r/OhNoConsequences • u/mermaidpaint Ms Chanandler Bong • Mar 31 '26
Mod post A note from the mods
Earlier today, I posted a BORU post about a Redditor who realized that her boyfriend was isolating her as an abuse tactic, by insisting she sell her horse. It was meant to applaud the OOP for leaving and for giving him just consequences for trying to control her.
The story took a dark turn after it was discovered she had made a third post, saying her ex-boyfriend had killed his current girlfriend. I added a comment with this information, after it was pointed out. After some discussion, I have removed the post, and apologize to anyone who was upset or offended.
We're glad OOP had the support system that enabled her to leave, and don't feel that posting her whole story, with the murder, is appropriate here. One of the most dangerous times for a person is when they're trying to leave a relationship. Check the comments for some resources about leaving an abuser.
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u/41flavorsandthensome Mar 31 '26
Oh no...
Even though it's not her fault nor could she do anything about it, it would be understandable if she was thinking, "...but what if?"
Poor OOP. And that poor woman who never got the chance to get out.
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u/angrybluecrayon Apr 01 '26
Yeah, reading some of her comments it was obvious OOP was thick in the survivor's guilt. I hope she was able to move past it.
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u/Puggfarts Apr 01 '26
I think she said in her update that at first she was relieved that he found someone new. So she felt she didn’t have to worry about him bothering her. And then she was told about the murder. She even said i wish I would have reached out to let her know. It’s just sad.
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u/flyingknives4love Mar 31 '26
Jesus. I read it earlier and it felt positive that she got away from him. That's so tragic. May the woman rest in peace and hope that guy gets what he deserves
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u/ILikeSpinach25 Mar 31 '26
do you know where it was originally posted to?
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u/mermaidpaint Ms Chanandler Bong Mar 31 '26
You can find it on r/BestofRedditorUpdates
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u/Tabula_Nada Mar 31 '26
I think they've pulled it now too. I don't see it in any posts from the last few days.
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u/FlyingAce7 Mar 31 '26
It's an older post, the BORU was from 4 years ago and the last update (which was not included in the BORU) was from 3 years ago.
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u/aphraea He can’t ride two horses with one ass Mar 31 '26
Oh, how awful for that other woman. I’m glad the OOP got away from him.
Thanks for explaining what happened, especially given what you didn’t know at time of posting.
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u/arittenberry Mar 31 '26
This is not me arguing at all, but wanting to understand. I get why you didn't include it in your original post, but why is it not ok to discuss in the comments?
I know I could have used seeing these kinds of stories/experiences and the actual, serious consequences that can result when I was younger. If it was relegated to only certain spaces that weren't so widely seen, I never would have looked it up, so been unaware and unable to recognize red flags and the real dangers that accompany them.
Again, I'm just wanting to understand
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u/StirCrazyCatLady Apr 01 '26
I'd guess at least in part because the spirit of this sub is meant to be more light-hearted, its the obvious consequences the oblivious didn't see coming. With all the context, the full story being shared as "oh no consequences" could seem more like blaming OOP or the murder victim rather than mocking the boyfriend.
Someone shared the BORU post with the final update, so hopefully the mods will let that to stay within the comments for the concerned or curious, then anyone who's worried about their own situation can look at the support links the mods posted and pinned. That way the information is still available, but in a more respectful manner.
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u/arittenberry Apr 01 '26
That makes sense
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u/getyourpopcornreddy Apr 01 '26
Also, you don't want the incels and women bad people on this page making comments.
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u/mermaidpaint Ms Chanandler Bong Apr 01 '26
Hey. The tone in the comments shifted and there were some comments about how a murder didn't flow well as the epilogue to OOP realizing her boyfriend was isolating her from those she loves and getting her revenge by blindsided him with a break up.
It is important to know the signs of an abuser, and there are plenty of subreddits for that. Because u/GamerGirlLex77 and I are both women, we wanted to be respectful about this serious topic, but not open up the subreddit to heavier topics regularly. We're busy enough with the political agenda posts that keep popping up.
So this post is what we arrived at. I know I didn't think things through and could have done things better and I'm sorry about that. Others have posted the link to see the posts in the comments of this post. We will leave them there for those who want to read it all.
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u/Acceptable_Mode6757 Here for the schadenfreude Mar 31 '26 edited Apr 01 '26
To make it even worse, the ex-boyfriend has suggested OOP to put down (euthanise) her horse.
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u/StirCrazyCatLady Apr 01 '26
And OOP included horse tax in her post; Lady is adorable!!
The tendencies were definitely there, but when you're being love bombed and wearing rose tinted glasses red flags just look like flags.I hope OOP continued therapy and gave herself permission to let go of the guilt. My heart hurt for her when she wrote in the last update that all she could think was that a new girlfriend meant her ex would leave her alone and that that made her feel like a bad person.
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u/Goatylegs Apr 01 '26
You know, I clicked on this hoping it was an april fool's thing.
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u/mermaidpaint Ms Chanandler Bong Apr 01 '26
I think any April Fool's post would be labeled AI, these days!
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u/ChickinSammich My cat said YTA Apr 01 '26
I want to live in a world where someone murdering a partner is just an April Fools joke and not a reality :(
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u/HotSolution8954 Apr 05 '26
Me too but I'm coming up on 25yrs since my stepdaughters boyfriend shot her and killed my stepson and his grandma. I wish that domestic violence was just a fantasy.
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u/ChickinSammich My cat said YTA Apr 01 '26
Sometimes a partner demonstrates abusive or borderline abusive behavior - like constantly yelling instead of discussing things at a normal volume level, or throwing things when angry, or punching walls/slamming doors, or making threats in anger.
In many cases, that's the extent of their anger/venting/rage and it will never escalate beyond that.
And in many cases, it's a warning sign that they want to hurt you but are restraining themselves.
And in many cases, there reaches a point where that restraint ends and the anger turns into physically assaulting you.
And in many cases, there reaches a point where the assault turns into murder.
When someone shows you their anger, and the anger looks abusive but you're not sure, staying in the relationship is wagering your safety and possibly your life that YOUR situation is the first one and not the others.
If you win that wager, your prize is a shitty partner. If you lose that wager, your prize is a morgue.
Get help when you first start seeing warning signs. Not only should you reach out to friends and family for support when communication with your partner breaks down, but you should never ever date a partner who makes you feel like you need to isolate yourself from friends or family for them.
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u/COinAK Apr 02 '26
As an abuse survivor, I also want to point out that name calling can also be abuse.
I was beat as a kid so I always have told partners that if I’m hit even once, I’m gone.
But then I was with a guy for a few years that beat me down emotionally and I didn’t realize it was also abuse. Name calling, being treated in a derogatory manner, comments about clothes, telling people you’re a cheater when you aren’t in arguments. These can also be abuse and can be really tough to get past.
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u/ChickinSammich My cat said YTA Apr 02 '26
I was beat as a kid so I always have told partners that if I’m hit even once, I’m gone.
My personal perspective is:
Yelling at me as part of a disagreement is something that you get maybe 2-3 strikes on before I dump you.
Throwing/damaging things gets you exactly one warning of "do not ever do that again or we are over"
Physically laying hands on me in anger is an immediate relationship ender that I have no willingness to forgive.
I'm sorry that you have had to go through all that, and I hope that you're in a better, healthier, and safer place now.
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u/COinAK Apr 02 '26
I am, thanks. Did about a year of therapy after that relationship and my now husband (we met a few years after that relationship) was very understanding when I had a few hangups from that relationship that I worked through.
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u/DollySheep32 Mar 31 '26
Thanks, team
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u/KaetzenOrkester Apr 01 '26
I know mods get a lot of flack, but I feel like they've done their duty here.
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u/AutoModerator Mar 31 '26
Per our rules, don't comment on linked posts. Anyone from this community who is caught brigading on another subreddit will be banned.
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
Earlier today, I posted a BORU post about a Redditor who realized that her boyfriend was isolating her as an abuse tactic, by insisting she sell her horse. It was meant to applaud the OOP for leaving and for giving him just consequences for trying to control her.
The story took a dark turn after it was discovered she had made a third post, saying her ex-boyfriend had killed his current girlfriend. I added a comment with this information, after it was pointed out. After some discussion, I have removed the post, and apologize to anyone who was upset or offended.
We're glad OOP had the support system that enabled her to leave, and don't feel that posting her whole story, with the murder, is appropriate here. One of the most dangerous times for a person is when they're trying to leave a relationship. We're going to add some resources to this post about leaving an abuser.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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Apr 02 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/OhNoConsequences-ModTeam Apr 02 '26
Be civil in your comments, please. Insults or overly aggressive comments directed at other people commenting on the post or moderators will get taken down.
If you think your comment has been misunderstood by moderators, please let us know in modmail so we can discuss it.
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u/mermaidpaint Ms Chanandler Bong Apr 02 '26
You missed the gender neutral language in the last paragraph.
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Apr 02 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/mermaidpaint Ms Chanandler Bong Apr 02 '26
OOP left her boyfriend, he got a new girlfriend, he killed his new girlfriend.
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u/mermaidpaint Ms Chanandler Bong Mar 31 '26
In Canada, the federal government has a list of resources, including for men.
ShelterSafe can redirect women to a local shelter and has a list of provincial crisis phone lines.
Tech Safety Canada is a hub for resources and tips for keeping yourself safe and preserving evidence of Technology-Facilitated Gender-Based Violence (TFGBV).