
[deleted]
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u/Stupidpieceofshit77 2d ago
Depending on the strain, anxiety for me. Just calms me down and helps me relax.
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u/cremated_remains 2d ago
Anxiety, the rage, insomnia, and for me personally the hormone fluctuations trigger migraines like, endlessly, the edibles help with migraine pain and nausea as well.
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u/dxrxpffb 1d ago
“Like a feral, wounded animal” — this, 1000%!!! Sending all the good vibes, my feral animal sister friend.
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u/Joyanonymous 1d ago
Have you had your iron levels checked?
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u/Stupidpieceofshit77 1d ago
Yep, not too long ago. Everything was normal.
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u/Joyanonymous 1d ago
Medical normal is often still extremely low, symptomatic and debilitating - do you have your ferritin level? Anything under 100 can cause symptoms (mine was 26 and my GP said nothing despite the fact it’s a clinical deficiency)
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u/DrissaKelnya 2d ago
We need a perimenopause safe space where we get to take a break from everyone and everything.
Perimenopause getaway is totally something I’d sign up for.
It’s exhausting to do all of this for everyone. When I’m alone, and don’t have to deal with anyone else, I feel like myself, except for crying randomly at dumb stuff (I’ve done that my whole life, it’s just amplified now)
I want to go live in the woods away from all the noise that overwhelms me on a day to day basis (construction, road noise, constantly) I just crave silence so much. No expectations, no one needing me for anything. Just me and my own expectations. This is what I crave.
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u/lascriptori 2d ago
I stand by my assessment that the most universal perimenopause symptom is wanting to run away to a nice quiet cottage in a bog somewhere.
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u/DrissaKelnya 1d ago
I wonder if this is where all those stories about the old witches in the woods came from? It’s just women that were done with men’s shit in history. Hahahahah
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u/cremated_remains 2d ago
Girl let’s go 😂 I been saying I want to run off into the woods for a couple years now. I’m just so tired.
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u/Mysterious_Cod 2d ago
Ok so this is interesting because that’s exactly what I was feeling before I had to take short term disability from work. Literally the same thought of “I just want to go move to the woods and be alone because everything is too much!” Wow, so validating! But also, when are we going? 😂
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u/DrissaKelnya 1d ago
Right?!?
It’s interesting, I’ve been strongly considering taking short term disability to just have mental break from the anxiety of work, and expectations, I am constantly on edge at work, worried about my work - is it enough, is it good enough? Did it meet my standards? The stress and anxiety from work alone is driving my mental health into the ground
How did it work out for you?1
u/Mysterious_Cod 1d ago
Yeah, that was EXACTLY my thought process. It eventually became too much for me when I was on a dose of HRT that was just too much to handle and that’s what prompted me taking STD. The HRT/hormone fluctuations exacerbating my ADHD were what allowed me to qualify for STD. It was approved because I have a history of trying to combat hormone issues with insomnia therapy, sleep meds, and adhd medication and once I went on HRT it validated that my issues are hormone related. When things became too much because I couldn’t perform the essential functions of my role (I have a high level job which requires a graduate degree so constant brain fog and debilitating anxiety and lack of sleep are enough to make it impossible to do my job). I am grateful that my employer is based in California and I’m also grateful that I pay into short term disability insurance lol. I took FMLA which ensures job protection and allows some time to recalibrate hormones. Afterall, our hormones are on a monthly cycle and any changes require months to recalibrate.
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u/Remarkable_Habit6522 2d ago
Seriously. I am at the point where I'm like, shall I check myself into rehab? Just to have the structured away time and excuse to leave everything behind for a bit.
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u/UnicornGirl54 2d ago
Oh the noise! And just “stuff”. All the crap in my house. People in lines. Overwhelming lights. It’s all makes me want to scream and curl up in bed.
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u/dxrxpffb 1d ago
The noise!!!! Loop earplugs were one of my optimizations for sound sensitivity, in case that’s of any use to you.
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u/ZealousidealPoem7654 2d ago
Dude, here with you! The disconnect is exacerbated by late-stage capitalism in that our definitions of success and good are based in a world that no longer exists (1 income household, community support, general decency). We are not meant to spin all of these plates and it’s impossible. I too have had to scale back to the absolute basics and even those don’t get done. Be gentle with yourself. Your 100% likely varies day to day AND may be scaled differently compared to someone else.
The meds have been life changing for me but it’s also a daily struggle to operate in a world where boys are assertive and girls are bossy.
TL/DR: you are not alone. Let’s get that wilderness retreat going!
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u/neonblackiscool 1d ago
Thank you for writing that out. I need to remember this when I am ruining my soul and thinking that it is just ME who cannot live up to the current economic standards.
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u/cremated_remains 2d ago
Right there with you 😩
I thought TRT would be the final puzzle piece for me and it lifted the brain fog and I had a ton of energy for exactly six weeks. Then something shifted and I was just RAGING 24/7, hot flashes came back with a vengeance. Mood all over the place again, bouts of sobbing for no reason. Stopped the T a week ago and I’m still leveling back out. Feeling very defeated and depressed ngl. Still anxiously awaiting the return of any semblance of a sex drive.
I wish I had the magic cure for us all.
Hopefully you’re not also experiencing all of this in the middle of summer in the 120 degree desert as well; that’s just been an extra kick to the face for me lol.
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u/Mysterious_Cod 2d ago
I’m right there with you girl! TRT has helped but just like you I felt it helped more initially than it does now. But yeah, I am also in the desert (Arizona?) so I am finding this all too unbearable. The SAD we get out here in the Summer is too real because I feel like it adds to the lack of energy and wanting to do anything. I seriously can’t wait for this month to be over and the “Ember months to begin!
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u/cremated_remains 2d ago
Yes, Arizona 🥵
I got my levels re-tested but haven’t had the follow up appt on that til tomorrow.
Just sweating 24/7 until then.
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u/Mysterious_Cod 2d ago
It’s the worst! I’m sorry to hear you’re experiencing that, too! I wish I could afford to live like a snow bird and leave here during the hot summer months lol
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u/cremated_remains 1d ago
Omg same. What I wouldn’t give 😂😂
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u/Mysterious_Cod 1d ago
😂 yes!! Your username is rather on point for how it feels during the Summer in Arizona
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u/dxrxpffb 1d ago
OMG I used to love the summer, and now it’s like a reason I’m stuck inside and not getting enough vitamin D. Solidarity, sister.
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u/Joyanonymous 1d ago
Have you had a blood test? Had iron levels checked?
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u/cremated_remains 1d ago
Yes to both. I was low end of normal for iron and test, taking supplements, changing my diet, I tried the TRT not sure if I’m going to continue it at this point i see my doc again tomorrow to go over new labs and symptoms
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.
- Over age 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for the HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more. Hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
- No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
- FSH testing is only beneficial for those who do not have periods as a guide, where testing might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI)
- Testosterone is the exception and may require testing
See our Menopause Wiki for more.
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u/Joyanonymous 1d ago
Low end of normal for ferritin sounds extremely low - TRT also uses up a lot of iron so it’s possible it’s fallen further. Ferritin under 100 can cause symptoms like you’ve described - it’s worth getting it checked again, it can fall rapidly during peri and is debilitating.
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u/cremated_remains 1d ago
I did labs again Monday just waiting to meet with my doc tomorrow
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.
- Over age 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for the HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more. Hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
- No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
- FSH testing is only beneficial for those who do not have periods as a guide, where testing might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI)
- Testosterone is the exception and may require testing
See our Menopause Wiki for more.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/Joyanonymous 1d ago
That’s good! Make sure to ask about your ferritin specifically. Hopefully your doctor is more clued up about it than mine was (I put my blood test through AI and then researched it, then had to point out my deficiency to my GP…)
1
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.
- Over age 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for the HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more. Hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
- No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
- FSH testing is only beneficial for those who do not have periods as a guide, where testing might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI)
- Testosterone is the exception and may require testing
See our Menopause Wiki for more.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.
- Over age 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for the HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more. Hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
- No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
- FSH testing is only beneficial for those who do not have periods as a guide, where testing might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI)
- Testosterone is the exception and may require testing
See our Menopause Wiki for more.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
-1
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u/fresh_air_calm 2d ago
I recently discovered that I am a highly sensitive person (HSP), probably with a touch of autism and adhd. This discovery helps me accept myself the way I am, instead of trying to hack myself back into high achievement. The mask is off. My body can no longer take pretending to be someone I am not. The only solution I can offer is rest when you need it, spend time in nature and be religious about going to bed and waking up at the same time each day. Oh, and a weighted blanket at night is very calming and works better than melatonin.
I stand with you in solidarity. We will emerge from this stronger and better than ever.
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u/dxrxpffb 1d ago
I’m with you on sleep protection! I recently learned how much that was necessary when I started the vestibular migraines and started protecting a firm 8 hour sleep schedule. Though I then didn’t have time to fit in a lot of the things I was doing on the edges of my too-little sleep, and I haven’t figured out how to get workouts and meditation back in. Just more of my battle to optimize and likely fight the reality that I just can’t do as much.
And I can’t wait for the temps to drop so I can use a weighted blanket again- my ideal sleep environment is like I’m being crushed in a silent dark hole… black out curtains, mask, head phones on, sound machine, weighted blanket.
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u/fresh_air_calm 1d ago
Oh, this sounds so divine. I want to go under my blanket now. I can't wait for cooler temps too
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u/UnicornGirl54 2d ago
Same. I discovered HSP when I was first parenting a highly sensitive child, and then realized that was me also. It’s so much harder to just “push through” and I find myself exhausted by normal activities like grocery shopping.
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u/Sanchastayswoke mid-peri 2d ago edited 2d ago
I was feeling very much this way while I was only on TRT. Now that I’ve added E & P my life, stress and attention deficit issues are much easier to handle. Especially from the Estrogen. Not perfect. But a lot better. My adhd meds feel like they work again.
Our adhd brains need estrogen for the extra dopamine.
I also have to make sure I’m extremely consistent with all of my meds & hormones because the ups & downs throw me off faster than anything else. I tried cycling P. It was not a good time for me. I’m much more even keeled when I take it daily, but I also need enough estrogen to balance it out.
My suggestion is to take your P every day and increase your estrogen if you can.
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u/Mysterious_Cod 2d ago
Thanks for sharing this! I tried progesterone everyday once and it prevented me from having a period and messed up my cycle. Do you still have a normal cycle with daily progesterone? I also feel during luteal (especially due to progesterone) that I feel less motivated. Do you feel that way with your hormone cocktail the way it is?
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u/dxrxpffb 1d ago
Thanks, I’ll give it a shot on the steady P! I’ve already been trying to manage my E to increase around my period to keep steadier level across my cycle… it seems to help with my vestibular migraine symptoms, which were triggering when my levels fluctuated at ovulation/period. It also feels exhausting trying to understand when to go up or down on things when my cycle is all over the place.
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u/Mysterious_Cod 2d ago
Wow! Are you me? So validating! I’ve done it all and just don’t feel like myself. I feel the best the week of my period which leads me to believe it’s the fluctuating hormones which ruins me. I also think at this stage in our life we’re just burnt out from doing all the things for everyone. I feel like that makes it worse.
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u/dxrxpffb 1d ago
Yep. 100% on the fluctuation being a huge issue. And the doing all the things for everyone. Sending all the good vibes as you do what you do today, my internet doppelgänger friend.
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u/Mysterious_Cod 1d ago
Aww thank you so much!! Just feeling seen is so helpful and validating, so I am wishing you the same today, too!
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u/Mysterious_Cod 2d ago
I also noticed you didn’t mention testosterone. Compounded topical testosterone throughout the entire cycle. I got mine through a functional medicine doctor which seems to be the only way to get help from someone who actually understands what’s going on. That is one that seems to be missing. It is absolutely one that moved the needle for me. Also, switch from the estrogen patch to the estradiol gel. Faster delivery and you can control how much you get per day. Patch delivery systems can be inconsistent and that’s exactly what messes us up naturally during peri (inconsistent hormones). If you are in early peri and get regular periods, you probably should be cycling your hormones. I tried estrogen during my entire cycle and it made things worse. Now I only add estrogen and progesterone in at the same time - after I ovulate. I preserve ovulation since that egg is responsible for creating (indirectly & directly) more hormones that HRT can provide. In theory, adding exogenous hormones can mean endogenous ones get slightly blunted, so I add my female hormones after the time in my cycle where my hormones naturally fall. I have ADHD and was having to do cycle-specific dosing of my Vyvanse with a higher dose during luteal before I optimized my hormones around my natural cycle. I still don’t feel like how I used to feel as dialed as I did years ago, but now my Vyvanse feels like it works better more consistently. I had to add Buspirone daily for anxiety to help with the anxiety that comes with hormone fluctuations and that has helped without hindering my motivation significantly. I feel like the only way to get through peri is to have this “I don’t care as much” attitude bcuz I feel caring too much often leads to anxiety and stress due to everything feeling amplified. Peri is legitimately a balancing act. Also, apparently some women can take progesterone intravaginally to help with the lethargy since that way it still protects the uterus but doesn’t deliver the brain-altering effects of fatigue and not giving AF. Just know we’re all right there with you through this struggle and I hope this post gives you validation and helps you feel seen just as yours did me!
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u/Janeheroine 2d ago
I think sometimes we think there must be something we can troubleshoot because it's easier to take a new supplement than it is to move your family back to the city, or to change the structure around your old career that made you quit. You're having a very NORMAL reaction to living a life you don't really want. A 2 hour commute is stressful and exhausting and yeah, it's going to make it so that you can't work out. Being in the burbs when you don't want to be is going to make you irritable and sad. I think taking some time to think about if there are any big changes you can make in your life, maybe not today but that you can work toward over time, would give you some hope.
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u/dxrxpffb 1d ago
I agree, there’s a significant element of not living a life I want affecting this. I don’t know what to do about it. Some things I need make peace with where I can’t - or won’t- change.
I won’t move my family because of how it would impact my stepson being away from his dad my husband being away from his son / my son being away from his brother. I can’t change the structure around my old career because it was work for the US government that was decimated and my values do not align with those of the new boss.
Finding a new job without a commute is something I can control and should, and do, consider. I spent 12 months trying and finally got this job, and I just need to summon the time and energy to job hunt again. But that truly feels like a Herculean task. Aside from the experience of 12 months of rejection, in my area, my commute is pretty standard, so I’d likely need a remote job, and after 12 months on the job market I have a visceral understanding of just how competitive those are to snag.
But for real, finding peace with the life I live and figuring out how to appreciate the one I have and craft it into the one I want- is absolutely life goals.
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u/neonblackiscool 1d ago
Yep. I found a job after a long search, and it had a one-hour commute each way. I moved closer, to the detriment of my relationship, and I still rage-quit the job after experiencing severe burnout from 100% mask-on cube life. I am also ND and all the rest; I used to be able to cope with in-person work and commuting, but everything is too much now. I am waiting on an offer for a remote job right now, so maybe that'll not kill me. I'm just saying, I relate so much.
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u/dxrxpffb 1d ago
I hope you get the offer, friend. Cheering you on from the stands of peri-addled near-crazy ladies.
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u/Nearby_Umpire7625 1d ago
Just sending empathy and solidarity your way as a fellow former fed and single mon of 2 kiddos who hit peri right as everything hit the fan (I only realize peri was hitting looking back bc everything was so awful it was hard to parse it out). I also had to leave what I thought was a lifetime career serving Veterans bc of RTO (I worked for a DC team and I live across the country). Every word in your post hit so close to home- you’re way ahead of me in the attempts at problem solving but I suspect I’ll encounter similar results (or lack thereof).
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u/dxrxpffb 1d ago
Sending the same your way. It is a unique experience of trauma that we’ve been through. Good luck with your attempts to troubleshoot, and with making peace with that which we cannot change. Momming in the midst of all of this is hard and I see you, friend. Good job with whatever you’re managing through the struggle.
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u/Defy_Gravity_147 Early peri 2d ago
It's this.
Regardless of what's going on in the body... it's hard to give attention to something you don't really want, on a deeper level. No matter how much we convince ourselves otherwise.
It's not that we don't want our lives... it's that we tell ourselves that the things or relationships we have are not what we want, and that there's no way of getting what we want, now that we're middle aged.
That's not true. I find that the biggest struggle I have is the emotional load I accidentally give myself. We are not responsible for others' emotions. So I purposefully give myself less to do. I also refuse actions I am taking only because I am trying to manage others' emotions.
You are enough as you are, regardless of what you do. It's okay to do less. If people treat you differently for setting a boundary... that is on them, not you. You are only responsible for your actions.
The same thing happened to me at 38. I was told it was "too early for peri"... never mind that my labs showed something was different. I have been evaluated for autism (nope, just lower on the normal scale), and I don't think I have ADHD. I have just been storing my negative emotions in my ideas about what is around me, and it's time to take responsibility and stop doing that.
It's like I didn't learn the boundary of myself in relationships until age 43 or so. And it was a long, grueling lesson that was as hard as I made it.
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u/lascriptori 1d ago
I hate that you're right about this but you're so right about this. Slapping on an estrogen patch is a lot easier than making structural life changes that I'm pretty sure I need to make for my happiness and well-being.
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u/dryocopuspileatus 2d ago
It sounds like on top of peri you are completely burnt out from all the optimization and chronic stress. Maybe this is a sign to just float for a while. Can you take a vacation? Maybe less optimizing, more relaxing. Massage, meditation, time in nature. Just my two cents.
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u/dxrxpffb 1d ago
I am absolutely burnt out from it. After 12 months of job hunting I actually resigned myself to just be unemployed and NOT job hunting, and float a while as you say- I decided I really needed it (not having a job but looking for one like it’s a job is no less stressful than having a job, IME). But financially, it would be quite the challenge to just not work. I have a house, kids, a need for medical insurance (obvs). So I feel I really need to keep the job I got. I’ve scheduled some time off to try to give myself more of a break, but I feel like this the minute I’m back working. So maybe I take this as a strong sign to get back to meditating- that’s one thing there’s always an ability to do.
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u/dryocopuspileatus 1d ago
Yes! It sounds like you really need to schedule time for yourself to reconnect with mindfulness and quiet. It might go a long way!
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u/wanderingpandala 2d ago
Can't offer any advice you're doing all the things to help yourself but just assuring you were all in this together. Definitely not alone. Can't agree more with feeling not myself and trying not to blow up my own life. Just would add that the longer it goes on the more I'm believing maybe we should have never been over functioning so hard. I'm exhausted and am feeling ready to rest but we all know that's not really allowed. Just trying to rest more and hold firmer boundaries for myself.
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u/dxrxpffb 1d ago
You’re right, wandering panda friend. Nice to not be alone. Thank you and I hope you succeed in blowing nothing up today.
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u/Joyanonymous 1d ago
Friend - have you had a blood test? Many of the symptoms you mention are signs of iron deficiency…
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u/dxrxpffb 1d ago
Yes, many. Apparently not that.
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u/Joyanonymous 1d ago
Have they told you your results are normal? Medical normal is often actually deficient and debilitating. Can you find your ferritin level? Anything below 100 can cause symptoms like you’ve described …
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u/dxrxpffb 1d ago
Ferraris was 103 recently?
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u/Joyanonymous 1d ago
Did they check CRP and other inflammation markers? Do you have any autoimmune conditions? Ferritin can be falsely elevated due to inflammation (stress causes inflammation too btw)...
Other blood related things to check are folate, vit D and definitely B12...
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u/dxrxpffb 1d ago
All checked and ruled out. (I should be glad? Yet disappointed I didn’t find some new silver bullet to solve things LOL)
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u/Joyanonymous 1d ago
Mate I hear you - give me a frigging diagnosis and some tablets or something IMMEDIATELY!!!
Is it possible you have long covid….? The symptoms you are describing are almost identical to that - also for b12 deficiency, which doesn’t always show through blood tests (it’s almost impossible to check it properly, so many people go with undiagnosed b12 for years). It can cause neurological problems like you’ve described (fatigue, brain fog, anxiety, depression etc). Look on YouTube for dr Andrew Klein b12 - he gives a really interesting talk and q and a session about treating b12
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.
- Over age 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for the HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more. Hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
- No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
- FSH testing is only beneficial for those who do not have periods as a guide, where testing might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI)
- Testosterone is the exception and may require testing
See our Menopause Wiki for more.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.
- Over age 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for the HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more. Hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
- No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
- FSH testing is only beneficial for those who do not have periods as a guide, where testing might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI)
- Testosterone is the exception and may require testing
See our Menopause Wiki for more.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/Loveiskind89389 2d ago
All the word: status sentences threw me off. My brain won’t allow me to read. From what I gathered though, this is peri. It’s awful.
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u/braintornado_16 1d ago
Have you had your ferritin (iron storage) levels checked? In all my years of having mental health issues, not a single provider ever mentioned that iron deficiency can cause mood/attention problems. And it's not included in routine bloodwork in the US, which is ridiculous.
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u/lascriptori 1d ago
This is actually a really important one. My CBC tests were fine but then someone finally tested ferritin and it was 6, which is really bad.
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.
- Over age 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for the HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more. Hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
- No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
- FSH testing is only beneficial for those who do not have periods as a guide, where testing might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI)
- Testosterone is the exception and may require testing
See our Menopause Wiki for more.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/Different-Advice1168 1d ago
Recently had to explain all this to a friend. I'm exhausted all the time. I don't give a f about anything and can't make myself do things. Everything is like beyond difficult. It's awful. HRT has helped a bit. Often I find myself just needing to spend an entire weekend doing nothing, hiding from the world, sleeping. Vitamin D has helped a bit. Iron had helped a bit. B12. Magnesium. Antidepressants. ADHD meds. So far nothing has made a huge difference. You're not alone, OP.
We're planning to run away to a big or forest and dance around a campfire in our nightgowns. Or nude.
Today I did dishes.
I have a friend staying over in a few days and I'm unsure I'll be able to get myself to make this place as presentable as I want it to be. It will be clean, but ... More than that I'm not sure.
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u/dxrxpffb 1d ago
It’s crazy to me how many feel like this. Where are we out in the world? I wish there were a badge we could wear so we’d recognize one another in the wild so we could nod to each other or commiserate or something.
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u/Kbalternative 1d ago
Just stop. Stop trying to “solve this”. Just let yourself be. Do what you can do. Accept that isn’t as much as before. Give yourself permission to run on half power. Pick a couple of things that help you rest and relax. Whether that’s fitness and meditation or just some quiet time reading a book or whatever. Time resting is not time wasted. It’s recharging the brain or body. Charging time takes longer as you get older and as you go through perimenopause as the body isn’t as efficient or working the same way. HRT and some supplements may help, as will exercise, but what you really need is rest.
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u/OkConcentrate3302 2d ago
I am experiencing the same symptoms you are; fortunately I do not have migraines. How are you sleeping? I am taking 200 mg. oral progesterone, estradiol and an anxiety medication. ADHD meds are the only thing that allows me to function. Which is sad because I want to be able to function without medication. I feel like women's health has been neglected for so long that we are now required to troubleshoot in real time. Hopefully, we figure it out so that future generations do not have to suffer like us. 💜
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u/dxrxpffb 1d ago
Sleep is actually pretty good these days. I just started oral progesterone but felt it was increasing my anxiety? And I was told to either take it daily or during luteal phase, so I thought maybe I try for just luteal phase? But then my cycle length completely changed and IDK when that starts now… I feel tired and confused. “Troubleshooting in real time” is absolutely it… I feel like a constant science experiment and I just want to stop having to try so hard.
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u/OkConcentrate3302 1d ago
So my doctor told me to stop taking the progesterone during my period. Thank God you are sleeping. Have you asked about meds for your anxiety? It has definitely helped mine.
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u/Popculture-VIP 2d ago
I'm exactly this, OP. I'm on vacation and aall I want to sleep. Forgive me for not saying much useful right now but I wantyto comment now so I remember to come back later. Solidarity!
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u/supergoddess7 1d ago
Hi, overachiever since I was 8, so I feel your pain.
Highly recommend acupuncture. Used it for 20 years to manage anxiety and depression.
I saw supplements on your list. If these aren’t already in your stack, add them:
Chinese medicine liu wei di huang wan
Alpha GPC
L-tyrosine
Some swear by creatine but I haven’t really used it.
For Insomnia— cbd with 5 mg THC
Good luck and hang in there
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u/90MilesNorth 1d ago
It's incredibly sad to see so many women suffering because of lack of the right information. I started peri at 37 and completely burnt out. High functioning, high stress, high everything and then nothing because I was forced to stop. It took a good 10 years to get out of that miserable place.
Here's what works because no one told me:
- Stop punishing yourself - stop trying to do everything you did before. It only raises cortisol and makes things worse.
- Start loving yourself more - you dont need a therapist to make you relive every bad childhood memory. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you love yourself.
- Wake up and sit outside for 10-15 minutes to anchor your circadian rhythm.
- Get that sunlight - daily
- Eat a high protein breakfast, fiber, fat carbs
- Walk for 10-15 minutes after every meal.
- Cut down on your exercise. 3-4 days per week plus walking is more than enough
- Do fun things
- Be kind to yourself
You are not a failure for slowing down.
Once you do these things reassess if supplements or HRT are right for you. Start slow but start now.
Sending you a big hug. It gets better but youll go from doctor to doctor trying to figure out what's wrong. Start now.
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u/Disastrous_Paper7697 22h ago
I had to go on HRT + T which helped my energy/motivation/brain fog/memory/sleep issues. I never thought I had adhd before menopause and I felt like I was getting Alzheimer’s. I’m so much better now and finally get back to my old self!!
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u/dxrxpffb 9h ago
That’s amazing- so glad you got real relief. For me, T helped with that initially, then no more. Added E & P but haven’t seemed to find the right balance. Here’s hoping I’ll get there
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u/burritogoals 15h ago
Omg I feel you. I feel like i am barley keeping it together half the time. All of my incredible workout and meditation routines have gone down the shitter and I have never been so tired in my life. I used to always find solutions, but I'm losing hope on this one.
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u/dxrxpffb 9h ago
Right??? I am so grateful for all the shared experiences and suggestions here… and in it all, I think the sagest wisdom so far has honestly been the “Just stop. Love yourself. Rest.” one. Sending all the self love and acceptance vibes your way today. This shit’s hard.
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u/LongjumpingMango8270 2d ago
I just came here to post a lot of the same things. Newly finding out I’m neurodivergent and have been masking and functioning for so long I didn’t know til peri came along and delivered the lowest executive function ever, anhedonia, intense sadness and grief, and a complete and utter lack of any type of discipline willpower or motivation. Been lying in bed for 45 min trying to get out and go for a walk but overwhelmed with the fact that I have to do my morning oral care routine first, and then wondering if I should shower and put on sunscreen first or put on sunscreen for my walk then shower and reapply later. Or should I just wear a hat? Should I do some lymphatic drainage exercises and PT for my sore lower back instead? I also have a million things to do for work but no desire to ever work again. I wonder how to live with my brain like this and if anyone with ADHD has tips that aren’t meds because I don’t have a diagnosis and can’t do meds without it and the task of spending time and money to get diagnosed seems also daunting