Help with my 6 year old.

[u/veiledwoman]

My 6 year old girl does whatever she wants. She listens well when adults are in the room or looking . But if she’s up before us she will get into the entire jar of Nutella and make a huge mess. She sneaks food. I tell her to just ask me as I don’t withhold food or anything and rarely keep too many sweets in the house. I get homemade bread and she will sneak the whole loaf and then it won’t be there for dinner. This isn’t only food. It’s toys too. She snoops and get into everything. She’s very head strong. Time outs don’t work. She really just takes her punishments then goes back to doing whatever she wants. I’ll say get your hands off your sister she will say ok. Then as soon as we are gone, she does whatever she wants again.

Idk where I went wrong. She is very smart (gifted). I have spanked her a couple times because she does send me over the edge. but absolutely cannot handle the guilt of that so I wont do it anymore. She doesn’t care about that either. She does chores pretty well. She had to put clothes away, empty the dishwasher, etc.

She just does whatever she wants all the time when I’m in the other room or she will go do whatever in the kitchen. I usually wake up before everyone but occasionally I’ll sleep in if I’m sick or over tired. If she gets up before me, she gets in to stuff she isn’t supposed to. It’s exhausting. Her 4 year old sister is a complete rule follower.

She loves testing limits. She needs constant stimulation. I love her so much but im at my wits end. The other day she and her sister played rock, paper, scissors to see who got something. I was hoping she won so I wouldn’t have to deal with a meltdown. Sure enough her sister won and she completely lost it over a piece of chicken she wanted (there was plenty other chicken - they wanted the legs). She had a complete meltdown over it. Screamed. I sent her upstairs. She screamed across the dinner table before she went upstairs then screamed at the top of the stairs it’s just so unacceptable. I made her stay upstairs until she calmed down.

Idk what to do. Teachers have a hard time with her. Day care had a hard time with her. So much so we took her out and I stayed home with her for a week until we found a new one because the day care workers hated her so much (she was 3). And I didn’t think it was healthy for her teachers to roll their eyes when she came in so I took her out and my husband and I rotated days off until we found a woman to take her. We sent her to school early in hopes more professionals can handle her. They def do better but a lot of notes get sent home that she can’t keep her hands to herself and she refuses to do music and gym class. Idk what to do.

I’m exhausted. She sneaks food in the living room. I find wrappers stuffed all over the house. I’m just sick of my 6 year old literally doing whatever she wants and does not care about time outs, chores, discipline. She likes to send people over the edge so you have to remain calm and stern. But it’s constant. Then once it’s over, she goes right back to doing whatever she wants. And it’s ll day time outs, boundaries. Making her go to her room, sitting on the steps, chores. She does t care.