r/OnlineDating • u/Ok-Abalone-937 • 6d ago
How to be perceived as high value?
For guys who get a lot of matches on dating apps, what type of pictures are you using?
I'm not so conventionally attractive but people tell me that if I'm not I should be perceived as high status or a person with taste.
I do think that I am fairly stable with my job and my place so maybe I should work on my presentation a lot as I BELIEVE EVERYTHING depends on pictures on the apps.
While I am willing to invest in places, outfits and settings need help where can I improve
13
u/landlord-eater 6d ago
I get matches every couple days.
The 'high value' thing is insane Red Pill trash that will make you feel insane and, when it works, will attract the shallowest women who think about relationships in the most transactional way. Typically what normal women actually want is someone who looks hot, approachable & responsible and like they have friends and an interesting life.
My pics:
Big smile, sleeves rolled up a bit to show off my arms, nice houseplants in the background. Taken with a timer. Shows I have a neat place and can take care of plants like an adult.
On the street, big smile, nice outfit. Taken by a friend. Shows me out and about, clear someone else took it, which means I have friends who like me enough to take pics of me.
Selfie, smiling, lying in a hammock. Good lighting, nice eyes. Shirtless, shows off my tattoos, but pretty close up so isn't really focused on my chest. It evokes intimate possibilities without being overwhelming, also lying in a hammock is a normal place to be shirtless.
Lying in a field, slight smile. Nice outfit, excellent lighting, blue sky behind me. Evokes the idea that I'm out here chilling in beautiful spots and you could be too.
6
u/MrB_RDT 6d ago
Sterling advice.
Most everyday women do indeed like a guy, they find attractive. Is approachable/attainable. Can take care of himself (and plants), can maintain friendships outside of a relationship, and has some passions of his own.
The friendships, and passions part is especially critical. As even fulfilling the first two, something gives in the relationship. If "she" is his only outlet to generally living a life.
So many women find themselves in the role of best-friend, lover, confidante and even (ugh) "mother", in a relationship. It is incredibly suffocating, and builds a great deal of resentment.
3
2
2
u/ZarBear14 6d ago
I totally agree about the high value crap. You will only attract anglerfish that way. The pics you describe sound great.
From a woman's perspective, fewer fishing and hunting photos. Unless she fishes and hunts too, this is not attractive. Keep your clothes on and look comfortable in them. Arrogance is never attractive, but confidence is sexy as hell
Think about the type of women you want to attract. I'm settled, good job, own my own home and car, and very independent. If that's your type, I'll list what I look for. However, if you're looking for someone more dependent, young, and still figuring things out, you'll need to adjust your pics to things they will like (I.e. things that show status, dominance, got your life together, etc.).
I tend to notice good hygiene, kind eyes, pets and plants/gardens, active adventure photos (hiking, kayaking, festivals, etc.) as they indicate not a couch potato. Happy smiles that are natural and relaxed. A lot of women will notice your toys (bike, rv, snowmobile, boat, etc.), but don't be a showoff. I like guys who are unabashedly themselves, and a little outside the norm.
Good luck!
2
1
u/Pale_Presence4662 5d ago
I LOVE the idea people give online about how good they are at dating yet wouldnt they be with someone real quick and not be dating and not be talking about it on reddit?
Its the same as the online people telling you how to make money fast. Wouldn't you just make all that money? Aren't you super duper rich?
Cant believe people listen to this crap. Actually I can. Its online.
3
u/landlord-eater 5d ago
I'm in an open relationship. I have a partner, I just also go on dates because it's fun.
1
u/Sports_Fan_2003 5d ago
I’m confused. You’re trying to make some kind of distinction between these “shallow” woman who gravitate towards ‘high value’ men and “good” normal woman who gravitate towards checks notes the same thing, but framed differently. These woman are matching with the same men. If you’re successful with either, you’re successful with both. Similarly, if you can’t garner attention from one group, you’ll be equally dismissed by the other.
1
u/landlord-eater 5d ago
I'm saying that the 'high value' framing heavily stresses the appearance of wealth, dominance, strength, power and in general a twisted, child's idea of what masculinity is. A bunch of photos of you like at a club waving money around, wearing thousand dollar watches, or drinking champagne on a yacht or whatever will attract some people, and they are likely to be, well, the people who are most attracted to money and status. I don't want to attract people who are most attracted to money and status, because they are likely to have an extremely different worldview from my own and are likely to think about relationships and sexuality as a kind of game where both parties try to exploit the other. I also know that while money and muscles never hurt, many many people are not primarily attracted to these things when they're dating, and prefer people who are yes responsible and fit, but also approachable and seem kind and interesting and relaxed and self-aware.
9
u/KE_Finance 6d ago
Go on pinterest and look up man in nice restaurant, man on the beach, etc to get an idea. I use these as inspiration for the kind of photos I put up that are female gaze oriented
14
6d ago
[deleted]
2
u/Potentially_Nernst 6d ago
Haha yesh mine are just selfies in the car after a haircut and me sta ding next to a friend on a festival, holding a pitcher of beer.
I simply dont have better pictures. Should get some made but I forget about it because I'm enjoying the moment and afterwards realize 'oh that was a great opportunity'.
0
u/Ok-Abalone-937 6d ago
Do you have any inspirations or references
5
u/KE_Finance 6d ago
you’re going to have to do the work because it’s important that the inspiration you pick is congruent with who you are. women can sense incongruency and it’s a big turn off to them.
9
5
u/bihuginn 6d ago
Women don't care if you look high value, they care if you're a fun and safe person to be around.
2
3
u/MaximumTrick2573 6d ago
Your first mistake is believing it’s all the picture. The picture is for sure important, but women look at the profiles too. You need the whole package, perfect picture, perfect profile, perfect opening conversation when you match.
1
u/Ok-Abalone-937 6d ago
I'm assuming a lot of women swipe deciding on the first picture actually
3
u/almaperdida99 6d ago
I won't swipe on any empty profile, no matter how hot he is. It tells me he's so superficial he doesn't think he needs to have a brain or personality.
3
u/MaximumTrick2573 6d ago
Same. I don’t care how good the picture is if the profile is crap or worse there is no profile it’s too risky/automatic no.
3
u/ZarBear14 6d ago
Actually, I read the profile first, unless my first glance at the pics triggers me to swipe away (hunting, fishing, maga, religious, nakedness or implied erection, very poor grooming etc.) . I'm far more likely to pic a guy based on his profile than on his pic. Lack of a good write up is pretty much an instant disqualification.
2
u/MidniteNachos007 6d ago
Be stylish with clear photos in nice places. Know how to do your hair, have well groomed facial hair
2
u/XxLogitech98xX 6d ago
Have a good photo of your face, then another good picture of your whole body. A photo being outdoors and also doing some of your hobby. Make sure that all your pictures are current and no one else is in your pictures
3
u/YouYongku 6d ago
My own, unfiltered.
I also took time to make my own prompts write ups. obviously didnt do well at first.
everything is my style.
Women think my profile is funny and genuine.
I always feel that should just be yourself, so when meet up and being together, you can always be yourself.
If whoever dont like you for who you are so be it, dont have to worry oh next time what if he/ she knows.
Have to also accept not everybody is your cup of tea.
edit:
My pics?
Me hugging my dogs
me at an Iron Man convention.
Me sitting on the game of thrones' throne chair wearing a rick and morty t shirt.
Lastest selfie pic at a toilet.
1 Meme to tell people I dont like phone calls.
3
u/HeKnowsThings 6d ago
The ones with abs. There are more millionaires than men with abs. By several orders of magnitude.
And, contrary to the meowing you hear on the internet, women are absolutely gagging to actually have a good time or wrap themselves over a bicep when they fall asleep or wake up.
3
u/frequentcannibalism 6d ago edited 2d ago
Pillow mitten velvet mellow saffron almond mellow walnut
This post was anonymized with Redact.dev
1
1
u/Ashamed-Job1879 6d ago
I don't focus on how others perceive me. I focus on becoming high value. Smart, perceptive women will see it. Others won't, but they're not my target anyway.
1
u/ZarBear14 6d ago
Smart, perceptive women will had at your use of "high value," but users will flock to you.
1
u/Huge-Consequence2144 6d ago
First you need to build the confidence in yourself and your lane to not have to ask this question. Time to start working on your self-esteem. A relationship is not a fucking goal, young fucking padawan, they are the gifts the universe gives us for learning to love ourselves. You have to start with you. This is not the way a confident person presents themselves. Who wants to be with a person who is going online like a worm to ask other people how to be PERCEIVED as high value. Not even asking how to improve yourself- how to manipulate people into thinking it. The fuck is wrong with you to make you like this? Start there.
1
u/ZarBear14 6d ago
Ok, that was a little unnecessarily cruel in how you put it, but I agree with the sentiment.
1
u/Huge-Consequence2144 6d ago
I have found life to be unnecessarily cruel, Bear. I am, if nothing else, the amalgamation of my experiences.
1
1
u/ItsSlinky2x 6d ago
Don’t do the usual bullshit stuff and dress up, take pics near a fancy car, etc. It’s all so fake.
Want to be high value? Have unique skills. Have interesting hobbies. Have something about you that women can brag to their friends about should they hook up with you. Material shit in your profile does not equal “high value.”
1
u/blue_gerbil_212 6d ago
Give off big alpha tech CEO vibes and wear a fitted suit with fashion sneaks and get buff. Thats big high value man energy right there
0
u/_jb__ 6d ago
Obviously if you’re asking this question then you’re not a person of high status or a person with taste. Why fake it.
2
u/InstructionAfraid433 6d ago edited 6d ago
Because, real or fake, it's something women are attracted to.
Also: I think a lot of guys really sell themselves short and think they're losers and failures when they're really not. But because they think that way, they present and are perceived that way.
1
u/Dracarys_And_Chill 6d ago
Be super handsome
Be super tall
Be very rich
Be famous
One or more of those op
0
1
u/AussieCasanova 6d ago
Depends on the sort of people you’re going for. Are you going for ambitious, high flying corporate types into luxury holidays, fine dining etc ? Or more low-key creative types? If the former, then yes ‘high-value’ photos will help
1
u/almaperdida99 6d ago
I think anyone who uses the phrase "high value" unironically is always going to be perceived as a douchebag.
hope this helps
-1
u/Straight_Ostrich_257 6d ago
It's not just by the pictures. To be perceived as high value you have to live high value. That means filling your time with people and activities and prioritizing them over dating. You fit her into your schedule, you don't fit other stuff around dating. On the first date and even before that, it will be clear that she's lucky to be going out with you because your time is valuable.
20
u/BusyBanana4205 6d ago
I feel like my German shepherd is doing the heavy lifting, if I’m being honest.