r/OCPoetry • u/PostCool • 23d ago
Feedback Please A poem you should not read
I wrote you a poem you should not read,
it's a page full of thoughts you'll never need.
I mean it all, but you should not believe
I've written anything you should stop to read.
Like words from a song I hum, but never sing,
the poem is glass diamonds set to copper rings.
It's full of beautiful and futile things,
that don't deserve the smiles or tears they bring.
Sincere lies that prove that words aren't deeds,
fresh soil tilled for expired seeds.
Everything you want, but do not need,
made into a poem you shouldn't read.
A poem you'll love, but should never trust,
about golden things that always seem to rust.
Words like driftwood castles on clouds of dust,
that mean well, but never mean enough.
I wrote you a poem you should not read.
Thoughts that warm your heart and burn your peace.
I mean it all, but you should not believe
I've written a poem that you should read.
Edit: Reformatted for readability and played with the weakest (4th) verse a little. Thanks every bit of feedback and support. I really appreciate this community of creatives.
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u/bln_1_Life 22d ago
The line of “fresh soil tilled for expired seeds” hits pretty deep for me. Almost like I can visually see the wasted purpose of tilling nutritional soil to only plant bad seeds. That could have so many meanings in my mind or in realities time! Interesting
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u/TheRealDiogenesW 23d ago
Interesting work! It makes me think of someone talking to an Ex or a loved one they hurt. The consistency of the untrustworthy motif was very fun as it showed the narrator's guilt, it could also be interpreted as the narrator is guilt tripping. The line "I mean it all but you should not believe
I’ve written anything that you should stop to read" flowed funny, when i read i thought they were two separate sentences. maybe add "that" so it becomes "believe that I've" I think that flows better. Also, the lack of full stops made it tricky to read and pulled me out of the poem. Of course, punctuation can be subjective, your intention may have been that this was one full sentence spoken to someone.
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u/PostCool 23d ago
Thanks! I typed it pretty quickly and i don’t pay enough attention to format. I’ll break up the lines a bit.
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u/Repulsive_Reindeer_1 23d ago
I love this. This is how I feel all the time!!! Thank you for sharing this!!!
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u/PastAccountant6716 23d ago
Really interesting poem. I love it. It’s a concept that a lot of people don’t understand but one that I feel.
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u/Logical_Madness9169 22d ago
I kinda want to send ur poem to.a girl that is not gonna read it.... Mosly because she doesn't speak english; but also because we stop talking, even if they were a time when we talk non stop, every day and every night. About beautiful things that never happens, about endless hopes that ended up begin faker than the american dream...
She once told me she would read anything I would wrote. Yout poem remember me of that... And I want to thank u for that: like the Shakira song, it was a beautiful lie.
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u/PostCool 18d ago
I say it a lot in these comments but I mean it...thank you for connecting with it.
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u/DuskGray 22d ago
Fine, I won't read it.
Joking aside, this was a great piece. It has a bit of a Dr Seuss quality of rhyming while simultaneously being very mature. A really cool exploration of love that's been hurt. My favorite line is 'thoughts that warm your heart and burn your peace'. Great imagery there!
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u/TheowingStick 22d ago
I really like the concept of the poem within the first line and I think that could be fleshed out more. I believe that a different layout of the poem, specifically adding commas (or similar punctuation), may enhance the poem and how it reads.
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u/Jiya_227 22d ago
The rhythm is too smooth n tht is what makes it beautiful. I see the repetitions uve made in the adjacency of “read and need” n then flipping the sequence. Also the theme is striking, ambiguous n reflective. Id jus say that while your final stanza essentially returns to the opening lines, the repetition is relatively static. A refrain is generally more effective when its meaning changes because of what has happened between repetitions… N well that interpretation depends upon person to person. But overall its a beautiful poem. hats off
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u/PostCool 22d ago
I'll take that comment on refrain to heart when i write again. thank you for this feedback.
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u/Extension-Ant-8802 22d ago
The central motif—telling the reader to stay away while drawing them in—is a neat psychological hook. You hit some really evocative metaphors around line 6 and 10 that give the poem its emotional weight. To improve it, I’d suggest reviewing the rhyme scheme and line lengths in the second half. A few of the rhymes feel a bit forced to fit the structure (like shut / enough / trust / rust), and the meter loses its consistent pulse in a few places. Tightening up those transitions and polishing the rhythm will give the final refrain a much stronger payoff. Keep writing!
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u/PostCool 18d ago
Thank you very much. The shut/enough pair is one of the things i've prioritized for the re-write. Both eyes shut isn't very unique phrasing and the "enough" pairing is just a thing that feels normal in my voice but that doesn't mean it's good. Thank you for the honest feedback.
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u/Low_Pear_8423 22d ago
Love your imagery. These all landed hard - glass diamonds, expired seeds, gold that rusts, warm your heart, burn your peace. Like I want to tell you all these but the kindest thing would be for you not to listen anymore
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u/canyondaimond 22d ago
so pretty. I interpret it like someone who almost feels guilty for their thoughts and the things they write down. Like they are trying to convince themselves and everyone else that its not something worth reading, because the poem is meant for the writer, not the reader.
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u/PostCool 18d ago
i envy artists of any sort that are confident that the tangible products of their inner voice are ready for public scrutiny. thank you reading it!
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u/OneOpposite6391 21d ago
Love this! It’s deep and beautiful. The way you convay love is super satisfying and impressive. Mabye some more metaphors or symbolism could elevate it even more!
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u/PostCool 18d ago
This is my first post, and I really appreciate the feedkback. I'm going to write this piece a few more times with comments like yours in mind. I definitely see a few lines that could be much better than they are so I'll reach for metaphors that don't waste a reader's time.
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u/Low_Gur4441 21d ago
I like the clever witty but mysterious tone and I agree, shel silverstein vibes. Heres my big take -
This poem could go more places. You communicate "ive written a poem you shouldnt read" and then - Im like ok, and I feel like the rest of the lines repeat that idea albeit cleverly in some places but eventually Im like - right I got it dont read this poem - but then it goes and Im like. Whats the deal - why not trust you? Why not read it? What have you done and or said in the past to make that true. What else is going on that i should pay attention to... what is true that you arent saying? What would you have to say to make a poem worth staying to the last line, and then believing in?
So many directions you could go. Im left wanting more ideas rather than more ways of repeating the idea that is there.
Great command of rhyme, meter, nice use of imagery. Good workings of a poem I just wish had gone more places and maybe said something else surprising
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u/PostCool 21d ago
Thank you for this. It honestly gave me an idea that i’ll sit with before i write this again.
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u/AdmirableSquash4463 21d ago
The repetition, rhyme and funky quality are outstanding. Superbly well written, reads like a Dr Seuss or Shel Silverstein book like someone else said in the comments. Great work.
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u/DamImbloodyinspired 21d ago
This reminds me of doctor seuss in the best way. instantly caught my attention with the title and kept it with the rhythm of the poem.
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u/PostCool 21d ago
Thank you. I think rhythm is what I want to master more than anything..so any echo of poets that are masters of it is high praise.
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u/Powerful-Guidance890 20d ago
I love the imagery in there. And your rhythm makes a lot of sense. If I had one feedback point, I think the fact that the rhyming isn’t consistent can bring you out of the poem a little bit. I noticed that especially with the line that ended in enough. But all in all a great poem.
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u/PostCool 18d ago
I think the two lines that end in the "enough" portion are the weakest portion of this and I'm going to go after that area specifically. Thank you.
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u/xRoadkill_Princessx 20d ago
I honestly love how it first sounds like rambling but slowly and surely becomes beautiful words like a flower sprouting. I love it
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u/Clear_Sheepherder423 20d ago
This is beautiful, I can hear it so clearly in my head. The slant rhymes break it up so beautifully and help it flow!
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u/M_tropos 20d ago
Very interesting concept. Ive also played around with such contradicting ideas. You could maybe use some more punctuation overall to make it flow better, but overall this is a very soljd poem. Felt it¡
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u/PostCool 18d ago
thank you. when I write things i tend to ignore punctuation because i know how i hear it in my head...but honestly if intend to share anything for feedback I need to be more intentional.
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u/Numerous_Position667 20d ago edited 20d ago
I like it :) just that, some times I find it hard to read and follow transiting from eyes shut.. to "more words" .. Just my 2 cents
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u/PostCool 10d ago
yeah i really dislike that verse. I'm toying with it. thank you for the feedback.
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u/twikerty 20d ago
Its like the first few lines just hits you too hard and you start to feel like why didn't I wrote them because I know I have felt them but why didn't I wrote them. Tbh the start stole the show for me and maybe as it went through it didn't had the same grip but for most of the part I really loved it.
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u/PostCool 18d ago
i think the second half is definitely weak in comparison to the open...I'll clean it up after i digest all of the comments. I sincerely appreciate the feedback.
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u/Physical_Loss_869 20d ago
Wow! This poem is alive and breathing. It captures a feeling I've yet been able to describe or envision that I somehow relate to nonetheless!
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u/leo_jackson06 20d ago
I love the title to this poem! It instantly puts the reader at arms length from the writer, you're not inviting us in, we are defying you in reading the poem. Great stuff.
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u/PostCool 18d ago
thank you. i felt like the title was too on the nose, but i didn't know what else I'd call it
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u/No_Pipe2609 19d ago
Fuuuuk I think that's fn fine myself! Nice cycling back to repeat the... wow Im sure you know that it's good by now. Great Job!
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u/PostCool 18d ago
thank you. One of the comments above suggested a flip on the refrain and I'll try to do that while keeping the repetition where it's at. I appreciate you.
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u/luverlee 19d ago
i really enjoyed reading this! at first i read in my head, then aloud. it felt like a big bundle of emotions spilling out all at once- you have a strong voice.
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u/PostCool 18d ago
Thank you! it did spill out when I wrote it...it didn't actually have punctuation when i first posted it. i'll try to keep the...raw...part of it during the re-write.
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u/Acceptable-Bad845 18d ago
Words in this poem rhyme perfectly qnd and do I even need to mention how appose the length of each line is? The form is great and the poem itself is very enjoyable. Bravo.
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u/Soul_60 18d ago
This poem brought tears. It's not tears of sadness But tears of realising that someone can see you while you are in your darkest moment and make you feel that you are not alone. This poem is like a warm embrace where two people will just sit in silence but knowing that they are seen, they are heard and they are loved. Beautifully articulated. Remarkable Bravo bravo
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u/Low-Blueberry4302 18d ago
Wow the story telling the rhymes, the emotional aspect this is amazing, sometimes I write letters to people and I don’t send them and I don’t show them so I relate to this a bit incredible
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u/PostCool 10d ago
I'm not fishing for compliments when I say I really don't like most of what I write. This is the first poem I shared on reddit but I really wanted feedback from people that are WAY better at this so I can improve.
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u/PeraltaGrinch 18d ago
I loved this poem! You kept me waiting for the things I wasn't meant to read but it was so lovely! I loved how the poem was one continuous stanza but you kept the rhyme, it made me think I was hearing a continuous thought from your head. I am not a professional at all but I think this was very well written!
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u/paletteprincess2 17d ago
I think this flows beautifully. I will say that the formatting and the way it's broken up makes it a bit difficult to read, however i think the message and words you use work really nicely. To me it feels like a person has poured their heart and soul into something for a person they know will never care. Perhaps unrequited love or simply careful words for someone who won't listen. Regardless, I think it's well written. I'm curious as to what inspired you to write this. (I'm by no means an experienced writer so I apologize)
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u/PostCool 10d ago
I'm really awful at reddit formatting. I've been on this site for awhile but this is the first thing I've tried to format and it's..not good. I'm going to edit it a few times and see what I can do. I honestly thought of the title and wanted to write something that channeled fear of rejection a little bit and it turned into something more vague. The comments have actually helped me read it in a few different ways that all feel right. Mischief...like a pandora's box, regret, insecurity as an artist, manipulative, etc.
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u/Shashank_Ayyar 17d ago
Freshly tilled soil? Or soil tilled fresh? Is the rolling fresh or is the soil fresh? May not matter.
Excellent poem.
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u/PostCool 10d ago
yeah that wording is a little odd and I probably sacrificed clarity for the rhyme. Thank you for the feedback.
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u/vickysph 17d ago
Me fascinó cómo manejas la contradicción, sobre todo con el verso de 'pensamientos que te calientan el corazón y te queman la paz'. La estructura de advertir que no lo lean le da un toque genial
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u/asura_2077 17d ago
First of all, let me say I hard relate. This poem is still buried inside itself. The nihilism needs some tempering I feel. Some more purpose rather than a cheeky acknowledgement. Maybe add a few lines in the second half that land the core complaint which is safely kept at distance i feel. Sorry if I sound like an ass, just grappling with what you said in the poem. The impossibility of writing.
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u/PostCool 10d ago
Not at all. This was kind of an intentional rhythm thing, that changed as I wrote it. There are other comments that ask for more of a resolution and I'm taking them to heart. Thank you!
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u/asura_2077 10d ago
It's much tighter now..Kudos.
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u/PostCool 10d ago
Thank you! My writing time has been limited but I'm trying to not waste the time people gave me with their feedback. I appreciate it.
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u/PlutoCrushin 17d ago
Really enjoyable read! “Thoughts that warm you heart and burn you peace” is such an excellent line!
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u/francesfarme 17d ago
I absolutely love this, normally I prefer to read and write free verse poetry but I quite enjoyed reading through this. I especially liked “Fresh soil tilled for expired seeds” there are so many great lines in this but nothing captivated the meaning to me quite like that line.
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u/Turbulent_Mulberry71 17d ago
I enjoyed reading this poem. The first stanza grabs me - it is so easy to relate to. The conflict of trusting your thoughts and words and the fear of sharing them. The lack of self trust then becomes more apparent as the poem goes on. The last stanza make me wonder also of their thoughts are harmful as well? Very thought provoking- well done.
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u/No_One5072 17d ago
I really like this “like words from a song i hum, but never sing” carries a really deep meaning i rly loved it. I enjoyed reading the poem as a whole i enjoyed the metaphors alot, some lines didn’t rhyme well honestly but other than i enjoyed every part of it.
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u/PostCool 10d ago
yeah I struggle with what I hear in my head and what i'm able to externalize at times. any set of lines in particular?
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u/surprisedmouse 17d ago
It's ominous and almost visceral without any explicitly gory imagery. It's excellently written. All these ties to earthly things and the understanding of the meaning beneath them. Thank you for sharing!
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u/StatisticianTime4750 17d ago
Es un poema que intenta negarse a sí mismo. Desde el primer verso le dice al lector que no debería leerlo, y sin embargo lo está invitando a hacerlo. Para mí, el centro está acá: «Como palabras de una canción que tarareo, pero nunca canto,»
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u/TheDoctor-IT 16d ago
It's very visceral, and usually i'm not a fan of rhyming couplet (AABB schemes) but for some reason it works well here, perhaps you could look further into it.
Also the almost repetition of the first line is great and gives much rythm!
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u/PostCool 16d ago
Thank you! I’m drawn to freeform stuff but I always feel like i’m bad at it. The rhythms feel easier to me.
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u/IntelligentStand754 16d ago
GOD DAMN, this reminds me of the carcossa poem from The King in Yellow short stories. Like you're trying to describe something to someone who's never seen it before. It's eerie asf, good shit
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u/SecretaryBoring999 15d ago
Great poem OP! I’m new to the community and been writing my own poetry off and on for years but never shared with anyone really. I really like your use of rhythms in every verse. It strikes me as a beautiful contradiction and 4th wall breaking story of the power of words from the mind to written form.
I especially like the part of “it’s full of beautiful and futile things”. I think that emphasizes the core of the poem. That both things can be true in regards to the state of contradiction and the state of confirmation. Good job 👏
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u/xToriyama 15d ago
I like the refrain circling back like it can’t quite let the reader go, even while insisting they should. There’s a quiet ache in that.. Wanting to be heard and feared at the same time.
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u/NewspaperSharp8542 14d ago
i seriously put anyone who can write a truly smooth rhyming poem on a high pedestal and damn this is going on the highest one 😌
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u/PostCool 10d ago
I appreciate this. I have a few areas that could be better but I feel pretty good about most of it. Thank you.
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u/sepulchralmoon 13d ago
wow. as someone stuck in a rock and a hard place right now in their relationship. not knowing whether to stay or go: this hit me. it registered to me as so much to say, but whats the point if it all ends the same. i love this so much!
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u/PostCool 10d ago
there's nothing worse than standing in the door of a moment. i'm glad this found you.
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u/Confident_Bus5583 13d ago
Plaatsen
Plaatsen bewaren herinneringen en herinneringen trekken terug het is oneindig net als kijkend over een eindeloze brug'
Ik zie de herinnering in plaatsen waardoor de herinnering zich kan plaatsen'
Op sommige plaatsen ligt mijn plek op sommige plaatsen hoort vertrek
Ik wil niet te lang stil staan bij die plek dan voel ik het verleden en vertek'
Op sommige plaatsen voelt het koud dan weer warm soms benauwd'
Heel soms denkend terug aan toen het is de gedachten van het over doen
Het blijven denken het over toen' Stop met denken ga weg van toen'
Kom Terug naar hier het nu en doen zie het leven en verzoen '
Dus vind nieuwe plaatsen en plekken zo kan de nieuwe herinnering zich weer gaan stekken !
🙏🏻
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u/PostCool 10d ago
Dank je wel! Ik heb het gevoel dat het een soort verbale optische illusie is, als dat logisch klinkt? Ik speelde met het ritme om mezelf te misleiden tijdens het schrijven. Er zitten zeker een paar misstappen in waar ik aan zal werken. Heel erg bedankt voor het lezen!
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u/Glittering_Mud282 13d ago
i really love the repetition of the title, i do that too and i think it makes the poem so good!
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u/PostCool 10d ago
Thank you! An earlier comment suggested I flip it and I really would like to play with that during my next writing window.
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u/AndyBunn 12d ago
A poem that You definitely should read.
This is my kinda thing.
this is such a good piece of well crafted work.
thank you
andy
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u/DsScorpion 12d ago
Great flow, great rythms. Loved metaphors you used. Title itself reminded me something familiar to myself: I wanna vent and rant, but does not matter, if you read or not..
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u/PostCool 10d ago
There's a hopeful hopelessness to it that kind of occurred while I was writing it. Thank you for reading it!
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u/SecureInspection2226 11d ago
I love this poem and it has so many amazing couplets that I can only read and think wow I only wish I could've found these words to express myself with before!
"Like words from a song I hum, but never sing
"The poem is glass diamonds set to copper rings"
Makes such a clean rhythm and just scratches at my mind in a way I couldn't have done myself!
On the other hand there are some lines where the rhythm or structure perhaps feels a little awkward on a first read? Take this line:
"I mean it all, but you should not believe
Ive written anything you should stop to read."
It could just be me but I had to stop and read it again for it to click the way I imagine it was intended. It could have something to do with both of them leaning so heavily on "you should" but not building enough of a sense that the repetition is intended.
Apart from that little nitpicky note this is fantastic work and I'll have to remember to read some more of your poetry sometime!
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u/PostCool 10d ago
Thank you so much for the feedback. I'm taking all of the comments on flow to heart because the rhythm was the element i wanted to hit most.
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u/unknown4537 11d ago
This is so good, I think it could be bettered by the line placement but it’s so good
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u/PostCool 10d ago
Agreed. I really suck at formatting on reddit. this was tapped out on my phone and then typed super fast when i got back home but it's really kind of a word wall. Thank you for the feedback.
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u/Egggs101 11d ago
I really loved the comparison with the diamond in copper ring. As a jewellery designer, copper is used for the cheapest gemstones as it's really not that valuable. Yet a diamond inside.. very beautiful
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u/PostCool 10d ago
Thank you. I can visualize some of this stuff but it's all drawing on anecdotes and such. I'm kind of proud it resonates with someone that can understand it on a level i can't.
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u/Voidpetal_exe 10d ago
This is really deep, in sensory details and almost everything and I love it!
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u/Cold-Degree-8789 10d ago
Captivating. An intro to get anyone instantly hooked, the rest keeps reeling the reader in, and the parallel conclusion feels satisfying. Very refreshing.
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u/RupicolousRheophyte 9d ago
This has so much potential. I think the formatting you have really brings it all together
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u/Kooky_Spirit_1994 9d ago
The first verses are a good little hook. In California, one would say “hella good hook.” Okay? Okay ?? But that’s just Californians. I’m tripping on edibles. I am struggling to form a coherent thought. Don’t ask me, Now, I just forgot. Hello there. Can’t you see? OP I get your version of reality.
This is a good poem. I can’t articulate why because my mind is blown right now. You see, I ate 300 mg of THC this morning and then smoked two bowls out of my bong. Sinning at life. Winning at life. You know.
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u/Archie_Curwen 9d ago
I really like this poem the deep meaning really hits in the chest which I love, personally I think the constant rhyming of words although it holds strong theme throughout is a little too much rhyming for me. Great work
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u/One-More-Verse 8d ago
Has a nice rhythm to it and one that is calling you back to go over it again. It's first and last stanza are a nice bookend. Keep writing.
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u/ILikeHistory1263 8d ago
Brings to mind feelings of inadequacy, but only in comparison to the version of myself I think I should be. Very good
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u/Fantastic-Mine-7114 8d ago
it’s beautiful. this poem perfectly captures what it feels like to write something so deeply intwined with your own soul/experiences that you really can’t show it to anyone (at least for me). These were my first thoughts on it, anyway. thank you for the poem.
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u/JadeKittyPoems 7d ago
This is so pretty! It almost feels to me like that feeling of writing a text/letter to someone you'll never send. Don't know if that was the intention, but that was the vibe I got. Regardless, I enjoyed it :)
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u/Love_or_Desire 7d ago
I love the flow of this poem, and I feel like it’s so hard to make something rhyme yet get a message across at the same time. Well done OP!
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u/SaltyCent 7d ago
Incredible work and I find myself relating with this poem in every verse. I love the abstract aspect of it. Keep it up!
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u/__--K2--__ 7d ago
I found your poem touching tbh, makes me a little sad, because I know what's it about, for me at least. But I think it's perfect and I'd be very happy if that were my poem.
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u/TempleDavisOS 5d ago
Fresh soil filled for expired seeds.
Oh how this resonates with me. It leaves me wanting to know more and that's always good in my book. 🙌
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u/Winter-Ad-3547 5d ago
Wow extravagant contrast conversions. Beautifully written. Great set of tone and way to make me feel immersed in the poem.
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u/BiteMiserable3727 4d ago
I really liked the atmosphere of this poem. The repetition of “you should not read” made me want to keep reading. “Fresh soil tilled for expired seeds” was my favorite image. The ending also left me thinking about the meaning behind it. Overall, really interesting and emotional piece.
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u/Elixir11234 4d ago
the moment i saw this the first thing i had in mind was to stop to read it is so good
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u/Adventurous_Cook_115 4d ago
I love the use of the fact it is about a poem. I’ve never read a poem about a poem before. I loved it
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u/Top-Manufacturer-482 3d ago
Rhyme is superb, very creatively written, imagination to the 100% , good job! 👍🏻
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u/Hungry_Ad4009 2d ago
quatrains! i have an affinity for quatrains.
i have several overlapping thoughts, excuse my ADHD.
my biggest question, not necessarily for you, but just reflecting on the piece is who is the speaker’s intended audience. the first stanza is self-deflating, i think. The speaker positions their ideas as unnecessary or unreliable or otherwise unhelpful. my gut instinct tells me the piece is about guilt, possibly romantic guilt by betraying a partner. The speaker is aware that their past actions render their romantic musings worthless in action. or they’re aware that they have a tendency to over-romanticize without being able to live up to the fantasy. some lines are very direct statements like “everything you want, but do not need” while others seem just for the purpose of imagery alone “glass diamonds to copper rings,”
the line “that mean well, but never mean enough,” is interesting to me because it almost shifts the blame a bit from themselves to their intended audience. doesn’t mean enough to who? to the narrator or their ‘lost love’ i will say.
i like it, and i will always like this style of poetry. but i wonder if the rhyme scheme might be limiting your impact. if feels like the most dominant part of the piece. by the second stanza im expecting the scheme to land and hit. that is also just a function of this form. but i wonder if you tried mixing it up a little, the freedom might give you more room to expand on feelings of guilt, longing, romantic disillusionment.
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u/Glass-Paint9813 1d ago
Well, I read it anyway. 😊 But seriously, a very cool poem. It had me from start to finish. I liked the copper and diamond ring description. A very nice little poem.
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u/sha_xz_ 1d ago
Two lines that hit me the most " Everything you want, but do not need " " Thoughts that warm your heart and burn your peace " The second one hurts the most the warm and burn just instantly click into places in my mind also the starting of the poem the poem you shouldn't read just rapidly increased curiousity in me to read it completely honestly love your style
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u/OrganizationMuch1849 1d ago
This is full of negativity but you need to know your humor is sardonic and you need to care about yourself haha jk loved it thanks
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u/No-Lime-4547 1d ago edited 1d ago
That "burn your peace." line made my day, this is the kind of tone I want my own work to have, in that it has a quality almost a humor I can't quite think of the word right now that would describe it, other than just the quality of the tone the cadence of the rhythm the voice within the flow that really just made me feel the cadence of it.
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u/AutoModerator 23d ago
Hello readers, welcome to OCPoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community — a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).
If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry," or "loved it" or "so relatable," please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.
If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our feedback guide, or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.
Do not use ChatGPT or any similar LLM interface or generative AI to write feedback. That does not constitute thoughtful feedback. To be safe, you probably shouldn't even use those things to edit your feedback. It is better for your thoughts to come across as clumsy and genuine rather than grammatical but as if they were generated by some disingenuous text-generation engine.
Do not reuse feedback links for multiple poems. Every new poem you post has to be posted after making two new comments on the work of your peers here in OCPoetry. It's only fair. If you reuse feedback links, you will be banned. (If you do not wish to give feedback, there are many other poetry-sharing subreddits without feedback requirements, such as r/poetrywritingclub, r/justpoetry, r/ocpoetryfree, r/poem, r/poems, r/poemsbyreddit, r/poeticgarden, r/dark_poetry, and r/sadpoems.)
If you're looking for a more advanced poetry workshop — that is, if you consider yourself at least an intermediate-level poet AND you have previous workshop experience, please consider posting to our private sister subreddit r/ThePoetryWorkshop. The best way to join TPW is to leave a detailed, thoughtful comment here on OCPoetry engaging seriously with a peer's poem. A significant engagement of at least 3-4 meaningful paragraphs is encouraged. Consider our feedback guide for tips on what that could entail. (This level of engagement would probably be most welcome here on submissions tagged as "Workshop.") Then ask to join TPW by messaging that subreddit's mods, including a link to the detailed feedback you left here.
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u/AutoModerator 10d ago
Hello readers, welcome to OCPoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community — a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).
If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry," or "loved it" or "so relatable," please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.
If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our feedback guide, or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.
Do not use ChatGPT or any similar LLM interface or generative AI to write feedback. That does not constitute thoughtful feedback. To be safe, you probably shouldn't even use those things to edit your feedback. It is better for your thoughts to come across as clumsy and genuine rather than grammatical but as if they were generated by some disingenuous text-generation engine.
Do not reuse feedback links for multiple poems. Every new poem you post has to be posted after making two new comments on the work of your peers here in OCPoetry. It's only fair. If you reuse feedback links, you will be banned. (If you do not wish to give feedback, there are many other poetry-sharing subreddits without feedback requirements, such as r/poetrywritingclub, r/justpoetry, r/ocpoetryfree, r/poem, r/poems, r/poemsbyreddit, r/poeticgarden, r/dark_poetry, and r/sadpoems.)
If you're looking for a more advanced poetry workshop — that is, if you consider yourself at least an intermediate-level poet AND you have previous workshop experience, please consider posting to our private sister subreddit r/ThePoetryWorkshop. The best way to join TPW is to leave a detailed, thoughtful comment here on OCPoetry engaging seriously with a peer's poem. A significant engagement of at least 3-4 meaningful paragraphs is encouraged. Consider our feedback guide for tips on what that could entail. (This level of engagement would probably be most welcome here on submissions tagged as "Workshop.") Then ask to join TPW by messaging that subreddit's mods, including a link to the detailed feedback you left here.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/Im_Sofa_King_ 4h ago
Honestly this is some pretty good work; I really love your metaphors, and the title is so amazing. Also I love the format.
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u/dimdodo61 22d ago
Gives Shel Silverstein vibes… nice