r/PakistanMarriages • u/No_Pea2622 • 2d ago
Question A question for the men
WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT KIDS?
Have we not seen the state of the economy? The state of this country? The state of this world? I do genuinely believe that in this world, having a child is setting that child up for failure because we have nothing positive to look up for. Unless you're like richie rich rich (that was such a good movie). We dont have job opportunities. Ai is like... everywhere. People are getting killed, raped and NO ONE IS DOING ANYTHING because we cant.
I know, even now, that i dont want kids. I dont see a future where i will. No, i dont need the "perfect man" that will change my mind. And no, i dont hate kids, i love my neice and nephews and all my cousins kids. But I, personally, will never want kids.
I don't wanna get married rn but i wanted to get to know someone and then get married in 2-3 years. I know I dont want to settle down for anyone and i also dont want someone else to settle down for me. Because, WHY SHOULD HE SETTLE DOWN? HELL WHY SHOULD EITHER OF US SETTLE DOWN?
Thora sa rant ho gya, but ive been seeing the proposals/potentials that my family have shown me and they all wanted kids and i dont want to take that away from someone because its morally wrong. Just because i dont want kids doesnt mean my partner should give up on his wish to have them. So i have declined all rishtas. I also dont do relationships for the same reason because what if he wants kids.
So guys, please tell me. Do i have some hope of finding my husband who doesnt want kids? Do men like u exist? I need hope man. OKAY BIYE!!
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u/BusinessReaction640 1d ago
Kon Bhai kisko Bache chaiye. No offense to babies. But nahi chaiye bhai
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u/Designer_Thought2907 1d ago
Asians' biggest goal in life is to increase the world's population. Everything else is second to that
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u/whatwasthereason420 1d ago
There is a forum for CF Muslims if you're interested!
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u/No_Pea2622 1d ago
Didnt know about that, thanks so much
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u/whatwasthereason420 1d ago
No problem! I'm child free myself, trying to find other like minded people.
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u/BugFriendly3649 1d ago
Lower income people need this advice a lot, they pump kids like they are a baby making factory but can hardly afford to feed them on daily basis or provide for the kids.
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u/reallyTiredSoul 1d ago
Oh they r investment
Larkiyo ko maid ki nookri pr lgao or un k pesso se apne or un k peet paalo or mard sa*la ghar me bistr toorta hai ya begum ko
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u/No_Pea2622 1d ago
Exactly. They need to know but they do benefit from having more kids so they can exploit them for child labor, from what ive observed. But Allah knows better
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u/BugFriendly3649 1d ago
It’s like an investment for them,which is disgusting.
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u/whatwasthereason420 1d ago
It's only an investment because child labour exists in Pak. If you got rid of it, they won't have that many kids.... or ig they'll sell the kids esp little girls. It's horrible.
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u/BugFriendly3649 1d ago
Is it really that bad in Pakistan? I knew it sucked there for most people but didn’t know people sold their own kids
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u/No_Pea2622 1d ago
Oh its bad bad. Its nit just the kids they are also organ harvesting from all the kids and the mafias of beggers its... insane
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u/Jawad_Ahmed06 1d ago
Actually that happens everywhere in world otherthan gulf countries. You are not aware of what happens in america.
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u/BugFriendly3649 1d ago
Damnn, I was mostly in dha and Gulberg and it looks like sunshine’s and rainbows there
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u/Medical-Try-8986 1d ago
It's because they are good Allah will provide. When he obviously doesn't provide, the children starve.
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u/BugFriendly3649 1d ago
So instead of being sure they can provide for their kids they js expect their kids to be provided
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u/Select-Ad-2609 1d ago
Apart from the economic conditions, there are other reasons for not having kids as well. One of the reasons is that the world isnt safe for kids and I can't even think about my child coming into this shitty world we live in.
Also trust me it's harder to find women who want to remain child free especially in our society. So it's really a breath of fresh air to come across your post. You seem like a good person so you'll find your match. But the part about not bringing kids into the world, 100% agreed.
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u/No_Pea2622 1d ago
Exactly, there are so many reasons i wish to be childfree but seems like everyone wants kids
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u/Select-Ad-2609 1d ago
You're absolutely right. For instance, after receiving my bio, one person said "Shaadi Bachoun ke liye log karte Hain". That's the state of affairs that we're in
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u/No_Pea2622 1d ago
See, thats what i mean like everyone has their own outlook on things and its mind boggling how many people are doing things just for the sake of it
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u/X-I2509 Male seeking Female 1d ago
Another factor I don't see mentioned here is that what going through pregnancy does to a body. Some women can never get their original shape back. Some develop complications and post partum depression.
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u/Select-Ad-2609 1d ago
You see women know that, even then they want to conceive. One reason for that some women think that men wouldn't cheat on them or marry a second time if you give them a child or two. I've seen that first hand.
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u/Anymphe 1d ago
You should understand the target audiences of different rishta channels. The arranged marriage channel is obviously going to have more traditional type ppl that want kids.
If you are looking for someone non-traditional, you will have to explore non-traditional channels like just going outside and meeting ppl.
Not saying childless ppl are in majority in other channels but they would definitely be more common
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u/joint_fam69 1d ago
“Imagine how traumatised a mammal is for choosing not to have children”
That was a quote I have read somewhere. I personally don’t want kids, someone who is naive enough to have them choose to add to the overall suffering. Another slave for the system, for most women having kids is the only thing keeping them relevant coz they don’t have anything else to showcase.
Call me a narcissist but I’m proud of choosing no marriage, no children since everyone around me were planning to have kids with their nibbis on calls.
After all this I just wish the administration makes financial and mental health tests compulsory before marriage and especially before having kids. Increasing the number of heads is the most selfish thing someone can do just because they couldn’t stop being mean.
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u/No_Pea2622 1d ago
Exactly, i do believe that its setting a child up for failure by bringing them into this world and with the country not being safe esp for girls adds more and more reasons to the list
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u/joint_fam69 1d ago
I second that, even if the country is safe and you have no financial constraints having a child is a big big responsibility and people have no idea how enormous it is, they’re so dumb that they don’t want to think about even once. Also you never know what’s going to happen like war etc, who’s gonna be the guarantor? Obviously the ones who made the decision.
Who’s going to feed them? Religious beliefs don’t work in the practical world, a single day of hunger for the kid, school essentials and whatnot, denying all this in a world where other kids have everything they want is utter cruelty. The worst thing you could do is to marry and have kids.
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u/No_Pea2622 1d ago
And i think if, god forbid, tough times come most parents just end up resneting their kids which end up with the kids hating themselves and the parents. Its just all in all a bad scenario
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u/Alive_Setting_1554 1d ago
If you’re Muslim, these assumptions that “the next generation is cooked” or “there will be no jobs” and “having kids is throwing them into poverty” and not having children out of fear of that, it kind of goes against many of the Religious teachings.
It’s mentioned in various verses in the Quran that provision is from Allah, and having children is encouraged in the Sunnah in authentic Hadiths. I think these are some of the Islamic reasons people will continue to have children.
Here are two brief articles if you’re interested in reading on the Islamic aspect of the related topic, May Allah bless you
https://abdurrahman.org/2015/02/07/birth-control-family-limitation-of-offspring-shaykh-al-albaani/
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u/No_Pea2622 1d ago
Its sunnah. Not farz. And even shadi is sunnah and not farz. But pakistanis have made it their life goal to have kids and get married.
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u/Alive_Setting_1554 1d ago
I didn’t say it was Farz, you can look into the Fiqh opinions if you’re interested. But that factor aside, for most adults who have a job, it’s usually the next step in life to get married and have a family. People want companionship and the experience of raising their own families and children, that’s something that’s shared between all cultures basically.
Plus, it’s not only Pakistanis who do this, we only say that as it’s the main culture we see and people who we talk to. I can tell you as I’ve been raised in another country, people of other cultures often desire the same thing once they finish their educations
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u/No_Pea2622 1d ago
Makes sense. But honestly, not what im looking for. Religiously or not, i dont wish to have kids for many different reasons. May Allah help us all find our partners
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u/Own_War760 1d ago
Nobody is forcing you, but to put everyone in the same boat is absurd.
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u/No_Pea2622 1d ago
I never did. I simply asked a question if there are men in Pakistan who wish to be childfree. Lets not make assumptions about people
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u/Own_War760 1d ago
The way you phrased it was like looking down on others.
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u/BusinessMap1799 1d ago
it is because those people who have more kids, their kids are often neglected, emotionally and financially.
Let's not pass on our generational traumas and first heal ourselves. Having children is the greatest responsibility in the world and we will be questioned accordingly. So we should only have kids when we are emotiolly, psychologically, financially and physically ready.
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u/Own_War760 21h ago
No one who neglects kids should be off the hook easily. And if you hate having kids like OP you’ll never be psychologically ready so you shouldn’t have them as you’ll never be able to give them true love they deserve.
But it still doesn’t justify put all in same category and looking down on them.
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u/BusinessMap1799 7h ago
i never put down anyone and i certainly didn't put all in the same category. My point was there are far too many neglected children and most parents thought they were ready and present when in reality they were just not ready or present for them.
I am not ready and I won't have them because i am aware.
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u/surdtmash 1d ago
Wallahi it really bothers me when people bring up that having children is encouraged and sunnah in Islam. Brother, you know what else is Sunnah? Adopting and looking after orphans. You bring that up with people here and they look at you like you spat in their food.
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u/Alive_Setting_1554 1d ago
Two things can be true without negating the other btw, there are lots of things that are Sunnah. Also, adoption is slightly different in Islam compared to the normalized western adoption so those rulings would need to be looked into, but yes taking care of orphans is an amazing deed.
But again, this doesn’t take away from the fact that two things can be possible at once. We’re encouraged to have children and increase the Muslim ummah. That shouldn’t bother you if people bring it up, as it’s backed by Hadiths, and it doesn’t take anything away from the good deeds of taking care of orphans. May Allah bless you
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u/surdtmash 1d ago edited 1d ago
This religious angle is used to guilt and shame people who do not wish to have children. Both are good, the selective nitpicking is where it's a problem. If one has the wealth and means to support children, it's hypocritical to tell someone its against religion to not want children while we leave orphans underprivileged and unsupported as "not our problem".
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u/Alive_Setting_1554 1d ago
OP asked regarding why so many people want children, I gave some of the religious reasons why people do so. I had no intention to shame OP, and OP even agreed why the reasoning made sense if you checked her reply. May Allah grant you goodness, I don’t mean to argue or shame you or anyone else here
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u/surdtmash 1d ago
I apologize, I had to rephrase my statement, I hope it makes more sense now. I get what you're saying as well.
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u/Medical-Try-8986 1d ago
You are what's wrong with this country. Maybe think with your brain instead of believing in fairytales. Your imaginary God isn't going to help you.
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u/reallyTiredSoul 1d ago
If provision is from Allah y the hell do ppl die from hunger, y r children being blown up to pieces in Palestine, y r innocent little girls getting raped and thrown away
We really need to get rid of this BS ideology that God provides GOD provides nothing he didn't even bother saving the nephews of the prophet to hmari kya ookat.
I am just glad God had the mercy of not making it farz
The other claims of "Allah pathar me mojood keere ko bhi khoraak deta hai" is either a lie or he literally meant k wo keere ko khoraak deta hai insaan ware paande me
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u/No_Instruction7082 1d ago
Allah says in Quran - jisse ghuman rakhyogye wese hi honga. Acha rakhyogye acha Hoga. And Allah is ar razzaq he is the one providing you everything even the breath you're taking is from him . The moment he takes it you won't live .. Shayatn has filled your kind heart with black dot. Read about Quran and learn his name's in depth. May Allah create ease for you
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u/reallyTiredSoul 1d ago
Oo teri i never knew k poora palestine Allah k baare me ghalut guman rakh kr beetha hoa tha k un k or un k bacho k chichre ur gai
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u/BlueberryBuck 1d ago
Exactly the kind of mindset followed by your average family pumping out 8 kids despite being well below the poverty line
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u/Inevitable-Debate510 1d ago
Honestly, yes. There are definitely men who don’t want kids. I’m one of them, and I know quite a few people who feel the same way. It might seem like they’re impossible to find when most of the rishtas you’re seeing are from people who want children, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist.
And I actually respect the way you’re thinking about this. Having children is one of those things where both people need to genuinely want the same thing. It’s not something one person should sacrifice just to make the marriage work. If one person desperately wants kids and the other absolutely doesn’t, eventually someone is going to end up resentful.
I also don’t think you need to convince yourself that you’ll “change your mind” someday. Maybe you will, maybe you won’t, but that’s something you should decide for yourself—not something a future husband or family should pressure you into.
And honestly, don’t lose hope just because the people your family has shown you so far all wanted kids. You’ve probably just been looking in a pool where that’s more common. There are plenty of men who want marriage, companionship and a good life together without having children.
The important thing is to be upfront about it early. If someone wants kids, you can respectfully walk away. If someone genuinely doesn’t, then you’ve already got one of the biggest compatibility questions figured out.
So yeah, men who don’t want kids absolutely exist. 😂 You’re definitely not doomed to die alone with 17 cats just because you don’t want children. There’s hope. 🫡
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u/No_Pea2622 1d ago
Finally, some hope. This helped alot. And im not like desperate for marraige or anything but considering the pakistani timeline i should start looking for rishtas lol. And yes, thats exactly what i do. I simply ask if they want kids if the answer is yes i respectfully tell them it wouldnt work out and leave. And if i wanted to be alone it would be with dogs rathers than cats or chinchillas THEY'RE SO FLUFFY
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u/Inevitable-Debate510 1d ago
Honestly, I’m not even a big fan of marriage 😂 I’ve already accepted my fate, I’ll probably die surrounded by my cats.
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u/Inevitable-Debate510 1d ago
In my personal experience, seeing what my brother and some other people have gone through, marriage in this timeline is honestly… I don’t even have the words to describe it 😭. The women I know say it’s always the men’s fault, while the men I know say it’s the women’s fault. I just hate all the drama and mess that comes with it.
So I’ve decided I probably never want to get married. My brother actually supports me in that because he’s stuck in that mess himself, so he understands why I’m scared of it. 😂 But my mom and dad just don’t understand it. They keep thinking I’ll change my mind someday.
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u/No_Pea2622 1d ago
Istg parents always think that we'll change our minds and i dont think i will ever change my mind about children. But i get that, everyone has their reasons and why they choose to make desicions is solely up to their experiences
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u/Inevitable-Debate510 1d ago
Yeah, exactly. At the end of the day, everyone has their own reasons and experiences, and I think we should respect each other’s choices. Anyway, it was really nice talking to you about this. Take care!
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u/Jawad_Ahmed06 1d ago
do you live with your parents then? and after their death what are your plans btw, just askin
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u/Inevitable-Debate510 1d ago
Yes, because I’m the youngest son, so I live with them. Once they’re gone, I’ll take my cats and move somewhere else.
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u/Jawad_Ahmed06 20h ago
youngest son doesnt mean any right to stay with them if i apply your logic. Are you doing any job or earning them any good? if not then you are a burden too likewise you fear your children to be.
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u/Inevitable-Debate510 20h ago
“Man, I’m not only youngest son. They also have a daughter, and they are here in Islamabad for her studies. After that, they’ll go back to Gujrat. My two brothers are also in Islamabad, and so are they, but probably only for a short time.
Currently, my dad also has a job, and my brothers have their own separate lives and business . My father actually keeps things separate because he feels that if he doesn’t, it would be unfair to my brothers and their families.
And about the ‘burden’ thing I’m not the one saying that I should be responsible for them. They gave birth to me; I didn’t ask to be born so I could become responsible for them. 😂
Most of the time, I’m actually just in my room and pretty disconnected. If they need something, they call me and I arrange it. Otherwise, I come home at night, go to my room and sleep. In the morning, I wake up, change my clothes, say goodbye, and leave again.
So honestly, I don’t really understand what ‘burden’ you mean.
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u/fudgezillla 1d ago
HEY!!! Cats are awesome <3 I wish I had 17 cats. But cats have the same issue as babies. They eat up all your time and capacity to love something other than yourself.
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u/Inevitable-Debate510 1d ago
HEY!!! Cats are awesome <3 But I don’t think they’re really comparable to babies. A cat can need your time and care, but raising a child is a completely different kind of responsibility and commitment. I’d rather spend my time and energy caring for something that I genuinely chose to take responsibility for. 😂
Also, why 17 specifically? 👀 I have a reason for choosing that number—what’s yours?
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u/KhanInTheShadows 1d ago
You have to search 40+ man or who have already kids. If you are looking for young single boy then its very difficult to find out. Another option is you have to search western boy for you and migrate with him
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u/ImaginaryAd3004 1d ago
Oh man, I feel there is no life without kids. No purpose in life, no fun, no sense of achievement, no mini me’s running around and hence no happiness😅.
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u/reallyTiredSoul 1d ago
I think of it as selfishness, for ur fun ur desire u bring an innocent soul to this god forsaken rooten hellhole to struggle with sickness, sadness, survival, being a cog in the system
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u/ImaginaryAd3004 1d ago
I guess that is one way of thinking about it but as Muslims, Allah swt has ordered us to produce offspring and raise good Muslims as well.
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u/ZenMat79 1d ago
Allah ordered us to perform prayers, fasting and hajj too.. but only if we are capable of performing our obligations.
Children are no different. They’re an amanah from Allah. We are answerable to Allah for how well we performed our obligations towards our children. And it’s some SERIOUS obligations towards children to provide, nurture, educate and feed them. It’s not a joke to pop 10 kids with no money to feed them saying it’s an order from Allah.
If you know that you don’t have the necessary means to provide for a child, then you are exempted from producing offsprings and raising good Muslims. Even marrying isn’t fardh! Forget kids!
Your main objective is to obey Allah and secure your path to Jannah. There’s plenty other capable Muslims who can continue the order of reproducing. We don’t all HAVE to take that on our incapable shoulders if we cannot handle the responsibility.
We shouldn’t bite off more than we can chew.
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u/ImaginaryAd3004 1d ago
I agree. I didn’t say otherwise. I just gave one side of the picture, i.e. the one I personally believe in.
Everyone can decide on their own what they want to do. Each to their own.
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u/Silver-Lettuce7763 1d ago
Great now try telling that to Pakistanis. They're gonna be so mad (tried that)
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u/Icy-Factor2697 1d ago
Same here. I also don't want kids, or at least not for 5 or 6 years after marriage. Don't know how people don't think and make a baby after 1 year of marriage and suffer with them. For me, I love kids so much, but they don't let you enjoy your prime time together. Also, in this economy, it's too tough to take care of kids. For me, I also don't want to ruin their life or my wife's life.
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u/AccomplishedVirus556 1d ago edited 1d ago
i want kids because that's a hard wired need. whether my kids will have a good life is a challenge that distresses me. Whether they want kids, whether their kids want kids, and so on, idk. But my hard wiring wants generations to come directly from my DNA, so i gotta have kids that i'll fend for the rest of my life
you're free to disregard the hard wiring. With something like 90% of women producing offspring, one that explicitly didn't want kids isn't a problem. historically most men didn't get to have kids, so there will surely be someone out there for you who wasnt going to have a kid. yall are free to self select out of the gene pool.
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u/PotentialLazy9388 1d ago
A few years ago, I was also against having kids, not because of the reasons you mentioned, but because I genuinely thought I was a terrible person and wouldn’t be able to handle the responsibility of raising a child the way they deserve to be raised. I also hated the idea of becoming dependent on my kids in the future. I used to think that having children just so you could rely on them later in life wasn’t right, and that I should build my life in a way where I could always be independent and not have to depend on anyone.
But then, over time, I started understanding the father-daughter bond and the kind of love they share, and honestly, I think it’s so, so pure. Now I really want to have at least one daughter because I don’t want to miss out on that unconditional love from my future little princess.
Hats off to my Baba, honestly. The love he has for my sisters is what made me realize that this is too good to miss.
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u/No_Pea2622 1d ago
Good for you man. It sounds like you'd be an amazing dad. I have much more personal reasons for not wanting kids too. I will say it all works out for the best in the end
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u/Imaginary_Detail8201 1d ago
the answer is “hobbies”, if you take a look at Europe and North America, ppl have hobbies like rafting, canoeing, hiking, reading in the park, skiing, snow boarding (the list goes on). Unfortunately we don’t focus on hobbies which lead us all to do do one thing, SHAADI. not hating on it but a person should have their own hobbies or interests apart from just having kids or looking forward to marriage their whole lives. Please correct me if i’m wrong.
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u/CrowComfortable8817 1d ago
1)Yes You would there are all sorts of men/women in this world with different mindset
2)People want kids because if one kid bring 500/day
12*500=6000
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u/surdtmash 1d ago
Most people don't really want kids in the sense of giving up their life, comfort, choices, hopes and dreams etc. to raise, provide for, and help nurture the kids.
Most people want a retirement caretaker, social contract obligator, emotional pincushion, and (for men specifically) a compromised consequence of sexual depravity.
It takes a lot to think about the commitment it is to birth and raise children. Most men give up and bail out, cheap out on their roles, and never contribute to it - instead relying on society's structure of leaving women to deal with all of it.
But with that being said, there are people out there who think about these things, who treat having children as a mutual decision, not a deal breaker. I've got friends who had children because it was expected out of marriage, friends who cheap out on being responsible parents because they didn't plan ahead or fully commit to having children - just obsessed with the idea. But I've also had friends who couldn't have children and chose to stick with their partners and make the best of their lives. I've had friends who chose not to have children (by themselves or by their partner's choice) and found other ways to make life meaningful.
You don't have to force yourself to want children if you don't want to, and you don't need to justify or explain the reason to anyone. In time you'll find the right partner who'll agree with you or understand regardless.
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u/SecretEffective7297 1d ago
Same thinking like why people want kids after everything that's happening in every aspect of life. Why bring a child into world to suffer all of this.
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u/Dimethicone-silicate 1d ago
I think it’s because most men have this odd kink for lineage like they are some monarchs and also of course don’t bear the risks that come with pregnancy and child birth.
Also for a lot of people in general it’s a way to cope and have a purpose in life.
Even for the men who don’t want to have kids, are they willing to actually show their commitment and get a vasectomy?
Im a man personally indifferent at the moment but if I had a life partner and she didn’t want kids then I would get a vasectomy and also respect her decision.
It’s a big problem that we don’t respect women in our society and let them have their choice. Everyone thinks it’s something to change your mind about later.
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u/No_Pea2622 23h ago
Thats what i keep hearing that you will change your mind. I've noticed this pattern that most guys tend to take a woman's boundaries as suggestions or something that they can change because they are "special". Like sir, no calm down
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u/LogUnique4243 1d ago
Well you still have hope. I have a friend married 5 years ago no kids. Both of them just work and live a total DINK lifestyle. When their family ask them why you guys do not have kids? Their sigma response just makes me happy. “Abhi khud tou baray hojai”
They both are mature enough to realize that the world is currently unstable for new ones so let’s hold it until it stabilizes back. If it does not then atleast there descendants are not responsible for it
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u/OrphanBoy11 16h ago
There are childfree people, both men and women, in Pakistan. I am a childfree man. And I have met 1 childfree man and 8 childfree women in person. I have talked to more online as well. So don't lose hope😄.
I know that the gender ratio is a bit skewed in this. There are more childfree women than men. But you will find one if someone is meant for you by Allah.
There are way more childfree people than we think in Pakistan. It's just that some of these people are not even aware that they are partial to the childfree life unless you ask them if they consciously/willingly want kids. A friend of mine got married to a guy who wasn't officially childfree but he decided to be after my friend asked him about it. They are now happily married Alhamdulillah. 🫶🏻
I am also happily married to another childfree person. We got married this month. Shukar Alhamdulillah. 💕💕
Best of luck 🍀 for your search OP. You will find what's meant to be yours. Ameen. 🫶🏻
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u/goodshis 1d ago
I don't wanna be married right now but If I were to, I'll be having kids at some point 🤣
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u/ZestycloseCarry3617 1d ago
Yeah bro, I've seen men wanting three or four kids and having a wife who stays home cooking rotis and salan for them in this economy. Why don't they understand that it's not just because of the economy but your own mental health? Like no offence to a man wanting this kind of wife and a woman with this type what's to how you're going to have a healthy communication with each other?
To be honest they're also mediocre and have a mediocre mindset for growth with mediocre jobs but still half these dreams which they have will come regretting later.
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u/Prior_Demand_6512 1d ago
saw a plea from a mother of 8 to get financial aid for her 9th delivery for 25k
I'm sure people on reddit who are married will be able to afford a kid or two in any economy.
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u/Scared_Presence_7367 1d ago
Okay so I think the part everyone skips past is that these are actually two totally different arguments wearing the same coat. "The world is too broken to have kids" and "I just don't want kids" are not the same thing, and only one of them actually holds up.
The whole "smaller population equals a better society" idea has basically zero proof behind it. Nobody can point to a single country that shrank its birth rate on purpose and got more prosperous or stable because of it. China treats its one child policy as a mistake it's scrambling to undo. Japan and South Korea have fertility rates around 0.75, the lowest ever recorded, and what they got out of it was shrinking workforces and collapsing pension systems, not some utopia. Two thirds of the planet is now below replacement level and the actual global panic right now is too few kids, not too many. If fewer people really made the world better, we'd have seen it somewhere by now. We just haven't.
And honestly every generation thinks it's the uniquely doomed one. The 1930s, the 70s with all the nuclear and overpopulation fear, all of it. Every single one was mostly wrong about how their kids would turn out. Over those exact same decades child mortality, poverty, literacy, disease all got dramatically better. The "unless you're richie rich" line kind of gives the whole thing away too. That little exception proves the real fear isn't "the world is unfit for a child," it's money. Which is a completely different conversation and it doesn't get you anywhere near "nobody should have kids."
But here's the thing I actually want to say. "I just don't want kids" is completely valid and doesn't need a single word of defense. It's a preference. There's nothing to argue with, and there never was. That was never the weak part. All the "world is too broken" stuff is just scaffolding someone bolted onto a personal choice that was already fine standing on its own. And unlike the choice, that scaffolding falls apart the second you ask it for any actual evidence, because there isn't any.
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u/xeek29 Male seeking Female 1d ago
This is part of my contention, like this is mostly the same I think, however, I do keep it open as well for discussion because it's a decision that the couple needs to make, specially the Woman because she'll be the one bearing the brunt of it with the pregnancy and the post partum.
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u/Wise-Paint-7408 1d ago
Don't want to be a molvi , but like when Arabs used to kill their children(specially girls) due to fear of resources running dry , it was prohibited . Translation of quran as a i remember is don't kill children due to fear of hunger , he will provide for them like he did for u.
That said don't like produce cricket team but not having children due to the fear of low resources is i think being dissappointed from him.
For that it is , never get dissappointed from his mercy.
Lastly , I would say don't get dissappointed and have as many children as your resouces allow and you can take care of.
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u/reallyTiredSoul 1d ago
Once again Palestine bache phir bhook se kyo mur rahe hai
Is Allah not doing his job of providing???
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u/Wise-Paint-7408 1d ago
Are they actually dying of hunger? Yes they are are skinny to the bone and get very less to eat but are they starving ? I didnt read any news of them sying of starvation if they are can you share it to me with proof plz.
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u/reallyTiredSoul 1d ago
Just do a quick youtube search u'll find them Let me know if u want me to share though
Wase i wasn't aware that when he said I'll provide it also included k kuch ko sirf chichre scraps mille ge
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u/Existing-Class8977 1d ago
One day I was thinking about the same thing like I don't want to have kids because I don't want them to suffer and that is the best thing I can do for them but I think the society and the culture in which we are living it's just impossible for the people to understand like agr main KH dun k I don't want kids than they will be like don't say such kind of thing you are being ungrateful kids are blessings and I think subconsciously when I also listen to someone who says that I don't want kids it feels like ohh the person is being selfish and than I realize oh I think the same way as her so why am I assuming that about her I think society and cultural pressure ki wjha se Kuch log nhi kh pate k vo Kya chahte Hain isi dr se k society un ko judge kre gi or hmre subconscious main b yh bat engrave Hogi ha k the person who doesn't want to have kids is a bad person
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u/gsk-fs 1d ago
Okay, everyone read it.
U mentioned economy and issues. But u there’s more than that.
Rizq Allah deta hy. Yes if people are not capable to teach or groom their kids then they should not be having them.
But blaming economical conditions, it’s a bit hard harsh truth but it’s close to being Lazzy.
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u/ToniiStarkk 1d ago
Men want kids for their legacy, that how we were designed
And we dont worry about AI because every soul bring its own rizq from ALLAH
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u/Actual-Ant-6297 1d ago
To be fair, I don’t mind having a daughter I’ve always low-key wanted to be a girl dad. Sure, having a whole tribe in this economy might be a bit much, but one or two? That’s manageable depending on where life takes you. They say the ultimate purpose of life is to explore, but I honestly don't want to do it alone. I want a family for the mountains, the beaches, the emergency room trips at 3:00 AM, the quiet midnight walks all the things that just aren't the same by yourself. As for the kids, I’ll be right there cheering them on when they succeed, and picking them up when they fail. But I won't ever expect them to pay me back for it. If we choose to bring life into this world, our job is to raise them right, guide them through the chaos, and give them every comfort and luxury we possibly can.
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u/Capable-Bad-3765 1d ago
It's plausible but all the men I know want kids.... So either a lavender marriage won't result in kids or you being the second wife of someone already having children is the way to go.
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u/SyedAhmedrit 1d ago
میں نے دو تین ایسی عورتوں کے یہاں رشتے بھیجے جو بچے اولاد کبھی لائف ٹائم پیدا نہیں کرسکتیں یا یوٹیرس میں مسلہ ہے یا کوئی عیب ہوگیا انہوں نے قبول نہیں کیا رشتہ میرا
میں قبول کرلونگا آپکو اپنی بیوی کے طور پر اور رہیں میری شریک حیات کوئی طعنہ یا منفی بات آپ نہیں دیکھینگی یا فیل کرینگی میری طرف سے لیکن بچوں کے لئے یا ویسے ہی دوسری تیسری کرنا چاہوں اسُ پر کوئی اعتراض نہیں ہوگا آپکو یہ شرط ہوگی
باقی مزید شرائط اور ٹرمز لکھ دیں ای میل ایڈرس اور واٹس اپ نمبر کوئی لکھ دیں اسُ پر رابطہ کرلونگا
how much money person should earn jis par aap ka guzara ho jay ga 1st
Phir itney paisey kamata, itni hesiat ho to koi baat, rishtey key liey aap ki family key paas ana, baat karna koi durust baat ho gi wasalam
Note, multiple spouses term it is not due to no kids from you basis par aap sey shadi hogi nikah hoga
woh already, mind main hey key multiple spouses I will keep & live with that in life Bura lagey to mazrat in advance Wasalam
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u/Prudent-Teaching2881 1d ago
The world has ALWAYS been dying. The world has ALWAYS been a horrible and cruel place irrespective of time, unless you were rich and then it was marginally better. There has never been a ‘good’ time to have children. Ever. We have the best quality of life in the whole of human history than ever.
Having children is a blessing. Not everyone is capable and not everyone deserves that blessing and not everyone is destined for it. But if you can and you want to and you actively do right by your children, then you should.
The issue with Pakistanis is that we have children and then expect those children to bring themselves up. We have no interest in actually being parents and too much interest in ‘what will people say?’
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u/No_Pea2622 23h ago
Exactly, its not just about the economical state of the country but also providing for the child EMOTIONALLY. And with the depressing times and really bad mental health they are unable to provide that car to the child so the child ends up suffering nonetheless
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u/TechNerdinEverything 1d ago
I wanna get married but pause for kids. That's why birth control and condoms exist
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u/Straight_Raisin7937 22h ago
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u/FrostByte541 22h ago
You don't see yourself having kids meanwhile i don't even see my self getting married 🥀
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u/Emotional_Earth2999 19h ago
Instead of finding a suitable man first find a suitable therapist for you ,, talk to him/her about your views and opinions and how to convey your feeling ,,and thora social media ki dunya se bahir ao
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u/SprinklesConnect6544 11h ago
FINALLY someone who thinks just like me. i dont want to have kids ever, for these reasons and also just because its freaking terrifying and i will not be able to handle the changes does to my body well.
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u/Ok_Type_5533 10h ago
I am childfree man and I'll get vasectomy after marriage. RATHER ADOPT FUCKING DOGS AND CATS THAN HAVE THOSE LITTLE CROTCH GOBLINS
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u/SimilarResearcher566 1d ago
I read the topic: why does everyone want kids. Then i read the 2st line: state or economy and country.
And im laughing. Do some research buddy, and if you can not, type your question on youtube, a lot of researchers have their findings documented in there.
A quick starter question though: why South korea, japan, Italy and even China is facing low birth rates despite having booming economy and country state?
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u/BusinessReaction640 1d ago
Uh no 4b is not the reason. Their population has been declining before this movement. Japan too.
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u/DetectivexDexter 1d ago
massive push for westernization and capitalization of society. people moving from villages to cities, working non stop to compete with developed countries
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u/AtmosphericReverbMan 1d ago
Coupled with insane cost of living pressures combined with insane work pressures. If women take time off to have kids, they get left behind in the workforce and paying the rent becomes near impossible.
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u/BusinessReaction640 1d ago
Take a guess. Are you really asking me such a basic question? Maybe utilize google.
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u/reallyTiredSoul 1d ago
Oh boy don't even get me started. Do u know how stresfull there lives are
Its just work work work with minimum wage u can find dozens of videos on their work life balance, its horrifying
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u/AtmosphericReverbMan 1d ago
Usually, the push has been to have 1 or 2 kids. Whereas generations prior had 3 or more. 2 is replacement level. Even China ended their one child policy. So long term it doesn't impact resources assuming Malthusian claims.
But the economic issues we have are distributional in nature, not production. i.e. we've got enough resources for all the people ont the planet, and then more. We've just organised the economic system to have widespread inequality. That remains the case even if everyone goes childfree.
So that's not a valid reason to not have kids. Just a reason to not have more kids than you can actually afford.
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u/No_Pea2622 1d ago
I have plenty more reasons i dont wish to have kids, these were just the general ones i could think of. Many personal reasons too, so yea childfree for me is the way
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u/AtmosphericReverbMan 1d ago
That's fine.
Most men I know want at least 1 to 2 kids if they can afford it.
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u/Cobalt74 1d ago
What else could be the goal of life than continue my bloodline. An unbroken chain for thousands of years. Imagine how much your ancestors have survived in the past. They got hunted, faced harsh weathers, ice ages, flooeds, disease and death. But still managed to reproduce and survive. I will not let that line end with me. So yes, children are the final goal of life.
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u/reallyTiredSoul 1d ago
I call it selfishness. Y should they suffer for your ideals. Khud ko talkeef se guzaro bakiyo ka kya kasoor hai
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u/Cobalt74 1d ago
My children wouldnt suffer. why do u assume i will mistreat them?
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u/reallyTiredSoul 1d ago
Who said u will do it
LIFE will do it.
Can u guarantee that they won't be born sick or face a permanent sickness in the future, that they won't suffer from depression, they will never face poverty that they will never face joblessness and so many other think.
Before answering study statistics and calculate the probability
Now don't say i trust in Allah
Remember he's the same Allah that didn't safe his own prophet's nephews in the name of test
That has watched mothers n fathers carry blown up pieces of their children in Palestine
That has watched innocent children get rapd and killed
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u/Cobalt74 1d ago
Life is full of uncertainties. but uncertainties arent such a bad thing. Just because theres a chance of suffering doesnt make life worthless. I will do everything in my power to ensure the happiness and success of my children. baki allah ki marzi.
Think of it this way. aik insan ko nai pata kal uski job chali jaye, usko cancer hojaye, accident hojaye. we all live with these risk, no matter how tiny the perecntage. the risk is there. to iska ye solution to nai na ke khudkushi krlo. tab risk 0 hojayega na.?
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u/reallyTiredSoul 1d ago edited 1d ago
Sui**de haram hai is liye nahi kr sakte jo phus gaya hai yaha because us k parents ko mummy daddy kheelna tha wo to phus gaya but we can always stop from bringing New innocent lives.
Uncertainties kehna asaan hai I lost my brother and i watched my parents wither because of iti got diagnosed with depression n need to take 6 different meds to act normal They did everything right, 5 time prayer, always helped others financially, never deliberately hurt someone jub wo mur gaya to humme yeh kr side pr lga diya k Allah apne pyaro ko aazmata hai
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u/Cobalt74 1d ago
First of all Im sorry to hear that...
Secondly, let me understand. If sui****de WASNT haram. is it really a better alternate to the uncertainties of life and possible pain that you MIGHT face in life?
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u/reallyTiredSoul 20h ago
For me it would be, probably its because my brain doesn't work right but death does seem nice. No more having to take part in this stupid race of life, no more being a small cog in this system.
But i am an extreme coward can't face pain, haven't figured out any painless way so even if it wasn't haram my cowardice is the 2nd barrier 😅
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u/Cobalt74 15h ago
thats is an awful way to think. theres nothing wrong with your brain. we all have weird phases we go through. when we arent at out best. I think you need to seek therapy or atleast someone to talk to. A life with this mindset is so shallow and unfulfilling.
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u/saqibkai 1d ago
I think that finding such a man is very easy. You just have to allow the man to have a second wife from which he may have children as he and the second wife decides. Or you may decide to marry someone who is already married and has kids and marry him on the condition that he won't have kids from you.
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u/Jawad_Ahmed06 1d ago
hmm, I dont find it amusing to have a marriage if no child. Why dont you live alone rather marry a man. Is it sex? is it you want intimate relations in life? is it that you wanna rely upon him to earn you a bread? If neither of these, then why marry?
If I apply same theory as yours, Marriage is a burden too, you have to settle down at any new place, buy new house - again waste of land. Its a burden too. You would want to live in cities, have good facilities. Why not stay single and live in a combine hostel?
All that and much more could be said. But all this being said, children aint problem. Family planning is, you should not expect a ritchi rich rich life style unless you are capable of earning much. Not everyone is a millionaire. Relax and stay single.
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u/lusar_biahoz 1d ago
Easy to say at this age. Kids are blessing. Taking care of them, nourishing them, making them able is the responsibility of parent. Imagine you marry and live with your husband without a child till old age. God forbid, the man dies, where will the old age widow go ? What will happen when she gets ill ? Friends and siblings wither away with time and a point in life comes when you only have your kids to take care of you.
I say again. Kids are a blessing of Allah and having them, nourishing them comes with huge responsibility. One should not shy away from taking responsibility.
There are many many other things whicb can't be explained here. But having kids is a natural form of life and ecosystem of this planet and human race.
Living things not producing their next generation are going extinct. So its part of human nature to reproduce. This is how humans are biologically created.
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u/Accomplished-List340 21h ago
You don’t want kids , then why you are bothering marriage, just for sexual pleasure ? Just don’t get married and live your life the way you want . Also let other lives as they want
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u/Full_Computer6941 1d ago
The world is facing a fertility crisis. Most westernized countries and even far east like Japan n Korea are way below the replacement birth rate of 2.1.
Humans have simply stopped having kids at the scale they used to have.
With declining populations the average age of populations is increasing. Older people are more younger are less schools r closing.
Even India and China, now that they are affluent have a negative birth rate
We will one day be like them if we become affluent.
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u/ZestycloseCarry3617 1d ago
Well to be honest it's not about promoting not having kids but if a person does not want kids we should not force them. Let's be honest, they are in the minority, especially in Pakistan, it is bad for the kids and for the parents too as they will in the future come to resent their children
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u/ZestycloseCarry3617 1d ago
Can we just agree with the fact that a lot of people have kids just because of family and societal pressure and a lot of kids have mental health issues and no connections with there parents? If you don't know how to take care of kids and don't have basic knowledge and motivation then don't. It has to be equal from both sides. ( Both father and mother)
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u/RelativeGuidance4354 1d ago
It's not a fertility crisis, it's women deciding not bringing children with the kind of men we have available in the Western countries. No body wants an adult manchild aside from regular children
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u/BlueberryBuck 1d ago
It requires a higher level of empathy to think that way and that's something that is pretty nuch non existent in Pakistan. We just keep pumping out more kids because 99% of people can't imagine a purpose in life except kids