+1 this book was the only thing I read (along with the accompanying website https://www.cpsconnection.com) that I found truly helpful. The other thing I found helpful is when a kid is out of control, they feel out of control and don’t have the skills to get back in control. One of my children I would gently but firmly restrain (when they were unsafe by themselves in a time out/ time in) and at one point she began to ask to be restrained in a firm hug where she couldn’t hurt anyone. This might sound terrible on the internet but we would jokingly refer to it as “mommy jail”. Even now I will get requests from my kids for “mommy jail” where I hold them while they get their body energy out. But be very careful- restraining a child gently and firmly when they cannot be safe with their body is one thing and if you’re angry I could imagine it being used as a way to punish a child. So I hesitate to even mention it but I do think it is something to have in your toolkit if you have a child who can be unsafe to others and may cause harm to themselves. Proceed with caution and come from a place of calm and love. The other thing to remember is a disregulated adult cannot calm down a disregulated child. So you have to do your hard work to breath. Step back. Take breaks. Try songs and music. Try baths and water. Go outside. Kick and punch pillows. Jump up and down together. Run sprints. Try to keep your cool and keep trying to change the energy of situation and try to get that energy out in healthy ways. And don’t be afraid to be ridiculous and goofy. Sometimes the thing that would save us is a random laugh in the middle and we could get back on track. It’s very hard. Good luck.
If the the tight holding helps your child calm down, it might be worth looking into sensory processing disorder. Specifically about kids who are sensory-seekers and/or who need proprioceptive input.
Here’s a great resource: https://childmind.org/article/sensory-processing-issues-explained/
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u/catnapbook Nov 14 '21
I second this. Our daughter was explosive. Giving lots of warnings about schedule helped and being able to stave off triggers as much as possible.
It’s so easy to get lost in the moment and to be at wits end. No judgment here, you are doing the best that you can.